Ch.10

By Thursday, I felt myself falling back into my old habits.
I didn't want to. I wanted to be better. To be good. To not be a huge heaping pile of disappointment for once in my life. To not be a waste of everyone's time or attention.
But when my alarm roused me from my sleep on Thursday morning, all that was simply forgotten. All I could think about was how tired I was. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I just needed to lie down and to not move. Or think. And so I did. Closing my eyes I let sleep reclaim me. It didn't take long. Unable to fight it, I slipped back into sleep pretty much instantly.

The next thing I remembered was Charlie lightly shaking my shoulders.
"Bella. Wake up, you're going to be late." I groaned in response, still mostly asleep, staring at him with weary half opened eyes. Sleepiness was draped over my entire being like a heavy blanket.
"Dad what's up?" I asked through a yawn.
"Bella you heard me. Get up. First period starts in fifteen minutes and you had better be at school by then."
I was taken aback by Charlie's tone. I couldn't ever remember him being this angry at me. Notice since the time her took me fishing with him as a little girl, and I ran down the jetty and fell into the river. But that was more than ten years ago. Charlie wasn't typically the sort to get angry.
I decided it would be far better to comply with his demands rather than fighting them. Even though I was bone tired. I got out of bed and mumbled "Get out of my room then so I can get dressed."
"Don't take that tone with me Isabella." He rebutted but headed toward the door anyway. "You have five minutes. I'll go wait in the car." He shut the door behind him and I stood for about thirty seconds processing what had just happened. Aware that I was fast running out of time, I quickly grabbed underwear, a fresh t-shirt and yesterday's jeans and got changed, struggling to put on my socks properly. At least I managed to grab a jacket on the way out, it was the coldest day we had had since I got here, and raining too. I shivered involuntarily as I opened the front door and made a dash for the car. Charlie was silent as I fell into the front seat of the cruiser and hurried to close the door behind me.
"Time to go."

By some miracle, I made it to class just as the second bell rang for first period. I shuffled awkwardly into the room, my shoes squeaking on the linoleum as I walked.
"Morning Bella." Rosalie smiled at me as I sank into my seat. I nodded at her in reply and tried to smile, so she would know that my lack of verbal response was in no way meant to offend her. I didn't want to scare her off, not after her and Alice were so nice to me on Monday. It would be nice to have some friends.
The adrenaline rush caused by Charlie's rant wore off at some point during first period, and I was immensely thankful that I had at least read Persuasion before. I had managed to read to page fifty-five, but any plans I had made for myself to get ahead with the reading were surely abandoned. Ms. Kay could tell that I wasn't up for a discussion of the text today, she handed out a worksheet for us to complete and continued lecturing us on the belief that women should not read romance novels, which she told us had been firmly established in Jane Austen's time.
Typically I would have found this subject fascinating, but I was having trouble comprehending the words on the worksheet in front of me, listening to Ms Kay's lecture and taking notes was far beyond my capacity today.
English was a struggle, so by the time we got to Math I was barely paying attention at all. Luckily the problem sheets Ms Kay had given us were also our homework, so even though I was sitting staring at the worn surface of my desk for the entire period, I didn't feel like I would fall behind for it.
I was so relived when the bell rang for morning break, and I could let myself slump down on the cool table top and do nothing at all for the next fifteen minutes. I felt Rosalie brush passed me, heading to the bathroom as she did during every break period.
Not thinking about anything, I let my eyes fall shut and relished in the nothingness. Zoned out completely, the clank of something being put down on my table made me jerk upright. Ms. Kay smiled at me, gesturing to the table, where a steaming mug of tea had been placed in front of me.
"You look like you could use a pick me up." She smiled, I noticed that she was holding a tray, and that there were three other mugs carefully balanced on top of it. "It's chai, no caffeine, but hopefully the warmth and the sugar will help. Its cold today."
Instinctively my hands cupped the warm ceramic. I hadn't realized how cold I was.
"Thank you." I muttered as Ms Kay headed over to Alice, setting a cup silently down in front of her with a smile. I lowered my face over the top of the mug and let the cinnamon infused steam drift up to my nostrils and tickle the lids of my closed eyes. I yawned, tears pooling in my eyes and set my head back onto the desk. There were still ten or so minutes left of break, time enough for a power nap.

It wasn't the end of period bell that woke me, but Rosalie, lightly shaking my shoulder.
"Bella, wakey wakey." She whispered. "If I'm not allowed to nap in class then neither are you."
I stared at her, groggy from sleep and not totally aware of my surroundings.
"What time is it?" "We started History about five minutes ago. Come on sit up." She reached over and felt the side of my cup. "Your chai is still warm, drink it, you definitely need it today. Did you not sleep last night?"
"I did."
"Sure, just stay awake, you can nap at lunch." With that she turned and focused herself back on Ms Kay's lecture.
I did as I was told and sat myself straight in the chair, bringing the cup to my lips I took a gulp. It was warm, but not hot. I finished it before it could cool off any more. I spent the next hour just trying desperately to stay awake, my attention solely focused on this. Yet another class period passed by without me taking in anything. I sighed as I thought this. If this kept happening, there was no way I would pass the semester, let alone graduate on time.
When the lunch bell finally rang I pulled my coat from the back of the chair and folded it into a pillow. I took out my phone and set a timer to ring ten minutes before class would begin. And then another one for five minutes before.
Satisfied that I had done all I could to make sure that I would not sleep through the afternoon's classes I laid my head down on my coat and tried to sleep. Only no matter how tired I was, and after my efforts to stay awake for the previous hour, it not seem as though I would not be able to fall asleep.
I tried switching my head to the other side, but this did nothing to help. I was as awake now as I could ever possibly be. I sighed in annoyance and sat back up, moving my coat out of the way.
"Everything okay there Bella?" Rosalie asked as she heard my movement.
"Yeah, just didn't sleep great and now I can seem to at all." I huffed.
"Think you'll be able to stay awake through the afternoon classes? I don't exactly have time to let you borrow my notes." Rosalie said in a joking tone, although I fancied that underneath it she was being somewhat serious.
"I should be ok. I think I'll try splashing some cold water on my face. That might help wake me up a little."
"Good idea. We'll be here when you get back." She gestured to her table, where Alice was sat picking at the bread roll that contained her sandwich.
"Sure thing."

The air outside had a definite cold sting which had me regretting that I had neglected to shrug on my jacket. True, I wasn't outside for long, but it was long enough for goosebumps to begin to form on my bare forearms.
There were a few students milling about in the corridor, but not many, and certainly there was no sight of the short brunette and her blonde friend who had made my one trip into the cafeteria so memorable. I ducked into the girls bathroom as fast as I could and make quick work of splashing water on my face. The coolness of the water was shocking, almost stinging. But I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I was pale, even compared to my usual pallor, and beneath my eyes sat two heavy rings of purple. I looked ill.
I turned away in disgust at myself and reached for a paper towel to dry myself, crushing the tissue into a tight ball and tossing it deftly into the trash can on my way out the door.
I just wanted to get back to Room 315 as fast as possible. I pushed myself through the bathroom door and stumbled out into the hallway, feeling to wind rush out of my lungs as I came into contact with something hard where there should have been nothing.
"Watch where you're walking." A voice spat out. It was one I recognised.
Angry boy lived up to his namesake. As he caught sight of me, I saw his eyes pinch in disgust.
"I-I-I…" I began, but before I could finish he has turned and stalked off down the corridor.
This time as I made my way back to the classroom, I made sure to look where I was going.

If Rosalie and Alice had noticed anything different about my demeanour when I got back from my bathroom break, they were kind enough not to say anything about it. And I slid silently into an empty chair which had been pulled over for me to sit on. I didn't have anything with me to eat today. I wasn't feeling very hungry anyway.
We sat together in a comfortable silence for a few moments, Rosalie was busy inhaling her sandwich, and Alice took careful nibbles of the side she had not picked into pieces. Eventually Rosalie finished her lunch and turned to me.
"Not hungry today Bella?" She asked with raised brows.
"Not really. I'll eat when I get home."
"Make sure you do." She paused to take a sip of water, before continuing, "God I can't wait for the weekend already. I'm so glad its Thursday. I mean, schools only just started up but I'm already counting down the days to winter break."
"Yeah, me too." I replied half-heartedly. Making it to winter break seemed a gross impossibility at present. I hadn't even managed to make it to school on time for an entire week.
"Are you doing anything at the weekend?" Rosalie asked, her eyes flicking between Alice and I.
Alice bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders slightly, I just shook my head.
"What about you?" I asked.
"Me? Oh god no, just homework, and I work at the Thriftway on Main Street Saturdays and Sundays. At least for now."
This surprised me. Rosalie seemed to me to be the type who would never have to work for anything, the sort of girl who had everything handed to her on a silver platter. You know the sort. I mean, her backpack was from Coach, and even I knew they were expensive, and I wasn't exactly aware of fashion. For all my thoughts, I didn't express any outward surprise at Rose's admission.
"I'd like to get a job." I replied.
"The Thriftway are usually hiring, I could let my manager know you're interested if you'd like?" Rosalie smiled softly at me.
"M-maybe. I think I need to concentrate on school a little more first." I admitted.
"Of course. Speaking of which, you can borrow my notes from this morning if you promise to give them back tomorrow."
"Oh that's really kind." I replied, stunned. "But I think I'll just read over the textbook this weekend."
I couldn't take her notes, there was no way. I mean, I couldn't even be trusted to get to school on time for an entire week. I was a waste of everyone's time and resources.
"Well, if you change your mind, I'll leave it on the edge of my desk until we leave later." Rosalie said in a tone which implied that was all she was going to say on the subject.
The conversation flickered and died out and we were again sitting in silence. We remained that way for a few more minutes, until Rosalie spoke again.
"I think I need to head to the bathroom." She told us before standing and heading towards the door. Neither Alice nor I responded.
I tried not to, but I found myself watching Rosalie's stomach as she crossed the small classroom and opened the door. I had no experience around pregnant people, and couldn't really tell from looking at her how far along she was. I wondered about asking but quickly decided that I didn't want to be rude. She probably got enough of those sort of questions from other people. I didn't want to annoy her.
Lost in my own thoughts, I accidentally made eye contact with Alice. She looked at me with wide eyes, like a rabbit at the roadside who had just noticed an approaching car. I tried smiling, but I'm sure it appeared as more of a grimace. So I dropped my eyes to the tabletop and kept them there for several long seconds. My gaze fixed on the mottled pattern of the tabletop until I felt Alice's posture relax and I heard her shift slightly in her seat.
"Sorry." I whispered almost inaudibly. I'm not quite sure that she heard me.
Thankfully Rosalie returned from her bathroom break, dispelling the weird feeling which had sat between Alice and I.
"Will you miss Phoenix Bella?" Rosalie asked after she had sat back down.
"S-s-scottsdale? Maybe. A little." Her line of interrogation had thrown me somewhat. "I didn't really do much there."
"Well that's good at least. There's not that much to do here. Unless you like hiking and all the outdoorsy stuff. Do you?"
"Not really… I mean, sometimes I like to go for walks but nothing serious like hiking." I tried not to answer vaguely. Rosalie was being kind to me and I didn't want to do anything to upset her.
"Yeah me neither. I'm not really into that stuff. Some of the kid here are but less than you think. Its not the best place to be a teenager, there's not much to do at all, especially if you haven't got a car. I mean, how do you think this happened?" She looked down at her stomach, and the bump which sat quiet prominently out.
"It happens in Scottsdale too." I said, not able to stop myself even though I knew it sounded stupid.
Rosalie just laughed. "It happened in Nazareth too, but somehow my parent's didn't believe me when I told them it was an immaculate conception." Alice and I both chuckled at her joke, though as she said it I could clearly see a dark cloud pass over her features. The subject was clearly a touchy one for Rose. I didn't push it further.
The warning bell rang then. I don't think I had even been more relieved for lunch to be over. Alice and I stood and headed to our desks, while Rose reached down for her school bag and took out her supplies. I liked Rose a lot, but we weren't friends yet. To tell the truth, I wasn't even sure that I was ready to make friends.
I did all I could to stay focused for the rest of the day. My eyelids were still heavy. So I paid extra attention to trying to not down everything Ms Kay said during our science lessons which filled the afternoon schedule. A task made somewhat easier due to the fact that our classroom was not equipped for us to perform the practical chemistry experiments ourselves, and we instead had to rely on the video footage which was projected onto the whiteboard and narrated to us. Learning this way seemed twice as difficult for me, so I tried to force myself to say alert.
It seemed to work for the most part. I didn't fall asleep again. By the time the final bell rang at the end of the day I was the first one to leave, calling out a soft "Bye" to everyone as I hurried out of the door and straight to the girls bathroom to wait until the parking lot was clear.
Since Monday, I had been doing this. Trying not to run into Alice's brother again. Of course I had bumped into him in this same corridor earlier. I shook my head at the thought. At least, he couldn't come into the girls bathroom. I was safe from his cold stare in there.
I locked myself in a cubicle and waited for Charlie's text to say he was outside. Once we got hope I went straight to me room. Exhausted from the whole long weird day. I didn't bother eating. All I wanted to do was sleep, and sleep is all I did.

A/N

Is anyone still with me?
With this chapter, Coping Mechanisms is officially the longest thing I have ever written. That's right folks, my MA dissertation was only 20K plus bibliography. That's crazy!
Anyway I promise that I'm still working, very very slowly, on this story. And I have the entire plot at least loosely mapped out now, so hopefully I'll be seeing you again soon.