"I'm serious," Kristen said, finding a couple of bobby pins behind a stack of mystery novels sitting on her night stand, and going back to fixing her hair. "Be nice." She had needed to go home to get cleaned up and change clothes anyway, so Deidre had agreed to meet her there.
"Why do you always insist on making me make promises we both know I'm not going to keep?" Deidre asked, picking up one of Kristen's brushes and running it through her dark hair. She was dressed - well … Typical for Deidre. Short skirt, shirt that went a little too far down her cleavage but … It was more respectable than what she usually wore. "You told me he's a nerd, you can't expect me to go through an entire night without a little teasing. And we both know since you don't have any parents to do so, I'm going to take their place and give him the interrogation." She said stubbing out what remained of her joint in an ashtray she'd left here the last time she'd stayed over here.
Kristen sighed. Deidre was right about one thing; for practical purposes, they both knew she had no family. She barely remembered her dad, and hadn't been on speaking terms with her mother for years. There was no point bringing a boyfriend home to meet her mother. Nothing she did ever met with her approval anyway.
"He doesn't need the interrogation," Kristen insisted. "He's sweet. I think I may have finally gotten it right for once."
"Not from what you told me last time." Deidre said skeptically as she picked up one of Kristen's shirts. "Really girl, we need to upgrade your wardrobe." She said tossing it down. "Grandma Auntpaw wouldn't even wear this."
"It's not his fault his father attacked him," Kristen said defensively. "I know I haven't made the best decisions lately, but can you please not hold that against him?" She picked up the shirt to go put it away, changing the subject. "And I happen to like my classic style, thank you very much."
"Classic? Kristen that's not even vintage …. It's so old I don't even know what century it's from." She said as Kristen's phone buzzed. Before she could pick it up Deidre snatched it off the table and flipped it open.
"You got a text from Ed." She said reading it over.
"Can I read it?" Kristen asked, mildly annoyed, holding out her hand.
"It says 'I got delayed at work, I'll still be home when you get there, but supper will be a bit later than anticipated. What do you want for dinner?' …. He doesn't abbreviate anything does he?" She asked reading it over again. "He seems anal about punctuation and spelling. I'd have abbreviated at least 65% of this." She said still not giving Kristen back her phone. "What do you want for supper?"
"Do you mind if I text him myself, please?" she said, making a grab for the phone.
She kept it out of Kristen's hands and texted back. "Liver with a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti." She texted before sending the text. They fought over the phone for a few moments before there was a reply back.
Deidre flipped her phone open again and laughed. "Your boyfriend is smart."
"I told you he was smart, but you substituted that with 'nerd'," Kristen said, grabbing Deidre's arm and attempting to pry the the phone out of her hand. "Now will you please give me the phone?"
Deidre sighed as she exaggeratedly handed her the phone. "Fine."
The text he'd sent said "Hello Deidre." As Kristen got the phone back it pinged again.
'Seriously, what do you want for supper?'
Following some mild bickering about whether Kristen needed to see Silence of the Lambs as a mandatory requirement for true film appreciation, and whether her intent to read the book counted, they arrived at the door to Edward's apartment. Kristen unlocked the door and let them both in.
"Hi, Edward," she called out, announcing their presence. "I'd like you to meet this miscreant phone thief who followed me here."
Edward gasped when Deidre walked in and turned around, finishing tucking in his shirt and doing up his pants as he'd been getting dressed. "Kristen … Please remember my bedroom is also right by the door." He said his face turning red with embarrassment as he buttoned a few of the buttons on his shirt and looked around for his tie. "Hello." He said to Deidre. "Sorry, I just got in a few minutes ago I didn't think you'd be here already."
"I- I'm sorry, Edward," Kristen said, blushing profusely, and reaching over to put a hand over Deidre's eyes, but Deidre swatted it away. "I should have knocked." Even if Edward knew they were coming over, she should have realized that he would probably want to change when he got home too.
"It's okay." Edward said. "Make yourselves at home. I was just about to make supper … It'll be about half an hour so …. Do whatever you like." He said picking his tie up off the bed.
"You know you don't have to put on a tie for us, right?" Kristen said, smiling slightly. The green button-down shirt looked just fine without it, especially with the collar unbuttoned. He was usually so put-together. Seeing him in more casual attire was always cute …
Edward looked up at her, his cheeks tinting pink. "I know … I just … Usually wear one." He said looking down at the tie a moment before putting it on the dresser.
"Will you let us help with dinner?" Kristen asked. She knew what the answer usually was, but she still felt bad about walking in on him like that with Deidre.
Edward smiled slightly.
"I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champagne bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?" He asked smugly.
"The answer is 'No.'" Deidre said. Edward looked at her surprised she's gotten it so quickly. He'd met Harvard students who couldn't even puzzle that one out.
Kristen chuckled slightly at the look of surprise on Edward's face. Deidre was many things, but she had never been slow on the uptake. "Admittedly, I think the context of the conversation may have helped a little."
"Either that or he's completely off his rocker and wasn't actually asking a riddle, just uttering nonsense. But since it was a riddle … And the answer was no … We'll let him do the cooking. I'm horrid at it anyway, and you're worse than me." Deidre laughed as Ed moved to the kitchen area to start preparing dinner.
"How am I supposed to improve if I never get to help?" Kristen said, crossing her arms with a mildly petulant look. But so far, everyone seemed to be getting along well enough, and she was happy with that. She looked over at Deidre. "Bet I can beat you at Mario Kart," she said.
Edward was glad he had his back to them at the counter when he started smirking at that. Hopefully he wouldn't come downstairs to find Kristen trying to 'distract' her as she had with him their last round of Mario kart.
"Sounds good." Deidre said.
Kristen led the way downstairs to the game room, put in Mario Kart, and handed Deidre a controller. "So…" she said a little anxiously. "First impressions so far?"
"Well, that was definitely not a banana he was hiding there." She said with a slight laugh. "I'll admit, for a second there I thought he actually had a boner but … Yikes girl …" She said teasingly.
"Really?" Kristen laughed, shoving her arm rebukingly. "That's the first thing you noticed? And here I thought you were concerned about my judgment, not my sex life."
"Hey I have to look out for you in every aspect. Someone has too." Deidre said. "Maybe you'd let me borrow him some time?" She asked plunking down on the couch and winking at Kristen. "By the size of him, I'd love to take him for a ride."
"Excuse you!" Kristen said, blushing, though she wasn't terribly shocked. This was Deidre, after all. "My boyfriend is not a toy. Now pick a character already and stop delaying your inevitable defeat."
"Sure … But he'd make a great toy." She said picking up the controller and picking Dry Bones. "Come on you won't share? Even for a little bit?" She asked putting the controller down again. "How about I go ask him?" She said getting off the couch.
"Don't you dare!" Kristen said, catching hold of her arm before she could head to the trapdoor. "He's shy. You'll make him uncomfortable. Also, if you leave the race, I'm going to declare myself winner by default."
Deidre fell back onto the couch laughing. "Alright, alright." She said. "But seriously …. You two ever break up. He's up for grabs. None of this off limits bull shit. He has a nice dick, and I haven't even seen it yet." She laughed teasingly, "I'll even let you watch if you want." She said laughing a bit harder when she heard a pot hit the floor upstairs.
Kristen groaned with embarrassment, her face turning bright red, and she buried her face in her hands. "Great," she said, mortified. "He heard you. Why can't you tone it down, just for one evening?"
"Fine." Deidre said, sounding rather annoyed as the race started. "You're no fun."
"I can be fun," Kristen objected, as she sped into the lead. "Just without you objectifying my boyfriend, that's all."
"Not objectifying if he's a willing participant." Deidre said as she sped around a corner and crashed into a wall. To be honest she always hated video games because she was never any good with them. Though by the look of Edward's impressive collection, if Kristen had any intentions of staying with him, she'd have to start practicing. Perhaps she could convince Edward to give her …. Private lessons. Though as much as she teased Kristen, she wouldn't do anything with Edward without both of their consent.
Kristen shook her head. "You're incorrigible, you know that?" She said, as she passed the finish line.
"Oh come on, I just started!" Deidre said tossing down the controller. "So, now that that distraction is over. Back to the topic of your boyfriend's penis …" She said turning to look at Kristen.
"I think you've already said everything needs to be said about it," she said wryly, though she couldn't help being slightly amused.
"Supper's ready, if you're quite done talking about my private parts." Ed said down the stairs sounding mildly annoyed as he headed back to the kitchen again and started taking the food over to the table. Deidre snickered, and she actually blushed slightly as she looked at Kristen.
"I told you you were making him uncomfortable," Kristen said, shaking her head as she went back up the stairs. She was beginning to think that maybe Deidre and Edward being in the same place might not be such a good idea after all.
"He'll be fine." She said flicking Kristen in the nose and heading towards the stairs. "He's a grown man, he can handle himself." She said with a wicked smirk, meaning she was clearly taking that another way.
Kristen shoved her, still moderately annoyed. "I'm not sure anyone can handle you … When I said to be nice, I had no idea you were going to be quite so over-friendly."
"Hey hey, no shoving on the stairs!" She said reaching the top. She smiled at Ed as she got upstairs, his entire face red from ear to ear as he placed the last plate of food onto the table.
"I'm sorry about that," Kristen said quietly, still blushing as well, wincing at how uncomfortable Edward looked. "Sometimes she just … says whatever pops into her head." She didn't know how to explain it exactly. She knew Deidre didn't mean anything by it exactly… But sometimes she forgot that not everyone knew Deidre as well as she did.
"It's uh …. It's okay." He said. "At least she's not insulting it." He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders, his face turning even redder.
"True," Kristen said, smiling at the unexpected response. For Edward, in front of other people, that was almost crude. She relaxed a little as she looked over at Deidre. "Then I really would be mad."
Edward smiled slightly as he pulled out Kristen's chair. "Aw, look he's such a gentleman." She teased sitting at the table across from Kristen. Edward shook his head as he sat down at the side of the table.
"I told you those exist," said Kristen, smiling a little. "This looks amazing, Edward," she added.
"Did you expect anything less?" Edward asked, his face slowly turning back to it's normal colour.
"Oh, and cocky too!" Deidre said digging into her food.
"Only when it comes to my cooking." Edward said, picking up his own fork and starting to eat. Deidre moaned and looked at Kristen with surprise.
"And rightfully so!" She said. "This is amazing!"
"It always is," Kristen said, taking a bite. "Edward is ridiculously talented. I'm completely spoiled."
Deidre looked up at her with a smile. "I can see that." She said trying not to laugh as she took another bite. Edward shook his head and picked at his food a moment before taking another bite.
"Are you calling me fat?" Kristen laughed, kicking Deidre under the table.
Deidre kicked her back as Ed spoke up. "She certainly called something fat." He said casually, taking another bite of his food as if he were commenting on the weather, instead of making a rather crude comment.
"Edward!" Kristen said, looking over at him in shock. That was nowhere near Deidre's level of vulgarity, but she still hadn't expected it from him.
"Yes dear?" He asked innocently making Deidre laugh.
Kristen shook her head, unable to help smiling. "Incorrigible," she said. "Both of you."
"And here you were worried I wouldn't like your …. What did you call him? Your boy toy?" She asked, clearly joking.
"Sorry," Edward said. "I'm way too active of a participant to be classified in the toy category."
Kristen burst out laughing. "I give up," she said. "Carry on." His face was still red, but Edward didn't seem nearly as uncomfortable as he had before. In fact, his confident side seemed to have sprung to the forefront in a way that she had only seen before when they were alone. After the initial shock, they seemed to be getting along swimmingly… Though it was distinctly possible that she had created a monster.
"Oh well, now that we have permission it's no fun." Deidre said tossing a pea at Kristen.
" 'We'?" Kristen repeated, raising an eyebrow and looking over at Edward. "You're in cahoots now?" She was sure it was all just harmless banter, but the two of them were getting downright flirtatious.
Awhile after dinner, Kristen stepped out to go to the restroom, giving Deidre a strict warning to behave herself while she was gone.
Edward finished up washing the dishes as Kristen left the room and came back to the table.
"So, Ed," Deidre said, leaning back in her chair and regarding Edward with an appraising gaze. "You cook, you don't let anyone help with dishes, you pull out chairs, you collect games, which … Admittedly, not a big selling point for me, but Kristen was always kind of an arcade junkie in college …" She shook her head. "She said you were sweet and all, but you seem a little too good to be true."
"Um … Thank you?" He asked confused, not sure how to really respond to that.
"But you can't be this nice all the time," she said, crossing her arms. "No one is. After what happened, you really don't have any resentment toward her at all?"
Edward looked confused. "After … What happened?" He asked looking at her, his eyebrow raised in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't-"
"Don't play dumb with me, Ed," Deidre said flatly. "It doesn't suit you. She may have only done it to protect you … God knows she's never hurt a fly before … But that was still your father. Are you sure you don't hold it against her, not even a little?"
"What are you-" he paused and glanced at the bathroom door where Kristen was. "She told you." Edward said quietly. "That man was a brute … And a menace. And he got off easy in comparison to what he deserved …" He said staring down at the table.
'She knows Eddie … She'll call the cops.'
"No she won't." Edward whispered quietly before he realized he'd said it out loud. "Kristen didn't kill him …" He said. Ed kept his eyes trained on the table, his entire body tense and unmoving as the hallucination walked around Deidre.
'She knows, are you just going to let her go? She'll rat you out! You can't trust her!"
"Who won't do what?" Deidre asked, a little creeped out by his manner. Was he having one of those hallucinations Kristen had mentioned? Great … She might have just brought on an episode. And she sure as hell wasn't qualified to talk him down from it. "Look, Kristen didn't mean to tell me anything, okay? She was distraught and I figured it out that she killed him." And that was the version of events she was sticking to. Because if Kristen wasn't really the one who had killed him … Deidre needed to tread very carefully here.
"I just told you … She didn't kill him." Edward said as the hallucination leaned forward on the table facing him, coming closer.
'Why are you confessing this to her?!' It asked loudly, though no one could hear it but him. 'Let her believe it was Kristen! She won't tell anyone on her friend! She's a stranger! Don't trust her!' Edward backed away from the hallucination slightly, looking like he was leaning back in his chair.
"Okay," Deidre said slowly. Edward still seemed unfocused, as if he were paying attention to something else. "Well, I don't really care who killed him. It sounds like there wasn't much choice at the time anyway. All I care about is that Kristen's okay. You understand that, right?"
The bathroom door opened, and Kristen came back out. She looked back and forth from Deidre to Edward, seeing the look on his face. "What's going on?" She asked quietly.
Ed looked in her direction, but kept his eyes mainly to the floor just to her right. "Nothing." He said standing up, though he was clearly upset.
'Oh yes, nothing. That much is obvious.' The hallucination said sarcastically, following him.
"I'm going for a walk." He said leaving the apartment without grabbing his coat first, despite the chilly weather outside.
Kristen watched him leave, bewildered and upset, before she founded on Deidre. "What did you say to him?" she demanded.
"I …." Deidre paused. Perhaps she was out of line in confronting Ed, but she couldn't be blamed for worrying. "I was just worried about you … After his reaction I'm more worried about you."
"What," Kristen repeated, staring back at her. "Did you say to him?"
"I was worried he'd take out his anger on you, that he was penting it up after what happened with his dad." She said honestly. "I just wanted to know he didn't hold it against you … But he said you didn't kill him. And that frightens me even more than if you had." She said standing up. "Kristen … What if he hurts you? Just by asking him a question I saw him change into an entirely different person. He looked … He looked like he wanted to hurt me." She said. "It was almost like he was fighting some internal battle … What if that's you and you're alone with him …. What if he doesn't win that internal battle?"
"You brought that up to him!?" Kristen said, alarmed and furious. "Deidre, how could you think that was a good idea? That was completely out of line! Can you blame him for acting a little weird in response to that? Edward's not going to hurt me, Deidre. If he were going to, don't you think it would have happened before now? But clearly you don't think I can handle myself well enough to make my own decisions."
"Hey, you're the one who came to me with the exact same concerns. And maybe he won't hurt you, but who's to say this 'other voice' won't? He's not seeking help yet is he? What if it gets worse? Actually no … Scratch that. I may not have graduated high school but I know mental health gets worse if not treated." She said. "I'm just worried about you Kristen … I already lost you once for a few years I can't lose you permanently!"
"It's not that simple," Kristen insisted, exasperated. "He needs to be ready to talk to someone, and if it's the wrong doctor… Things could go really badly for him. And there's a lot of stigma involved. People might try to get him fired if they knew. He's not exactly popular at work as it is. If this isn't handled carefully, it could ruin his whole life."
"And if it's not handled quickly, it could ruin yours!" Deidre said. "You saw how mad he was when he left, Kristen, don't be here alone when he comes back. Come stay with me tonight." She said taking Kristen's hand.
"I told you, he's not going to hurt me!" Kristen snapped, pulling her hand away. "He's been mad before plenty of times," though never this mad at her. "And he's never hurt me before." Though this time, a part of her wondered. None of the others had ever hurt her before, right up until the first time when they did. But Edward was different. And she wasn't going to abandon him because of a mental illness. "And right now, he's wandering around Gotham at night in that state!" She gestured wildly. "Anything could happen to him! I'm staying here until I know he's okay! You can go home. You've done enough damage here already." She knew Deidre had meant well, but right now she was too angry and scared and worried to take it back.
"Kristen I can't leave you alone here with him …." She paused as Kristen glared at her. She knew that look all too well and she knew she overstepped her boundaries. "You can't blame me for worrying Kristen." She said picking up her jacket from the back of the chair. "I'll see you around just … Be careful please."
"I'll call you," Kristen promised grudgingly. She understood the worry, and couldn't quite shake the feeling that Deidre just might be right. But she was just as worried about Edward right now.
What if he was having another hallucination episode? What if he got hurt? What if, however unlikely, he hurt someone else? Even if none of those things happened, he knew now that she'd told Deidre about what had happened with his father … Even if she had downplayed his role in the bastard's demise and exaggerated hers, she had still told Deidre. He didn't know how beside herself she had been, and how desperately she'd needed to talk to a friend who wasn't involved, to get a rational outside opinion that she hadn't completely lost her mind. He didn't know that she'd had no intention of disclosing what had happened, that Deidre had worked it out from context.
He had to feel completely betrayed, exposed … And he had no one to blame but her. Even if she had no reason to feel afraid of him… And why should she? This was Edward, not Dougherty… He wouldn't be able to trust her again. She could very well lose him after this.
She paced for a long time, unable to sit still, unable to shake the tension in every nerve, unable to get rid of the nauseous knotting in her stomach. She tried, for the first hour, to give Edward his space. After that, she tried to call him. There was no answer, and the words caught in her throat so she couldn't leave a message. The hours passed. She worried more. It was late. This was Gotham. Edward was out there, alone, in the dark, distracted … A million horrible possibilities played out in her mind. 12:30 found her sitting on the couch, red-eyed, worn out from pacing but still restless, clutching her phone in her hand, wondering whether it would be worse to call again or not to call, wondering what she should say if she got his voicemail again.
There was a quiet click in the lock before the door slid open. Ed walked into the door, his hands red from the cold but he didn't seem to mind. He paused when he noticed Kristen still here. "Oh … You're still here." He said tossing his keys down on the table and kicked his shoes off.
Kristen winced at his words, though coldness was really the best she had expected. "I… was worried," she said quietly. "Do you want me to leave?"
"It's late." He said as he walked past her. "Stay here." He said grabbing his pillow and one of the thinner blankets and heading towards the trap door to go downstairs.
Kristen shook her head. "Don't bother," she said quietly, picking up her purse and heading for the door. "You don't want me here. I'll leave." Edward was home safe, and as calm as could be expected. She could stop worrying about that at least. But he was still in no mood to hear her explain herself, and she didn't know where to begin anyway. It was better if they gave each other some space.
As she started to open the door Edward reached her side and slammed it shut again. "No …" He said. "You're not going out this late, not in this area." He said, his voice stern but slightly … Off … Almost detached.
Kristen flinched involuntarily as the door slammed, taking a step back before she could stop herself, but nothing happened. "Fine," she said, because it made sense. But she wanted to argue that maybe, just maybe, he should have taken his own damn advice, if he was so safety-conscious all of a sudden. She was so sick of people telling her what to do for her own good tonight … But she was tired, and Edward had been through enough already, and she didn't know how to respond to this … detachment in his voice. Shouting or crying or even violence she knew how to deal with. But this scared her in a way that was completely unfamiliar.
Edward snapped the lock shut again and moved back to the pillow and blanket he dropped. "Thank you." He said tossing it back onto the bed on his side before moving to the dresser to pull out a pair of pajamas.
"For what?" Kristen said cautiously, putting her purse back down. "I seem to have royally messed up everything."
"For not leaving. I'm upset Kristen, But I don't want you dead ... or worse …" He said annoyed. "You've seen the case files that come through there, don't tell me you don't know what Gotham is like at night."
"Maybe," Kristen said, crossing her arms. If he was really talking to her, she couldn't help pointing out the hypocrisy. "But that didn't stop you from going out there at night for hours on end."
"Would you have preferred I stayed and talked to the hallucinations here in front of your friend? …. I'm sure that would have ended well." He said sarcastically as he took his pants off and tossed them into the laundry hamper, his shirt following after, leaving him in a pair of boxers and his under shirt.
"It could have ended a lot worse out there," Kristen said, trying hard to keep her voice even, but she was so upset right now. She didn't know why Edward was even bothering. He would probably break up with her later anyway. "There are so, so many terrible things that could have happened, which only seem to be occurring to you just now. You scared me to death, Edward."
"Funny, you didn't seem too concerned with what would happen to me if your friend told someone I killed my father." He said sitting down on the bed and pulling off his socks. He tossed them into the hamper as well before clicking on his alarm clock.
"That's …" Kristen's throat felt tight. She looked down at the floor. This was unfamiliar territory for her. They were definitely fighting, there was no denying that. But it was civil. He was clearly still angry, but there were no personal attacks to defend herself from, no flying dishes, no fists, no broken bones. She was left to face how much she had upset him head-on. "I … Didn't tell her you killed anyone," she said quietly. It felt like a confession. "I told her I did. I shouldn't have told her anything at all, I know that, but … She's not going to tell anyone."
"You didn't kill him Kristen." Edward said. "I did. And how do you know she wouldn't spin it on me even if you had?" He asked. "Tell them I did it … Even if she hinted there would be an investigation. Jim already suspects I'm doing something being associated with Penguin, and what else will that lead him too? Finding my father's body? The Hunter? Leonard? Dougherty?" He asked turning to look at her from where he sat on the bed.
"Deidre isn't going to tell anyone, least of all the police," Kristen insisted, forcing herself to look up again. "I know her better than anyone. She can be trusted. Otherwise I would never have …" she shook her head. "If you don't trust me after this, that's … I understand. But I would never risk endangering you."
Edward looked away from her and stared at the floor. "And if she finds out about the others?"
"I'm an accomplice for the others," Kristen pointed out. "She wouldn't report it. And she's committed enough felonies herself that going to the cops would be unwise."
"Somehow with how she was interrogating me, I doubt she's ever killed anyone before." Edward said getting off the bed and pulling out a tshirt and tossing it to her. "Do you want a pair of pajama pants too?" He asked, knowing she didn't have anything here.
"I …" Kristen was thrown off momentarily by the polite offer. "Yes please," she said, more confused than ever about where she stood with Edward. "You're right; Deidre's not a killer, but multiple counts of armed robbery are still generally frowned upon."
Edward tossed her a pair of pajama pants towards her and moved back to the bed again. "I take it she tried to talk you into leaving me?" He asked. He knew Deidre was right to have her concerns, but she wouldn't have those concerns if Kristen hadn't told her. There was no way, no matter what happened, he'd ever hurt Kristen intentionally.
"She didn't think I should stay here alone with you tonight, if that's what you mean," Kristen admitted, her tone slightly strained, slipping off her skirt before pulling on the pajama pants.
"And yet you're still here." He said quietly. He honestly still didn't understand why she was … Every other woman ran for the hills for less. It made him wonder if he was … He shook that thought from his head … No he couldn't be. But … Now that the thought was there it wouldn't leave.
Kristen looked back at him. "I told you, I was worried," she said, before looking away as she unbuttoned her blouse, leaving the lacy camisole underneath. "I won't pretend it didn't occur to me that I should leave, but … I know you better than Deidre does."
It occurred to her to leave. So she was on some level scared of him. "You know I'd never hurt you … Right?" He asked as he climbed into bed, pulling the blankets back for her.
"I don't believe that you would," Kristen told him seriously, hesitating, half-surprised that he pulled back the blankets for her. As angry as he still was, she was surprised that he still wanted to be near her. Tentatively, she got into bed next to him. "But … There's a part of me that keeps worrying if that might change. I guess the past has made me a little paranoid."
Edward laid in bed next to her, unsure of what to say before he clicked off the lamp, the neon "Toys & Games" sign outside shining through the blinds.
He laid in bed a few moments before he spoke up again. "Kristen … If I asked you a question …. Would you be100% honest with me?"
Kristen nodded, confused. "I promise," she said. "What is it?"
"Am …" He paused not sure how to ask this. "If you were an outside viewer looking in on our relationship … Like an outside viewer that had all the facts and knew everything that went on …. Would you think … Do you think … Am I abusive?" He asked, worry clear in his voice.
"What?" Kristen turned over to face him, stunned. "Edward, no," she said, feeling terrible that he would think that. She thought it over, as he had asked, as objectively as possible, and shook her head. "No," she insisted firmly, putting a hand reassuringly on Edward's shoulder. "Never."
"I don't mean physically. We both know I'd never hurt you physically, and I'm pretty sure the day I did would be the day I wake up in the hospital six months later with no memory of how I got there." He said half joking. "But … Mentally. In a way that's worse …"
"No," Kristen insisted. "Edward, I've been on the receiving end of that before. I know what it feels like. That's not you. You don't put me down. You don't make me feel … lesser. You don't belittle me in any way. You don't try to intimidate me … You're doubting yourself right now over the very idea that you might scare me. You're not controlling. I'm always looking out for the signs now, whether I want to or not, and I'm just not finding them … The only thing I can think of was that time with the locked door, but … You just wanted to keep me safe, and you were concussed, for God's sake. And even then, when I explained why it upset me so much, you listened to me." Kristen shook her head. "You have been nothing but sweet and kind and respectful to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be here."
"And yet you've seen me kill three people … One of them my own father, one an innocent man, one a man who was tied to a chair and unable to defend himself. I harboured a known criminal for over a week, helped him torture a man to death. You accepted my confession that I killed your boyfriend, and shortly after took his place … You cut up a dead body for me … Helped me hide the evidence … If that's not some kind of abuse then what is it?"
"That was me making a choice to be here for you," Kristen said firmly. "And you respecting that choice. You never made me stick around for any of that … There were times when you even tried to push me away to protect me from it. And after finding out about Cobblepot's mother … I don't recall objecting to the Leonard thing."
"But what if this continues?" He asked. "What if I killed again? And again? And again? Are you going to keep reasoning why I'm doing it?" He asked. "What if this is our relationship, and it doesn't change?"
"I …" Kristen fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't know," she confessed. "But … In that scenario, if I stay or go, isn't that my choice? You haven't pressured me into anything before, and I don't think you're about to in the future. You … don't think you're likely to kill anyone else, do you?"
Edward lay on his back, his hands behind his head. Did he enjoy killing? … Yes he did. It was … Thrilling … But it was lacking something and in a way he had enough curiosity to want to find out just what it was … He was silent for a moment, not saying anything.
"Edward?" Kristen asked uncertainly, not sure how to phrase the question, or which part of it to ask. "Why do you think it might happen again?"
"I …." He paused and kept staring at the ceiling. How would she ever understand? "Nevermind … I shouldn't have even brought it up."
Kristen took Edward's hand in hers. "Why do you think it might happen again?" she repeated quietly. "Is it … because of the hallucinations? Because that doesn't necessarily …" She shook her head. "Or is it something else?"
"It's …." He paused again. She wouldn't understand. "Because I enjoyed it." He said so quietly even he barely heard it.
She froze. "You … what?" she whispered.
"I enjoyed it." He said flatly, a little louder this time.
"What? That …" Kristen shook her head. She'd been afraid of that, she really had. But when each killing was justifiable, she had been able to avoid thinking about it. She sat up, arms crossed around herself, shaking. "I just had to ask, didn't I?" She said, her voice shaking despite her best efforts. "Since when? From the first, or … or what?" She didn't know what to do about this. She had already accepted the killings themselves. It wasn't as if Edward could help that he liked it. Regardless of how he felt about it internally, the actions were the same. They were just as dead. But she didn't know where this might lead. It was all completely insane. She felt crazy for sticking around, just having this conversation.
"I don't know …" He said honestly. "But I feel like something is missing. Like … It's incomplete." He said with a slight shrug moving up onto his elbows and looking at her. She was clearly upset about this.
"Incomplete?" She repeated, looking down at him. "Edward, you're talking about killing people!" She shook her head. "What … What is it about it that you like?" She had to admit, she hadn't been immune to the adrenaline rush herself, but … She had preferred not to think about the implications. "Do you know?"
"I think it's the rush … It's … Thrilling. Perhaps a bit of being in control of something … Someone." He said. "Not being the victim for once."
Kristen looked away and was quiet for a long moment, her legs drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees. Finally, she broke the silence. "Not feeling helpless," she said, her voice calmer than it had been before. She understood more than she wanted to.
Edward sat up next to her. "You're not …" He paused and licked his lips nervously. "Yeah … That's … That's exactly it."
"I wish I could say I didn't understand it," she whispered, before she looked over at Edward. "This is getting out of hand."
"So you keep saying." Edward said laying back down with a sigh. "It's beyond getting out of hand at this point, it's already out of hand."
"I know," Kristen admitted, lying down next to him and putting an arm around him. She didn't know if he was still angry with her or not, but right now she wanted more than ever for him to just hold her. "How did we even get to this point?"
"Progressively." He said putting his arm around her.
Kristen settled close against him, taking comfort in his presence in the green-tinted darkness. "Do you understand," she asked quietly. "Why I told her? Everything just got so overwhelming. It's all mixed up, and I didn't know what to do."
"I still don't like it. I trusted you … And you told her anyway. She doesn't know me … You had no idea how she would react to this." He said quietly. "Even if you assumed best case scenario … There's no way you would have known for sure and you still told her anyway. How would you have felt if I told someone, and you didn't find out until weeks later, and not from me, but from the person I told. Not only did you tell her, but you kept that from me as well."
"I know," Kristen said quietly, tears starting to prick at her eyes. Finding out that way had clearly been nothing short of traumatic for him. "I shouldn't have told her, or I should have at least told you I told her, or…" She shook her head. "I should have handled it differently. I'm sorry for that. I don't blame you for not trusting me anymore."
Edward didn't say anything, he wanted to trust her, he really did. And he wanted to trust this Deidre …. But … He'd been betrayed so many times he had no idea how to handle this.