A/N:

You guys are slowly forgiving Edward, aren't you?

I know a few of you want to hear some of this from his perspective, but sadly, you won't. I haven't written any more from his … however, if you ask nicely, I might write an outtake ;-)

Title: The Perfect Partner Program

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: EdwardsFirstKiss

Pre-reader: brwneyedgrl01

Genre: Angst/Hurt&Comfort/Romance

Rating: NC-17

Summary: The summer of 2005 was the summer that changed Bella Swan's life forever. Sent to Ohio by her mother to attend a school for debutante girls not quite up to par, she meets Edward Masen, an apprentice. But is that really all he is? AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Word Count: 2, 874

CHAPTER 26 WORST TIME EVER TO FALL

I must have fallen asleep at one point because when I woke up, I was confused at first as to where I was since both the bed and sheets were unfamiliar, but then I heard Edward's hushed voice just outside the door. I remembered then that I was in his hotel room and what had happened between us again.

I hadn't planned to sleep with him again, but I still couldn't find it in me to regret it.

Something had been different this time. I didn't know exactly what, but it had affected a great deal.. My constant companion whenever I was around Edward—my anger—was no longer bubbling under the surface, and when I thought of what we'd shared, my cheeks burned.

It had been so emotional; especially his confession about believing that the spirit of his baby daughter had guided him here so that he could make up for his past mistakes. I was touched that he trusted me so much that he felt okay with telling me such a personal thing.

I slowly sat up, but when my baby decided to stretch as well, I had to stay on my elbows until the uncomfortable feeling passed.

Edward came back into the room, and when he saw that I was awake, a small, barely-there smile replaced the frown he'd sported just a second earlier. "Hey," he said and sat down in the chair I'd occupied earlier.

I cleared my throat gently, but my voice still came out hoarse. "What time is it?"

"It's just after six."

I nodded and took a deep breath because I had no idea what to say. There wasn't any awkward tension in the room, but the fact still remained that we both knew something had changed.

"What were you doing?" I asked when I couldn't think of anything better to ask.

He met my eyes shortly and then sighed. "My phone rang, and I didn't want to disturb your sleep, so I went just outside to answer."

"So you woke up before me, huh?" I said with a soft laugh.

"I never fell asleep," he replied and fiddled with the phone in his hands.

I frowned. "Then what have you been doing all this time? Why didn't you wake me?" I hoped he hadn't just been sitting in the room and watching me sleep because that was something only couples could do without it being extremely creepy, and we weren't a couple.

"You looked like you needed the rest. You fell asleep almost immediately after..." he trailed off, and I nodded in understanding.

It wasn't necessary to talk about what we'd done. It wasn't a big deal, really. It was just sex. Nothing more.

That was what I repeated to myself in my head, anyway.

I wanted to get dressed, but my clothes were in the chair next to Edward, too far away for me to reach from the bed. It sounded ridiculous, even to me, that I couldn't just get up the way I was since he'd seen me naked twice now, but for some reason, I was suddenly very shy.

So I remained in the bed with the cover tucked under my arms.

"Bella, I—" Edward started to say, but when I looked at him, he stopped and let out another sigh. "Are you hungry?"

"I can always eat," I replied in an attempt at humor. "Kind of eating for two, right now, you know?"

"I'll call for room service, then," he said and stood up again.

"Okay, and since you're already up, could you toss me my clothes?" I asked, and despite trying to sound casual about it, the lopsided smirk he gave me made it obvious that he knew why I hadn't just fetched them myself. He did as I asked, though, and I gratefully pulled them on, hoping it would make conversation easier.

Just as I was about to stand up, Edward placed himself in front of me with a wistful look on his face.

"Bella, I don't think we should avoid talking about what's happening between us anymore."

So much for it being unnecessary. "I wasn't aware we were avoiding it."

"We're not talking about it either," he insisted. "And it's twice now. I don't know about you, but I can't keep pretending it doesn't mean anything."

"Okay," I replied but refused to look at him. "I can't do anything about that, though. I mean, what do you want me to say?" I stood up and walked past him to where my purse was so I could check if someone had tried to reach me. "That it meant something for me, too? I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked with a frown.

"Because it doesn't mean anything to me," I told him harshly. "It's just good sex."

"You're lying," he said softly. "I can hear it in your voice."

I clenched my fists and whirled around to face him again. "No, you don't because I'm not," I insisted and then pointed unnecessarily at my swollen abdomen. "Edward, I'm pregnant, okay! My due date is two months away and then I'm going to be a Mom. I can't afford to feel anything for a man I don't trust completely. Can't you understand that? Every decision I make affects my baby. I can't date like a normal single woman because I come with baggage; emotional and physical. Being with me equals a commitment to an innocent child who never asked to be dragged into all of this drama."

He knew I was denying what was so obvious to protect myself. He knew, but he didn't let me escape.

He turned his head to look at me but allowed me to have my space, which I appreciated. "You know I come with a whole hell of a lot of baggage myself, and committing to a person, single parent or not, means there will be bumps in the road or mountains to climb. Thinking otherwise would be incredibly naïve."

"You're right," I agreed. "But when it involves my child, I can't just think a few months ahead or a year. I need to think at least five years ahead. I need a guarantee before I can take any risks."

"Nothing in life can be guaranteed," he reminded me patiently. "And I know that you have a lot to consider, but I needed you to know that I have feelings for you, that I want to be with you, and that sleeping with you wasn't just an itch that I needed to scratch."

"Why?" I asked and crossed my arms defiantly. "Why do I need to know that? I could have continued the rest of my life happily without ever having found that out."

"Because I don't want anything left unsaid between us before—" He stopped himself and grabbed his hair in frustration.

"Before what?"

"Before I leave," he admitted so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

But I did hear him, and my arms fell away down to my sides. "What?"

"I have to leave," he said in a stronger voice. "I've been ordered back."

My brain couldn't comprehend what he was telling me, but I stupidly tried to. "Ordered back to where?"

"To leave my report at headquarters. My job here's done."

"Oh," I said. "And where's that?"

He shook his head. "I'm not allowed to tell you. The location must stay a secret for several reasons."

I was amazed that it had slipped my mind that the only reason Edward was in Seattle was because he was working. Even more that I was actually shocked by his revelation since I was currently standing in his hotel room, and there was no way it could be mistaken for anything but temporary lodgings.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "When?"

He nodded toward the door. "That call from before was my superior. I have to take the next flight out from Sea-Tac, which leaves at eleven tonight."

"I see," I said as I continued to try to wrap my head around what all this meant. "I guess that solves our problem then, doesn't it?"

His eyes became even sadder. "I'd argue for the opposite."

"Why? You're leaving, so there's no reason to delve further into anything this complicated."

He walked closer to me. "My feelings are a reason. I can't just discard them now; it's too late for that."

"So what are we supposed to do, huh?"

He groaned and turned away from me again. "I wish I knew. You have no idea how much I wish I could just promise you I'd call every night, but I can't even do that. I will most likely be sent out on another job somewhere and that means throwing away everything that can trace me back to Seattle. Phone numbers, ID's, everything, and I could be gone for months, just like I have before."

"You're not exactly arguing for your case now," I told him. "What are you expecting me to do then? Just walk around and constantly wait for a call that may or may not happen? Is that what you're asking me to do?"

"No, Bella, you don't understand how torn I'm feeling right now," he said tiredly and sat down. "There is a part of me that wants to ask that of you, yes; that wants to ask you to wait for me. I also want to call my boss back and say that I quit on the spot, just so that I'll be able to stay here with you and find out where this connection between us could lead. But there is also the rational part that won't ever expect or hope for anything because that part knows how much I screwed up and how much I deserve your mistrust."

I shrugged helplessly. "So where does that leave us? How can we possibly ever attempt anything if you're only here now and then? What do you accomplish by telling me about your feelings and that you want to be with me when that's not even possible?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I just couldn't hold it to myself any longer."

I grimaced when I realized his feelings weren't something he had just recently started to battle with. "How long have you felt this way?" I asked, not even sure if I wanted to know.

He chuckled humorlessly. "I knew from the beginning that it was a possibility. Why do you think I froze when I first saw you at the supermarket?"

"I don't know … shock?"

He nodded. "Yes, that, too. But mostly it was because when I saw you, I knew I'd never seen anyone more beautiful, and I understood I hadn't made you justice whenever I thought of you."

I flinched, which he noticed and gave me a rueful smile.

"Yeah, I've thought of you frequently for the past thirteen years. I don't think there's been a single day when you haven't passed through my mind."

"Why?" I asked, feeling like a broken record repeating the same question over and over.

"I've already told you," he said and looked down at his clenched hands. "Why do you think I started drinking? Or snorting? It wasn't exactly for the hell of it. It was because when I was drunk or high, thinking of you didn't hurt as much."

I swallowed thickly as I was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. Not because of his confessions, but because I was feeling a sickening guilt for having judged him like I had judged Renée and George when he had in reality been just as much of a pawn as I had been. "But what about when you were with Kate? Weren't you together for years? Why would you think of me when you were with her?"

"Are you kidding? I was drawn to Kate because she was the opposite of you; blonde and blue-eyed, weak-minded and easily impressed. I was reminded every time I looked at her why I'd chosen her."

I hugged myself as if that would dissuade my discomfort or the sudden tremors I felt were going through my body. My sight became blurry as the overwhelming feelings became too much. "Edward, I can't process all of this now. It's too much."

A knock on the door alerted us to the room service he had called for earlier, and I saw it as my chance to escape.

While the waiter put the tray on the small table, and Edward reached for his wallet to give him his tip, I grabbed my purse and jacket and walked out of the room as fast as I could and headed for the elevators.

I should have understood Edward wasn't going to just let me leave, though. I heard his pursuing footsteps clearly, but I didn't stop or turn around despite knowing he would easily catch up with me.

"Bella, please, wait!"

"No, I can't," I said and pushed the button for the elevator.

He gently grabbed my upper arm and turned me around. "I know it's overwhelming, and I'm sorry. I knew there was a possibility I would fall for you, but I never wanted to put you in this position. I wish things could be so much easier than they are, and I wish I could come up with a perfect solution as to how we could work despite everything that speaks against us, but I can't, and I hate it."

I looked away from him. "And you're forgetting that I'm still not completely certain of how I feel for you. The only thing I know right now is that I at least no longer hate you, and I'm not even as angry as I used to be, but that doesn't mean I suddenly want to try for a relationship with you, long-distance or not."

"I get that, and I'm not going to force you into anything. I guess that was why I wanted you to know how I felt; so that you can make an informed decision."

"A decision about what?"

"On whether you want me in your life or not."

I looked at him and nodded, and then when the elevator dinged its arrival, I turned back around to enter it. "I guess we'll just have to see," I told him as my parting words.

"Bye, Bella," he said just before the doors closed.

When I eventually got home, the first thing I did was to call Becca and ask her to come over. It was time I told her everything that had happened because there was no way I could deal with it all by myself. I needed her opinion and her input, no matter how furious she would be when she found out I'd been keeping things from her.

I was willing to face her wrath because I needed my sister.

An hour later, I had my face buried in one of the pillows on my couch, feeling like a scorned child as Becca ranted on.

"Are you mad? Are you certifiably insane? What the hell were you thinking getting involved with that man again? I can't believe you, and you didn't tell me! I mean, after what he did to you? How can you ever trust him again?"

On and on she went, and I took every single one of her hits because I deserved them.

"I can assure you, there's not a single thing you can say that I haven't already asked myself a million times," I muttered as my tears started to fall unhindered down my cheeks.

I was feeling so stupid, and not the 'I-got-screwed-over-and-had-my-heart-broken-again' kind of stupid. I felt stupid that I had allowed myself to get into such a complicated situation in the first place when I was supposed to know better. I was thirty years old with a baby on the way. This wasn't what my life was supposed to be right now.

"So what are you going to do now?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't even know when or if I'm going to see him again."

"But it's because there is a big if that is going to keep you from moving on and forgetting about him all over again, right?" Becca asked, perfectly putting my feelings and thoughts into the words I'd been unable to form myself.

"I'm stupid, aren't I?"

"Yes," she agreed without hesitation. "But the heart has a tendency to do that to people." She stroked my hair as if I was a child, and I leaned into her embrace when she opened up her arms.

"Please tell me I haven't fallen again for the man who broke me?" I whimpered, and she tightened her hold on me.

"You haven't fallen for the boy that broke you," she said and I frowned in confusion until she continued. "But you are well on your way to fall for the man he became when he grew up."

A/N:

Becca isn't just good for plotting revenge with :)

I'm going away this weekend, so there won't be an extra chapter popping in, but I will see you Monday, as usual ;-)

Stay Awesome!