p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""WAKE UP!" Ed gasped as he shot awake, looking around the dark basement and noticed that the tv and lights had turned off from the timer. The clock on the entertainment unit said 2:38 AM …. They must have fallen asleep watching movies./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen was still fast asleep on the couch beside him. All was eerily quiet in the dark basement, with no movement save for Kristen's gentle breathing next to him, and no hint of where the shouting had come from./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Have you even noticed," said a voice from behind the couch. "How unbearably boring you're getting?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Go away. I'm trying to sleep." Ed whispered so that he wouldn't wake up Kristen./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""See?" The Other Ed scoffed, moving to impossibly sit on the arm of the couch, looking down at him and Kristen. "Boring."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward ignored him as he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Maybe if he ignored it it would go away./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"When he looked up at the time again it was 3:21 …. Almost an hour now that voice had been taunting him, goading him, making fun of him … Trying to get him to react, start yelling when he didn't …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"3:25 Edward sat up and carefully crawled over Kristen and climbed up the stairs to the main floor. This was insane … He felt like he was losing his mind. His entire body felt numb and his chest hurt, but the hallucination didn't relent. It followed him through the apartment and into the bathroom./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Why are you doing this to me?" He asked his own reflection as the hallucination disappeared and seemed to form in his own reflection./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The reflection grinned. "For your own good," it told him. "You know you're better than this, day in, day out, listening to that inferior idiot you call a boss and your moronic customers … At least at GCPD you had some mental stimulation, and you were close to the action, even if no one really appreciated you … And now look at you. When are you going to live?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I have to work this job … I need to get my son back." He said staring down at the sink, his hands gripping the white porcelain./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Then go and get your son back!" The Other Ed countered. "You already had a perfectly good plan for how to do it! But you let dear, precious Kristen talk you out of it!" He shook his head. "You already know how easy it would be."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I can't do that …" Edward said closing his eyes. The voice sounded like it was getting louder, no longer coming from the mirror but came from straight inside his head. "Stop it." He said, his breathing starting to quicken, his body shaking slightly as he tried to calm down. He was scared, and he couldn't stop that damn voice …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You're weak!" The other Ed said, his voice getting louder and louder, starting to distort like a broken cassette player. Edward looked up at his reflection and jumped when he saw his father standing there. "You're weak, and stupid! You'll never amount to anything. You're nothing but a retard!" Edward felt like his mind had snapped, he lashed out his fist slamming against the mirror cracking it before he hit it again and it shattered, his hand bleeding./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The glass came flying at him and he fell back against the tub sitting on the floor, "SHUT UP!" He screamed, grabbing a piece of the mirror in his hand, not caring that it was cutting his palm./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The vision of his father appeared again, with no mirror to hide in, it seemed all too real. "You let her control you! You let her use you! Do you think she'd ever actually be with you if she didn't want something?" The vision of his father crouched down next to him, his face so close Edward could swear he could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. "You think she loves you?" He asked as Edward covered his head with his hands, the shard from the mirror cutting his ear but he didn't seem to care. Tears streamed down his cheeks. She did love him! She does! She said! She wouldn't lie to him!/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""She is a woman, of course she's lying to you!" His father said. "She's a lying whore just like your mother was!" He said making Edward shrink back against the tub, his hand clutching the piece of mirror harder, his entire body shaking as he clenched his eyes shut even harder than he had been, his breathing so quick he was almost hyperventilating./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Awakening to the sound of breaking glass, and shouting, Kristen scrambled off of the couch and bolted up the stairs. She approached the open bathroom door anxiously, seeing broken glass scattered across the tiled floor. She was alarmed to find Edward huddled against the bathtub, clearly distressed, his hand and ear bleeding. Was he having another episode? If so, she had never seen him this bad. "Edward?" She said tentatively, reaching out and gently touching his shoulder./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward jumped as he was touched, his father's hand grabbing his shoulder and he lashed out with the shard in his hand, cutting his father's arm as he stood up to defend himself but when he looked at his father …. It wasn't him. It was Kristen …. He looked at her, his eyes wide with fear as he saw the blood on her arm and he dropped the mirror, not even noticing that the voices had stopped. "I-I-I-" He stuttered as he backed up, tripping over the edge of the tub and falling in, banging his head on the wall. He sat in the tub, his legs hanging over the edge looking at the cut that he'd caused …. He'd attacked her …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She stared at him, stunned, wide-eyed and shaking, as he backed away stammering. She was still terrified, blood dripping from the stinging cut, but she didn't think it was deep. Right now, she was more worried about Edward, who was clearly confused and horrified. "Edward …" she gasped as he fell back and hit his head. Trying not to make any sudden movements this time, she knelt next to him. "Are you … It's-it's okay," she stammered, making firm eye contact, though she was still trembling. "It's alright … Are you okay?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward didn't say anything as his eye started to water. He pulled his legs into the tub and moved away from her. "I'm sorry." He said shaking so badly his muscles started to hurt./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Oh Edward," Kristen whispered. It was painful to see him like this. "It's not your fault … I'm okay, see? It's not very deep … I shouldn't have startled you like that." Tentatively, she laid a hand on his knee. "Is … Can you still hear him? Or … or see anything?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward looked away from her, staring at the wall as tears continued to fall down his cheeks. He was ashamed of himself, of … Whatever this was … He'd hurt her …. In a sense that didn't make him any better than his father and that thought made his chest hurt even more. What if it had been Rubix that had come in? What if the wound had been more than a scratch?/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Edward," Kristen said gently, wishing her voice wasn't shaking, wishing the rest of her wasn't shaking. At least one of them needed to be able to hold it together. "I know what you're thinking, okay? But it's going to be alright. We'll … We'll figure something out to keep this from happening again, but right now, your ear is still bleeding, and your hand and … I need to take a look and see if you're okay. Will you let me do that, please?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Go away." He said quietly, his voice cracking as he spoke. He closed his eyes and kept his face away from her. He couldn't believe it. He knew none of it had been real, and he'd still lashed out …. He knew she was in the apartment, but he still reacted …. He knew she'd come when she heard the mirror smash and he still did it …. He couldn't be more disgusted with himself than he was right now./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""No," Kristen said firmly. "I won't. I'm staying right here with you." This hadn't been his fault … If it had been, they would be having an entirely different conversation. And she wasn't going to let him sit here thinking that it was./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward didn't say anything again. He just wished she'd go away …. He wished he could just sink into the floor and disappear. Is this what he should feel when he hurt others? He didn't find that he did but … Hurting Kristen …. He couldn't forgive himself for that./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She watched him for a moment, sitting there refusing to look at her, shaking and crying, the guilt tearing him apart. She wasn't sure how to help … She felt like she was completely out of her depth here. She decided to focus, for now, on the part that she could actually fix. She went to the cabinet and got out the first aid kit, before climbing into the bathtub with him, and gently taking his hand to try to clean the cut. She wasn't afraid of him now. He seemed to know now where he was, that she was there with him, and that no one else was. If she was in this for the long haul, though, and she was in too deep now not to be, she would have to come up with some kind of procedure for approaching him when he was like this./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward tried to pull his hand away from her but paused. He couldn't understand why she wasn't leaving. Wasn't she afraid of him? He …. He hurt her. "Why are you doing this?" He asked./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Only once she was done cleaning the cut on his hand did she look up at him. "I love you, remember? So … So if you think I'm going to just walk off and abandon you because of something that's beyond your control, then you've got another thing coming."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You're scared … I know you are …" He said looking at her and trying to calm his breathing. "You shouldn't be with me …" He said starting to shake harder despite having almost calmed./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen set about cleaning the cut on his ear … which thankfully wasn't as bad as it had looked at first, before she wrapped her arms around him firmly and just held him. "It's not your fault," she insisted. "Trust me, I can tell the difference."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I still hurt you …. I shouldn't have …." He said though he wrapped his arms around her, laying in the tub as he clung onto her. As guilty as he felt, he was scared …/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Well," Kristen said, running her fingers gently through his hair as she held him. "Now I know not to approach you so suddenly when you're … when you're like that. I just heard breaking glass and you yelling and I came running … I didn't think about startling you when you were in that state … We can avoid that in the future. It's going to be okay."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward shook his head. "What if it gets worse …. What if it was Rubix that walked in?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"A shiver ran down Kristen's spine, and she hoped that Edward didn't notice. "We …" she hesitated, thinking it over. There had to be a solution, one that didn't involve just leaving Rubix where he was. "We can teach him to stay away when you're dealing with this … We can teach him to know what to look out for, and to come get me, and not to just blunder in like I did."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Yeah, that's a great way for a three year old to live." He said sarcastically as he sat up. "How's that conversation going to go? 'Hey Rubix, daddy hears voices you can't so when you see him going crazy stay away from him he might stab you!'" He said bitterly, more frustrated with himself than anything. He buried his face in his hands and groaned./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It's better than the situation he's in now," Kristen pointed out, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We can figure out … I don't know … strategies that work to deal with this, and we'll work through it together. It's going to be okay." She frowned, then said. "But first we should get out of the tub. I don't think sitting here is helping anything."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward sighed as he shakily stood up. He looked down at the pieces of broken mirror. It was all around the sink and the floor near the wall. It hadn't blown out at him like he'd thought … And there was a lot less blood everywhere then he remembered seeing./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen got up after him, wincing slightly, before she remembered she should probably clean the cut on her own arm too. She started cleaning off the blood. They were going to need to clean up this broken glass too./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward picked up a clean cloth from the cabinet and ran it under the water. He lead her to sit in the closed toilet seat and sat on the floor in front of her. "I'm sorry." He said again, carefully cleaning the blood off of her arm with the warm cloth./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It's alright," Kristen said, shaking her head. She looked over at him. "It's not your fault," she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "You know that, right?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It is my fault." He said firmly. "I knew you were here and I knew it wasn't real and I lashed out anyway." He said. "It's never touched me physically before, I should have known it was you."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You were distraught, you weren't able to think," Kristen insisted. "When I walked in here, you … You were clearly already terrified. Someone touched you without warning, and you acted on instinct. You can't reasonably blame yourself for that."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward remained silent as he wrapped her arm with gauze and threw the remaining back into the first aid kit./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen fell into the same silence for awhile, not knowing what to say. Edward was going to blame himself no matter what she did … What if he insisted that she leave? What if he gave up on Rubix? She thought they could avoid any dangerous situations, but … Right now, Edward didn't seem to trust himself. "Are you …" she was quiet for a moment, trying to piece together the right words. "Are you okay? I don't think … It's never been that bad before."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I'm fine." He said quietly as he put the first aid kit away, though it didn't sound too convincing. He'd take care of the broken mirror tomorrow. Maybe now that the voices finally stopped …. Maybe he could get some sleep. He hated that Kristen was the one that had to pay the price for that clarity though … "We both need to work in the morning … We should get some sleep." He said moving out of the bathroom, feeling like a coward as he was unable to look at her./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""We should," Kristen agreed quietly, following after him. She couldn't bear the way he avoided her eyes. She wrapped an arm around him as they walked. He had held her earlier when she felt miserable … She could do the same. "How long do you think it lasted? Before I walked in, I mean." Though he might not have had a very accurate grip on the passage of time./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Ed glanced at the clock on the table. "It woke me up about an hour and a half ago." He said crawling into bed on her side and moving over this his. "Literally screamed at me to wake up."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen winced. That sounded disorienting and terrifying as hell. "Do you think, maybe," she suggested tentatively. "If it's starting up again, you could let me know? Before it has a chance to get really bad? That way, I'll know not to startle you?" And maybe, just maybe, with the right approach, she could do something to help. She wasn't sure how, but … Possibly she could talk him through it. It seemed like a scary thing to deal with alone. She crawled into bed next to him, and cuddled up close to him./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""There isn't anything you can do about it either way. It's happened a few times when you're here but not often. Usually I can ignore it but this time …." He paused./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen looked up at him. "This time was different?" she asked quietly. And, wondering if she was prying too much, asked: "How?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It was …. It's usually like I'm talking to someone else in the room …. No different than me talking to you right now. But … This time it was like it was coming from inside my head …. Like the more I tried to block it out the louder it got … And he's never changed in appearance or voice before - it's always me but …. This time it …. It changed. It wasn't me I was talking to. The way he talked, and what he was saying was still the same but … The appearance and the voice changed …."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"That was a frightening idea. If his hallucinations weren't consistent anymore, wouldn't it just be that much harder to ground himself in the certainty of what was real? "What … Who did it change into?" Kristen asked uneasily. Whatever it was, it clearly had Edward shaken./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward was silent a moment. "My …. My father." He said quietly. "He said the same stuff he used to when I was little … That I'm stupid … Retarded …. But …. He added some new things …. Things that other hallucination would have said …. Has said …" He said his voice barely above a whisper as if he wasn't even aware he was talking./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"In an instinctive reaction, Kristen held Edward tighter, as if she could somehow block out the memory or absorb the pain. "What … what kind of things?" she whispered, then quickly added, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." She didn't know which was worse for him, talking about it or not talking about it./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""He um … He's trying to make me doubt this … Us …." He said nervously. "Tries to convince me that you're lying to me … That you couldn't possibly love me, that you're just using me …." He said his eyes starting to water again./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen leaned in and kissed him gently, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "But …" she whispered, her throat tight with emotion. "You know that's not true, right? You know I love you … Don't you?" Admittedly, she had her own insecurities, and it only made sense that he would have them too … But she really hoped he at least trusted that she loved him./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I ….." Edward said his voice breaking again. "I don't know …" He said shakily. "I want to believe it but …." His mouth moved as if he was trying to form his next sentence but nothing came out./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""But you've been hurt before?" Kristen said quietly. That was something she understood, at least, in the midst of all this madness. She didn't blame him for being reluctant to trust. She had tried to be cautious herself early on. But that had fallen by the wayside somehow./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I've been lied to before." Edward corrected, though, yes, her assumption was correct as well. "I've never had anyone I could trust." He said turning towards her and pulling her to him. "I'm sorry …. I'm trying."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen held Edward tight, kissing him gently. "It's okay," she said quietly. "That's not going to happen all at once, but … I don't plan on going anywhere, so we have time."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen was still fast asleep on the couch beside him. All was eerily quiet in the dark basement, with no movement save for Kristen's gentle breathing next to him, and no hint of where the shouting had come from./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Have you even noticed," said a voice from behind the couch. "How unbearably boring you're getting?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Go away. I'm trying to sleep." Ed whispered so that he wouldn't wake up Kristen./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""See?" The Other Ed scoffed, moving to impossibly sit on the arm of the couch, looking down at him and Kristen. "Boring."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward ignored him as he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Maybe if he ignored it it would go away./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"When he looked up at the time again it was 3:21 …. Almost an hour now that voice had been taunting him, goading him, making fun of him … Trying to get him to react, start yelling when he didn't …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"3:25 Edward sat up and carefully crawled over Kristen and climbed up the stairs to the main floor. This was insane … He felt like he was losing his mind. His entire body felt numb and his chest hurt, but the hallucination didn't relent. It followed him through the apartment and into the bathroom./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Why are you doing this to me?" He asked his own reflection as the hallucination disappeared and seemed to form in his own reflection./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The reflection grinned. "For your own good," it told him. "You know you're better than this, day in, day out, listening to that inferior idiot you call a boss and your moronic customers … At least at GCPD you had some mental stimulation, and you were close to the action, even if no one really appreciated you … And now look at you. When are you going to live?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I have to work this job … I need to get my son back." He said staring down at the sink, his hands gripping the white porcelain./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Then go and get your son back!" The Other Ed countered. "You already had a perfectly good plan for how to do it! But you let dear, precious Kristen talk you out of it!" He shook his head. "You already know how easy it would be."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I can't do that …" Edward said closing his eyes. The voice sounded like it was getting louder, no longer coming from the mirror but came from straight inside his head. "Stop it." He said, his breathing starting to quicken, his body shaking slightly as he tried to calm down. He was scared, and he couldn't stop that damn voice …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You're weak!" The other Ed said, his voice getting louder and louder, starting to distort like a broken cassette player. Edward looked up at his reflection and jumped when he saw his father standing there. "You're weak, and stupid! You'll never amount to anything. You're nothing but a retard!" Edward felt like his mind had snapped, he lashed out his fist slamming against the mirror cracking it before he hit it again and it shattered, his hand bleeding./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The glass came flying at him and he fell back against the tub sitting on the floor, "SHUT UP!" He screamed, grabbing a piece of the mirror in his hand, not caring that it was cutting his palm./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The vision of his father appeared again, with no mirror to hide in, it seemed all too real. "You let her control you! You let her use you! Do you think she'd ever actually be with you if she didn't want something?" The vision of his father crouched down next to him, his face so close Edward could swear he could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. "You think she loves you?" He asked as Edward covered his head with his hands, the shard from the mirror cutting his ear but he didn't seem to care. Tears streamed down his cheeks. She did love him! She does! She said! She wouldn't lie to him!/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""She is a woman, of course she's lying to you!" His father said. "She's a lying whore just like your mother was!" He said making Edward shrink back against the tub, his hand clutching the piece of mirror harder, his entire body shaking as he clenched his eyes shut even harder than he had been, his breathing so quick he was almost hyperventilating./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Awakening to the sound of breaking glass, and shouting, Kristen scrambled off of the couch and bolted up the stairs. She approached the open bathroom door anxiously, seeing broken glass scattered across the tiled floor. She was alarmed to find Edward huddled against the bathtub, clearly distressed, his hand and ear bleeding. Was he having another episode? If so, she had never seen him this bad. "Edward?" She said tentatively, reaching out and gently touching his shoulder./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward jumped as he was touched, his father's hand grabbing his shoulder and he lashed out with the shard in his hand, cutting his father's arm as he stood up to defend himself but when he looked at his father …. It wasn't him. It was Kristen …. He looked at her, his eyes wide with fear as he saw the blood on her arm and he dropped the mirror, not even noticing that the voices had stopped. "I-I-I-" He stuttered as he backed up, tripping over the edge of the tub and falling in, banging his head on the wall. He sat in the tub, his legs hanging over the edge looking at the cut that he'd caused …. He'd attacked her …./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She stared at him, stunned, wide-eyed and shaking, as he backed away stammering. She was still terrified, blood dripping from the stinging cut, but she didn't think it was deep. Right now, she was more worried about Edward, who was clearly confused and horrified. "Edward …" she gasped as he fell back and hit his head. Trying not to make any sudden movements this time, she knelt next to him. "Are you … It's-it's okay," she stammered, making firm eye contact, though she was still trembling. "It's alright … Are you okay?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward didn't say anything as his eye started to water. He pulled his legs into the tub and moved away from her. "I'm sorry." He said shaking so badly his muscles started to hurt./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Oh Edward," Kristen whispered. It was painful to see him like this. "It's not your fault … I'm okay, see? It's not very deep … I shouldn't have startled you like that." Tentatively, she laid a hand on his knee. "Is … Can you still hear him? Or … or see anything?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward looked away from her, staring at the wall as tears continued to fall down his cheeks. He was ashamed of himself, of … Whatever this was … He'd hurt her …. In a sense that didn't make him any better than his father and that thought made his chest hurt even more. What if it had been Rubix that had come in? What if the wound had been more than a scratch?/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Edward," Kristen said gently, wishing her voice wasn't shaking, wishing the rest of her wasn't shaking. At least one of them needed to be able to hold it together. "I know what you're thinking, okay? But it's going to be alright. We'll … We'll figure something out to keep this from happening again, but right now, your ear is still bleeding, and your hand and … I need to take a look and see if you're okay. Will you let me do that, please?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Go away." He said quietly, his voice cracking as he spoke. He closed his eyes and kept his face away from her. He couldn't believe it. He knew none of it had been real, and he'd still lashed out …. He knew she was in the apartment, but he still reacted …. He knew she'd come when she heard the mirror smash and he still did it …. He couldn't be more disgusted with himself than he was right now./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""No," Kristen said firmly. "I won't. I'm staying right here with you." This hadn't been his fault … If it had been, they would be having an entirely different conversation. And she wasn't going to let him sit here thinking that it was./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward didn't say anything again. He just wished she'd go away …. He wished he could just sink into the floor and disappear. Is this what he should feel when he hurt others? He didn't find that he did but … Hurting Kristen …. He couldn't forgive himself for that./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She watched him for a moment, sitting there refusing to look at her, shaking and crying, the guilt tearing him apart. She wasn't sure how to help … She felt like she was completely out of her depth here. She decided to focus, for now, on the part that she could actually fix. She went to the cabinet and got out the first aid kit, before climbing into the bathtub with him, and gently taking his hand to try to clean the cut. She wasn't afraid of him now. He seemed to know now where he was, that she was there with him, and that no one else was. If she was in this for the long haul, though, and she was in too deep now not to be, she would have to come up with some kind of procedure for approaching him when he was like this./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward tried to pull his hand away from her but paused. He couldn't understand why she wasn't leaving. Wasn't she afraid of him? He …. He hurt her. "Why are you doing this?" He asked./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Only once she was done cleaning the cut on his hand did she look up at him. "I love you, remember? So … So if you think I'm going to just walk off and abandon you because of something that's beyond your control, then you've got another thing coming."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You're scared … I know you are …" He said looking at her and trying to calm his breathing. "You shouldn't be with me …" He said starting to shake harder despite having almost calmed./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen set about cleaning the cut on his ear … which thankfully wasn't as bad as it had looked at first, before she wrapped her arms around him firmly and just held him. "It's not your fault," she insisted. "Trust me, I can tell the difference."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I still hurt you …. I shouldn't have …." He said though he wrapped his arms around her, laying in the tub as he clung onto her. As guilty as he felt, he was scared …/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Well," Kristen said, running her fingers gently through his hair as she held him. "Now I know not to approach you so suddenly when you're … when you're like that. I just heard breaking glass and you yelling and I came running … I didn't think about startling you when you were in that state … We can avoid that in the future. It's going to be okay."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward shook his head. "What if it gets worse …. What if it was Rubix that walked in?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"A shiver ran down Kristen's spine, and she hoped that Edward didn't notice. "We …" she hesitated, thinking it over. There had to be a solution, one that didn't involve just leaving Rubix where he was. "We can teach him to stay away when you're dealing with this … We can teach him to know what to look out for, and to come get me, and not to just blunder in like I did."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Yeah, that's a great way for a three year old to live." He said sarcastically as he sat up. "How's that conversation going to go? 'Hey Rubix, daddy hears voices you can't so when you see him going crazy stay away from him he might stab you!'" He said bitterly, more frustrated with himself than anything. He buried his face in his hands and groaned./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It's better than the situation he's in now," Kristen pointed out, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We can figure out … I don't know … strategies that work to deal with this, and we'll work through it together. It's going to be okay." She frowned, then said. "But first we should get out of the tub. I don't think sitting here is helping anything."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward sighed as he shakily stood up. He looked down at the pieces of broken mirror. It was all around the sink and the floor near the wall. It hadn't blown out at him like he'd thought … And there was a lot less blood everywhere then he remembered seeing./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen got up after him, wincing slightly, before she remembered she should probably clean the cut on her own arm too. She started cleaning off the blood. They were going to need to clean up this broken glass too./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward picked up a clean cloth from the cabinet and ran it under the water. He lead her to sit in the closed toilet seat and sat on the floor in front of her. "I'm sorry." He said again, carefully cleaning the blood off of her arm with the warm cloth./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It's alright," Kristen said, shaking her head. She looked over at him. "It's not your fault," she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "You know that, right?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It is my fault." He said firmly. "I knew you were here and I knew it wasn't real and I lashed out anyway." He said. "It's never touched me physically before, I should have known it was you."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""You were distraught, you weren't able to think," Kristen insisted. "When I walked in here, you … You were clearly already terrified. Someone touched you without warning, and you acted on instinct. You can't reasonably blame yourself for that."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward remained silent as he wrapped her arm with gauze and threw the remaining back into the first aid kit./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen fell into the same silence for awhile, not knowing what to say. Edward was going to blame himself no matter what she did … What if he insisted that she leave? What if he gave up on Rubix? She thought they could avoid any dangerous situations, but … Right now, Edward didn't seem to trust himself. "Are you …" she was quiet for a moment, trying to piece together the right words. "Are you okay? I don't think … It's never been that bad before."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I'm fine." He said quietly as he put the first aid kit away, though it didn't sound too convincing. He'd take care of the broken mirror tomorrow. Maybe now that the voices finally stopped …. Maybe he could get some sleep. He hated that Kristen was the one that had to pay the price for that clarity though … "We both need to work in the morning … We should get some sleep." He said moving out of the bathroom, feeling like a coward as he was unable to look at her./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""We should," Kristen agreed quietly, following after him. She couldn't bear the way he avoided her eyes. She wrapped an arm around him as they walked. He had held her earlier when she felt miserable … She could do the same. "How long do you think it lasted? Before I walked in, I mean." Though he might not have had a very accurate grip on the passage of time./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Ed glanced at the clock on the table. "It woke me up about an hour and a half ago." He said crawling into bed on her side and moving over this his. "Literally screamed at me to wake up."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen winced. That sounded disorienting and terrifying as hell. "Do you think, maybe," she suggested tentatively. "If it's starting up again, you could let me know? Before it has a chance to get really bad? That way, I'll know not to startle you?" And maybe, just maybe, with the right approach, she could do something to help. She wasn't sure how, but … Possibly she could talk him through it. It seemed like a scary thing to deal with alone. She crawled into bed next to him, and cuddled up close to him./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""There isn't anything you can do about it either way. It's happened a few times when you're here but not often. Usually I can ignore it but this time …." He paused./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen looked up at him. "This time was different?" she asked quietly. And, wondering if she was prying too much, asked: "How?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It was …. It's usually like I'm talking to someone else in the room …. No different than me talking to you right now. But … This time it was like it was coming from inside my head …. Like the more I tried to block it out the louder it got … And he's never changed in appearance or voice before - it's always me but …. This time it …. It changed. It wasn't me I was talking to. The way he talked, and what he was saying was still the same but … The appearance and the voice changed …."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"That was a frightening idea. If his hallucinations weren't consistent anymore, wouldn't it just be that much harder to ground himself in the certainty of what was real? "What … Who did it change into?" Kristen asked uneasily. Whatever it was, it clearly had Edward shaken./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Edward was silent a moment. "My …. My father." He said quietly. "He said the same stuff he used to when I was little … That I'm stupid … Retarded …. But …. He added some new things …. Things that other hallucination would have said …. Has said …" He said his voice barely above a whisper as if he wasn't even aware he was talking./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"In an instinctive reaction, Kristen held Edward tighter, as if she could somehow block out the memory or absorb the pain. "What … what kind of things?" she whispered, then quickly added, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." She didn't know which was worse for him, talking about it or not talking about it./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""He um … He's trying to make me doubt this … Us …." He said nervously. "Tries to convince me that you're lying to me … That you couldn't possibly love me, that you're just using me …." He said his eyes starting to water again./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen leaned in and kissed him gently, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "But …" she whispered, her throat tight with emotion. "You know that's not true, right? You know I love you … Don't you?" Admittedly, she had her own insecurities, and it only made sense that he would have them too … But she really hoped he at least trusted that she loved him./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I ….." Edward said his voice breaking again. "I don't know …" He said shakily. "I want to believe it but …." His mouth moved as if he was trying to form his next sentence but nothing came out./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""But you've been hurt before?" Kristen said quietly. That was something she understood, at least, in the midst of all this madness. She didn't blame him for being reluctant to trust. She had tried to be cautious herself early on. But that had fallen by the wayside somehow./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I've been lied to before." Edward corrected, though, yes, her assumption was correct as well. "I've never had anyone I could trust." He said turning towards her and pulling her to him. "I'm sorry …. I'm trying."/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Kristen held Edward tight, kissing him gently. "It's okay," she said quietly. "That's not going to happen all at once, but … I don't plan on going anywhere, so we have time."/p