A/N:

I won't give you a long AN here because I'm exhausted and about to go to bed. Early start at work tomorrow and I need all the sleep I can get ;-)

Title: The Perfect Partner Program

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: EdwardsFirstKiss

Pre-reader: brwneyedgrl01

Genre: Angst/Hurt&Comfort/Romance

Rating: NC-17

Summary: The summer of 2005 was the summer that changed Bella Swan's life forever. Sent to Ohio by her mother to attend a school for debutante girls not quite up to par, she meets Edward Masen, an apprentice. But is that really all he is? AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Word Count:2, 620

CHAPTER 29 FIGURE STUFF OUT

I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted it badly because the truth was that I had fallen, and fallen hard. While it was true that my head had not yet decided whether attempting anything with Edward was a good idea or not, my heart was already long gone.

It scared me that this man once again had power over me, but it scared me even more to admit that to him.

So when he started to lean forward to make his words real, I had to turn away and walk past him. "Don't," I said and sighed. "You know what will happen if we go down that road."

He chuckled, although he didn't appear particularly amused. "I didn't know you thought that road was so bad," he replied in a failed attempt at a joke.

"I don't," I told him honestly. "At least not physically, but we need to figure things out first. I just seem to forget that when you touch me."

"So you are affected by me?" he asked, and I could hear the hint of cautious hope in his voice.

"Sleeping with you twice isn't proof enough of that?"

He shook his head. "Not really. Both times were triggered by something other than attraction and you've done nothing but fight me at every turn."

I nodded unapologetically. "Which I have my reasons for."

"Of course," he agreed. "I'm just saying that when it comes to where you stand in all of this, I am completely clueless."

"I'm not much better off," I admitted in a whisper. "I don't think you understand how conflicted I feel around you."

"You're right, I don't. But I want to. I want you to talk to me."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, fine." I gestured toward the couch. "I guess you can sit down. Do you want anything to drink? 'Cause I know that I'm going to need it," I told him and reached for one of the red wine bottles I had on my counter.

"No, I'm fine," he said and sat back down in his previous spot.

I poured myself a generous glass—I hadn't drank anything for quite some time, so I was certain that one glass would be more than enough to help me relax—and walked to the living room area, but I didn't sit down. I needed to feel like I had a chance to quickly get away if I needed to despite the fact that we were in my house.

"Bella?" Edward said softly, and when I looked at him, he leaned forward on his elbows. "Please, explain to me what it is you're scared of?"

"It's hard to put into words."

"I won't interrupt, I promise," he said. "I'm just going to listen to whatever you have to say."

I took a big gulp of wine and looked away from him. My eyes landed on Alec's playpen, and I used thoughts of my son to give me strength. "There are so many things about you that scare me. Opening up to you again; trusting you … being vulnerable. I may have cried in front of you, and I may have told you painful things from my past, but believe me, that's not me being vulnerable."

I crouched down and picked up a musical bee from the ground. "Me being vulnerable would be to let you into my life; into my son's life. It would be me allowing you to create a bond with him. Am I scared of you manipulating me again? No, I'm not because I cannot see what you could possibly gain from that." I turned back to him. "Becca helped me see things from your perspective. You didn't know me before the Academy. I was a profile on a piece of paper; a job. I get that. It doesn't mean I like it, but I can understand it, and I know that I can forgive you for that, eventually."

I couldn't look at him as I said the next part, and so I instead looked out the window at the late April weather outside in my garden. "Am I scared of inviting you back into my heart? Yes, I am terrified of that. I'm sure a heart can only take so much before it can't be put back together anymore, and I don't want to become a cold and cynical woman who cannot encourage my son to go out and find love because I don't believe in it myself. But what scares me most of all is the possibility of you hurting Alec like you hurt me."

I could almost hear his confusion as I said the last part, and so I explained it further. "I can envision it so easily, you know. Me giving you the chance, and us having a relationship. You being a part of Alec's upbringing, and he eventually starts calling you 'Dad.'" My voice broke as I imagined my son uttering that word. "And then for some reason, you realize that it isn't what you want, and you leave. I don't even want to think of the impact that could have on a young boy if the only father figure he's ever known suddenly doesn't want him."

I sniffled and wiped away the treacherous tears that had started falling before I finally looked at Edward again.

He was staring at the ground with a faraway look in his eyes and appeared deep in thought.

The silence stretched between us, but I couldn't find it in me to break it. I had said what I needed to say and explained to him why this was so difficult for me. It wasn't just a simple 'yes' or 'no' before moving forward. So many things needed to be taken into consideration.

Suddenly, Edward stood up. "I know words don't mean much, but I don't know what else I can do." He closed his eyes and just breathed for a moment. "I would never have imagined myself in a situation like this back in October, but once again, you've turned my world upside down. I can't walk away from you now just as I can't walk away from one of my legs, and I would never, and I repeat: never, inflict pain on an innocent child."

He turned his eyes my way, and they were so clear and honest that they almost took my breath away. "Do I have everything figured out? Definitely not. Do I have any clue whatsoever on how to act around babies? Not one bit." He walked up to me and cupped my face with both of his hands, and I had no qualms whatsoever about it. "I will admit that I felt a moment of panic while I was away. It would have been hella weird if I hadn't because this is uncharted territory for me. I wasn't there for Kate, and I wasn't there for Ava, but I am aware of what a huge responsibility I would take upon myself by being with you. At the same time, I can't see myself taking that responsibility with any other person than you, and to learn about all the things I will definitely need to learn."

I swallowed hard. His words were affecting me, but another worry had popped into my head. "Tell me one thing."

"Anything."

" Alec and me; we're not just a surrogate for Kate and Ava, right?"

He immediately shook his head with so much emotion in his eyes, it made me dizzy. "Never," he promised before pulling me to him without inhibition to kiss me with the passion only he had ever been able to make me feel. "I'm sorry," he said when he leaned away, but he didn't stop kissing me. "I just want you so much."

I could feel it. The desire I felt for him, and I decided to take a small leap of faith by letting him know. "I want you, too."

He groaned and leaned down for a moment before my legs disappeared from under me. I let out a surprised shriek but calmed down when I understood that he had picked me up in his arms. I hadn't expected him to be so strong. "Not the couch," he said. "Not this time. Where is your bedroom?"

"Upstairs," I told him, my voice trembling with a violent onslaught of the need I felt. I knew he could make me feel so very good, and it had been so long since last time; almost four months and a newborn didn't exactly leave any room for self-loving either. I needed the release desperately.

Despite never having been on the upstairs floor of my house, Edward easily found my bedroom and placed me gently on my bed before covering me with his own body. As he began to kiss and nibble on my neck, I went to work on the buttons of his shirt, and as soon as that was done, I ran my hands over his toned torso.

For a moment, his defined muscles had me wondering what he would think of my body now. He'd only seen me naked while being highly pregnant and it looked different now. Puffy and deflated around the stomach with stretch marks that could have been worse but were enough for me to feel somewhat self-conscious.

Then, I batted the thought away from my mind.

If he didn't care what my body looked like while I was carrying another man's child, why would he care now?

Before I could chicken out, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it off in one quick motion. The nursing bra I was wearing wasn't sexy at all, and I quickly discarded that as well, not in the mood to have him battle with the larger clasp in the back that couldn't be opened with a simple flick of the wrist.

His eyes darkened further with desire as he took in the fullness of my breasts and he reverently ran his thumb over my nipple, which had become darker and more prominent since I had started nursing, before leaning down to envelope it with his lips.

"Oh my god," I gasped at the sensation it invoked in me, and he moaned loudly when he most likely got a taste of my milk on his tongue. I'd thought that having an adult man suckling on my breast would make me feel awkward since they were now Alec's food source, but instead, it was the most sensual thing I'd ever experienced.

His erection was pressed hard against my hip, and I reached down and made quick work of his pants to free him. Then, I wrapped my hand around the base of him and stroked all the way to the tip and back down again.

He leaned away from my breast to curse under his breath only to crash his mouth onto mine and slide his hands down my sides to my pants.

How we got the remaining parts of our clothes off without tangling ourselves into them completely was unknown to me, but we did, and the moment he pushed into me, I knew he was the only one who could make me come with a minimal amount of touch.

I needed him just a little bit deeper and wrapped my legs around his waist hoping he would get the hint, and while I could see that he did, he didn't act on it.

"Edward, please," I begged. I was already close. I just needed that one little push and I would go over the edge.

"Easy, Bella," he rasped into my ear. "I want to make it last this time."

I tried to do what he asked, but he felt so good, and I was so close already. I grabbed the sheets under me to restrain myself, and when that didn't help, I grabbed a hold of his arms, and I immediately felt more anchored to reality.

It was disorienting how he could make me feel grounded and as if I were flying at the same time.

His grip tightened on my hips, and he started to thrust harder into me, and I just couldn't hold my climax off any longer. With a trembling cry, I arched up against him as violent shudders wracked through my body.

"Jesus, Bella, fucking hell," he groaned loudly into my neck as he also came and collapsed over me.

I couldn't tell how much time had passed when Edward moved so that he was spooning me, and he used the tips of his fingers to trace my bare arm up and down. "Say something," he said softly.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked him equally soft. "That it was great? That it was a mistake?" Once again, we had let our physical desires carry us away from what we actually needed to do.

Yes, we had talked, and we had vented, but it didn't mean we'd gotten any closer to figuring everything out. It felt more as if we just continued to complicate things further.

He sighed and stopped moving his fingers. "I understand if you feel that way."

"Do you?" I asked and turned around to face him. "Do you really understand that I have a life here? A baby boy, and a job I love?"

"I know you do," he replied sadly, and I couldn't hold myself back from touching his face. His stubble prickled my palm, but I didn't care.

"And do you know that since you left that, besides Alec, you're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last before I go to sleep?" He placed his own hand over mine. "It's not easy to let something like that go, and frankly I don't want to. I'm not going to deny that I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. But it's not just my fears that keep us from being together."

He nodded because he knew. We had just experienced it first-hand. His job demanded that he be able to travel and be away for long periods of time, and while that could possibly work with a couple that had been together for years, it just wasn't plausible for us. We needed time to work out who we were with each other and who we could be as a potential couple, and on top of that, Alec needed time to get used to him as well.

"What are you saying?" he asked cautiously. "We can't be together as long as I do what I do?"

I sighed and splayed my hand over his chest and absentmindedly traced through the light smattering of hair there. "I'm saying that you have to make a decision. I don't want to have to make ultimatums over jobs because I know how important jobs can be. But the reality is that this is my home, and I can't go anywhere. I can't take Alec and follow you all over the country. And it might be selfish of me to say it, but I don't want to either."

"Do you want me to leave, then?"

I met his eyes and locked with them. "No, I don't, but being with me means all or nothing. If you decide to stay here, then, against everything my head's been screaming at me for months, I will be with you. But leave, and I beg you to not come back. I can't have you with one foot in my life and one foot out there doing whatever it is you do."

A/N:

Do you agree with Bella's conditions or do you feel she's too selfish?

I have a crazy weekend at work ahead of me, so your thoughts about this story will definitely push me through the exhausting hours!

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Until Monday

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