Ch. 6

Eventually I got used to my new routine of imposed darkness. I started eating my breakfast downstairs in the kitchen, where the view outside the windows faced towards the woods at the back, and any hope of seeing into the neighbour's garden was obstructed by a 6ft privacy fence, covered in moss and damp from the near-constant rain.
I didn't look at the house next-door. It wasn't worth the trouble.
Instead I mostly just lay on the bed, the room lit only by the faint trace of day light that the curtains were not thick enough to block and listened to the same five CD's that I had brought with me from home. I started getting weird headaches, the pain seeming to radiate out from behind my eye. I put them down as a side effect of the tablets I was trying to remember to take everyday. I wasn't always successful.
My days were stuck on repeat.
And that was June.

I had almost been in Forks for a whole month now, although it felt that I had been here so much longer, especially now the days were blurring into one. I spent most of my days either lying in bed, or scolding myself for doing so. I had spoken to my Mum maybe twice during this entire period, and once only because Charlie marched into the room and handed me the phone. She'd stopped calling so frequently now, surely realising that I wasn't worth the bother.
A fact that I was certain Charlie was coming to realise as well. He was working an awful lot. I would sometimes be woken by the front door shutting when he left for work in the morning, the sound vibrating up through the walls and rattling my dresser.
This was one of those mornings. I blinked at the beam of sunlight intruding on my dark sanctuary through a gap in the curtains as I heard the cruiser reversing off of the driveway. Something about being jolted awake, coupled with that obnoxious sunbeam made me quickly realise that I wouldn't be falling back to sleep any time soon. I sighed. Gazing up at the ceiling, staring at nothing in particular until a pressure in my pelvis had me sprinting for the bathroom.
It was a sunnier day than most, I noted as I dried my hands and caught a glimpse of the sun out of the bathroom window. The forest gave off a visible glow chlorophyll. I decided then that I would go outside today.
I fished around in the pile of clothing that had crept slowly out of the suitcase and across the floor during the past month. It was deceptively sunny, but this was Forks, I knew not to expect the nice weather to hold. I grabbed a pair of loose boyfriend-style jeans, a clingy long sleeve tee and a soft hoodie. Comfortable things. And an old pair of sneakers.
Getting out of the house hadn't worked so well last time, but today I had a plan. I would slip quietly out of the back gate and head straight into the forest. I took my backpack downstairs with me, a notebook and pens safely tucked in there. I added a bottle of water and two bananas. And a towel, in case I couldn't find a log to sit on. Feeling like I had enough to keep me both alive and occupied, I slipped out of the back door.
The gate creaked as I opened it. Clearly it hadn't been use for a while, but thankfully it wasn't too difficult to open. I made sure to close it properly behind me. That was important. At least I thought it was.
There was something strangely inviting about the shady forest as I stood outside the gate and stared at it. Shadows cast by the trees, the sunlight disappearing as I looked deeper into the tangle of trunks and branches. Perhaps it was the relatively uninviting state of nature that intrigued me. How the shadows and the thick mass of leaves and thorns seemed to say 'Stay away.' How in this sense, the woods were similar to me.
Outside of the gate, there was nothing immediately obvious as a path. Not that that mattered too much to me. I chose a spot where the forest didn't seem so dense and headed straight in. Within seconds the darkness of the woods enveloped me. It was noticeably cooler in here, the hoodie had been a good idea.
I just walked straight– or as straight as I could. I didn't have a purpose for being here. After what I thought was fifteen minutes, I stumbled across a trail. It was slightly overgrown, certainly not often used, but clearly defined. Definitely a trail. I followed it without hesitation. My lack of direction and little knowledge of the geography of Forks meant that I was unsure as to where it was taking me. Toward town or away from it. I had no clue, I simply followed.
My pace was slow. Months of inactivity had made my body unsure of its own movement. I stumbled along the trail at a snails pace, finding every root and rock in my path to trip up on. It was a miracle that I didn't get hurt.

Eventually I came to a small clearing. The trail ran adjacent to it, but I had reached the limit of my pitiful walking ability and thought it looked a comfortable enough place to sit. I saw a fallen tree on the farthest edge of the space and headed over to it. The trunk was a little too moss covered to be a nice place to sit. I dug the towel out of my bag, set it down on the dewy grass and sat, using the tree as back support.
The clearing wasn't anything special. It was no enchanted fairy-tale glade with wild flowers, whimsical creatures and a bumbling mountain brook. It was merely a patch of yellowed grass that somehow clung on to its spot, not permitting the dense forest to intrude. It was as good a place as any to just sit and stare off into the distance.
Hunger eventually provoked me into eating my bananas and drinking some water. Stumbling through the woods made you hungry, apparently. It was only then that I remembered the notebook.
I got it out, set it on my lap, and resumed doing nothing.
Eventually, the sky darkened. A dense, deep grey cloud blocking out the sun. I decided that now was as good a time as any to head back. Being out in nature was all well and good, until it started raining and you forgot to bring a jacket.
The walk back was predictably more difficult.
I rejoined the trail soon enough. But I was all turned around, I couldn't remember which direction I had come from, and walked back and forth several times before I was certain that I had come from the left and not the right. Then there was trying to pinpoint the spot where I had joined the trail in the first place. I agonized over this as I follow the path back. In my mind I was unable to picture the area that I had joined the path. I stopped often, checking to see if this was the right spot. I should've left a trail of breadcrumbs or something. Not marking my path was another stupid Bella moment.
After what felt like forever, I somehow found myself stumbling out of the trees a few houses down from Charlie's. A miracle, somewhat.
No one was home when I got back, not that I expected them to be. Charlie had stopped walking on eggshells around me, and had snapped back into his schedule from before I moved in, he wouldn't be home until after six.

Visiting the clearing quickly became a part of my not quite daily routine. I didn't always go so early. I didn't always remember to take a snack or some water. There were still days where getting out of bed at all was too difficult to bear. But something about traipsing aimlessly through the woods was better than sitting in that room, avoiding looking at the curtains and Renee's calls. I couldn't avoid the feeling that I was useless though. Even in the woods, I couldn't hide from my own thoughts. I'd been going there for a few weeks before Charlie found out. It was a rare evening where we were both having dinner together, a takeout pizza that Charlie had brought home with him.
We usually ate in relative silence. I was just beginning on my second slice of greasy takeout when Charlie asked me.
"Did you get up to anything interesting today Bells?"
"Not really, no." I continued eating my pizza.
"What'd you do today?"
I set my slice back down on my plate before replying. "Nothing really, just hung about the house."
It wasn't exactly a lie, I had hung about the house for some of the day.
"Really? Because you weren't here when I swung by during lunch." I started picking the cheese from my slice under the weight of Charlie's gaze.
"Oh well, I just went out for a walk." I mumbled as I ran out of cheese and began tearing pieces off of the crust.
"A walk huh, where'd you go Bells? Just around the neighbourhood?"
I thought about lying, and saying that I had just stuck to the familiar surrounding streets, but somehow I felt that my dad would see right through it.
"No, through the woods," I replied, before adding. I didn't go too far though."
Charlie huffed, setting down his own slice. "Bella, you've gotta be careful. This isn't like Phoenix, the forest is dangerous. And its not just the animals. If you get lost in there, its extremely difficult for us to find you."
I must've looked especially despondent because Charlie stopped talking for a moment, before continuing.
"Now, I'm not saying that the woods are entirely out of bounds. Not at all. Just, if you're gonna go for a walk in there alone. Message me when you leave and when you get back. I worry Bella. Its one of the downsides of being a Police Chief, I know all the things that can go wrong. I just want you to be safe Bells. Promise me that you'll let me know next time you go off into the forest, ok?"
I nodded.
"Okay, then I will say no more."
And he really didn't. We resumed our dinner in total silence. Well, Charlie resumed his dinner. I merely continued picking at what was left of my slice, before trashing it, mumbling that I was tired and retreating back to my room.
Living with Charlie was so different to living with Renee. Sure they were both my parents, they both cared. They were both, from what I could gather, on the detached side of the parenting method. But Charlie was different. I suppose, that I hadn't been around long enough yet for him to resent me like Renee did.
Time, surely, will change this.

After Charlie's scalding I became reluctant to leave the house once more. Was it really worth it, when there was nothing that I could do right? I spent my days in bed, swaddled in the blankets in blatant disregard for the summer's heat and humidity which rendered them useless. Curtains closed, windows shut. My room too on a musky quality. After a week, Charlie had had enough.
"Bella." He breathed, his frustration evident in the force behind his speech. "When I said to make sure you tell me when you've gone outside, I did not mean that you couldn't go at all."
I shrugged up at him from my blankets.
"Why don't you get dressed and head outside for a bit? It'll be sunny all day, you might as well make the most of it."
He walked over to my window and thrust it open, leaving the curtains closed in front of it. "Its laundry day as well, do you have anything that needs washing?"
"I guess."
"Well good. I'll come grab it when you go."
With that he left. I followed his orders. Not because I wanted to in any way, but because it was painfully obvious that even my bachelor father thought that my room and by extension I smelled and honestly the embarrassment and shame of that thought was enough to make me want to go and hide in the forest for a few hours.

Thirty minutes later I was dressed, holding a bag with a snack and a notebook stashed inside it and heading off into the forest as per Charlie's instructions. The sky above me was dotted with a selection of thick, grey clouds. I didn't believe his assertions that it was supposed to be a rain-free day in Forks. At least the trees would keep me somewhat dry if it did rain.
I found myself in the clearing again. Surprised at the muscle memory that always seemed to bring me back here, even though I tended to ramble here without actually paying any attention to my destination. Eying the sky with caution, I sat underneath a large ash tree that formed the boundary of the clearing. Just in case.
The intermittent sunshine was pleasant enough, there was a patch of wild poppies growing just beyond the shade of the trees. I got my notebook and began a rough sketch of them. It was a fairly decent likeness. I was just adding some shading to the petals when movement on the far side of the clearing jolted me. A male figure emerged from the tree line and strode into the center of the clearing.
As he drew closer, I recognized him as the angry boy from next door. I kept still and silently set down my notebook. He hadn't noticed me yet, and given our last encounter, I hoped that he would continue to not notice me.
In the middle of the open space he stopped, and lowered himself to the ground, his back turned away from me. I felt the tension in my muscles release and a shaky breath leave my lungs. As long as he didn't turn around, he wouldn't see me.
I sat still and silent for at least five minutes under the tree. Not sketching or moving. Unseen. This is probably pretty creepy. My mind told me but I was in too deep now to change my plan. He already hates me, can't get much worse than that. I reasoned. It was a fair point.
It was at that moment that my luck ran out. The heavens opened. Like, seriously opened. Heavy rain pounding down from out of nowhere. And angry boy ran straight towards my tree.
I draw my knees up toward my chest, taking on a defensive position immediately. He didn't noticed that I was there until he was ducking under the branches. His eyes narrowed as they met mine. But surprisingly he didn't move away. I guess the rain is more annoying to him than I am. I watch him sit down as far from me as he can without leaving dry area. I turn my body away from him.
The rain lasts no more than fifteen minutes. The moment the sun appears again in the sky, he stands, gives me a confused look, and walks away.
That was weird.

A.N

Hi everyone,

First of all, thank you so so much for reading!

This story is not dead. I did however lose my story plan and notes in between moves, so I'm working from memory and totally re-imagining the arc of this story.
Thank you everyone who is reading/has read so far. I hope to have some more for you to read very very soon (I have, maybe 500-600 words of the next chapter already written, so I will keep going.)

Thanks again, and feel free to leave any comments, questions or concerns that you may have.

See you next time,
:3 Liv