Edward made his way up the stairs next to Kristen. They were ten minutes late now, having tried to convince Deidre into coming with them.
"Pity Deidre didn't want to come," Kristen said as she went up and rang the doorbell. "You don't think she's getting tired of us, do you?"
"No, I just don't think she's one for awkward, semi formal dinners." He said stifling a yawn. He once again hadn't slept well last night, and had managed to take a brief hour long nap before Kristen dragged him out of bed to come to dinner. Lee answered the door, thankfully when Ed had finished yawning, and she smiled warmly.
"Hey you two, come on in." She said opening the door for them and allowing them in.
"Thanks again for the invite," Kristen said as they entered. "It's nice to get out of the apartment."
"Glad to have you," Jim said with a tight smile as he got up from the couch. "We don't always get the chance to be as social as Lee would like."
"As Lee would like?" Ed asked with a slight laugh. "It seems the ladies like socializing much more …"
"Hey, I don't know about that," Jim said. "But I do get pretty caught up in work … makes it hard to really think about much else."
"Sounds like a problem," Kristen said, looking over at Lee.
"So, I was thinking we could do barbeque …. But uh …" Jim started before Lee finished for him.
"Jim broke the barbeque." Lee explained with a shake of her head. "So we ordered chinese food, and lots of it. So I hope that's alright …"
"I'm sure it'll be fine." Edward said as he went into the kitchen to help Lee take out plates.
"Don't worry, I've never turned down Chinese food in my life," Kristen said, going to help set the table.
"For the record, I didn't break the barbecue, it was just old and it broke," Jim insisted.
"I bought it three years ago, that is not old!" Lee said laughing.
"I'll get you a new one," Jim grumbled, looking irritated.
"How do you even break a barbecue?" Kristen asked Lee. "I don't think I've ever seen that happen. That must be some kind of talent."
"I'll admit …. I've broken three of them. It's surprisingly, not hard." Edward said.
"Three?" Kristen said, raising an eyebrow, then shook her head. "That's impressive."
"Well, the first two might have been on purpose." He said with a slight chuckle.
"So it was barbecue sabotage," Kristen said.
"Pretty much." Edward laughed, though he didn't go into why, or the resulting freak out his father had after.
"Trying to keep it from falling into the hands of an inferior cook?" Kristen joked.
"Something like that." He said as the food arrived. Dinner went surprisingly well, Edward occasionally running off on some factoid no one really cared about but listened because of how enthused he was. It was entertaining really, not the information itself, but the fact that Ed knew so much about what seemed to be everything, and he seemed so happy about all of it.
A few times though, Lee had grown concerned. He'd be in the middle of a very enthusiastic explanation and then suddenly stop and stared at the table, as if he were confused. Once Kristen even had to snap her fingers in front of his face just to get his attention again. It was odd to say the least. But Kristen had told her previously that Ed wasn't sleeping properly lately. That could explain his sudden odd behaviour.
"Thank you so much for inviting us over." Ed said helping Lee clear off the table, taking the leftovers over to the counter.
"Always happy to," Lee said, as Kristen went to help her with the dishes.
"And thank you for your patience with the um … barbecue situation," Jim added.
"It's not a problem, the food was enjoyable." Edward said bringing the last plate over to the sink. Before he could reach the counter there was a loud smash of porcelain, shards scattering everywhere as Edward fell to the ground and started seizing.
"Edward!" Kristen yelled, crouching down next to him. "Lee, what do we do?"
"Let's get this broken glass away from him first," Jim said, rushing over and helping to gather up the bits of broken porcelain from the floor near Edward.
Lee rushed over and placed a hand on Kristen's shoulder.
"Stay calm. He's having a seizure." She said starting a timer on her watch. "Do you know if he's had one before?" She asked gently turning Ed onto his side. His arms were crossed in front of himself at the wrists as he continued convulsing. Lee timing the seizure. One minute.
"No," Kristen said, shaking her head. "It's … it's never happened before."
"Two minutes." Lee said checking her watch, Jim staying out of the way. "Watch his head, talk to him if you want."
"Edward?" Kristen said softly, smoothing back Edward's hair, trying to keep her voice calm. "I'm right here, okay? You're going to be alright. We're all right here with you."
It was just before three minutes that Edward stopped shaking and relaxed against the floor. His eyes were partially opened, and he blinked a few times but didn't respond.
"Edward?" Kristen asked again. "Can … can you hear me?"
Edward nodded slowly, though he didn't say anything. He looked tired.
"Do you know where you are?" Lee asked and Ed nodded again. "Where are you?" He was silent for a few moments as he tried to look around.
"Kitchen." He said quietly.
"Who's kitchen?" Lee asked.
"Yours." Edward said. He was confused more than anything, and his entire body ached and he didn't understand why.
"Do … you know what just happened?" Kristen asked.
Edward shook his head as he looked up at her. He was taking a dish to the sink, and now he's on the floor confused. Lee crouched down next to him.
"You had a seizure Ed." She said, her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "Take it easy. You'll be fine." She said as Ed looked around. "Take a few minutes, and when you feel ready, try to sit up okay? We'll help you if you need."
Kristen kept a hand on Edward's shoulder, the other running gently through his hair. She was glad he seemed okay … But if this was a side-effect of his medication, they were definitely going to have to talk to his doctor.
After a few moments he looked up at Kristen. "I'm sorry." He said apologizing, his hand reaching out to hers on his shoulder.
"It's okay," Kristen said, leaning down and kissing him on the cheek. "You don't have to apologize for having a seizure … How are you feeling?"
"I don't know …" He said as Jim came forward helping him to sit up.
"Have you ever had a seizure before, that you can remember?" Lee asked him. Kristen had said no, which meant there was no recent history, but it was possible that he'd had seizures sometime in the past before he and Kristen started dating.
"No." Edward said. "Not that I'm aware of."
"Has anything changed that you think might have caused this?" Lee asked.
Edward paused, hesitating in his answer. His medication. "N-No." He lied.
Kristen glanced at him, but was glad she'd kept her mouth shut. He clearly wasn't comfortable discussing his medication or disorder with Lee and Jim around.
"If it happens again, you may need to see a doctor and test for what could be causing it," Lee said calmly. "Though this one was under five minutes, with no prior history, so … I wouldn't worry too much now."
"Right." Ed said still feeling a bit confused and sore.
"Are you okay to stand?" Jim asked. "We can get you to the couch."
"Actually, I think I just want to go home … If that's okay." He said quietly.
"I can get him back home safely," Kristen assured them. They were going to need to talk about what had just happened, and Edward looked pretty shaken.
"Okay …" Jim said. "I'll uh … I'll help you to the car." He said.
"I'm sorry." Ed said as Jim helped him up. He felt confused and slightly scared and rather emotional. He felt like he was about to start crying and felt the need to apologize. "I'm okay." He said standing against the counter.
"You don't have to apologize," Lee reassured him in a calm voice, her dark eyes intent with concern. "And don't worry … it's completely normal to feel disoriented after a seizure."
Kristen hovered near Edward's side, touching his shoulder with a gentle hand. She was right there in case he needed help steadying himself after standing so suddenly, but he seemed like he was doing okay so far.
Jim helped Ed out to the car, Kristen on his other side. He didn't seem to need much help, but he did seem to still be very confused and disoriented. Kristen had to lead them over to where they'd parked, and Ed got into the car mostly by himself.
"Thank you, Jim," Kristen said, wincing a grateful smile up at him before getting into the driver's seat of the car. "I'll let you know if anything changes."
"Lee will hold you to that," Jim said with a quick nod. "You both take care, get some rest."
Once Jim was gone inside Edward couldn't stop his eyes from watering. "I'm sorry." He said once she got into the car.
"Edward," Kristen said, reaching over and taking his hand in hers, her eyes pained at seeing him like this. "You have nothing to be sorry for. We're just going to go home and you can rest, and everything will be alright."
"I'm still sorry." He said looking over at her, tears running slowly down his cheeks. "I love you."
Kristen shook her head, before she leaned in and kissed him gently, her hand going to his cheek, wiping a tear away with the pad of her thumb. She pulled back and looked up at him from behind her glasses. "I love you too … Are you sure you're okay?"
"No." Edward said honestly.
"It … must have been confusing and frightening," Kristen said, trying to understand. She'd never had a seizure before herself, and she tried to imagine what that would be like, going from the middle of a normal conversation to suddenly being on the floor while everyone else panicked.
"Can we just go home please?" He asked quietly.
"Okay," Kristen said, turning the key in the ignition and averting her eyes to the front. After a few minutes of driving silently, the only sound coming from the car as they rolled down the street under a wash of dim Gotham streetlights, she said, "I think you should tell your doctor about this."
"No." He said quietly. He was done with doctors and appointments and medications they were making him worse …. Sure the hallucinations stopped but he felt like he was losing his mind. The zoning out, the confusion, the constant insomnia, the inability to think, to answer the simplest of questions … It had only been two weeks and already the side effects of his medication where taking a mental and physical toll on him. He felt like he was falling further into insanity and he hated it … He needed to regain control of his mind. "No more doctors …"
"There have to be other medications he could recommend," Kristen said desperately. She remembered the sight of Edward sitting in the kitchen, staring at nothing, stabbing the floor … the fear in Rubix's eyes. Now, things were just a different kind of terrifying. There had to be other options. "Don't give up on getting help completely."
"I can't … I can't do it again … You have no idea what this is like. I … I can't." He said starting to cry a bit harder, his breathing coming a bit faster. "I feel like I'm losing my mind … Like I'm actually going insane … I can't think, I can't sleep, now I'm having seizures? What the hell is this medication doing to my brain?" He said talking faster and faster the more he talked, a panicked tone coming to his voice and within seconds he was hyperventilating, trying to stop himself from crying. He was starting to have a panic attack, which made his entire body ache even more, but he couldn't think about that.
"It's okay," Kristen said, in a firmly calm voice, though her eyes widened in alarm. She pulled over and stopped the car, unbuckling her seatbelt so that she could turn to put her hands on both his shoulders, looking him intently in the eyes. "Breathe. It's okay. You don't have to take it. This medication clearly doesn't work for you, and that's okay."
Edward was shaking as he tried to calm down, the only thing he managed to get out between gasps of air was 'I can't.' The words coming out like a broken mantra and he couldn't hear anything beyond the rush of blood in his ears. He wanted it to stop … Wanted his mind to function normally again …. Without the chemicals, without the damn hallucinations …
"I know," Kristen murmured, tears gathering in her eyes, and she pulled him into a gentle hug, running a hand in steady, circular motions over his back. "You don't have to. You don't have to do anything. Just breathe. That's all you need to do."
It took nearly half an hour for Ed to gain enough sense of his surroundings to wrap his arms around her, and another fifteen for his breathing to calm enough to deep, slow panting, finally feeling some comfort in the motions she was making on his back. She hadn't left … She was still here … For some reason that confused him more and it made him want to start crying again but instead he focused on her hand on his back and held her tighter, as if if he let her go, she'd disappear and he'd be alone in the car to deal with this madness that was taking him over.
"You're going to be okay," Kristen kept telling him, feeling him begin to calm against her, letting him hold her unbelievably tight, anything that might help. "I'm not going anywhere, alright? You're not alone. We'll get through this together." Though she didn't know what to do. All she knew was that it broke her heart to see him like this. There had to be a better way.
After another few moments Edward pulled back slightly. "I …" He sighed, unable to look up at her. "I don't know why you put up with me … You don't deserve this."
"Neither do you," Kristen said, kissing him gently on the cheek. "I love you."
"That's a really shit reason for putting up with abuse." He said tiredly.
Kristen pulled back enough to look back at him sharply. "Don't throw that word around lightly, Edward," she said softly. "I know you've doubted yourself lately, but you're someone worth being with."
"Why? What have I ever done for you? Other than make you worry, and scared, and put you in danger. If that isn't the definition of mental abuse then what is?" He asked seriously.
"That's not true," Kristen said, looking up at him, her eyes deeply saddened. "You're there for me. You're sweet. You make me feel better about myself … And now you're going through some awful things that you didn't choose, things that aren't your fault … And I'm not abandoning you because of it."
Ed was silent a moment before he looked up at her. "I …. Really?" he asked with a soft smile.
"Yes, really," Kristen said, the corners of her mouth tilting upward in a relieved smile. She ran a hand through his hair. "And we're going to find a way to make this okay."
Edward nodded. "Okay … We'll … We'll figure it out."
"We will," Kristen promised him, kissing him gently, before starting the car again and driving home.