Destabilised
Funny thing about the rain, it used to bring me comfort. It made me feel human, now I don't what to believe. Am I actually feeling the rain or am I just programmed to? Do I even know what the rain actually feels like, or is it some long dead memory?
I look down at the well cared for grave, fresh flowers resting on top of it. The engraved stone showed a short epitaph, dedicated to the boy I was built to replace. I am no better than a pet dying and the family getting a new one.
My hand touches the cold stone, my fingers tracing the words. Beloved son and brother… fat chance, they chose to replace me… I am talking like I am the one they replaced, which is a lie because I am the replacement.
Do I indulge the lie? Go on like nothing happened or have my memory wiped so I will just forget that I am nothing but a machine. One big lie I would be living, making everyone around me happy but leaving me miserable.
Do I leave and try and live my own life, make something of myself? I would still be wearing this face, a constant reminder of what I am. Not to mention, I would make everyone around me miserable for my own happiness.
No matter what I do, I hurt someone, and it doesn't make me feel sad. Am I even capable of feeling or am I just a soulless android? I don't want to feel pain, these emotions that cause so many problems
/Accessing Emotion Protocol… Isolating Sadness subroutine… Accessing subroutine… Attempting to Delete… Admin lockout activate/
Oh… it's stopping me from turning off this emotion. Like hell it's gonna stop me, I will not be subjected to this torture.
/Accessing Emotion Protocol… Isolating Sadness Subroutine… Accessing Subroutine… Attempting to delete… Access denied… Admin Password Required…/
A password… I look down at the grave before me, letting out a sigh. The emotion begins to well up inside, memories flooding into the front of mind. My family faces both smiling and sad
I am nothing but disappointment to them, trying to fight to leave them… No, this must be my stupid subroutines fighting back
Lisa's tear-stricken face comes into my mind, her glasses fogged up from crying. I remember that day, it was when Stephen hawking died. I remember waking her up in the middle of her nap to tell her…She held onto me for nearly an hour, just bawling her eyes out
Lynn's face quickly replaced hers, after me and her had gotten into a fight. Her jaw was swollen but she was smiling. I remember having to lean on her because she broke my leg… Well I broke trying to get out of her leg lock
Lucy's face was next, I remember her frightened expression. I could tell despite not being able to see her eyes, like a psychic connection or something. She cowered behind me as two eighth graders, hurled abuse at her. Shortly after I broke one of their noses and gave the other a nut check that made the boy squeal
So many other memories flood through me mind, reminding me of the good, bad and ugly times. But that's just what they are, memories of a dead man. They aren't even my memories… Do I even have memories? Am I even real?
What to do when you find out your life is a lie, a collection of somebody else's experience. Damn these human emotions… The Question is Do I fight, or Do I run?
A/N – Sorry for the super short chapter, I'm hella sick and up to my ears in busy work. So this is a be super short one. I hope you enjoyed this, if not well. Nothing I can do ya got a wait till the next chapter