~Axel POV~
I slammed the bar door open, not giving a damn about any of the looks I received for it. Walking straight up to the counter, I looked around, Roxas wasn't anywhere in sight. Of course he fucking wasn't. Did this brat actually work? Or did he just sit around and randomly decide to do something?
There was no point in talking to Riku, he opened his mouth when he saw me, but I just flew past him. Climbing up the stairs, because I didn't need to ask to know where the kid was. He was only ever in one of two place. Once I reached the door, I knocked kind of loudly. It might have been because my emotions were haywire, or it might have been because I knew the kid got deep in his thoughts sometimes and I wanted to make sure he heard me. Point is, my knuckles hit pretty hard against the piece of wood.
My mouth opened as the door did, but before I could say anything to the blond that answered, he slammed the door in my face.
"What the fuck?" I held my hands out like he could see me, before knocking on the door yet again. "Really?" He still wasn't answering me. I kept knocking, and he kept ignoring me. What the Hell was his problem? I didn't do anything.
"Brat!" yelling only to make sure he could hear me. "Do you want to hang out or not?" My voice sounded a little impatient, but what the Hell did he expect? I'm so tired of these games he keeps playing, the last time I saw him he was being all closed off, too. I'm really not in the mood for any of that.
~Rox POV~
Think of something, anything...
I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning against the door, but then he started to yell. My hands covered my ears, I didn't care if I was digging my earrings into my scalp, no pain no gain. But he kept yelling, and my mind wouldn't focus on anything except what he was saying.
Think of something, something stupid.
Looking around the room, I tried to bring any random fact into my mind, but I couldn't.
I looked like a gasping fish, thank God he couldn't see me.
My mouth kept opening and closing, as I tried to form words, but it was no use. My vocals wouldn't work, and this wasn't fair!
Roxas is never left like this...
Why does he do this to me?
I just want him to leave. I want him to stop asking me to open the door, and I want him to just walk away. If he keeps asking, I will open the door, and I will face him, and I will mess everything up. The rooms too small, I need more space.
No, no, no, I'm not going to open the door.
He said he would be here a few days ago, he lied. He never came back, but now he wants to 'hang out'. In other words, he needed a break from me because I'm really that bad. I even know that's true, but I'm not lucky like that, I can't get a break from myself, why do he? No.
He lied. If he really wanted to see me, he would've seen me the other day. Now it's just convent for him, and I'm not like that anymore!
I've moved past this, I'm not some little toy for every person to break when they want to. No. He's not going to do this to me. Why is he playing games with me?
Why am I so worked up?
Shaking my head, I tried to will the tears back into my eyes. I barely know the punk, so why am I getting so weird about everything.
I've barely hung out with him, why do I feel like I know him so much better? Why do I have these feelings.
I just want him to go away.
But I don't.
I want him to stay, and never leave.
Looking up, I whispered to myself. "I can't do this..."
Roxas is not strong like he wants to believe. Roxas is not able to handle things like this. Why does everyone think Roxas can? Roxas is weaker than everything. He's fragile, and it's that simple.
I curled into a ball, with my back against the door. My body jumping every time he punched the hard walnut. Why was I such a blubbering mess?
~Axel POV~
I stopped banging against the door, I heard sound that was beginning to become familiar. He was crying.
Well, what was wrong?
Before I could say anything, my phone went off. Pulling it out of my pocket, I looked at the message that scrolled across my lock screen. Of course it was Larxene. I really did give a damn about her at the moment.
"Hey," my knuckles hit the door softly, "What's wrong?"
My voice was gentle, and I put my ear to the door to catch anything he said. But there was no need for that.
"Go away!" He screamed at me, and it was even more obvious that he wasn't okay.
Yeah, well... neither was I.
I just wanted to talk to the kid, he always got my mind off of shit that I did not want to deal with. He was the only one who could help me at the moment, and he was being a pain in my ass too. I'd be damned if I went to Larxene for anything, she just gave me an even bigger migraine. When I knocked again, he gave me the same fucking answer.
"Fine," he took a step back from the door. "Whatever."
Opening the text I realized it was more bullshit, she wanted something from me, and it was the same as always.
She just wanted a quick fuck and that was it, I could deal with that, but fuck, I was not sticking around.
Maybe the brat will be in a better mood after, maybe he will actually fucking talk to me.
She is such a fucking drag, and you'd think the chick that 'majored in everything', would be a prude, but no. The only texts I get from her, are because she wants a quickie.
She's such a fucking joke.
What do a computer and Larxene have in common? You don't appreciate either one, till they go down on you.
At least she could do that for me. Since the brat wasn't going to acknowledge my existence.
~Rox POV~
"What's wrong with me?"
There was no one around to answer me, but I needed to ask.
I was sick, and I didn't know how to get better.
I caught feelings, and they were going to kill me.
Axel doesn't care about me... he's so much fun to hang out with though, and he's not bad looking... Ever since that first night, when I kissed him, I knew this would happen. But, I don't want it to. I'm fine, I'm great at this game, I can fuck with anyone because 'I don't have feelings'. But Roxas does. And he's an emotional little child. This is a repeat of what I went through with Riku, and that can't happen again. Being with him would have destroyed me if he didn't 'grow up'. This is why I can't catch feelings.
Everything was just starting to be okay again, and now i was silly puddy again. Axel doesn't have feelings for me, otherwise he wouldn't have avoided me for the past couple days, he wouldn't have fallen off the face of the earth. But... I want him to have feelings back.
I rubbed my eyes, violently, I was such a mess and it was pathetic.
So what if he doesn't have feelings for me, I'm well aware, and this is what I've been working on. I've been working on myself so I don't turn back down that road. I can't turn back down that road...
But, I I don't have to, I just have to keep my head straight... Except I can't when I'm around him!
Why am I always the one to fall? Why do I always fall so hard?
Even if I go back down that road... maybe Axel isn't that bad...
Riku and I were only kids when we were together, but Axel is older than we both were at the time... Maybe we can just get over all that and move on, be happy, and skip all the dark places...
But what if we can't?
What if I try to make him fall for me, also, and he does the same thing as Riku?
What if he uses me just like he did, what if he thinks it's funny, just like Riku did? Ma isn't around to yell at Axel like she did Riku, but Riku is around... maybe he can be the back bone I don't have...
Why can't I just be a normal human being?
Why do I always have to act out, to show off, to make people laugh, to seem cool? When I know during the night, I'll just make Roxas cry his eyes out and question suicide again...
No...
I stood up off the floor, walking into the bathroom.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I spoke, starring myself down.
"Just be you Roxas, don't back down... keep your head on, and we'll be fine."
.
So again, long time no update.
Sorry it's so short, I know it's a bit of a disappointment.
But hey, that's the only thing I'm good at.
This whole story is seeming to be a failure...
But failures are something I'm a master at, so, this will be a catastrophic failure...
And again... I'm making Roxas' character a reflection of myself, well fuck. I'm damning my story from the start.
I'm going to Hell.
Uploaded: March 16th, 2017