Look who updated within a week. I think I need some applause. And I wrote this chapter on one single day so I need a second round of applause.
I have to admit I´m very prooud of this chapter. I think it´s one of the best I´ve ever written because it shows all the feelings that the characters would have felt in the situation. Also it´s a huge load of Crowen, Merder and Slexie feels so I hope you guys enjoy it.
So we have a new character coming up and another one leaving us. I kind of feel sad for our loss but don´t be afraid the character will still be part of the fanfic.
Oh and I just wanted to say thank you so much for 8.5k reads, it means the world to me 3
Love ya
Winning a battle, losing a war
War.
We are afraid of it.
We are scared that it will happen to us.
We are scared to lose our family in the war.
"When do you have to go?" Cristina asked quietly while Owen packed his stuff. It´s been three days since they got the letter.
"I have to be at the airport at six pm. I check my patients in the hospital, we go for lunch together and then you drive me to the airport." Owen explained straightening his uniform.
"You know...I´m not good at goodbyes...and I´m also not good at letting my feelings out...maybe you can drive to the airport with a cab." Cristina mentioned to him and Owen looked up.
"You don´t want to say goodbye?" he asked shocked.
"I do...but not by saying it...I don´t want it to happen...I love you Owen and I´m happy when you are but...I want to spend a wonderful day together and saying goodbye would...it would ruin it." she explained her theory and Owen came closer to her grabbing her by her arms.
"I love you Cristina. And no matter what happens I always will." he promised before kissing her.
What does war mean?
In the dictionaries they say war is a state of armed hostility.
But what does war mean to you?
"Here you go." Lucy said and put Denny into Alex´ arms. "And there´s the bag with all his stuff, his favorite toy, diapers, pacifier, and..some other stuff you might need." she hung the bag over his shoulder.
"Okay..um..I don´t have a car seat for him." Alex admitted a bit overstrained.
"You don´t have a car seat? I´m not judging but haven´t you thought about buying one when you found out Izzie´s pregnant?" Lucy asked quite shocked.
"I found out only days before she gave birth and so did she...We didn´t know if he would survive the past two months." Alex explained and Lucy nodded.
"Right...I´ll see what I can do. A lot of couples come her pregnant and leave without their baby because it died...they often donate the stuff to us...maybe there is a car seat for you." Lucy smiled and left Alex in the room with Denny in his arms.
"We´re going home little boy...I don´t know a lot about having children but we´re gonna do this...we´re gonna make this work...for your mother right? For Izzie." he whispered to his son.
"You´re lucky..there was one..it´s pink but it will work." Lucy hold up a car seat for Denny and Alex sighed relieved.
"I don´t care...all I care about is that he´s safe." he said and Lucy helped him putting Denny into the car seat.
For me, war is when you fight for what you love.
When you want to protect something.
Your home, your family, your life.
"Who are all those people?" Izzie asked Meredith who sat next to her watching the crowd of doctors in orange scrubs walking by.
"These are the Mercy West guys." she told her looking disgusted.
"They look like prisoners." Izzie noticed and Meredith nodded.
"There were too less blue scrubs so they have to wear their´s." she explained.
"I don´t like them and they haven´t even talked to me yet." Izzie watched the confused doctors and nurses running down the hallway.
"Lexie meant to give them a chance but...I won´t..only because she´s dating one-"
"Wait...Lexie´s dating a Mercy West guy?" Izzie asked jokingly.
"Yeah...They went out every night the past week..She´s finally over Mark I think." Meredith looked to Izzie who replied it.
"Is he nice? These Mercy West guys can´t be nice." Izzie looked back to the crowded hallway.
"I haven´t met him yet. She´s taking it slower now." Meredith explained and also continued watching the things going on outside.
But is it really necessary to fight for what you love?
To fight for what belongs to you?
Don´t you think it´s stupid to fight over that?
So why do we start a war?
Right,...because we´re humans...
and we always want the things which belong to others.
"Hello." Jackson whispered to Lexie from behind her.
"Jackson. Hi. Are you guys already here?" she asked happily and closed the chart.
"Yes. From now on you have to deal with me every day." he replied smiling, losing himself in her eyes when suddenly a red headed woman behind him cleared her throat "Right yeah,...that´s April...she´s my best friend." he introduced her.
"Hello I´m April Kepner. And you are Jackson´s new girlfriend?" April´s high pitched voice asked and Lexie looked at her and then to Jackson.
"Um...well, I´m...um" she stuttered and switched gaze between both of them and so did April still smiling awkwardly.
"We um...we didn´t...um.." Jackson also started stuttering and rubbing his hairless head and sighed relieved when Lexie got a page.
"Oh sorry a patient. I have to go. It was nice to meet you. I´ll see you later right?" she explained and gave Jackson a kiss on the cheek before walking away.
"Yeah. I guess so." he called after her smiling
"I guess so?" April asked sarcastically when Lexie was out of sight.
"What should I answer? I love you? We´re not even a couple." Jackson defended himself.
"Man you two have been dating for a week every day. Shouldn´t you consider a relationship?" April wanted to know annoyed.
"I..I don´t even know if she wants one. She had some real struggles with her ex." Jackson explained her but April shook her head.
"You already talked about your exes? What else your tragic pasts?" she made fun of him.
"April please just let it be...you´re annoying." Jackson begged and went away.
"And you´re whiny. That´s why we´re friends." April called after him and he turned around smiling.
"I guess so." he replied giggling and caused April to giggle too.
Derek went down the hallway looking confused when the unknown doctors were searching for rooms and made it hard to pass.
"Doctor Shepherd...here...right there." the small Bailey waved with her hand so Derek could see her.
"Doctor Bailey...Why do these doctors have orange scrubs?" he asked when they finally reached each other.
"There weren´t enough blue but anyways,...have you heard about your job today?" she asked annoyed.
"No, but I´m sure you´re gonna tell me now." he replied still looking around confused.
"The chief wants you, Torres, Sloan and me to greet the new doctors and explain everything to them." she said unhappy about the situation.
"What? Bailey I have patients."
"Me too. But we have to do it...it´s not longer than an hour, where we explain our philosophy and how it works here and bla bla bla." she replied and Derek sighed annoyed.
"Fine. I´ll do it. When?"
"Twenty minutes."
"This day already sucks."
"My name is doctor Derek Shepherd and I´m head of neuro surgery." Derek and the other three surgeons stood on the stage in the auditorium, where the whole staff of the Mercy West was sitting and listening.
"Doctor Shepherd is hot." April admitted whispering.
"No he isn´t." Jackson, who was sitting next to her, replied also whispering but annoyed.
"I heard they call him McDreamy here." a woman with short reddish hair explained to April.
"I´m doctor Mark Sloan, head of plastics." Mark smirked.
"He´s hot too...we never had hot attendings." April noticed.
"He´s McSteamy...at least I heard some nurses saying this today...and that he´s single." the woman again explained singing the last part.
"Reid.." April giggled slightly and hit her friend softly.
"Hello, guys I´m doctor Miranda Bailey and I´m head of general surgery." Bailey introduced herself looking like a real authority.
"And my name´s doctor Callie Torres, head of ortho, and I want this to end just as much as you do." Callie said annoyed and Bailey pushed her hips softly as a whispering ran through the crowd. "Sorry pregnancy hormones." Callie whispered to her.
"The four of us came here because we want to introduce our hospital to you. From today on it will also be yours."Derek continued.
"The patient is the king. All he wants, he gets." Mark explained.
"You should all know that you are all on probation. So are we. We have to show our chief that we are worth to keep." Miranda reminded them.
"As in every other hospital, sexual affairs with a patient or hospital staff are not allowed" Mark read from a list. "Good that nobody follows these rules." he scoffed quietly but some of the audience heard it and giggled. "Yeah?" he said when somebody raised his hand.
"Didn´t a doctor of yours kill a patient because she loved him?" a man in the row of April and Jackson asked.
"I´m sorry I wouldn´t remember." Mark shook his head.
"I think she was called Lizzy, Missi..." the man tried to remind him.
"Izzie Stevens." Reid whispered to him.
"Izzie right." he said loudly.
"Who are you?" Bailey asked him getting mad.
"Charles Percy." he replied.
"Fine...Firstly she didn´t kill him, he had a stroke, and secondly...mind your own business." she told him and he shut up.
"We always advise our patient to the best way. If they have an inoperable tumor we are not going to push them so we can scrub in. We do the best for our patients." Callie read from the list monotonic.
"Haven´t you, doctor Shepherd, removed an inoperable tumor successfully, by risking a patient´s life. I read an article." Reid asked raising her hand.
"Who are you?" Derek took the microphone from Callie and asked her.
"Reid Adams." she smiled towards McDreamy.
"Nice...It wasn´t me..I wouldn´t risk a patient´s life to prove something. It was my sister. And she´s not working here." he explained faking a smile his voice being sarcastically.
"But she saved he-" Reid wanted to reply but Derek cut her off.
"Next!" he shouted.
"These guys hate us." April recognized when the whole thing was done and the four residents left the auditorium.
"Wouldn´t you hate us too? We are taking away their jobs." Charles said walking next to Reid.
"They don´t hate us..they just need to get to know us better." Jackson meant positively.
"They hate us...so I don´t have to lose anything and gonna take over some case after taking ther jobs." Reid laughed and so did Charles. Only Jackson and April noticed how much in love he was with her.
"I think it´s not a good idea." April stated but her friend scoffed.
"April...if you gonna think like this forever you will stay an ugly duckling." Reid made fun of her.
"Hey,...we don´t need to make fun of each other okay?" Jackson defended his friend.
"I´m not an ugly duckling." April murmured.
"You three can do what you want. I go and get some cases." Reid smiled and left the group.
"Um,...Bailey...could you please help me?" Alex asked overstrained running through the hallways with Denny in his arm crying.
"Alex..what are you doing?" she asked a bit confused about what she saw.
"I don´t know...he does not stop..I don´t know what I can do." he explained to her and held his baby towards her.
"You..- uh" Bailey sighed and took Denny and he immediately stopped crying.
"Thank god...I already had headache." Alex sighed relieved and sat down while Bailey´s fingers played with his son´s nose.
"Wait..I´m not gonna be the babysitter for you. I have patients." she said when she saw Alex sitting there and getting some rest.
"Doctor Bailey please...I need to buy some things for him...a bed for example. But I can´t concentrate with him crying the whole time." Alex tried to make her take the baby. "Just for a few hours. Then I´ll be right back and take him home."
"Okay." Bailey agreed and Alex sighed relieved.
"Thank you so much. Here´s everything you need." he meant and gave her the bag. Then he drove to a furniture shop to get a bed.
"Doctor Webber? I wanted to say goodbye." Owen knocked at Richard´s door and smiled with his lips pressed together.
"You´re already going?" Richard took his glasses off and stood up from his desk to walk around it and coming closer to Owen.
"Yeah. I checked on my patients and now Cristina and I´ll go for lunch somewhere before I drive to
the airport." he explained.
"Well, then...good luck...and I hope we´ll see us again in some time." he shook Owen´s hand quite long.
"I hope too." Owen smiled. "Goodbye, doctor Webber." he said and Webber nodded before Owen left the office, walking down the office.
"Have you checked your blood sugar?... I know but I better ask too often than too less...okay...oh wait a sec...Owen!" Teddy was on the phone talking to Henry when she saw Owen walking by. He stopped at the sound of her voice.
"Are you already going?" she asked after running to him her phone pressed on her chest.
"Yeah...I..I have to go Cristina´s waiting in the car..I-"
"Right...yeah well, good luck there...and greet everybody from me...especially your sister and Nathan." Teddy smiled before hugging him. "Oh and tell Cristina I want her back...she suffered long enough and she´ll need cardio after you´re gone."
"I will do both." he smiled and pulled away. "Bye Teddy."
"Bye Owen." she smiled watching him leaving completely forgetting about Henry on the phone.
"Hello?" she suddenly heard his voice through the microphone.
"Oh yeah sorry...so you checked your blood sugar?" she put the phone back to her ear and continued her walk down the hallway.
"Um...Hello?" April asked from behind Arizona who turned around a bit confused.
"Um..yeah?" she replied arching an eyebrow.
"Are you doctor Robbins? Arizona Robbins?" she asked shyly and the attending nodded. "Can I help you today? I mean if you don´t have anybody yet?"
"Um...I have Lexie Grey on my service but sure I could use a resident." Arizona smiled.
"Really? Oh thank you. I asked so many surgeons and everybody just ignored me...thank you so much." April smiled grateful.
"Wow okay, first of all you need to lower your voice...it´s too high...but besides tat I think we will have great fun together." Arizona smirked and April closed her mouth smiling like that. "Come with me. Lexie should already be waiting for us."
"Doctor Grey...doctor Kepner´s working with us today." Arizona mentioned to Lexie when the arrived in the peds wing.
"Great." Lexie pretended to be happy.
"Okay. Doctor Grey...present the case." Arizona ordered when they stood in the patient´s room.
"Um...Jack Sullivan, 5 years old. Was brought in with stomach ache. Tests showed that he has an appendicitis. Treatment is an operation and the removal of the appendix." Lexie explained.
"Well done, little Grey." Arizona smiled and Lexie nodded.
"Doctor Robbins can this be dangerous?" the worried mother asked and Arizona want to reply but April cut her off with her smiling high pitched voice.
"No...only 10 % die during this procedure." she tried to calm the mother down but instead made her even more worried and Lexie and Arizona looked at her shocked and unable to believe what they just heard.
"Doctor Kepner what was that?" Arizona asked whispering harshly when they exited the room.
"I..I don´t know..I.." she stuttered.
"That´s rule one you learn in med school...never freak the patient out." Arizona explained to her still in shock.
"I...I´m sorry I know...I mean I learned that...I just...kind of forgot...I´m very nervous." April still stuttered and Lexie scoffed which made April even more anxious.
"Doctor Grey prepare the patient, you´re gonna scrub in. Kepner...I want you to scrub in too but I won´t let you operate...you´re gonna be there and learn, okay?" Arizona asked and April nodded. "Now go and help Grey." she ordered and both went inside the room again to prep him.
"You know Jackson has a big crush on you." April told Lexie to make a bond but she didn´t really react beside nodding. "He hasn´t had a girlfriend in a very long time. He does not just trust anybody."
"We don´t have to do this." Lexie stopped April.
"Do what?" she asked perplexed.
"That you play the wingman for Jackson. I don´t need you to tell me how great he is because I already know. And you should be aware of the way a relationship normally goes, shouldn´t you?" Lexie asked and April nodded quickly.
"Yeah sure..of course.." she lied and Lexie scoffed.
"So you know that normally you take it slow...and Jackson and I are dating for one week...I don´t want to rush into something I´m not 100 % sure about." Lexie explained and April nodded.
"Right...no rush..I understand." April nodded and Lexie leaned over to her and lowered her voice.
"You know I was a virgin until my last boyfriend. I only had one sex partner in my whole life and I´m 24. And all he did was hurt me. Mentally of course. So I want to make sure Jackson won´t hurt me this time." she whispered laughing and April blushed.
"Right. You were a virgin for so long...that´s..insane." she stuttered turning her head away to hide her red cheeks. "But I can assure you Jackson won´t ever hurt you. He´s not that type of guy."
"Thank you." Lexie smiled but was confused about April´s sudden behavior.
The day was going by rather soon and Derek and Meredith found themselves wrapped in each other´s arms in a bed in an on-call room.
"Promise you´ll never join the army." Meredith whispered half asleep.
"Huh?" Derek wondered why she came up with that.
"Just promise that you´ll never leave me." Meredith repeated.
"I promise you everything you want to." Derek kissed her neck.
"Even that you´ll love me when I get Alzheimer like my mother?" Meredith asked again and Derek sat up.
"Why are you saying all these things?" he wanted to know worried.
"Because I love you. And I want to marry you and have a future with you. I don´t want to ever lose you." Meredith turned around to face him.
"You know what give me something to write." he ordered smiling and Meredith arched her eyebrows.
"What? Why?" she asked giggling when Derek leaned over her to get a pen.
"Life´s too short to wait for special moments." he grinned. "Do you have a piece of paper with you?"
"I...I.." Meredith began searching for something in her lab coat. "I have blue post it notes." she hold them up and Derek took them.
"What do we want to promise each other?" he asked and Meredith looked at him still smiling full of confusion. "I´m gonna marry you now, so what do you want us to promise each other?" Meredith started laughing when he finished the sentence but started thinking when she noticed he wasn´t joking.
"That you love me, even when you hate me." she sat up smiling and Derek started writing.
"That we love each other, even if we hate each other." he repeated her. "No running. Ever." he added. "Nobody walks out, no matter what happens."
"No running." she watched him writing. And started thinking after he told her to continue.
"That we will take care of each other, even when we are old and smelly and senile." she paused and they looked each other deep in the eyes. "And if I get Alzheimer-"
"I will remind you who I am,...every day." Derek cut her off and both smiled full with love while he noted the vows and made two lines to sign it and handed the post its out to Meredith after he did it.
"Now what?" she asked after both signed.
"Now I kiss the bride." Derek leaned in and kissed her passionately.
It would be so much easier if people could share their feelings with each other.
We wouldn´t need to fight.
We could just let people in and be friends with them.
We need to accept the feelings we have.
After the surgery with Robbins Lexie went to find Jackson who was in the resident´s locker room.
"Hey." she smiled and Jackson turned around shirtless which made Lexie open her mouth a bit when her eyes went down his muscular body. "I...I wanted to pick you up." she stuttered and shook her head to concentrate on her thoughts.
"Do we have a date I don´t know about?" he smirked and Lexie came closer.
"No..I wanted to pick you up to come home with me tonight." she eventually stopped in front of him and looked him in the light blue eyes as he opened them widely and arched his eyebrows. "I may not be ready to take the next step but...I want you in my life...and that starts in my sister´s house." she smiled softly and so did he. They lost themselves in each other´s eyes before Jackson leaned in to kiss her. It was the first kiss they shared and for both it felt good. It was Lexie´s first kiss after Mark, and she liked Jackson a lot, she really did. But somehow she had the feeling something was missing. But she banished these thoughts into a corner of her brain and wrapped her arms around his neck.
We have to stop fighting for something that doesn´t belong to us.
We have to admit that it will never belong to us.
We have to stop making people feel bad, by trying so hard.
We need to learn, how to let go.
Mark was looking at his pager cursing about his stupid interns. He missed Lexie on his service. She knew what he needed and how he wanted it. He could clearly hear her voice in his head when she said she wants him in her life. It took him a while until he noticed that it wasn´t just her voice in his head but her talking to someone. To someone that wasn´t him. Mark stopped at the door to the locker room Lexie was standing with Harper Avery´s grandson, kissing pulling each other´s body closer. He swallowed down his sadness and anger watching the scene.
"Let go. Let go. Let go." he repeated in his head and ordered his feet to continue walking but they wouldn´t. Callie stood on the opposite of the room and recognized the three of them.
"Mark." she whispered slightly and felt the pain of her best friend. Mark sighed when he looked at Callie and then back to Lexie and Jackson, before closing his eyes and going away. He decided to let go.
The war is something we are scared of.
We don´t want to let go.
We don´t want to be left alone.
Sometimes we want to freeze the moment forever.
"Here we are." Owen said when he stood in front of the cab he ordered, his bags already in the cargo bay, Cristina standing in front of him with her hands crossed over her chest. "You really don´t want to come to the airport?" Owen asked again but she shook her head.
"No..no...I´m sorry...I..this day was perfect..it was great but...I´m just not ready to say goodbye." Cristina stuttered.
"Then don´t. Kiss me instead of saying it." Owen suggested and came closer to her.
"I love you Owen." she said and instead of replying he kissed her. He kissed her even more passionate than ever before. All the feelings that he held back the last few days came out in this kiss. And all her doubts were blown away by that kiss. She knew he will come back. She knew she will see him again. She couldn´t say why she did but she knew it. After a few seconds which felt like an eternity, Owen broke the kiss and sat down into the car. He looked outside of the back window and waved Cristina goodbye, and so did she. She watched him driving away and stood there in the cold winter air also as the cab was long gone.
But we can´t. We can´t fight this alone.
We have to accept help.
We have to count on our team.
We are all soldiers, even if we aren´t.
We all have a battle to win.
But we are all afraid of losing the war.
Lexie and Jackson entered Meredith´s hous holding each other´s hands while walking upstairs whe they heard somebody cursing and stopped in front of Alex´ open door.
"Why´s Denny still in the car seat?" Lexie asked when she and Jackson went by Alex´ room.
"I haven´t set up his bed yet." Alex meant yawning and mad sitting on the floor in front of some pieces of wood.
"Well, you should start...he can´t be in there for the night, can he?" Lexie asked giggling
"I´m trying for 5 hours now!" Alex replied loudly and angrily.
"Let me help you." Jackson meant and entered the room.
"I don´t need help from a Mercy West dude." he replied still angry and with tears in his eyes.
"Dude. Let me help you." Jackson sat down next to Alex and put his hand on his shoulder looking him into his eyes deeply.