A/N:
I am completely exhausted and I need to sleep so that's why I'm giving you this chapter so very early!
I want to reply to a guest review though: please don't apologize for not sticking around with the story. If angst isn't your thing, that's the way it is. I'm not offended by it. It's simply not for everyone :)
Title: The Perfect Partner Program
Author: MarieCarro
Beta: EdwardsFirstKiss
Pre-reader: brwneyedgrl01
Genre: Angst/Hurt&Comfort/Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The summer of 2005 was the summer that changed Bella Swan's life forever. Sent to Ohio by her mother to attend a school for debutante girls not quite up to par, she meets Edward Masen, an apprentice. But is that really all he is? AH
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Word Count: 3, 108
CHAPTER 22 ANSWERS
I pulled my coat tighter around me as the December wind attempted to freeze me to the bone as I walked between stores to buy Christmas gifts. It was the only time of the year when I enjoyed shopping because Christmas was my favorite holiday. But the cold air made it unbearable to stay outside for long, so when I was pretty much done, I quickly ducked inside one of my favorite cafe's to warm up.
"Hi, Bella!" the young barista behind the counter said happily when she saw me. It was safe to say I was a regular.
"Hey Makenna. How's everything? How are your studies coming along?" I asked as I started to unwrap myself from my scarf and gloves and hat.
The short, dark-haired girl sighed with relief. "I sat for my last exam for the semester yesterday. I never thought I'd see this job as a vacation, but being away from my books for a few weeks will be heaven."
I chuckled lightly. "At least you're fighting for your dream. Not many people do that nowadays."
Makenna nodded. "True. My boyfriend tells me the same thing all the time. Anyway, what can I get you today, Bella?"
"What can you offer? Any seasonal goodies?"
"Well, we have gingerbread chi-tea, and if you're going to eat anything, you have to try the saffron muffin. It's to die for," she insisted, and I smiled.
"Sounds perfect. I'll have that as well as the veggie bagel. I'm not the only one who's hungry," I said and stroked my stomach.
Makenna started to put together a tray for me and poured the steaming tea in a mug. "How far along are you now? Can't be too long until the big day."
"I just entered week twenty-eight. My due date is March tenth, so we'll see." I took the tray Makenna offered.
"You'll have to come in here once he or she is born so we can all say hi to the little one."
"You know it. I wouldn't survive without your coffee, so we'll be just as frequent visitors as I am now."
"Good. Enjoy your tea!"
I found a booth further inside the cafe where it was warmer than by the windows and tea lights were flickering in their holders. It created a very cozy feeling, and I sunk down into the plush seat with a sigh and grabbed my book from my bag to enjoy.
However, I had barely read an entire page before someone cleared their throat next to me, and when I looked up, I immediately groaned. "You've got to be kidding me," I said and turned away again. "Are you following me?"
Edward shifted uncomfortably. "Not at all. I was working at one of the tables when I heard your name. I thought I'd at least say hello."
I rolled my eyes. "Next time, don't. I was actually enjoying my time before you came up to me. I would have been happier if I'd never known you were here."
He sighed. "Bella, I don't know how many times I have to apologize for you to believe that I am truly sorry."
I irritatedly closed my book and put it to the side before looking up at the villain of my life. "Do you want to know why I'm refusing to accept your apologies, Edward?"
He nodded. "Yes, I do."
"Because every word that comes out of your mouth is a big fat lie," I said honestly, but when he frowned with genuine sadness, something twisted in my stomach. I ignored it, though.
"It's been thirteen years. Don't you think I am capable of changing?" he asked, and he reminded me of a reprimanded little boy.
I huffed. "Maybe you are, but I've already told you why it doesn't matter. You will always remind me of a time in my life I wish had never happened." I hoped he would get the hint and leave me alone, but frustratingly enough, he sat down in my booth opposite of me. "What are you doing?"
"Ever since I saw you in the supermarket, it's been eating at me … what I did to you," he said somberly. "It's gotten worse after what you told me in the car."
"Good. At least you get to feel a fraction of the pain I've been going through," I replied bitterly and sipped on my tea.
He grimaced. "I can never imagine what you've been going through, and if I had my wish, I would truly have been a simple apprentice when we met. It would have made everything so much easier."
"Easier?" I asked just to humor him. It was obvious he wasn't going to leave until he'd said what he wanted to say.
He nodded. "Yeah, much easier. For one, I wouldn't have fought my feelings as much as I did."
I stiffened and narrowed my eyes angrily. He was treading into dangerous territory, and I could feel that he was walking close to land mines that would cause an explosion. "What the hell are you talking about? What feelings?"
He locked his gaze with mine. "I am a good actor, Bella, but not that good."
I knew what he was trying to tell me. He claimed that some of the things that had happened between us at the Academy hadn't been a part of the con. That some of it had been real.
I tore my eyes away from his and shook my head. "Okay," I said. "What difference is that supposed to make? Am I supposed to put my hand over my mouth and gasp in surprise before forgiving you for everything just because you also fell in love?"
I decided that my tea break wasn't worth it, so I stood up and started to put my coat and scarf on again. "You know what, Edward? Fuck you! Why should I believe anything you say? Give me one good reason."
He remained seated and stared at me with a gaping mouth, obviously not knowing what to say.
"I didn't think so." I grabbed my bag and started to leave, but I realized I had more I wanted to say, so I turned back around and pointed my finger furiously at him. "If you had actually been as maddeningly in love with me as you wanted me to believe at the end of that summer, then why didn't you apologize back then? Why didn't you contact me? Why did you allow me to continue believing I deserved what you did to me?"
He stood up as well and opened his mouth to answer, but something behind me caught his attention, and he leaned forward to whisper in my ear. "You and I really need to have this conversation, but I don't think this is the best place."
I became aware of the others in the cafe then, and I blushed, knowing I'd made a scene since I hadn't exactly tried to be quiet. "So what do you suggest?" I hissed through clenched teeth.
"Can we go to your place?"
I hesitated because I didn't really want to invite him to my house. "I'd rather not."
"Well, I only have a hotel room, so it's up to you where you'd feel most comfortable."
I sighed because I knew he had me there. I wouldn't feel comfortable in his 'territory' and at my house I had the option to kick him out if I wanted to. "Fine. We'll talk at my place."
I waited for him to collect his belongings, and then we left the café. I could feel the other patrons' eyes burning my back. I was thoroughly embarrassed, and I became even angrier at Edward for ruining my favorite place.
I fumbled with my keys in an annoyed manner as I glared at him from the corner of my eye. "Please, tell me you have your own car."
He nodded.
"Good." I pulled out a notebook from my bag and a pen to scribble down my address and then tore the page out to give it to him. "I'll see you there."
With that, I left to get my car, and when I had closed the door, I felt how my frustration just continued to build up, but I didn't want to look crazy, so I swallowed it down.
As I drove home, I couldn't believe how I'd allowed myself to get so riled up by Edward. I didn't understand why I let him hold that kind of power over me because I never allowed anyone else to, or why he continued to crawl under my skin.
What was so special about him? Why was he different from everyone else?
Of course I already knew the answer before I'd formed the questions in my head.
It was because I had really loved him with my entire heart, and the sixteen-year-old girl inside me still did, despite her hurt feelings. He was my first love, and it was difficult to get over that, no matter how much he had lied to me.
It hadn't exactly made things easier with his latest confession, either.
To drown out my thoughts for the rest of the drive, and maybe gain back some focus, I turned on the radio and turned up the volume until it nearly hurt my ears.
When I finally got home, I took off my coat and slung my bag into the closet without care before I started pacing the length of the hall. I did so until I saw the familiar black sedan pull into my driveway, and Edward climbing out of the driver's seat.
I was so strung up at that point that I had no idea what outcome our conversation would have, but I was already trying to come up with what I would say to Becca when I called her, asking her to help bury a body.
Before Edward even had the time to knock, I wrenched the door opened and stood to the side to let him in without so much as looking at him.
He stood awkwardly in my hall, and after a moment, I walked into the combined kitchen and living room and gestured for him to sit down wherever he wanted to.
For all the questions I'd had for him at the cafe, I couldn't get a single one of them out. I was nervous and anxious, and I knew that it was because I was afraid of the answers I'd get.
"Bella—" Edward started, and his voice was as loud as a gunshot in the quiet house. It caused me to flinch.
He looked at me pleadingly. "I am going to be entirely honest with you while we have this conversation. Will you believe what I tell you?"
"I can't promise anything until I hear it," I said, and it caused Edward to sigh.
"Then this is doomed from the start because if you don't like what I say, you'll choose to not believe it."
"Can you really blame me, Edward?"
"No, I can't," he said, shaking his head. "And that's what's destroying me. You are completely justified in your emotions. I know it's selfish of me to demand your forgiveness the way I have." He agitatedly ran his hand through his hair. "But I really have changed, and that is why I can't just let you go and move on with your life."
"Why not? Why is it so important to you that I forgive you?"
"Because I don't want your hate for me to infect your life anymore."
I startled and tried to wrap my head around his words. "You mean, you want me to forgive you for my own sake?"
He let out a small, humorless laugh. "I know it sounds rather ridiculous, but yes." He stood up and walked up to the window to look outside. "After everything that you told me about Garrett, and that I am the reason your baby is fatherless, I've come to realize that as long as you hate me, you will have trust issues."
I scoffed at that. "Don't give yourself too much credit," I said, and he glanced at me over his shoulder. "My trust issues formed long before I met you."
"I don't doubt that," he agreed. "But I believe I am correct when I say that I made them worse."
I didn't answer, but he didn't need me to. He already knew it was true.
"So ask me anything, and I will answer truthfully," he finished and turned around to face me.
I took a deep breath to give me strength and then decided to just throw it out there. "When you realized that you were falling for me, too, why didn't you tell me the truth?"
"Out of pure selfishness," he replied without hesitation. "I thought that you would leave if I told you, and that I'd lose you."
"You were going to lose me anyway, so what was the difference?"
"I got to keep you longer," he admitted, and I couldn't sit still any longer, so I got up and started to slowly walk around. "It wasn't fair to you, but as I said, it was for selfish reasons."
"You're damn right it wasn't fair to me," I spit out. "Were you hoping to accomplish something with your selfish reasons?"
"I guess a part of me thought it would all work out, like it does in the movies when the guy messes up," he said and scrubbed his face with his hand, and then he locked his eyes with mine. "You weren't the only one who was naïve back then."
I shook my head, still not satisfied with what he was telling me. "If that was what you were hoping, why didn't you try to contact me and explain yourself? I'm sure things could have been a lot different."
He threw his hands out helplessly. "Because I was young and stupid. From the moment I saw the taillights of your dad's car leave the Academy, I tried to convince myself that I had only done what I was told, and that everything had been an act, and that I wasn't in love with you."
"Yeah, that was the last thing you said to me," I mumbled out quietly.
"And I have regretted it ever since." He walked up to me and stood closer than he had done since we had met again, and I allowed it. "I lied to you that summer, Bella, but I lied even more to myself."
I swallowed thickly. "Was anything you told me about yourself back then true?"
"Most of it, actually. One of the first rules of manipulation is to stay with the truth as much as you can, and then you don't have to remember any lies. I'm sure you as a cop know that." I nodded in acknowledgment. "I hid things from you. That I pretty much already knew everything about you before I even laid my eyes on you for the first time, and there were certain aspects of my personality that I kept on a tight leash."
"Such as?"
Another humorless laugh escaped him. "To summarize it, I used to be a very arrogant and manipulative bastard. I put myself above others, and I didn't care who I hurt in the process of getting what I wanted."
"Sounds like someone else I used to know," I commented and looked up at him.
"Why do you think I hid those parts of myself from you?" he asked, but it was obviously a rhetorical question. "I was hired to make you fall in love with me and then break your heart so that you would run back to him. I doubt it was part of their plan that you would find out."
I couldn't help my smirk as the absurdity of Renée and George's plan washed over me. "They should have been more careful." I took a step back to create some space between Edward and me. "They very nearly succeeded, though."
"But they didn't," he pointed out to me. "They tore you down, and I contributed to that, I will never deny it, but you managed to pick yourself up. Just look at what you've accomplished in your life." He gestured around the room. "This is an amazing house," he looked back at me. "You achieved your dream and became a cop, and you're about to become a mom, and I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be the best mom ever."
At his praise, I felt my eyes tear up and my anger just melted away. "I didn't do all that by myself," I insisted, but Edward shook his head.
"Don't sell yourself short, Bella. I'm sure you had help and support, but you wouldn't have been able to do all of this if you didn't think you could."
Tentatively, Edward took a hold of my hand, and it felt like I'd been electrocuted. We hadn't touched each other in over thirteen years, and the feeling was shocking to say the least. I wouldn't have thought his touch could still affect me so much.
"I learned many things about you that summer," he continued, but his voice had taken on a more husky tone, and I believed he was as affected by our contact as I was. "I learned that you're sassy, and sarcastic. You're fiercely protective of your friends and ambitious beyond belief."
Almost as if he couldn't control his movements, his other hand came up and stroked my face with the just the tips of his fingers and it sent thrills through my body. There wasn't a single thought in my head about how this wasn't okay or that I was supposed to be mad and hate him.
"You're compassionate, and when you love, you love with your entire heart." The last part was barely audible as he whispered it to me, and both of us slowly started to move closer as one.
My eyes closed on their own accord, but a lone tear managed to escape and fall down my cheek, and when he was close enough that I felt his breath wash over my face, he breathed out one last thing.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I am so fucking sorry."
And then our lips touched and the fire inside me ignited and blazed into an inferno.
A/N:
Oh, calm down will you! Bella won't suddenly become magically infatuated with Edward and forgive and forget. That's not the kind of woman she is now.
However, she is attracted to him, and sometimes, no matter what your heart of head says, your body doesn't always listen to you … m'kay?
If you are kind, I might not leave you with this cliffie for the entire weekend ;-)
Stay Awesome