~Axel POV~

All I can think about is Roxas, and he's all I want to think about.

Everyone else wants something from me, even when they don't want something, they still just can't let me fucking be.

My phone was going off, I didn't want to look because I already knew who it was, it was Larxene. Demy still wasn't around, so... to kill time I went and saw Larxene for about an hour, I knew it was a mistake, but I did it anyways. I honestly thought seeing her for a few minutes would help clear my head, but of course it didn't, and either way... I was now in my car with Roxas sitting silently in the passenger seat.

Roxas is getting in my head, couldn't even fuck Larxene because all I could think about was Roxas. Which is stupid, it's not like we're dating or really even friends...

When I asked Roxas if he wanted to go for a car ride, he didn't give me a stupid answer or some bullshit fact, he just got his shoes on and followed me downstairs... There was something bothering him, but I didn't bother to ask, and he didn't care to tell me...

This kid was the weird blond waiting on our table at the bar, with the 'fuck you' tongue piercing and the hip tattoo, the brat that was full of random stupid knowledge and had an answer for everything. He flirted like it was his job and walked around like he was king-fucking-shit, with no care for anybody than himself. Since we've been hanging out, he's been the complete opposite.

He's cried, he's been embarrassed and shy, and he gets in these moods like there's something really important on his mind, but whenever I ask him, he just tells me some random fact and that's the end of it. He never puts his problems on me, not like everyone else around here in this Hell hole.

Everybody wants something from me, but not Roxas. He's wild and carefree, and he's the only person I've met like that. Demy comes in second, but they're nowhere near close to each other. I really like how his attitude is, he seems cool and kind of cold if you don't know him, but once you actually get to talking to him, he's wild and fun, without all the depressing nonsense of real life. I don't have to worry about bullshit with him.

Nothing matters when I'm with him, and that makes me feel so alive that I can't even explain it.

And now we're sitting in my car, driving who knows where, and Roxas still hasn't said a single word, he's just sitting there quietly, looking out the window. Here I am, acting like I had a plan for us to go out, but I really just wanted to get away, and the best way to get away from everything is to be with Roxas. Strange. The longer we sat in silence the more I thought about where we could go, somewhere we could go where Roxas and I could get a minute without someone nagging us.

I pulled over, Roxas looked at me like he was scared, "Just get out, take a seat, I'll be back in a second." It took him a second to get out of the car, he was acting like I was ditching him, I had to reassure him, "I'll be back in five minutes, tops."

Roxas was waiting on a bench to the beginning of a hiking trail, but no-one ever walked that trail anymore, not since the waterfall dried up. I pulled into the gas station quickly, and was in and out even quicker. It was a nice day out, a popsicle would be nice, at least, I hope Roxas likes it.

I wasn't even gone five minutes, but I expected to find Roxas doing something strange and crazy with his twisted little self, but no, he was sitting quietly and staring down the hiking trail.

"Here," he didn't even look at me when I pulled in, or when I got out of the car. His attention was finally caught when I spoke.

"Is this poison?" He had a straight face as he took the wrapped frozen treat.

"No," I was used to his strange attitude, kind of makes me concern.

"I thought you were a murderer, here to take me to my death," he opened the treat, looking it up and down for a second, "My second hope, was that this was poison... but your telling me it's not?" Blue eyes glanced at me, noticing how I had already devoured half of my own popsicle. "You don't have the poisoned one, do you? I don't know how to drive..."

His concern was with getting home, not with my well being, after a short laugh and a head shake, I answered him. "No, it's a treat... it might kill you in fifty years, but it won't today." The words that left his lips, in the softest of mumbles, was upsetting.

"I can hope..."

Something was bothering him, but I had no idea what, and since Roxas is not a normal human, I can't just ask him either. "Have I ever told you about my brother?" it was at least a conversation starter. Except he didn't converse back, he just shook his head. "I think you two would get along really well," he seemed curious but remained quiet. The look in his eyes told me he wanted to hear more though. "He's a lot like you...

"He's got hair and eyes like mine, but his attitude is just like yourself. He loves to explore, and he's curious about everything and anything. He loves to play games, he loves to do anything that keeps him busy. And I mean, it takes like five things at the same time for him to consider himself 'busy'." A smile spread on my face, I really did love my little brother, and him and Roxas really are two peas in a pod.

"He questions everything... he's like the other half of you. You have all the answers, and he has all the questions..." Still he remained quiet, but he was hanging on every word I said like it was worth gold or some shit. "I mean, my sister you could probably get along with too." another smile spread on my face. "She's not like Lea, but she's different in her own way... she's older than me, but she's like a mix of you and me... I remember when we were younger, if I ever had questions, she would give me answer, just so i'd stop asking the question. Like, thunder comes from giants bowling in the sky." I had to cut him off before he cut me off. "I know that's not true, really, I do.

"But that's how she is... everything is simple in her eyes... everything makes sense, and she knows it's not completely true... but the truth doesn't really bother her..." How are both my siblings carefree, yet I always feel like i'm being so stressed my skin is boiling off. Why can't I just be peaceful like them?

"Thank you," the blond finally spoke, "For the popsicle..." My smile was contagious, he saw it and he tried to hide his own grin, but even if he tried harder, I still saw it, and not even by his mouth. His eyes light up, like sparkling waves whenever he get's the urge to smile, but even if it doesn't reach the rest of his face, it still reaches his eyes...

And again it was quiet for a while, but then Roxas finally spoke.

"I need your help..." That surprised me.

"Okay..." I felt like i should have been worried, mister know-it-all needs help from me, out of everybody.

"You make me sick." Blue eyes met mine like he just told me the weather forecast or something else just as stupid. He saw the thousands of questions I wanted to ask, but he kept talking before I could actually say anything. "When I'm around you..." he looked at the wrapper in his hand, "My heart races," blue met me again, "I can't think straight... I feel like you hypnotize me. I want to do things for you, whatever you ask me, and I don't question it in my head."

Wait, was Roxas telling me he had a crush on me? He better not be...

"I like hanging out with you, I enjoy it, very much... even when my eyes begin to rain, I still only want to talk to you. But, it's not even talking. I like being around you, even if we don't talk."

No, no, no, Roxas cannot be telling me this.

"I think I'm allergic to you..." He looked at me, and I think he could tell I was panicking.

But I could play this off, he thinks he's sick... he has no idea what he's talking about. "I don't think you're immune to me," what the hell was I saying? "We should get you home... so you can sleep it off." He stood up and began to walk towards my car. All I could do was watch him move.

Roxas was so innocent, but at the same time, he wasn't. He was like a little five year old, with the knowledge of a fifty year old, and the body of a teenager. The one thing that was normal in my life, was the complete opposite of normal, and he was now saying he had a crush on me.

Our first kissed flashed through my mind.

The electricity that shot down my body when our lips touched, the second I was left completely unresponsive before I could push him off. I'd never had a kiss like that before, but it wasn't going to happen again. Ever.

My father would freak if I were to tell him 'I'm gay', it'd be the end of my life, and I've got enough shit going on in my life than to start questioning my sexuality now.

Roxas didn't know what he was talking about, that had to be it. He was just sick, food poisoning or something, and he was relating the shit to me. That's all it was.

My eyes continued to look Roxas up and down as he stood in the door of my car, his frame was tiny and the look on his face reminded me of some emotionally scarred little kid that was both devastated and scared. But, this was also the same brat that knew just the right way to shake his hips, flirted in the best possible way, and had that not-so-innocent look in his eyes when he wanted to.

We drove back in silence, "Call me when you feel better," I said as he got out of the car. Why the Hell did I say that? I stayed parked outside the bar for a hot minute, I have enough shit on my mind, I really didn't need another thing, especially when it was a thing like this.

I grabbed my phone quickly, calling the one person that could get rid of this problem, and I sped off.

It didn't work the first time, but I really needed a distraction now, I really needed this to work. I couldn't see Roxas again till I had thought everything through and come to the right response. There was no way I could stand losing Roxas, but I also couldn't be around him if he had these feelings for me.

Already on my way to her house.

.

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Another short chapter.

I would've had it up sooner, but, well, let's face it~...

My MS has been kicking my ass lately, from both my miscarriage and the fucking heat. I just can't handle life anymore man

But anyway... some confessions

Uploaded: June 22, 2017