I surprise myself by updating quickly. And, I'm sorry, fellas! Again! Apparently, this story decided that it needs an extra chapter before the mountain comes crashing down on our handsome men.
Thank you for the reviews! (Time zone - I'm from Asia, that is all I can say, sorry!)
This chapter follows Chapter 4. And you will understand why Evil!Merlin came into the picture (to the readers who were confused coz of Chapter 4).
Words: 3421
5. Confessions
"No!" Morgana shot up screaming in her bed, gasping for air and sweating profusely. Her nightgown stuck to her body and turned so sheer that her corset was visible. The fire in her room long died and left waves of cold air in its absence. She shivered when the cold air frolicked on her body.
"Is everything all right, my Lady?" a petite maid rushed into Morgana's chambers upon hearing her screech.
She was just a temporary replacement for Gwen, who left with Arthur on his supposed expedition. Morgana wasn't a fool to not know that. Yet, she indulged in Guinevere's lies (My Lady, my friend in the neighboring town is gravely ill. Would you mind if I took leave for a couple of days?). Absolutely not, Gwen, Morgana had replied and watched intently as she took off on a horse outside the gates of the castle.
"I'm fine, Heidi. You can go," Morgana addressed the girl and she bowed respectfully before leaving Morgana alone to decipher the meaning of her dream.
It wasn't just a dream. She knew that because she never dreamed; she saw glimpses into the future that lay ahead for all of them. A myriad of emotions ran like rats through her. Merlin? And Arthur? They're kissing? As if that wasn't enough, Merlin was crowned the King of Camelot?! She wondered if her magic was playing tricks on her mind. This was a future that would never come to play in reality. Besides, Arthur loved Gwen, didn't he? He adored her like no man would adore his woman. But the Arthur she saw in her vision felt so… eager to kiss Merlin. The thought of Arthur involved in an adulterous affair, more so with Merlin, left Morgana disconcerted. But, was it an adulterous affair in the first place? There was another possibility, given the fact that Merlin practiced magic! The boy must've enchanted her half-brother for all she could tell.
"I must talk to sister immediately," she said to herself before hastening behind the wood screen to change into proper clothes for departure.
She must know what this future meant, what Merlin's magic meant. All those times when Merlin told her that he understood her ordeal when she panicked about her magical abilities, he never once slipped the knowledge of his magic to her. He did understand her for real; Merlin wasn't joking and in a way, her heart fluttered at that thought, that someone who had magic understood her fears.
Do you understand? She had asked him once when she wasn't betrayed by Merlin.
Better than anyone, Merlin had replied.
Yet, Merlin was so loyal to Arthur that he was a potent threat to her mission against Uther Pendragon. And, the throne of Camelot that rightfully belonged to her. In her previous vision, seeing Guinevere as the Queen of Camelot disturbed her to a very large extent but Merlin's magic and his involvement with Arthur were way beyond salvation for her. A small part of her heart, that still remained untainted and hopeful, felt atrocious pain and sadness. She couldn't let Merlin fall for Arthur. It's preposterous. Merlin did not, at any cost, belong to Arthur. Merlin was…
Morgana abruptly stopped trying to button her blouse at the realization. Why did she feel so unsettled at the thought of Merlin kissing her half-brother? Was it because she harbored romantic feelings towards Merlin? Or was it because of a companionship that she now knew existed between her and Merlin? Besides, there was another crucial matter at hand – the knowledge of magic in Merlin's being. Instead of focusing on the latter information, why was she so fixated on Merlin kissing Arthur? Shouldn't Merlin having magic pose an immense and intense threat to her and her sister and their cause?
"Do I like him?" she questioned herself aloud and that felt so real, so breathtakingly amazing. Yet, pathetic. How could she harbor feelings for a man who tried to poison her? She could clearly remember the vile look Merlin shot her, denying any help as she struggled to breathe through the poison that was engulfing her insides and killing her. She could see the look of betrayal in her eyes reflected in Merlin's.
It's over, Morgana! Merlin's quavering voice resonated in her ears once more.
"I hate him! I despise you, Merlin, from the bottom of my heart," Morgana gritted out in anger, a few teardrops slipping past the folds of her eyes. "I must find my sister and she'll show me the right path," she resumed dressing up, determined to find out what this future meant for her and her sister.
"Where were you?" the moment Merlin entered their resting glade, he was pushed back onto a hard surface, a tree he supposed later, by someone he clearly recognized as the Prince of Camelot.
"Arthur!" he gasped, trying to pry away the Prince's iron grip on his right shoulder.
"What were you doing out there, Merlin?" Arthur asked accusatorily.
"I was doing nothing!" Merlin retorted, trying to paw Arthur's palm off his shoulder.
"Then why were you out there when all of us were sleeping? Like you have some secret plans of your own, hm?" Arthur asked through gritted teeth.
He woke up suddenly a while ago feeling parched and called out for Merlin, his servant, who would serve him anywhere and at any time. When no response came, he rolled over and found Merlin's sheet devoid of its owner and worriedly, he falsely concluded that Merlin might have been finally abducted by slave traders, the scrawny boy he was. Not wishing to disturb his men's sleep, he searched for his manservant alone but found him nowhere. Arthur was almost losing his mind when he heard twigs crunch under heavy footfalls and the sound only got louder and louder as they approached. The moment he heard the man enter their glade, he ambushed him, trapping him between his body and a large tree before realizing the intruder was his manservant. A relieved sigh escaped his lips despite his budding anger at Merlin for leaving to God knows where in the middle of the night.
"I was peeing, Sire. If I'd known you wanted to watch, I would have woken you up!" Merlin riposted angrily.
He wasn't saying the truth but he couldn't say that he met the great dragon, could he? When Arthur's voice sounded doubtful, Merlin felt offended that the Prince didn't trust him, even after all these years. But, lying to the Prince on every occasion, would not possibly earn him trust.
"You weren't anywhere I checked! I thought someone abducted you or you were hurt or something," Arthur's grip loosened but his hand stayed on Merlin's shoulder.
It was then that Merlin noticed. Arthur's hand was shivering. Was the Prince, for once, worried about him? Merlin's chest puffed up with happiness as did his brain at that thought.
"You were worried about me, Arthur," it wasn't a question.
Arthur looked at him incredulously before admitting that yes, he was worried. "Of course, I was! If you're gone, who would polish my armor, my boots, wash my clothes, draw my bath, clean my room, make my breakfast, fill my wine goblet…" Arthur rattled on like a child as he walked towards his sleeping spot.
"Fill your wine goblet? You want me for such a menial task?" Merlin laughed, pulling his makeshift blanket-bed close to Arthur's and propping down to sit beside Arthur on it.
If Arthur wasn't in love with Gwen, this particular situation would seem much more romantic to Merlin. Not that it wasn't romantic now. Everyone was sleeping. They were the only ones awake. Sitting together, bantering like old friends, occasional shoves from Arthur, laughing together at lame jokes, watching the stars together… It felt like love to Merlin thought it might just be friendship to Arthur. Yet, Merlin didn't mind. He was satisfied.
They haven't been talking for a while now. The stars looked pretty. If an artist were here, he could join those little shining dots and paint picturesque beauties, Merlin thought. Would it be fine if he rested his shoulder on Arthur's? No, it wouldn't be fine because Arthur wasn't sleepy yet. Tomorrow, they would be facing the sorcerers, who, according to the great dragon, are dangerous than all the evil in the world put together. They should win, somehow. He wondered how Arthur would take it. Would he be furious? Or would he accept the fact that Merlin used his magic for saving him? For the good of everyone?
"Merlin, what are you brooding over?" Arthur asked; his head tilted towards his servant.
"Nothing," Merlin answered.
"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Arthur knew deep down that his manservant was hiding something from him. He knew it all along but never questioned Merlin for the fear of crossing the man's personal boundaries. Sure, he was the Prince but he wasn't entitled to force out anyone's personal issues unless they are willing to share.
"Yes, Arthur," Merlin replied.
"So? What's troubling you?" Arthur prodded.
"Do you think it is wise to face those sorcerers tomorrow?" Merlin asked. Kilgharrah's warning left him shaken. Though he showed a bold front when conversing with the dragon, he couldn't help but feel uneasy at the thought of the Caves of Peril.
"I do not know if it is wise or not but I can say that to fight them is necessary. For Camelot's safety, it must be done. The sorcerers, should they exist at all, must perish. I cannot stand by and watch Camelot consumed by evil sorcery," Arthur said.
"Sorcery is evil?" Merlin posed it as a question for Arthur to answer truthfully.
"Why yes, it sure is!" Arthur replied as if it was the obvious and only answer and at that moment, he sounded a lot like Uther to Merlin.
"Don't you think there are people who use magic for good?" Merlin asked gently.
"I have not met one such person, Merlin. Surely, it says that people with magic only use it for evil," Arthur's words seemed as dark as the night.
You've met me, though you do not know, Merlin mused in his head.
"Some people are born with magic, Arthur. They can't help it," Merlin reminisced about his past when he had magical accidents. Unknowingly, he would levitate things or turn off the fire when it boiled dinner for too long.
"What are you implying, Merlin?" Arthur queried exasperatedly. He didn't want to have this conversation with Merlin anymore.
"I'm just saying that there is no evil in sorcery, Arthur. It is only in the hearts of men," Merlin clarified.
"Apparently, every man uses his magic for the wrong purposes then," Arthur countered, effectively shutting off their conversation.
"Arthur?" Merlin started after a pregnant pause.
"What now, Merlin?" he was starting to feel sleepy and just lay down to succumb to the night's oblivion when his manservant chose to shoo his thoughts of sleep away.
"No man without magic is to enter the Caves of Peril for if they should, ash is all that will be left of them," Merlin quoted the Great Dragon to Arthur.
"What in the world are you saying?" Arthur asked, clearly confused.
"None of you, us," Merlin corrected his slip, "should enter the Caves of Peril tomorrow, Arthur. Some dark magic will turn us into ashes if we do."
"And, who told you this?" Arthur raised a brow.
"Gaius. I might've forgotten to mention it yesterday," Merlin smiled apologetically through his lies.
"Great! All I desperately need is a forgetful idiot and another hurdle!" Arthur exclaimed softly, letting his head fall back onto the ground.
"I'm sorry," Merlin gravely apologized, looking down at Arthur's face that glowed under the faint moonlight and waning embers of the fire.
I want to kiss him. If this is the last night I get to spend with him, I want him to know about my feelings. I don't care if he gives me an answer or not; I don't even care that there is a possibility that he might feel disgusted. Tomorrow we might lose. I might have to sacrifice my secret in front of everyone, Arthur included; if I have to save them from any peril. I might even have to sacrifice my life! If that's the case, I want Arthur to know that I've always loved him. Should I tell him now? Can I?
"Anything else I should know before your forgetfulness gets us killed, maybe?" Arthur inquired.
I can...
"Yes, there is something," Merlin drawled unsurely but still willing to take his chances.
I cannot!
"Go on then. I need to sleep in case you didn't know," Arthur urged.
"Forgive me, Arthur. I can't anymore," Merlin said.
I have to!
"For what?" Arthur frowned at Merlin and before he could register what was happening, his field of vision filled with black hair and his lips met something moist, soft yet chapped.
It took Arthur a while to realize that his manservant was kissing him tenderly and timidly, afraid of how he might react to Merlin's abrupt action. But, he always knew. It isn't so hard to construe Merlin's appreciative glances at his body and attire, his fumbling and clumsiness that only occurred in Arthur's presence, his tired eyes and hands that still worked on Arthur's every need, his apprehension lined with utter sorrow when Arthur enjoyed the company of Guinevere and Merlin's subtle actions to get his fill of the Prince while dressing him or while bathing him. If he had any qualms before, Arthur was sure now that his manservant harbored romantic feelings that he could never ever return. Not in this life.
"You're not surprised?" Merlin's voice sounded teary as he pulled back.
"No," Arthur replied.
"Why are you not angry with me?" Merlin questioned.
"Do you want me to be angry with you?" Arthur sat up, his eyes filled with pity. Even in the faintest of lights, he could see the teardrops silently spilling out of his manservant's eyes.
"You've always known it, haven't you, from the start?" Merlin asked, realization dawning on his being.
Arthur nodded apologetically and waited. He gave the space Merlin needed and when he was ready, he would speak to Arthur. So, he waited for Merlin to say something. He didn't wait long.
"I love you, Arthur," Merlin confessed.
It is said that if you confess, you will be free of the weight on your heart but Merlin's confession added to the weight already present on his heart. His chest felt heavy with despair that could never be written off.
"I know," Arthur answered.
"I don't expect you to return what I feel. But I thought it's probably time you knew how I felt about you. Know this Arthur, I will always be loyal to you, as your servant and true friend, till the day I die," through his tears, Merlin admitted that he wanted nothing more than friendship from the Prince. His loyalty and love for Arthur always stopped him from crossing that fine line between madness and sanity.
"You must know this, Merlin. I like you and I am deeply amazed at your fierce loyalty to me and my endeavors. I would never want to lose a loyal friend like you. And I am truly sorry that you have to suffer because of me," Arthur placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder as he spoke.
"No! Arthur, every second I'm with you, it is liberation to me, not agony. I feel so happy. So, do not, even for a moment, think that I suffer because of you. I don't. In fact, I am very happy for you and Guinevere. You have to believe me," Merlin accentuated.
"Then I believe you," Arthur smiled and Merlin returned his smile tentatively.
"Get some sleep, Merlin," Arthur suggested as he patted his servant on the back.
Merlin nodded and allowed himself to sleep on his makeshift blanket-bed, turning away from Arthur. He couldn't look at Arthur tonight for he was ashamed for succumbing to his desires. Arthur had always known and Merlin made a fool of himself all these years. The dark night provided him with a canopy just so he could hide from Arthur's penetrating gaze but he wasn't sure that he could maintain his composure when it dawns in a few hours.
"Merlin?" Arthur's voice snapped him out of his useless musings.
"Yes, Sire?" Merlin answered.
"Shut up," Arthur softly ordered and Merlin understood that the Prince wanted him to stop thinking about trivial things.
"Yes, Sire," he smiled to himself as he drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
Unknown to either of them was that their conversation did not remain unheard.
"Sister? Sister?!" Morgana's voice sounded hysterical with each passing second.
She rushed past the palace guards stealthily and rode out to the luscious forest around Camelot to call for her sister. Her heart held a turmoil of emotions and she desperately needed someone, her sister, to guide her through them. A whoosh sound indicated that her sister, Morgause has arrived and with a wide smile that questioned the tears in her eyes, Morgana ran and hugged her sister tightly.
"What happened, sister? You look perturbed," Morgause was concerned and wiped away Morgana's tears with the sleeve of her dress.
"It is Merlin," Morgana started.
"Arthur's servant boy? What about him?" Morgause asked, her eyebrows knitted together in disbelief that Morgana would be fearful of a nondescript boy.
"He has magic! I saw it in my vision, sister. All these years and we never knew. Even when I confessed to him about my magic, he never told me that he has magic," she repeated. In a way, a part of her felt betrayed.
"The boy has magic?" Morgause asked no one in particular as if she was just contemplating the really weird information.
"Yes, he does and," Morgana didn't know how to break the egg.
"And what else, sister? What is troubling you about your vision?" Morgause prodded.
"I saw Merlin being crowned the King of Camelot," Morgana said.
"What?!" Morgause gasped.
It surprised her that Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin, the King of Camelot? Unknowingly, her heart mirrored the intensity of Morgana's turmoil. This surely was bad news.
"What about Guinevere being the Queen of Camelot? You saw it before, didn't you?" she asked.
"I don't know, sister. If I am correct and I suppose I am, I think the future is being overwritten by some unknown yet powerful magical forces. I felt it run through my veins tonight and I'm scared," Morgana wept though she tried to remain strong in vain, apparently.
Morgause was bothered by her sister's breakdown and parallelly, her grief was breaking her heart. Plans for doom and taking back the throne of Camelot aside, Morgause focused her attention on calming Morgana as she palmed her hair in a motherly manner.
"Calm down, sister. I will not let any harm come towards you. I promise," she soothed Morgana until her sobs subsided.
"You all right now?" Morgause cupped Morgana's face in her hands.
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you," Morgana smiled.
"Good, I'm glad," Morgause whispered.
"Sister, there is one more thing I saw. I feel a bit ashamed to say this but I saw Merlin and Arthur kissing in the throne room, after Merlin's coronation," she divulged the last piece of information.
If Morgause wasn't shocked earlier, she certainly was now. Merlin and Arthur in a romantic relationship? Besides, why would the boy allow himself to be crowned as the King in Arthur's presence? His loyalty to Arthur knew no bounds! If he were crowned the King, it meant that somewhere along the lines, his loyalty to his Prince was broken beyond repair. A cruel smirk grazed her lips at the thought.
"Where is the boy now?" she asked Morgana.
"He left with Arthur to the Caves of Peril. Why?" Morgana queried back.
"Caves of Peril? Now, this is interesting," her smirk only widened.
"I don't understand your intentions, sister," Morgana wondered aloud.
"We can use the boy, Morgana, and his magic. The Caves of Peril is but a flower amongst thorns. Besides, I suppose Arthur would be delighted to know that his manservant is a sorcerer," Morgause laugh was openly evil now.
"He would now," Morgana joined her sister with an evil cackle of her own.
"We must go, now. There is a lot to do," Morgause said, taking Morgana's hand.
Next chapter - Caves of Peril (I swear this time! I've already started writing it)
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Bye!
~ Wheezy.