The Dread of Tomorrow and Yesterday – Chapter 61
A/N: Here's an original chapter for all of you, and with 11, because we haven't had him for a long time! This chapter will be important in establishing how they get together.
Oh, and this is 11/Rhea. I'm so sorry for the wait, but updates have been pretty slow what with all my university work and commitments and I just recently started a new part-time job. But, I'm on holidays for the next few months, so I should be able to do more updating. Here's hoping!
Replies to Reviews: I've put all the replies, because they got way too long, at the end of the chapter after the Author's Note.
Warnings: Sexual innuendo, sexual language. Sexual content in this chapter – PLEASE DON'T READ IF IT OFFENDS YOU.
Renegade Lady
"Hey!" Rhea hissed. "Don't you dare leave me tonight! I don't want to be left alone with these people. I don't care if they give you fish fingers and custard, you're not leaving my side for the rest of the night."
"Leave you? Why would I leave you? That's just stupid." The Doctor shook his head. He paused. "Do you think the kitchen would make me fish fingers and custard?" He asked, seriously.
Rhea looked at him, incredulously, and smacked him, softly, on the chest. "Focus!" She narrowed her eyes. She stood on her toes and leaned up to whisper in the Doctor's ear, her hand sliding seductively over his chest, looking to the world as a newlywed wife who couldn't get enough of her husband. "The King's over there and he's coming our way."
The Doctor brushed away a few curls from Rhea's shoulder, shooting a beaming, silly smile at their host as the large man approached them.
"Keep up the show." He warned her, softly.
"Well, I do hope you're enjoying this party." The King smirked, standing in front of them, eyeing the Doctor and Rhea's joined hands with barely disguised distaste.
"We are." The Doctor grinned and wrapped an arm around Rhea's shoulders, pulling her stiff body into his side.
Rhea pasted a fake smile on her face and she trailed her fingers up the Doctor's chest. "It's been so long since we've been able to get out. We've pretty much been shut-ins since we got married. Haven't we, honey?" She looked up at the Doctor with an adoring smile.
"Oh." The Doctor's eyes widened, realising what she meant. "Oh! Oh! Yes." He nodded, emphatically. "Haven't left the bedroom at all."
"I am sorry if any of the men have made any untoward advances to you. It is so unusual for the men of this planet to see a married woman out in public on this planet without a bracelet on their wrist. The bracelet signifies they are the property of another man." The King had a triumphant smile on his face, as if he had managed to catch them out of their lie.
"Oh, I'm sure it does, you sexist dick." Rhea muttered under her breath, ignoring the elbow to the side she received from the Doctor.
The King had stared at her bare wrist, devoid of the thick silver bracelet, as was the custom on his planet, since the moment they had introduced themselves as a married couple. The Doctor had fielded off this suspicion by holding up Rhea's right hand and showing it to the King, thanking the stars for Rhea's penchant to overindulge with the jewellery much of the time. He had told them that the custom for married couples on Rhea's planet was to put rings on their ring finger of their right hand. He had shown the King the line of three rings that filled the bottom of Rhea's ring finger and had told them that he had put a new ring on her finger for every month they had been married.
"More rings on the finger, more beloved the wife." He had declared, cheerfully, much to the consternation of everyone in attendance in court that day, the idea of having genuine feelings of affection for their woman – let alone actually loving their wife – completely foreign to them.
"I apologise for the disrespect, but I have just spotted my general and I have a few issues I need to discuss with him." The King excused himself with a tight smile and walked away, letting the Doctor and Rhea breath a sigh of relief.
"I hate this." Rhea mumbled into the Doctor's shoulder.
"Have you tried these cream puffs?" The Doctor asked, excitedly. "They're delicious."
"You're oblivious." Rhea glared at him.
"Oi!" The Doctor waggled his finger at her and she had the strange urge to bite it right of. "Don't talk to your husband like that!" He teased.
"I'll show you 'husband'." She muttered under her breath, shooting him a scathing look.
"Have a cream puff." The Doctor ordered, gently, and pushed the sweet treat into her hand.
"You suck." She growled and pulled him over to a secluded alcove, shoving him up against the wall.
"You know, you don't have to shove me." He whined.
"Do you remember how you told our dear hosts how we were happily married, so that the sleazebag that's posing as their king wouldn't try and make me his newest concubine?" Rhea said through gritted teeth. "Well, you're not exactly living up your end of the bargain, bow-tie boy."
"Why do you have to knock the bow-tie?" The Doctor grumbled. "Bow-ties are cool." He straightened it, predictably.
"Oh, God," Rhea rolled her eyes. "You're so Gandalf. Actually…" She paused. "Don't give me that image, I'll just have nightmares." She shuddered.
"I'm so space Gandalf." The Doctor preened.
"Yeah," She snorted. "You keep thinking that."
"Okay," The Doctor sighed. "What do you want me to do?" He looked at her, expectantly.
"Maybe seem more interested in me than the food." She patted him on the cheek and dragged him back to the party. "We're newlyweds, remember? We have to act the part, make him feel like we're so consumed with each other that we don't give a fuck about him."
"You're a wicked little thing, aren't you?" An appraising look entered the Doctor's eyes and a fond smile appeared on his lips.
"You look very lovely. Actually you always look lovely. Actually, you should probably stop dressing so lovely-like, people keep staring." The Doctor narrowed his eyes at all of the men who kept eyeing Rhea with hungry eyes, his hands falling to Rhea's waist, possessively.
He looked down at her choice of clothing and wondered why Rhea always had to look like she had just walked out of a magazine photoshoot. For some reason, her taste in fashion was always impeccable, tonight choosing to look like an actress in some fantasy movie. She wore an embellished, shimmery dark white dress that came to her feet with long sleeves, dipping low in the front to show her cleavage, giving a glimpse at expanses caramel-coloured skin that he wanted to sink his teeth into, a white gauzy shawl over her arms, and heavy gold necklace that fell below her breasts.
Rhea sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck, as they swayed to the music. "I can't believe I married you." She shook her head.
"Oh, please, you'd be lucky to marry someone like me." The Doctor scoffed.
"The King's following us." The Doctor muttered to her, as they walked through the hallway to the bedroom that they had been assigned to.
"What? Why?" Rhea frowned, looking up at him.
"He's trying to find us out. He's trying to prove that we're not really married, so that he can take you as his concubine according to the laws of this planet." He murmured in her ear.
Rhea clucked her tongue, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as a familiar feeling rushed over her. She closed her eyes and let her senses stretch out, feeling the shadow moving behind them, and the tell-tale sign of her eyes on her.
"Well, then, let's give him a good show." Rhea murmured. She leaned up to press a warm, sensual kiss to the underside of his jaw. "As far as the creep's concerned, I can't keep my hands off you, and I've got enough social propriety that I didn't let you talk me into fucking on the table." She purred, a devilish smile playing on her lips.
"You're entirely too good at this." The Doctor growled in her ears, his playful, eccentric tone slipping and instead being replaced with a dark rumble that showed his age and wisdom and sex appeal.
Rhea shrugged, smirking. "A lot of practice at seduction." She leaned up and ran her hands through his wavy locks, her thumbs rubbing over the silky, straight strands. "I like your hair like this." She mused.
"Really?" The Doctor looked surprised.
Rhea chuckled to herself. "Do you remember when you regenerated? You thought you were a girl." She snickered.
The Doctor looked offended. "Oi! Don't make fun of me! It was a traumatic time for me." He pouted.
"Come here, honey." She crooned.
She threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled into the curve of his shoulder, the alcohol she had downed during the party having dulled her inhibitions slightly, making her limbs feel more at ease. She still had full control over her faculties and she was sure she was still able to snap someone's neck at a moment's notice, having downed enough space scotch to keep her loose yet wary.
Suddenly, a very wicked smile appeared on Rhea's face and she was struck with an idea of what to do about their little stalker. She grabbed the lapels of the Doctor's tweed blazer and dragged him backwards until he had her pressed against the nearest stone wall, the Doctor pressed right up against her body, much to his surprise.
"You have no idea how much I have wanted to do this." Rhea purred, her green eyes darker than usual and glinting.
Without giving it too much thought, she surged upwards and slanted her mouth over the Doctor's. The second their lips touched, Rhea knew she was done for and every careful wall she had been building up around herself was quickly falling down for the Doctor. She knew it would be hell to get them back up when this ruse was over. All she could think about now was how much she wanted the Doctor and how the lust was quickly overtaking any reason in her mind.
Well, if it's the name of the game…
The Doctor moved his hands to cradle Rhea's head, titling her skull backwards so that he could move his mouth over hers more insistently, the distance between them practically non-existent as he leaned into her.
Rhea moaned, her fingers tangling in hair at the nape of the Doctor's neck, as he continued to kiss her, Rhea actually finding herself arching upwards to increase the contact between them.
"And I thought I was such an idiot for marrying you." Rhea whispered, her words trembling, voice clinging in her throat.
And then, she realised exactly what she had confessed to and cursed herself, silently, wondering if that was truly part of the ruse or her subconscious coming into play. She had to keep her head on straight. It wouldn't do well for her to read too much into this and get in over her head. This wasn't real, for either of them. They were pretending to be the lovesick newlyweds that couldn't keep their hands off each other so that the King wouldn't force her to be the newest member of his harem, not that Rhea would let that happen, but the Doctor was attempting to solve the little problem by non-violent means. If that didn't work, then he'd let her go all Tomb Raider on them.
The Doctor moved so that he was pinning her to the wall by his hips lodged firmly against hers, her legs coming up to hook around the back of his calves. He leaned down and dragged a line down the side of her face with his lips.
"Do you have any idea how hard it's been to not sneak my fingers under your dress all night?" His voice was a low growl in her ear and it did things to her that she didn't expect of this Doctor. Nonetheless, she whimpered and trembled and clutched onto his arms, her nails digging into his biceps, as she arched her back. "I watched you come down the stairs earlier tonight, and all I could think about was pinning you up against the nearest wall and taking you until you screamed my name."
"Funny, I had the same idea." Rhea gasped, as the Doctor's finger came to rest on the top of her collarbone, stroking the skin adjacent to the edge of her dress, tracing the shape of the neckline, his finger dipping into the dress when it reached her cleavage, making her whimper. "Oh, Christ." She whispered, every inch of her shaking in anticipation. "Who the hell could want anyone else but you?" She groaned, knowing that the King in the shadows could hear her words.
"I'm afraid I'm undecided, Dimples," The Doctor leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Should I treat you with the sort of honour that a husband should show his wife and keep my hands off you until we get to our room… or should I forget that rubbish and dip my hands under your skirts? Do you want me to ease that ache between your thighs?"
The Doctor pulled back and Rhea's eyes widened as she realised that he was actually asking for her permission to go further. Her eyes softened and her hand stroked his arm. No one had ever asked for her permission before. All the men she had slept with had just assumed she was willing to go all the way, or they hadn't cared in the case of one special gentleman in her life. Not that this pretend seduction scene would result in sex, but it was the principle behind it. She smiled, slowly, and nodded, imperceptibly, motioning for him to go ahead.
She had absolutely no intention of becoming the concubine to yet another entitled man, and that was the only reason that she was allowing the Doctor to go ahead, not because she had been aching for this specific Doctor to put his hands on her since the moment she had met him.
His hands moved to the hem of her dress, which, fortunately for him, was at his hip from where her legs had slid around him. She never took her eyes off him, as he slid the raw silk up her smooth thighs, not displaying any inch of skin to anyone but them. His fingers traveled up her inner thigh and she bit her lip, feeling her blood humming under her skin and every nerve ending tingling with his touch. Her lips parted as his long fingers moved over the silk of her panties with slow, sure strokes.
Her head tipped back against the wall and she wordlessly screamed as his ministrations continued, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Fuck, Doctor, I think I might die if I don't have an orgasm right about now." She whimpered as his fingers moved across the damp silk. "Get to it!"
The Doctor chuckled, a proud smile forming on his lips, and he ceased his movements, granting her a moment of respite. He helped her place her feet back on the ground, her limbs still shaking, as she leant against him for support.
"Okay, then, let's go."
The Doctor leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the curve of her cheekbone. He pulled them both away from the wall and stepped away from her, momentarily, allowing for each of them to straighten out their clothes into some resemblance of neatness. Rhea reached over and slid her slim hand into his much larger ones, not quite steady on her feet just yet.
"Well, that was an interesting performance." The King finally stepped out of the shadows, narrowing his eyes at them.
Rhea rolled her eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do than stalking people?" She snarled, getting sick and tired of men making plays for her when she really wasn't interested in the attention. "I'm so sorry that your life is so boring that you have to go around and degrade every relationship that comes your way so that it can make you feel better about being so repellent that no one wants you." She said, innocently.
"I will make sure that you can't pretend for much longer. And when I do, I'll have what-who I want." The King hissed. "I always get what I want."
"You know, while it is a little flattering that a King wants me to be his concubine, but…" Rhea's soft smile turned vicious. "I have a perfectly good husband right here and you're really not my type. You'd fail miserably in comparison to him. Both inside and outside the bedroom." Her fingers dipped over the Doctor's breastbone. "I'd die before I let you touch me." She said, coldly.
The King's lip curled into a mockery of a sneer and he took a step closer to the Doctor and Rhea, thinking that she was one of the stupid moon-eyed girls that dreamt of rebellion and change in his planet, that would have fell back on his bed and hurriedly spread her legs for the chance of feeling his cock in her. "Believe me, girl, when I have you in my bed like I've had all the other stupid whores in my kingdom, I'll fuck you whenever I feel like." His hands reached out to grab her.
The Doctor snarled, his face transforming into an uncharacteristically angry look. She could tell from the tension in his legs that he was a stone's throw away from lunging at the vulgar man. Rhea pressed her hand against the middle of the Doctor's back and fisted her hand into the tweed jacket he wore, holding him back.
"Do not push me." The Doctor said, coldly. "If you attempt to take her away from me, you should run. Very far."
"Doctor…" Rhea warned, softly.
The Doctor shrugged her off. "Even before you think of touching her, you should remember who you're going up against." The Doctor said, dangerously, making sure Rhea was behind her, although he could practically hear her vehement protests. "You should remember all of the races that turned to dust in my wake. And you should know that trying to take something that is mine is not a good thing to do."
"Don't." Rhea said, slowly and finally. "He's nothing." She shot the King a look of sheer loathing and distaste, and then faced the Doctor again, pressing her hands against his chest, feeling his hearts thump erratically under her fingers.
"Come on, I want to go to bed now, Doctor. This asshole is boring me now and I'd rather be spending our night in much more pleasurable pursuits." She could see fury and possession warring in the Doctor's eyes, as they speared into the King's vicious gaze.
Rhea rolled her eyes. She placed her hands on his cheeks. Baby face. She thought, fondly. She forced him to look down at her, to look her in the eye. "He's not important. Not to me and not to us." She murmured. She leaned upwards and pressed her lips to the Doctor's in a slow, sweet kiss – the kind of kiss that Rhea didn't think she would ever receive – and begged him, silently, to let it go.
The Doctor stared down at her with unfathomable eyes and sighed. He was never one to refuse his Golden Girl anything. He ran a hand through her hair and played with the curls at the end of her long locks. "You're right, Rhea." He shook his head. "You're always right. He's nothing." The Doctor tucked a few curls behind her ear. He smiled, indulgently. "Don't worry, Your Majesty, we'll be out of your hair in the morning. We don't really like this planet anymore."
The Doctor turned to Rhea and grazed her with a soft look, leaving her breathless and wanting. "Come along, Dimples." He murmured, wrapping an arm around Rhea's shoulders and guided her down the hallway towards their chambers, leaving the King with nothing else to do but watch them leave.
Rhea closed the door behind them after they finally made it to the room they had been allotted. She felt awkward in her skin, a feeling that she had never experienced before. She had always been comfortable in her body. Aside from her self-esteem issues as a result of being constantly tortured by her husband, she had always known that she possessed extraordinary looks.
She had never done anything with it as a girl, preferring the company of Ayn Rand, Ray Bradbury and Margaret Atwood, had read to children at the public library, tutored at school, and managed to be popular without paying much attention to her surroundings. She was Rhea Adwani: introverted bookworm, reluctant Homecoming Queen, sipped at her father's scotch and read through cases with him, read Virginia Woolf, Betty Freidan and Germaine Greer by candlelight, was fluent in Italian, Hindi, Tamil, English and Spanish, and arranged flowers with her mother. She had learnt to dress impeccably from her fashionably vintage grandmother and her stylish, beautiful mother. Her cousin had once called her lazily feminine, a term which she had initially taken offence in. She had never had many friends, acquaintances that she nodded at in the hallways and people she sat next to in class, but her mind and heart had only ever opened up to her loving parents, inspirational grandmother, remarkable uncle and her cousin, whom she truly considered the other half of her soul.
She had never been one for men, even as a teenage girl, even when her hormones were raging. Her sexual encounters as a teenager – excusing one particularly traumatic, painful happenstance when she was sixteen and thought herself to be head over heels for a senior and had resulted in the loss of her virginity, which had taught her to never leave her drink alone with a red-blooded teenage male who was aching to get between her thighs – had been restricted to climbing into the backseats of cars with several of the boys who had shown interest in her freshman and sophomore year, never going all the way, just enough to sate some of her urges and get off.
Her uncle had applauded her selfishness as a teenage lover. He had no intention of his beloved niece being one of those girls who settled for and married her high school sweetheart and popped out a few kids a few years later, becoming yet another statistic that he would have been ashamed of. He thought she should play the field, keep her options open, never tying herself down until she had gotten everything out of life he thought she deserved, content to keep her sexual experimentations from the knowledge of her strict but loving parents. Of course, he never approved of her final choice of husband, desperately trying to convince her to not go ahead with it even on her wedding day. He had been second at the hospital after her mother, but he had quickly lost his interest and affection for her once she had walked down a road she could never come back from, disapproving of the very choices he had made in his youth.
Her skin felt wrong on her, currently, as though it was made for an entirely different person. She didn't know what to think or what to feel. All she knew was that the encounter that she had with the Doctor in the corridor could have possibly ruined every wall she had been steadily building between them. She didn't mean to take it that far, all the possibilities she had considered was a few heated kisses and allowing him to grope her a couple of times, never intending to let him between her thighs. But a few minutes prior, she had found herself pinned to the wall to the first Doctor she had made, her eccentric, lively, capricious, endearing bow-tie boy, that resembled a recently graduated fashion school student in his choice of clothing.
And she hadn't exactly been complaining about it.
Oh, how are you ever going to walk away from this now?
Rhea cursed herself over and over again for not putting a stop to it, earlier. She shouldn't have let it get that far. Especially in the name of a pretence. There was only so far you go to keep up a ruse. She didn't want the Doctor to think that she was willing to sleep with someone so that she would be saved from the future as a concubine. Although with all of the men that had shown a less than virtuous interest in her, such as on Nari VI, the bar they had visited after she got her face stolen, Jack, the Joffrey lookalike, he probably thought she was a tease.
However, the Doctor seemed more preoccupied with the fact that the King had tried to touch her, the thought seething in his mind.
Who does he think he is? She is mine. Sweet and kind and vicious. My gun-slinging, morally sketchy, dangerous, unbelievably reckless, and utterly beautiful beyond belief Golden Girl. I'm the only one who has the right to touch her. She belongs to me. He can't have her. No one else can have her.
"How dare he try and touch you?" The Doctor fumed.
His mind was then drawn to the memories of what had just occurred between them. It wasn't the first time that he had touched Rhea like that, but usually in different venues and situations, and with a much older Rhea, who responded to his advances like it was the most easiest thing in the world, instead of this Rhea, who kept herself guarded even when she was begging for him to put his hands on her. True she had been the one to initiate the kiss, but he had been the one to take things further, and he couldn't be sorry that he had. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. She was everything. And that was the worst part of it. He should have been feeling guilty. He even had to ask himself whether he was thinking of a completely different Rhea when he had his hands up the dress of the Rhea in front of him. He hadn't, but that made him feel even guiltier.
Kissing this Rhea, young and still beautiful and intelligent, feeling the way her skin trembled at his touch, the way her body responded to him, it was difficult for him to feel entirely bad about what had happened between them. She had been so responsive that for a few brief moments, the Doctor had forgotten that the King had been watching them from the shadows and that they were putting on a show for him. Then the King had made himself be known and made a proposition towards Rhea that had made his blood boil and his mind cloud with anger. The hungry and predatory look that the King had graced his Rhea with was enough to send him into spirals of fury.
Rhea blinked, surprised by the intensity of the Doctor's anger. "It's fine, Doctor. It's not the first time I've been objectified by a guy and it's not the first time some King has wanted me a part of his royal harem. He's just a sad little man with an entire planet to rule over and too much time on his hands. Besides," She smiled, reluctantly. "I think we pretty much convinced that him and me was never gonna happen."
The Doctor's cheeks flushed red and he looked away from Rhea, determined to look everywhere else but her in the eye.
"I'm sorry, Rhea." He said, quietly, fiddling with the edge of his tweed blazer and the way the cuffs of his plaid shirt curled around the hem of the tweed.
"For what?" Rhea's brow furrowed in disbelief. "You didn't actually do anything. I made the first move, I pinned us up against the wall, and I didn't even ask for permission the way you did before-." She gritted her teeth. "I should be the one apologising to you, Doctor." She said, softly.
"I was… forward when I had no right to be." The Doctor said more formally than Rhea expected out of the eccentric alien.
"No, you didn't." Rhea said, sincerely, her hands shaking. "Doctor, you didn't do anything that I didn't allow. And if I didn't want any of it, I would've stopped you. Skeevy King in the shadows or not. I spent so many years with so many people forcing themselves on me. I get to choose now. Nothing happens without me choosing it. So, please don't feel bad about what happened." She felt pain strike her in the chest as she wondered if the Doctor regretted what happened between them because he didn't want something sexual to happen between them. "I wasn't complaining." She confessed, weakly.
"But I-"
"Doctor!" Rhea all but shouted, her eyes closing in mortification. "I get it. It's okay. We were just pretending… I don't expect anything out of you after this." She chuckled, harshly. "Why would someone like you want me?"
Every single doubt she had ever had about herself, stemming from her longest romance in high school which ended with blood on the sheets to slut shaming the next day till the last seedy encounter she had with a man days before she met the Doctor, bled into her voice and she cursed herself for showing so much weakness in front of a man who had the power to bring her walls crashing down with one look.
"That isn't what-" The Doctor began to protest, looking horrified.
"It's fine, Doctor." Rhea said, sharply, her voice brooking no argument.
The Doctor shook his head, and grabbed her by the shoulders, situating her standing in front of him. For a second, he wanted to shake her by the shoulders and make her understand. The damning, infuriating, maddening woman in front of him.
"I want you." Rhea looked at him, horrified, as if his confession was the most blasphemous, twisted thing she had ever hear. "I want you sore and satisfied and warm in my bed." Rhea flushed and the Doctor remembered the feeling of his fingers stroking the soft, damp flesh between her thighs and the way her luscious red mouth had parted, begging him for more.
"I want to watch cheesy old movies and eat popcorn with you. I want to help you cook and wash the dishes, because I know you love it, even when you pretend you don't. I want you to lie across my lap and have me read The Feminine Mystique to you. I want to bring you your venti salted caramel brulée mocha with toffee nut syrup and extra whip – an impossible coffee order, by the way – in the morning because you're frightful before you've had your first dose of caffeine." An unwilling smile came to Rhea's lips and he grinned, victoriously.
"I hate the idea of domesticity but I'll come with you to all of your family occasions because I know they mean a lot to you. I hate your family because they hurt you, but I'll pretend because it will make you happy." He could see the tears rising in her eyes and felt a pang in his hearts for causing her pain. "I love your mother because she's the sweet soul that brought you into this world for me. I will forever be indebted to your father for raising you into the beautiful woman before me and I love him as the only other man who has ever existed or will ever exist who has adored you as completely as I do. And the thought of anyone else having you twists the knife into my soul." He confessed.
"I want to take you into my bed, Sunehri Adwani." His voice was low and rough and gravelly and in complete contrast to the sweet face his features portrayed, and she swallowed as if it was the hardest thing to do in this situation. "I want to make love to you until you forget your own name, until you forget that everything in this universe exists, except pleasure and except me. I want you to scream my name to the ends of the universe and forget that there has ever been anyone before me and believe that there will never be anyone after. I want you." He growled.
Rhea dragged her hands across her trembling face. "Fuck, that has to be the sweetest and dirtiest thing anyone's ever said to me." She whispered. "You're insane, you know that?" She let out a wet laugh.
"Do you believe me?" The Doctor asked, quietly, his grey eyes going all wide and endearing.
Rhea bit her lip, feeling the tears come to her eyes.
She didn't know what to believe.
She really wanted to believe him.
Actually, it was a sort of ache in her heart that begged her to believe him.
To have some sort of happiness after pushing herself through the grind every single day for the past ten years.
To feel like she did before her father had left her, before she had met Damian, before she had given up everything of meaning.
To feel like someone finally wanted her.
Maybe he meant it now.
But she knew how it worked. She already cared about the Doctor. After hearing this she would let him have sex with her. She would start to fall for him, because he was the kind of guy a girl fell for. Maybe she intrigued him now, but he would tire of her like everyone else. And then she would be left alone like always. And she had no desire to repeat the never-ending cycle again.
Rhea cleared her throat and furiously blinked the tears away.
"Do you remember what I told you on Temarin, back in your ninth body?" She asked, hoarsely. "I told you that if I felt I had the right to want you, then I'd let you want me back." She held her breath. "I don't feel like that right now." She confessed, her heart jumping into her stomach when she saw the Doctor's face fall. "At least, not now." She whispered, looking away. Saying all of this was hard enough without having to look him in the eye. "I… I don't deserve you, Doctor." She whispered and he opened his mouth to protest. "I don't. Not in my head, I don't. I-I can't. I'll screw it up somehow." I always do.
"Rhea…" The Doctor reached for her, intending to pull her into his arms, but she took a step back.
She let out a hoarse scream, running her hands through her hair and digging her nails into her scalp. The heels of her hands dug into her eyes and her tongue ran over her teeth.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." She muttered to herself. She looked up at the Doctor, her eyes suspiciously red and bloodshot. "I think I'm gonna get some sleep. I'm sure tomorrow's going to be a long day."
With that final end to the conversation, Rhea moved over to the bed and slid into the luxurious sheets, her head sinking easily into the pillow. She saw the Doctor switch the light off out of the corner of her eye and heard him climb into the large bed beside her, keeping himself a few feet away from her.
Good job, you scared him away. This is what you wanted. She reminded herself.
Of course, she ignored the tears that soaked the pillow as she repeated that thought to herself again and again.
A/N: Okay, hope you didn't think it would be that easy. If it makes you feel better, they are getting there. In the long run, them getting together is really a small step to their journey as a couple. But it will be happening soon. Very soon, I promise.
Hope you all liked the smut in this chapter and I hope 11 wasn't too out of character.
I won't give you a hint as to what the next chapter will be, but it's one that I've wanted to write since I started the story. So, I hope you enjoy it!
Anyway, hope you all liked the chapter and don't forget to review!
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grapejuice101: I know. I'm really glad I updated too. Unfortunately, Rhea never gets a break from anything and I doubt she and the Doctor will be getting one soon, but you never know. With happiness comes misery as well with Rhea. And no episode right now, instead an original chapter. But I do have a good one coming up next which will definitely play a part in the development of Rhea and the Doctor's relationship. And, she will be going to those Sarah Jane Adventures episodes where 10 and 11 make appearances because we've already had her meet Rhea and she already feels bad about abandoning Sarah Jane, so we'll definitely see her in those episodes if only to make it up to Sarah Jane in her own way.
BloodyBlondeVamp: I did!
deathb4beauty: I am too. But we won't be seeing Classic Who for awhile. Mainly because I haven't actually watched much of Classic Who yet and it will take me some time to get through it all. And thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far!
TimeladyAlly: I was really upset too. Don't worry. Rhea and the Doctor broke my hearts the last chapter, I swear. Unfortunately, Rhea doesn't quite believe anyone when they tell her that but if the Doctor keeps on it, maybe she'll start to soon enough. Yes, whenever Rhea has alcohol, my mind immediately goes to her seduction scene. I'm sure she'll try that again in the future because it's her and she loves getting under the Doctor's skin. I love torturing my readers, I'm sorry. I'm having way too much fun with the angst to go completely fluffy and sexy, but who knows? Uni is… usual but if I go into that, I'll spend another 10 pages talking about how irritating yet rewarding it is. Hopefully you like this chapter as much as the last one!
Fogerty: I am really happy to be writing again too! It is pretty angsty, unfortunately. Mostly because Rhea's has such a traumatic past, it's hard to make it completely fluffy because she's not that kind of person. She's quite dark. And I think that's one of Rhea's insecurities. A part of her feels like a placeholder and I think The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone really made that clear and sometimes the Doctor really doesn't help those insecurities by knowing everything about her or expecting something from her she's not ready to give. But I'm glad you're still sticking it through and I promise good times will eventually come, but I do want to be realistic and have them take the time to actually deal with their issues and develop a healthy (at least for them) relationship.
Audrie-13: I am so freaking happy that I updated too. And I haven't forgotten about this story either :) And you're so sweet. I'm so glad that this story is on your 'check for updates' list but I'm also sorry that I don't get a chance to update very often. And you're such a darling. I'm sure it's not the best Doctor Who story on but it's nice to hear the sentiment ;) And I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. It was a pretty emotional one to write and it did actually take a lot out of me. Unfortunately, it's been smacked into her pretty hard that all she's good for is sex, so it'll definitely take her awhile to get out of that mind frame but I think the Doctor will help now that she's opening up to him much more. Her past pain does define her but it also has a pretty strong hold on her in the present, so it's hard for her to let that go. And if it makes you feel better, writing about this kind of stuff is pretty emotional too so you're not alone! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you liked the last one.
PrincessMagic: Thank you so much! I know it was pretty sad, but I'm glad you enjoyed it and you think it was a 'good' type of sad nonetheless. Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!
LookAliveSunshine03: I love Pompeii. It's such a beautiful song and I felt like it suited the scene at the end, especially the lyrics and Rhea's sadness. Unfortunately, Rhea had to come to terms with her future with the Doctor and how she might change by being at his side and even just the prospect of staying with him indefinitely (which scares her because of her commitment issues) and it hit her pretty hard, especially when faced with the living proof in Sarah Jane, so I had to make it angsty.
Marmalade1512: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about it but I have had a lack of inspiration for it lately. But that's starting to change. Even if I am slow with my updates, I won't ever completely forget about it, so don't worry! I'm just like you. I think angst is heaps fun, so you're not alone. And Rhea's full of angst but who knows, she might get a happy ending ;)
lostiesgirl: It was pretty sad, wasn't it? Unfortunately, that won't be changing anytime soon because it is a pretty angsty journey to get Rhea to a place where she would be comfortable with the Doctor. As of now, I won't be going into Classic Who but Rhea will definitely be making appearances in the Sarah Jane Adventures episodes that had the Doctor in them.
Purple Ocelot: Thank you so much, dear! I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story so far. And I swear, you're so lovely for saying those things. It really makes me happy to know you love my story that much. And I'm the same. I love reading and feeling more than watching. It's just more fun that way.
Twizziee: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it so much. I have thought about the 12th Doctor and I'm definitely going to do his episodes as well. But I made myself a list of the order I want to do the episodes in and I need to stick to my schedule, at least until I finish the first of the season finales that I plan on covering, which is Season 3's one – and that should be coming out soon. But after that, I'll definitely make sure to do a few of 12's episodes here and there. Especially now that Season 9's coming out soon!
bakerstreetirregular: Thank you so much! I'm glad you find it realistic, which was really the main point of the fic. And I'm glad you're not sick of the angst yet because there is definitely more to come. And don't worry, Rhea will be meeting the 12th Doctor and it should be interesting because she's never come into contact with him before.
dorkycorky88: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far! And I felt like Clara did look like a brunette Barbie doll so I thought the nickname would be apt for her. Plus, Rhea does love making up nicknames for people that she cares about and I thought it would be a good way to start off that relationship between Rhea and Clara because the nickname is a way that Rhea shows affection without it being obvious because she's not an obviously affectionate person by nature. It's pretty obvious to us and to Rhea that there is a pretty intense relationship between Rhea and the Doctor (no matter which regeneration), be it romantic or platonic, but Rhea's really just unwilling to accept that or even consider it a possibility because she can't comprehend the idea of giving so much of herself to someone else especially when she's been hurt before. She's quite jaded and cynical, so she's going out of her way to ignore what she's pretty much already subconsciously realised and what we all know. I'm so glad you're getting feels from the chapters. I never thought my writing would be good enough to do that to people so I'm doing a little happy dance right now. And I'm glad you're liking Rhea's role in the episodes and the overall storyline. Hopefully, it's not too boring or predictable!
Guest: Thank you so much! I think it's annoying how there's never a valid Asian POC character that actually manages to stick around in the Doctor Who universe, so I decided to go with an Indian character because I thought it would be interesting to see how Rhea's religion and culture played a part in her adventures with the Doctor. Rhea's backstory is probably more like Lakshmi, the 2014 film. But it is still really hard to explain. It is pretty heartbreaking. We will be seeing 12 soon, I promise. I just need to finish the first of the season finales I'll be covering and then I'll see about doing some Season 8 and 9 episodes. And you're so sweet. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and I'm not that good of a writer, but it's so sweet you think so.
Guest: No, it's not! I love making my readers squeal! And I love it when I read fics and I actually understand references, so I'm glad you recognised it!
Falling Right Side-Up: Oh, you're so sweet to say that! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far. I think that when you put in a completely different/new character into an episode, you have to show how they affect the slightest thing or it just gets kind of tedious after awhile. I mean, dialogue is good and all, and I love writing Rhea's lines, but I like describing how she's affected and how she affects others in turn because it adds more depth to her. It's one thing to just put her in the show and have her steal a few lines here and there from other characters, but she does have a point in the whole story and I don't want to lose that. Hopefully that doesn't sound too preachy. I know a lot of Whovian OC stories tend to have some girl from our universe who's watched the show suddenly placed into the Doctor Who story, and that's where the whole 'should I tell him what happens?' dilemma comes from, but I wanted to write one where the OC is just as clueless as the Doctor is, especially since Rhea has this added predicament where she doesn't do any of her adventures in order. I just thought it would be a double whammy, because she not only has to get used to this whole new world she's been exposed to and didn't think could be real, but she has to get used to suddenly jumping around in time on a whim and her growing feelings for this guy who's becoming so important to her, not to mention, her existing trauma from her past. So, it's a lot of things in her life and not just the basic 'crap, do I tell him or what?'. There will be some of that in the future, but more about the tension between the Doctor and Rhea in those moments rather than a focus on her confusion and indecision. And your compliment about the Silence in the Library and the Weeping Angels chapters really means a lot to me, you have no idea how much. I'm so glad you found it scary and I'm honestly stunned. I didn't think that was possible but I'm so glad I managed it and thank you so much for telling me. And thank you so much for taking the time to review!
Alibird1: Thank you so much! I'm so glad people appreciate the effort I have put it into this story and it's reviews like this that make it really rewarding. I think we see more of Rhea's character and her relationship with the Doctor when we put her in settings and adventures that are completely her own. I think she gets the chance to expose more of herself in those instances because the episodes do constrain what I can write and where I can put it. I do find it much more interesting and freeing to write Rhea in those original adventures because I can write what I want and Rhea can say what she wants and I can show different takes on her character and her relationship with the Doctor when she's faced with surroundings that none of us have seen before because the episodes themselves do stop that from happening because they're very set in their setting and the characters. And depth is what I was aiming for, so I'm glad I managed to achieve it. Thank you so much for your review!
vdwdtw0809: Thank you so much! And I writing Rhea tease the Doctor. She does it especially because he'll blush and she digs that she can get that kind of reaction from him. And while I think as I approach a hundred chapters, that long of a story would definitely make me very proud of myself, I may end up splitting it into two eventually. I haven't quite decided but I don't know if heading into the two-hundreds would make people want to read it less because it'd look tedious. But thank you so much for the support!
.ivy: I think he has his light side and dark side and I think Rhea brings out his light side more because he's used to her and she doesn't really ever change. For him, after everything that happened in the Time War and everything he did, she's his constant and he feels comfortable around her. I honestly think he's like a huge Teddy Bear and I share your desire to hug him. I agree, I think he'd make me feel very safe and comfortable. Flirty Nine is so fun to write. And his affection is really freeing, like when he hugs Rose or someone else, and I love writing that with Rhea.
LoveLiveLife22: Thank you so much!
Guest: Thank you so much! No, she does have a tendency to blame herself which were logically out of her control. But some of those things are carved so deep inside of her that she can't pull herself out of them very easily. It is sad that she can't see what the Doctor sees in her, but bear in mind, this is all very new for her. She hasn't known the Doctor for all that long and while, she has bonded quite quickly with him, she's cynical and self-hating enough not to take him at his word when he shows his affection for her. It's going to take a lot of loving to make her forget and stop believing all those things others have made her believe about herself. But that's something only the Doctor can fix.