A/N: This is not supposed to be regarded as a continuation of the previous chapter but another one-shot. This is more of a reflecting Molesley – thing, with him maybe being a little less hesitant towards the end than he normally might be. Nothing extreme though, because I just don't think that being too bold would be in his character.
Of course, Downton Abbey and the characters aren't mine. Seriously, would I be writing this if they were?
What a week it had been, Mr. Molesley wondered in awe, thinking about those last few days that he had spent at Downton Abbey. Christmas had been as magical as always with a big Christmas tree and servants, workers and the Crawley family enjoying the special atmosphere together while the children were running around among them. Then, there had been the beautiful wedding of Lady Edith today. And now, on the brink of a new year dawning, a new life had just begun. The news that Anna had given birth to a healthy baby boy had reached the downstairs only a few minutes ago and naturally, it had cheered up everyone in attendance even more.
All those very recent developments made him think of the changes that the last year had had in store for him. A few months ago Molesley would have never thought his place to be anywhere but in service, probably even not anywhere else but Downton Abbey. Who had thought that his helping Daisy with her studies would lead to the biggest change of his own life, too? Certainly not himself. True, it had been a bold step for him to leave his position in service for good, at and his age. But it had been more than worth it. Now, thinking back of his time at Downton Abbey, and even of that before when he was still a butler in the Crawley house, it all felt like a lifetime ago.
Molesley didn't look back with any regrets. He had always wanted to be a teacher, even as a kid. But then, he had to leave school at the age of twelve in favor of taking on small jobs here and there because they had needed the money. So, being a teacher had stayed a dream – one of those dreams you didn't get frustrated with because you just knew would never come true and you were fine with that.
What an unexpected turn it had been when one day, while he was strolling through the village alongside Miss Baxter, Mr. Dawes had approached them and offered him a job as a proper teacher. Molesley remembered how dumbfounded he had been and how it had been Miss Baxter who had talked to the head teacher in his place, reassuring him that he would indeed think about the offer.
Mr. Molesley pondered whether he would ever have found himself bold enough to take such a chance if it hadn't been for Miss Baxter. After all, it had been her who had given his confidence a boost with her unwavering faith in him. He was so glad that he had her by his side because, if he was being honest to himself, he had to admit that he would never have found himself able to even consider changing professions. He would still be mousy, awkward Mr. Molesley who stumbled over his words as much as he stumbled over his feet. Miss Baxter really had brought on a change in him, a change for the better, when she had believed in him and his abilities.
If there was one thing he regretted about leaving Downton behind, it was not seeing Miss Baxter as often as he wanted to. Since he had become a teacher he was barely around the big house anymore, only occasionally finding the time to make his way up there for a friendly chat or a cup of tea with his former colleagues. So it had been a pleasant surprise when she had visited him in his little cottage only two days before Christmas, and had asked him whether he would like to spend Christmas there, helping out as a footman again. There was no way he could have said no to her watching him with those big eyes and a bright smile.
She had become dearer to him during the past months than Molesley would have dared to admit while they had both been working together. Even though it probably wouldn't have been as improper at Downton Abbey as it would be in other households for a footman to declare his more than amicable feelings for one of the maids, he definitely couldn't have helped it not to be frightened of being lectured for indecent behaviour.
The circumstances were different now, though. Molesley was in a completely different position now and nothing was keeping him from taking yet another bold step. Nothing, except his own inhibitions. Taking a risk had paid off, once. But this time, the stakes were so much higher. There had been nothing to lose when Molesley had decided to become a teacher. There had always been the certainty that he could have returned to be a footman in case he had found out that teaching wasn't for him.
There was no backup plan this time, though. They wouldn't be able to turn back to the trusted companionship if his affections were not reciprocated. And secondly, he didn't have Miss Baxter at his side this time, always around to push him in the right direction whenever nerves had overcome him and deprived him of his ability to make a choice for himself. He couldn't quite well ask for her advice in this matter.
He was taken out of his reveries when a glass was shoved in front of him. Molesley looked up, it was Thomas handing out cups filled with punch to everyone who had gathered around the large table in the servant's dining hall. It was almost midnight now and people were preparing to welcome the New Year properly. Even Thomas appeared uncharacteristically cheerful – but of course, he would be, with the prospect of returning to Downton Abbey as the new butler.
Taking the cup and muttering his thanks to Barrow, Molesley turned his head around clumsily, frantically scanning the room for one Miss Baxter. Barrow approached him once more and remarked, with an amused grin that he didn't even try to hide, „She's not here yet. Her Ladyship wanted something so she went back upstairs."
„Wh-what?", Molesley asked in a nervous, high-pitched voice, his head bolting around to face Thomas. He hated being caught by Thomas, of all people. Not that the stuttered half question did anything to hide his embarrassment. The butler only shook his head ever so slightly, though, and returned to distributing the punch. Through the chattering of the other people in the room, Thomas' muttered words sounded suspiciously like „pathetic". Molesley looked down, possible searching for a hole in the floor to hide in. Who was he fooling anyway, when Barrow was right – he did want to welcome the new year with Miss Baxter around.
Only when he heard Mrs. Patmore talking to someone behind him, did he turn around to notice the woman who had occupied his thoughts once more standing in the door frame. „Oh, there you are, Miss Baxter! Mr. Barrow here almost feared that you wouldn't make it down again in time", Mrs. Patmore exclaimed.
That woman really had her ears everywhere, she must have overheard snippets of what Thomas had said to him earlier. Molesley would have been annoyed if he hadn't been so relieved that she obviously had interpreted the short conversation wrong.
But Thomas wouldn't be Thomas if he just left it at that. „It wasn't me who was afraid you'd miss midnight!"
Miss Baxter shook her head at his teasing and walked into the room, all the way smiling happily at Molesley. „Don't mind him", she whispered when she had reached Molesley's side, shaking her head once more. He would never understand why she still bothered with Thomas, even apologizing for his pestering. Thomas' nasty remarks were one thing he was glad he didn't have to put up with, any longer. It was another thing that he had left behind when he left Downton, though one of the few unpleasant. Thinking of Downton, most things that came to his mind were positive and even though he wasn't sorry to have moved on, he was indeed sad that he wasn't part of the everyday life, anymore. He felt like a fish out of water, surrounded by this group of people who knew so much about the each other. Sure he knew, that noticing every development in each other's lives was something that just came with living so close together and spending every day together.
Molesley had spotted a change in the way Daisy and Andy interacted with one another, but he couldn't pinpoint what had happened. What had been the trigger for the changed behaviour, had there even been one? For anyone who had been around those last weeks the difference was probably not even apparent, because it just came natural. For an outsider on the other hand, it was just as mysterious as the new, less sassy attitude of Mr. Barrow.
For an outsider..., he was an outsider among this group of friends. He wanted to blend in again, however, the livery he was currently wearing didn't have the desired effect. He wanted to belong there and simultaneously didn't want to be there. It was paradox.
When the clock struck midnight and Molesley's thoughts were interrupted by the sound, everyone was silent for a moment or so before only the loud noises of chairs being pushed backwards, glasses being clinked and people cheerfully welcoming the New Year could be heard. It all died down only when Mr. Carson audibly cleared his throat and Mrs. Carson began to sing for everyone. One after another, the other servants started to chime in, rejoicing a new beginning.
Molesley joined them too, of course, but with a little less enthusiasm than was usual for him on such a merry occasion. His mind was just a little too preoccupied. In fact so much that he ceased to notice the slight frown with what Miss Baxter studied his face. He looked worried, she thought – no, irritated. Miss Baxter knew that something was not right, she had already noticed that Mr. Molesley had been even quieter than usually that day. It made her sad to see him any less than downright happy when he had every reason to be joyful. Something was definitely off, she was sure of that. Molesley couldn't fool her with that fake smile on his face, holding himself as if he was feeling out of place.
Molesley felt himself being watched. At first, he tried not to be bothered it, still after a few moments when the feeling didn't go away he turned only to be met with a concerned Miss Baxter. Of course, it was her. If he would have had to name one person in this room that would acknowledge his discomfort, it would have to be Miss Baxter.
He had long since given up on trying to explain to himself why she cared so much about him. He was grateful enough that she did. Often, he had the feeling that she was the only person in the world who had the slightest idea of what he was about. When he was the laughing stock to everyone else, Miss Baxter was always the one to see behind his awkward exterior. Just like now she was the one who had noticed his pretense. She seemed truly worried, so Molesley decided she deserved at least an explanation. But not in the crowded servant's hall.
So, in a moment when he thought no one was looking, he tugged Miss Baxter's arm cautiously and motioned her to follow him out of the servant's hall quietly. They had been standing at the far end of the table and while everyone was looking in the other direction, singing and indulging in punch, surely nobody would even notice they were gone. So fixated on each other, neither Miss Baxter nor Mr. Molesley were aware of the suspicious look Mrs. Patmore was giving them or Daisy's shocked expression when she saw them holding hands as they made their way towards the back door. The cook and her assistant shared a knowing look and decided to keep quiet. It was New Year's Eve after all and they could slide some slack.
Once outside, Baxter closed the door behind them. When she turned around to face Molesley again, he had already slumped himself down on one of the benches. He had dropped the facade of cheerfulness and was now sitting there with his eyes closed and his head leaning back against the stone wall. He didn't need to pretend when they were alone.
After some time he sighed and said, "I'm sorry for dragging you out here." She had wrapped her arms around her in a futile attempt to shield herself from the cold. "You must be freezing and just because I needed some fresh air", he tried to explain his sudden flight from the servants hall.
"Needed some fresh air?" she asked in disbelief, "Seriously, in there you looked as if you'd rather be anywhere else. Which would at least explain why you literally ran through the hallways, dragging me behind you."
„It's true", Molesley said, his voice higher than normally. He, himself, was the most surprised about this revelation. „Just now, inside, I really wished I was somewhere else. I felt so left out suddenly, so alienated, somehow. I guess, I've really gotten used to not being a footman anymore. To not being around anymore. That's strange, isn't it, when this was all I ever did until just a few months ago?"
„It's not strange at all", Miss Baxter said after thinking about his words for some time. It did make sense when she thought about it. He had finally found his true profession, a work he felt completely comfortable with. Everything else must be unsatisfying and boring.
„Every day you do something that you love, something you're really good at. Something you had fought so hard to achieve. It would be strange if you could still like this job here as much as you once did when you have the choice, now. No wonder that you feel out of place."
„You're right. Of course, you're right. How do you know me so much better that I understand myself, sometimes?" Molesley asked amazed, not for the first time, at how naturally understanding him came to her. Then again, everything about Miss Baxter amazed him.
„You give me too much credit, Mr. Molesley", she objected, shaking her head slightly as if the movement proved a point. „I was wrong when I asked you to come here for the festivities. You're everything but comfortable. I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have persuaded you ."
He wasn't uncomfortable, though. At least not, while she was around.
„Oh, but I am now. How could I be not comfortable, here with you? You're the only person I ever feel I can be totally myself with and I'm glad that I came back for the holidays. Because, if nothing else I got to spend some time with you", Molesley stood up from the bench and took a step forward. They were now standing only a few inches away from each other and both of them noticed that a small shiver ran through Miss Baxter's body. Whether it was from the cold winter air that had begun to creep through her dress or from the close proximity that they still had yet to get used to, they didn't know.
If he had thought that he could want nothing in his life more than to be a teacher, the woman in front of him was just proving him wrong. She was just standing there, her big eyes looking up curiously, the slightly raised eyebrows making it clear that she was waiting for him to say something more. In that moment, she was the most captivating human being he had ever laid eyes on.
„I wish we could spend more time together, you know. I miss our quiet evenings in the servant's hall and spending our half days in the village. I miss you."
As if to prove his point, he took a step closer to her and when he noticed that she still looked at him with a hint of confusion, he knew that he could not explain with words what he wanted her to know so badly. Taking a bold step had led him to success once, maybe it was about time to push his luck again.
He gently took hold of Miss Baxter's hand and when she shifted her eyes from him to their hands and back up to his face in silent question, he answered in the only way he felt capable of in that very moment. Hesitantly, he drew her a little closer, slowly adjusting to the feeling of their bodies so close to each other, and captured her lips with his. The kiss was cautious and tender and full of promises.
After a few moments, much too soon for Molesley's liking, Baxter pulled back a little and smiled against his lips. With as little movement as possible, afraid the moment could be ruined by the slightest of changes, Baxter opened her eyes and looked up. The brilliant smile that was gracing her lips would have made him fall in love with her all over again if he hadn't already been completely lost.
That second, Molesley felt happier than he ever had before. "I hope you know that I love you very, very much", he said with a quiet but steady voice. This just seemed so right that it didn't leave space for his usual nervousness.
"I do. We wouldn't be standing here, like this, if you didn't", she stated with a big smile on her lips and a loving look in her eyes, before she said the words he had been most looking forward to, "I love you, too, Joseph Molesley."
Molesley had thought that leaving service had been the biggest turn of his life, but now he was standing there in the courtyard with the woman he loved pressed closely against him, and he realized that this was a whole new level of happiness.
They remained like this a little while longer, Molesley's arms wrapped tightly around her in an attempt to shield her from the cold. It wouldn't have been necessary though, because Baxter seemed to radiate enough warmth for both of them from the inside. She had rested her head at his shoulder and sighed contently after some time before she reluctantly freed herself from the embrace. Midnight had long since passed and it was time to go back inside.
They rejoined the party in the servant's hall, celebrating the dawn of the upcoming year with the others and at the same time celebrating their very own new beginning. It would be a happy new year, indeed.
Once again, I like to say thank you for the reviews. It really makes my day every time to know that there are some people out there as weird as me who read and even like this stuff.
- lizzie