The Dread of Tomorrow and Yesterday

by deathsweetqueen

"You look at me like you want something from me and you're disappointed when I don't give it to you." An damaged psychologist's life is upturned when a man in a bow-tie knocks on her door, claiming he's known her all his life. Her life is changed as she jumps from point in the man's timeline to another, as she gets pushed into his life and his hearts. 9/OC, 10/OC, 11/OC for now.

68. The Family of Blood: Identity Theft

The Dread of Tomorrow and Yesterday – Chapter 67

A/N: This is easily the longest chapter I've ever written for this fic and for good reason, but I won't talk about it too much and let you guys read it for yourself. So, enjoy!

Replies to Reviews: Down at the bottom.

Warnings: Language, Racism, Dark Themes, Sexual Content etc.

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The Family of Blood: Identity Theft

Rhea gritted her teeth when she saw the Family standing in front of a very familiar blue box.

"I am going to tear their hearts out of their chest." Rhea said, coldly, and Joan and John turned to look at her, incredulously, while Martha simply shook her head, closing her eyes, the threat of violence not exactly odd coming from Rhea, but still managing to send her heart into her throat. "I don't like it when people try and use the TARDIS as a bargaining chip like they're fucking smug that they've backed us into a corner. I don't get backed into corners. I don't like it when people threaten me. They will suffer for this." She snarled.

"Come back, Doctor. Come home. Come and claim your prize."

Jenny stepped out from beside Baines. "Out you come, Doctor! There's a good boy. Come to the Family. Time to end it now!"

Rhea bit her lip, seeing the stunned look on John's face. "You recognise it, don't you?" She said, knowingly.

John swallowed hard. "I've never seen it in my life." He said, adamantly.

Rhea rolled her eyes and leaned into him. "Do you remember its name?" She asked, quietly.

Joan bit her lip and looked at John, desperately not wanting to believe that it was true, but having no other course. "I'm sorry, John, but you wrote about it. The blue box. You dreamt of a blue box." She said, reluctantly.

John ran a hand over his damp face, his hands turning white from the force with which he was clenching them. He flinched away and his stomach twisted in distress, his entire body shaking. He swallowed hard past the dryness that overtook his throat. He looked at Rhea, absolutely stricken and gutted, an expression on his face that made Rhea claw at her own heart from the pain that coursed through her whole body.

"I'm not… I'm John Smith." John swore, his voice breaking from the emotion. "That's all I want to be. John Smith, with his life... and his job... and his wife." His hand came to stroke her hair. "Why can't I be John Smith? Isn't he a good man?" He asked Rhea, desperately.

Rhea chewed on her lip, watching as John broke down beside her.

"Yes. Yes, he is." She said, grimly, stroking back his hair, her fingers ghosting over his cheek, desperate to have him in this way once more before the Doctor reappeared and her walls came up. "He's absolutely amazing and I'm so glad I know him." She said, quietly.

"Why can't I stay?" He asked, frantically, and Rhea tugged his head to rest on her collarbone, him sinking into her gratefully, burrowing into her skin.

"But we need the Doctor." Martha pleaded and Rhea shot her a sharp look.

John scowled, his face transforming into a picture of rage lightning-fast. "So what am I, then, nothing? I'm just a story." He spat.

John jumped to his feet and ran off in the direction of the woods and Rhea followed him, Joan hot on their heels. Martha followed after pausing for moment.

---

John, Rhea, Martha and Joan were rushing down a country road and they stopped in the middle of the road for John, Martha and Joan to catch their breath and to get their bearings, while Rhea looked at them in a way that made them feel like they were the fattest people she had ever made.

"This way. I think I know somewhere we can hide." Joan said, quickly.

John shook his head. "We've got to keep going."

Joan scowled. "Just listen to me for once, John. Follow me." She ran off.

Rhea sighed and rolled her eyes, and followed after Joan, to at least make sure the woman didn't get herself killed. She doubted the Doctor would like that, although having the Family kill her would be a great excuse and make sure her hands were clean. Martha and John looked at each and followed the other two women.

---

Joan, Rhea, Martha and John arrived at a small, dark house in the middle of nowhere.

Joan stopped and breathed, heavily, winded from the run. "Here we are. It should be empty. Oh, it's a long time since I've run that far." She shook her head.

Rhea watched them all pant and she shook her head, smirking to herself. "Well, I run like this all the time. Looks like all of your endurance levels are shot to hell. It's kinda pathetic, really." She looked at Martha. "Although, you need to be in better shape, considering all the running we do. We're going to go Maximum Overdrive with the training after this." She said, sternly.

Martha glared at her. "Oh, shut up." She hissed, ignoring the way John and Joan stared at her, scandalised. She looked at the house. "But who lives here?"

"If I'm right, no one." Joan said, darkly.

All of them walked slowly to the front door and Joan chose to enter first. It was a simple cottage kitchen with tea set on the table.

"Hello?" Joan called out, hesitantly. She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "No one home. We should be safe here."

"Whose house is this?" Rhea asked, carefully.

Joan wiped a hand across her forehead. "Um, the Cartwrights. That little girl at the school… she's Lucy Cartwright, or she's taken Lucy Cartwright's form. If she came home this afternoon and if the parents tried to stop their little girl, then they were vanished."

"They weren't vanished. They're dead." Rhea said, bluntly.

"Rhea-" John hissed, warningly.

"Oh, don't look at me like that." Rhea rolled her eyes. "I'm just telling her the truth. These people aren't good. They aren't friendly. They want you dead and they have no problem slaughtering all of us to get to you." She snarled at John. Her lip curled, her hands sliding across her gun. "But, then again, I don't either." She smiled, and it was absolutely terrifying.

John swallowed hard at the vow of violence in her green eyes and turned away – because this wasn't his Rhea. It couldn't be.

Joan bit her lip and placed her hand on the teapot on the table. "Stone cold." She shook her head. "How easily I accept these ideas." She said, mournfully.

"You get used to it." Rhea offered, half-heartedly.

John sat on one of the chairs at the table and looked as if he was carrying the weight of the world.

"I must go to them before anyone else dies." He said, hoarsely.

"No." Rhea said, coldly. "We need the watch and all of this goes away." She said, finally. "We need the fucking Doctor and all of this goes away." She amended, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall, looking absolutely murderous.

Joan looked at her. "There must be something we can do." She said, sceptically.

Martha shook her head. "Not without the watch." She said, tiredly.

John stared at Rhea for a second and then, he jumped to his feet, his face etched in rage. "You're this Doctor's companion! Can't you help? What exactly do you do for him? Why does he need you?" He snarled.

"Because he's lonely." She snapped back. "He needs a friend and that's what I do for him. Happy?" She said, spitefully.

"And that's what you want me to become." John said, harshly.

Rhea pursed her lips and she had the sudden itch to punch him in the face.

There was a knock on the door and they all turned to face it, all of their faces white with fear and suspicion.

"What if it's them?" Joan said, worriedly.

Rhea rolled her eyes and strode towards the door, not before she shot Joan a withering look. "I'm just putting it out there, but I'm pretty sure scarecrows don't knock." She said, sarcastically.

She threw open the door to reveal Timothy.

"I brought you this." He held out the fob watch clutched in his palm.

"Rhea." The watch whispered as she took it from Timothy.

Rhea swallowed hard and her thumb stroked over the engravings on the front, reverently, an action which John, even with his human senses, caught. He narrowed his eyes and began to look at his wife with suspicion. She walked up to him and held it out for him

"Hold it." She ordered.

John shook his head. "I won't."

Rhea dragged her hands over her face and fisted them in her hair. "John," She began, wearily. "I could fight the entire world, but I can't fight you." She whispered. "Not now, not with this, I just don't have it in me."

And John felt his heart ache, staring at the pain deep in her eyes.

"It told me to find you. It wants to be held." Timothy said, suddenly.

Joan rounded on him. "You've had this watch all this time? Why didn't you return it?"

"Because it was waiting. And because I was scared of the Doctor." Timothy confessed.

Joan frowned. "Why?"

Timothy swallowed hard, remembering the images the watch had shown him. "Because... I've seen him. He's... like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun."

"Well, that's damn poetic." Rhea muttered.

"Stop it." John hissed, his fists clenching until his hands were white.

"He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe." Timothy finished, quickly.

"Stop! I said, stop it." John snarled.

"And he's wonderful." Timothy whispered.

"He really is." Rhea murmured and John rounded on her, his eyes flashing. "What? He is." She said, bluntly. "He's… decent," Rhea started to smile at the thought of the Doctor. "He's sweet and funny and endearingly stupid and dense and smug and arrogant when he wants to be. He helps people wherever he goes and he's so good that I don't think there's anyone else quite like him at all in this universe, and I think he's kind of broken inside too." She whispered. "But he's amazing and the universe just makes sense when he's in it." She said, in a rush, and her eyes and John's eyes widened at her admission, and he stared at her with cold eyes, filled with hurt and anger and desperate confusion, as if he were meeting her as a stranger in front of him for the first time.

Of course, she had just admitted, for the most part, her not-so-platonic feelings for a man he was still struggling to accept was him, so it may have something to do with that.

Joan turned away from the husband and wife and reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the journal.

"I've still got this. The journal." Joan offered.

"Those are just stories." John snarled.

"And they won't help us. Not with this." Rhea said, bluntly.

"Perhaps there's something in here." Joan murmured.

There was the sound of something hitting the ground with a large bang and everyone gasped in shock.

"What the hell?" Rhea hissed.

They all looked out the window to see what could pass for meteorites falling to the ground.

"They're destroying the village." Joan exclaimed.

"Watch." John said, softly, and picked it up.

Joan looked at him, worriedly. "John, don't."

"Come closer." The watch whispered to John.

"Can you hear it?" Timothy asked, curiously.

"Closer. Closer."

John swallowed hard, palming the fob watch. "I think he's asleep. Waiting to awaken."

Timothy frowned. "Why did he speak to me?"

John's voice changed from its deeper hue to the Doctor's more light-hearted one. "Oh, low-level telepathic field. You were born with it. Just an extra synaptic engram causing-" John hitched in a breath, his eyes widening in horror. "Is that how he talks?" He asked, terrified.

Rhea's eyes widened. "That's definitely him." She said, quietly. "If you open the watch, he'll come back."

John stared at her with horror. "How can you say that to me?" He spat, making her flinch away from him. "You knew this all along, you knew all of this, and you still-"

Rhea stepped forward, her hands stretching out, beseechingly. "I had no choice." She blurted out. "I tried. I really did." She ran her hand through her hair. "He gave me a list of things to watch out for me but he only told me that he'd recognise me. He didn't tell me what I'd be to you." She confessed.

"Being in love? That didn't even occur to him?" John asked, coldly.

"I don't know." Rhea said through clenched teeth.

"You're my wife and now you expect me to die?" John snarled.

The explosions continued outside amidst Rhea's and John's argument.

"It was always going to end, though! The Doctor said the Family's got a limited lifespan. That's why they need to consume a Time Lord. Otherwise, three months and they die. Like mayflies, he said." Martha interjected, placing herself in between John and Rhea.

"So your job was to execute me." John scoffed, glaring at Martha.

"So many people will die here." Rhea said, suddenly, and everyone's attention was drawn to the urgency in her green eyes.

The house rocked with the explosions.

"It's getting closer." Timothy said, fearfully.

"I should have thought of it before," John's eyes lit up with renewed hope. "I can give them this. Just the watch. Then they can leave and I can stay as I am!"

"I can't let you do that, John." Rhea said, quietly.

"If they want the Doctor, they can have him." John protested.

Martha shook her head. "He'll never let you do it." She said, confidently. She looked at Rhea. She won't either. Her eyes immediately went to the floor. But it may kill something in her to make this choice.

She wondered what it felt like to be so unbelievably connected to another that you would do horrible, desperate things for them that couldn't possibly be rationalised.

"If they get what they want, then-then-" John stuttered.

"Then it all ends in destruction." Joan finished and everyone looked at her. "I never read to the end but those creatures would live forever to breed and conquer. War across the stars... for every child."

John looked on the verge of tears and Rhea's heart went out to him. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to relax. She turned to Joan, Martha and Timothy, her face expressionless.

"Would you three mind leaving us alone?" She asked, politely.

Martha nodded, biting her lip, and she, Joan and Timothy left. The second the door closed behind them, John broke down in sobs. Rhea bit her lip, wondering if she should, wondering if she could put her fears and her self-preservation and the fact that she knew this would end badly for her aside for a moment, and definitively strode forwards, allowing John to collapse in her arms as she stroked his hair, soothingly, offering her a bit of comfort that she never would to anyone else.

---

John and Rhea sat side by side, not looking at each other.

"He loves you, dearly, doesn't he?" John's smile was bitter. "He must. If he was supposed to forget everything and he still made you his wife in his head, he must love you."

Rhea swallowed hard. "I have no idea." She whispered.

"It was a lie, then." John swallowed hard, the idea hard for him to comprehend. "Our entire marriage was a lie." He murmured.

"Didn't you think anything was strange?" Rhea asked, curiously. "Why did you think I tried so hard to keep my distance from you?" She asked, wearily.

"I really thought you'd gone off me." John confessed.

"I tried. I really did, John." Rhea closed her eyes. "I did stupid things like move your hands off me in the middle of the night. I stopped kissing you and holding your hand and I started wearing your clothes at night so you wouldn't grope me in your sleep. And I could live with it, you know, when you did stupid things like accuse me of cheating on you or treat Martha horribly just because she's black or canoodle with that blonde xenophobic bitch of a nurse." Her voice lowered into a reluctant mutter. "And then, you had nightmares of me getting hurt and then you'd do sweet things like bring me iced tea or give me a massage or set up the bed warmer when you thought I was on my period."

Her hand dragged across her dry throat. "It was easy for me with the Doctor." She said, half-heartedly, sliding closer to John and leaning her head on his shoulder. "It was harder with you. With the Doctor, I was always aware that I was just this human that appeared in and out of his life, completely out of order. It was easy not to commit to him. It was only cheap innuendos and meaningless flirting between and during all of those adventures. And, he humoured me. But, with you, I had to be serious. You were human and you were sweet and you were expectant and I wanted to be girl who always dreamed of marrying someone like you. So, I kept myself away because I thought you, the Doctor, in any form, deserved better than me. And, then it just became too hard to keep fighting you and I gave up. I didn't want to hurt you because I knew all of this would come to an end and I had no idea what to say to you. How do you tell someone that his life isn't actually real and the woman who he thinks is his wife is no more than a figment of his imagination?" She whispered, shaking her head.

"I can imagine the pain you must have gone through." John said, sarcastically, his eyes flashing.

"Don't do that." Rhea said, sharply. "Don't demean the sacrifices I had to make for you."

"Oh, so being my wife was a sacrifice for you?" John raised an eyebrow, his eyes unamused.

"No, I didn't mean it like that." Rhea spat, her hands curling into fists in her dress. "I just… Fuck!" She snarled. "I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what to say to you now, John. I want to say something like 'it was as real for me as it was for you' but then I also want to say something like 'I need the Doctor back' and I feel like I can't win, no matter what I say." She shook her head, feeling her stomach twist, uncomfortably.

"It was confusing for me and hard." Rhea confessed. "All I wanted to do was protect you these last three months and when I found out you thought I was your wife, it terrified me. The last time I was someone's wife, it was the worst time of my life." She said, quietly. "Then, you wanted to do couple-y things. You wanted to have sex. If I breached that line with you and the Doctor came back, how could I ever look him in the eye knowing that I had slept with another version of him?" She threw her hands up in the air.

"So, why did you?" John looked at her, defiantly. "Why did you make love with me if you were so desperately against the idea?" He asked, sharply.

"Because I'm human." She admitted. "Because I only pretend to be oblivious and I'm not always in denial. I have been attracted to the Doctor – to you – ever since I met him; any face that he had, that I've seen, I have been attracted to him. Then, you went off at me for being distant. Then, you kissed me and I kissed you and I started to remember all of the times I'd kissed the Doctor and I just wanted to feel something good for once." She said through clenched teeth. "For once in the past eleven years, I just wanted to be with someone who actually cared about me and who wasn't treating me as some sort of warm body for the night." She whispered. "It sounds horrible and sick and selfish, I know." She gritted her teeth. "But I didn't know what else to do. I caved. I shouldn't have, but I did. And I have no one else to blame. I can't blame you. You had every right to expect that from your wife and I was only living up to that. I made my choice that night and it's my burden to live with it. I just…" Her shoulders slumped. "I could try and explain to you exactly what was going through my mind that night, but all I can say is that… I felt like I was this piece of elastic that was being stretched tighter and tighter until I just snapped when you kissed me."

John's hand stroked her back and she leaned in the touch.

"I have wanted the Doctor – you – desperately since the moment I first saw him. I just wanted someone to want me for once in their life. When you kissed me, I finally admitted to myself that I needed you in a way that I wasn't supposed to, because you and the Doctor deserve so much better than me. I wanted someone to see Rhea when they were having sex with me." She said, quietly, looking at the floor, completely wrecked beyond repair, her emotions shot to hell. "And you did that. That entire night, I don't think I have ever felt that way in bed before." She confessed.

"He cannot possibly love you more than I do. You have deceived me all this time, while living with me as man and wife… and I can't even be angry at you." He said, almost as if he were angry at himself for not being angry at her.

Rhea took his hands in hers, choosing to address that part of his comment. "I understand you're scared, it's very hard to comprehend the fact that your entire life might be a lie. But we need him. He's Martha's best friend…" She trailed off, unsure of how to finish.

"And to you? Who is he to you?" John snapped.

Rhea glared at him, fiercely. "You always have to ask me the hard questions, don't you? He's my…" She growled low in her throat. "I don't have a word for what he means to me. He's my friend, but he's so much more than that."

"Do you love him?" John asked, his voice growing cold.

"I don't know." She said, honestly. "Do I care for him more than a friend? Yes." She confessed, feeling her heart lighten as she admitted the one thing that had been plaguing her for months.

John flinched.

"Are you his wife? Is that why you want him back?" John asked, quietly.

"No, I'm not." Rhea shook her head.

"Then, you're just his whore." John said, harshly.

Rhea swallowed hard. She didn't know why that hurt so much coming from him. It was hardly the first time someone had called her a 'whore' or a variant of the term.

"I will hit you, John. Don't ever say anything like that about me ever again." Rhea whispered.

John looked up at her, his eyes red and angry. "Were you humouring me?" He snarled. "All those nights you spent as my wife, in my bed, were you doing it as a chore, as an obligation?" He snapped.

Rhea stared at him. "Of course not, do I look like the kind of girl who sleeps with a man out of obligation?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Then, why pretend?" John asked, coldly.

"Because I wanted to." Rhea said, honestly. "Because the Doctor needed the break from being this larger-than-life hero and I wanted at least a part of him to be mine." She whispered.

"A part of him?" John raised an eyebrow.

Rhea jumped to her feet and started pacing. "Every single memory you have of your wife is a lie." She snapped. "That girl that you're in love with? She isn't me. She doesn't even come close to the mess that I am inside. If you knew what I was, if you knew what I'd done, you'd never look at me like that ever again." She hissed. "You'd run away screaming."

"I don't believe that." John shook his head.

Rhea laughed, sharply. "It doesn't offend your Victorian sensibilities to know that your wife has fucked more than a hundred and fifty different men and women in the last ten years?" She raised an eyebrow, watching him flinch with spiteful pleasure on her face. "That doesn't bother you? You really want to know the kind of whore I am?" She snarled. "I can tell you every gruesome story, sweetheart. Like the one where my husband fucked me so hard that I blacked out and when I woke up I was covered in bite marks and bruises and cuts all over my body that I didn't even remember getting, with three random men walking out the door. Or how about when half-a-dozen men and women tied me to a bed and drugged me and put things inside me until I was bleeding and screaming? Do you get it now or do I have to keep going?" She growled, her eyes a dark green and vicious.

"Rhea-" John said, weakly, having nothing to say to what she had just revealed.

"I met him when I was seventeen and he hasn't left my mind since. I can't dig him out however much I may want to." Rhea confessed. "I was already broken after my father died and it was like all Damian did was turn me into dust." She refused to let the tears slip down her cheeks. "I wish I could be enough for you. I really do. I wish I could deserve you. I want to love you. But, I can't. And I'm not sure I can ever." She whispered.

Rhea bit her lip. "I hate him so much for what he did to me." She hissed. "And I hate the fact that he ruined me. I won't ever feel whole again." She chuckled. "You would've loved seventeen-year-old Rhea. She was everything you're trying to find in me. Sweet and hopeful and honest and kind. She would have fallen head-over-heels for you. I wish I was her." She confessed.

"When I first met the Doctor, he had a different face on, a face he doesn't even know yet, but that man stormed into my apartment and he told something, something that I knew, that I hadn't told anyone. Not even my mother knew. And when he asked me to come with him, I went. It sounds stupid when I think of it." She chuckled. "And he means something to me." She murmured. "I don't want to admit to myself what he does mean, but he definitely means something." She said, earnestly. She bit her lip and gestured to the watch. "Open it up and if you still feel the same way…" She hesitated, her mind screaming to shut her mouth now. "We'll work it out."

"This isn't fair." John breathed, looking up at her with sad eyes.

"It isn't." Rhea agreed.

John's eyes hardened when he looked at her then, and he abruptly turned away. "Don't pretend like you understand what this feels like, Rhea." He scoffed.

Rhea straightened with offence. "You think I don't understand?" She asked, incredulously. "I know how easy it is to believe a lie. I did for years, with my ex. I so badly wanted to believe that a man – the man I married – wasn't capable of being that much of a monster. I wanted to believe the fairytale. But the thing is, John, life isn't a fairytale. Life is real, it's gritty and it's shit. But it's life, so we have to live it." She finished, deliberately. "And doing this… it will save everyone's lives." She whispered. "So it has to be worth it."

"Everyone's lives?" John's eyes snapped to hers, vicious and a cold disbelief locking her in place. "You think I care about the people in this town? Truly? You played a game with my life, Sunehri." He spat at her and she hid her flinch. "You made me think you loved me. You made me think you were my wife. You made me think you were mine. And you made me a fool." He finished, grimly.

Rhea's lips curled into a smile, tinged with unbearable sadness. "Oh, honey, but don't you see? Of course I'm yours." She said, mournfully.

And she meant it, that was the funny thing. Human or Time Lord, she was his. It had become something irrevocable in her.

And she imagined John saw the truth in her too, or it was the desperation talking, or maybe it was even some hate, but he leaned down his mouth came hard against hers. To destroy something as good as this John Smith, surely it only meant hell for her. As if she hadn't committed enough sins, she could add this one to the reckoning.

Suddenly, she was shoved up against the nearest wall, his hands bunching in the drapes of her dress. His fingers were purposeful, as they slipped under the band of her harem parents, and went straight for between her legs. She gasped against his mouth when she felt his long fingers sliding up against her, fierce and deliberate. Her hands wound around his back, clutching at his shoulder-blades, once he silently slipped inside her, stroking at her from the inside. He pulled away and stared down at her, eyes wide, dark and hot, mouth triumphant, as her hips rocked insistently against his hand until she was scrambling up against the wall and keening, muscles convulsing around his fingers. Once she was left a shuddering and pliant mess in his arms, she watched with glazed as his fingers moved towards his mouth. With a lewd, grasping look in his eyes, his tongue slipped out of his mouth and he licked her come off his fingers.

With a sudden burst of anger, she pushed him away from her and shakily walked away, her hands falling on top of one of the tables for purchase. John followed her, taking a seat beside her on the bench in the abandoned little house.

Rhea swiped a hand over her damp forehead, biting back a whimper. "You'll hate me for this, I know you will. I've changed everything." She hitched in a breath.

"Oh, Rhea, my Rhea," John breathed. "I can't imagine hating you for anything. I just wanted a life with you. A nice life." He stroked her hair, reverently.

Rhea swallowed hard and looked at him, her fingers ghosting over his unshaven cheek. "We do have a life. It may not be in order and it may not be all that perfect, but it is a nice life. And it's with you, so I don't really care." She confessed, reluctantly, leaning her head against her shoulder.

"Don't make me go." He whispered into her hair, brokenly.

Rhea slid her arms around John's trembling frame and pulled him into her body. "If I could do this for you, I would. But I can't." She said, honestly. She snatched the watch from him and turned it over in her palm.

"Rhea…"

"I fucking hate this thing." She muttered. "But I really don't, because the Doctor's in here. And I need him."

John pursed his lips. It still hurt him to watch his wife want another man more than him. He covered her hands with his, trapping the fob watch between them.

Rhea watched with baited and painful breath as she saw visions of what her life could be with John as a human. She saw them actually getting married, him kissing her on their wedding day in a brilliant dark suit, his hair combed back, and her clad in a white, spaghetti-strap gauzy dress, with a great deal of work done on the front, that trailed behind her. She saw her lying in a hospital bed, her hair tied in a braid behind her, holding a bundle of blankets and an adorable baby in her arms with a tender smile on her face, as John stroked the baby's thick hair, reverently, a look of awe on his face. She watched herself holding her children by their arms and swinging them around with John as they walked in the park. She watched herself, looking older and greyer seated vigilantly by a sick John in his bed, stroking his head as he died, peacefully.

"They're all safe, aren't they? The children... the grandchildren... everyone's safe?"

"Everyone's safe. They all send their love, John."

"It's done. Thank you."

Rhea broke away from the visions with a shuddering breath and jumped to her feet, feeling her skin start to itch.

"Did you see?" John asked, quietly, watching her body seize like a hawk.

"I can't give you that." Rhea growled low in her throat. "How many times do I have to explain that to you before you finally get it through your thick skull?" She snapped and John recoiled from her vitriol. Rhea sighed and dragged her hands down her face. "I can never be that girl again. Do you understand me? I can't live that life." Her shoulders slumped. "I can't give you children." She said, quietly.

"Rhea, I understand-"

"No, you don't." Rhea said, coldly. "I can't give you children because I can't have children anymore." She confessed, biting her lower lip.

It was hardly something she wanted to admit to herself, especially when considering the events that had resulted in that particular change to her body.

John looked at her, almost pityingly, and opened his mouth to say something to her, but she cut him off.

"If you truly wanted that, then maybe Nurse Redfern-" Rhea began, even though the words felt like acid on her tongue.

"No." John said, coldly. "You are my wife, Rhea. No one else will ever be that for me." He said, firmly.

"I can't have a life like that as much as I may want to, John. I hate it, but it's true. And neither can the Doctor. But it's okay, what we do. It's nice and it's fun and it's fulfilling in a way I didn't know it could be. We travel around the universe and we help people and I get to see sights I never even imagined, let alone thought I would get to see. And I couldn't stay here with you as much as I want to. I… I abandoned my mother once; if I do it again, I will never forgive myself. I can't let her go this time, not for anyone in the universe. I have a responsibility to take care of her. And even if this is what I want, the universe really does need him." She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms, determined not to cry. "And I need him. I hate admitting that, but I really do need him." She whispered.

"I should give him to you, then, shouldn't I?" John said with a bittersweet smile on his lips.

Rhea flinched. "John, I-"

"I love you, Sunehri. I can't think of a moment in my life that I haven't loved you." John said, firmly. "And it is because I love you that I must give him back to you."

"I won't force you into this." Rhea said, determinedly. "I could do that to anyone else in the universe, but I won't do that to you. You're too important to me and I'm inherently selfish, honey." She chuckled, sarcastically.

"May I ask one last thing of you before I open the watch?" John asked, quietly.

"Of course." Rhea whispered.

"Kiss me."

"Always."

And she draped her arms around his neck and twisted her body to the side. She leaned in, ever so slowly, and pressed her lips to his in the sweetest kiss that she had ever given or received. Her mouth moved over his, pleasantly, and his hands fell to her waist, stroking against the curve of her hip.

"Rhea. My Rhea." He murmured against her mouth.

"Your Rhea. Always." She vowed.

And, he opened the watch.

There was no tremendous light or great boom; suddenly, he blinked and he was the Doctor again and no longer John Smith.

Rhea pulled away, her brow furrowing.

Something was different.

"Doctor." She said, finally, reading pity and regret in his eyes.

She felt sick to her stomach.

"Rhea." He said, solemnly.

---

"We'll blast them into dust, fuse the dust into glass, then shatter them all over again!" Baines crowed.

There was a slight metal twang and the Family turned as one to see John enter the ship.

"Just-" John gave a clumsy lurch and leant against the side of the ship, hitting a few buttons, inconspicuously. "Just stop the bombardment. That's all I'm asking. I'll do anything you want, just stop." He begged.

Baines smirked. "Say please." He ordered.

"Please."

After a slight pause, Jenny turned a switch and there was a hiss as the ship responds.

"Wait a minute." Jenny inhaled, deeply, testing him. "Still human."

"Now I can't-I can't pretend to understand, not for a second, but I want you to know that I'm innocent in all this. He made me John Smith. It's not like I had any control over it." John fumbled with more buttons.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "He didn't just make himself human, he made himself an idiot." She scowled.

"Same thing, isn't it?" Baines smirked.

"I don't care about this Doctor and your family, I just want you to go. So, I've made my choice." John held out the fob watch. "You can have him. Just take it, please! Take him away."

Baines' eyes lit up when he said the watch. "At last." Baines snatched the watch from John. As he gazed at it, he reached out with his other hand and grabbed John by the lapels of his suit. "Don't think that saved your life." He hissed.

Baines pushed John away, and as he fell, John hit more buttons. Baines turned back to the rest of the Family, a triumphant look on his face.

"Family of Mine, now we shall have the lives of a Time Lord." He opened the watch. The Family all breathed deep. Baines' eyes widened. "It's empty!" He exclaimed and he rounded on the Doctor.

"Well, where's it gone?" The Doctor's eyes widened, innocently.

"You tell me." Baines scowled and threw the watch at him, the Doctor catching it with one hand.

The Doctor smirked. "Oh, I think the explanation might be you've been fooled by a simple olfactory misdirection – little bit like ventriloquism of the nose. It's an elementary trick in certain parts of the galaxy. But it has got to be said," He slid on a pair of glasses. "I don't like the looks of that hydroconometre. It seems to be indicating you've got energy feedback all the way through the retrostabilisers feeding back into the primary heat converter, ah," He hissed through his teeth. "'Cause if there's one thing you shouldn't have done, you shouldn't have let me press all those buttons. But, in fairness, I will give you one word of advice," His voice turned deadly. "Run."

And, he ran out of the ship.

"Get out! Get out!" Baines shouted, furiously.

The Family ran out of the ship and across the field behind the Doctor before the ship exploded, throwing them to the ground. The Family looked up to see the Doctor standing over them.

---

Rhea walked through the console room, having made sure that Martha was nice and tucked into her bedroom, taking the time to enjoy her more luxurious sleeping quarters than what had passed for the servant's hall in Farringham. She finally reached the doors of the TARDIS and she stepped out, wondering if she was just stupid or she liked kicking herself when she was down.

She leaned against the doors of the TARDIS and waited with baited breath when she saw the Doctor returning from his role as judge, jury and executioner, clad in his pinstripe suit and trademark brown woollen coat.

But, before he could say anything to her, Timothy approached them and Rhea had never been more thankful for the interruption.

"Doctor, Rhea." Timothy said, with a smile.

The Doctor's was a blinding grin. "Tim-Timothy-Timber." He crowed.

"I just wanted to say good-bye. And thank you, because I've seen the future and I now know what must be done. It's coming, isn't it? The biggest war ever." Timothy murmured, his eyes glazing over.

Rhea pursed her lips. "You don't have to fight." She said, quietly.

Timothy smiled, wryly. "I think we do." He said, slowly.

"But you could get killed." Rhea pointed out.

Timothy cracked a smile. "Well, so could you, travelling around with him, but it's not going to stop you."

Unless, of course, the Doctor kicks me out now.

"Tim, I'd be honoured if you'd take this." The Doctor handed him the silver fob watch that Rhea hated with every single inch of her.

Timothy took it in his hands and frowned. "I can't hear anything." He looked up at the Doctor.

"No, it's just a watch now. But keep it with you. For good luck." The Doctor grinned.

Rhea leaned down and kissed Timothy on the cheek, smiling when he blushed at the attention from a beautiful woman. "Look after yourself, Tim. And don't do anything because you feel obligated to do so, okay."

"It was very nice meeting you." Timothy smiled at them. He bowed, slightly. "I'll just leave you alone, then." And then, he walked away.

"We should talk." The Doctor said, suddenly.

Rhea snorted. "Yeah, I really don't want to do that."

The Doctor caught Rhea's wrist before she could escape off into the TARDIS. "Rhea, please." He entreated.

Rhea sighed and it felt like jagged hooks in her heart. "Look, if this is about what happened between us, – between John and I, I mean – I just-"

But he stopped her before she could come up with whatever vague excuse she would to explain her actions. Of course, she wasn't sure any half-baked justification she could fabricate could ever be enough to warrant what she had allowed to happen, what she had done. How could it be, when she had let her libido distract her to the point that she had kept silent and allowed the Doctor – no matter what form he was in – crawl on top of her with those sad eyes and just spread her legs like she was still that stupid teenage girl thinking that sex could solve her problems?

The Doctor shook his head, jaw tight with some never-ending rage she could see in his eyes.

"No, I wanted to apologise to you." He said, grimly. "What happened, it was… indefensible. I should never have asked you to-" At this point, he was lost for words.

Take care of you? Yeah, go figure. Rhea finished, bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Rhea said, awkwardly, looking everywhere but his eyes. "I know… what happened between us – between him and I – it was inappropriate and I shouldn't have-but I didn't know what else to do and I panicked and it was wrong and unprofessional-"

Great. Now she was babbling.

When did she become this person, this person who lost all sense in front of some time-travelling alien just because he flashed her that goofy grin?

Finally, she forced herself to shut and her face squared, years of learning how to control her emotions aiding her in this aspect (never mind that it felt like ash in her bones).

"Can we just say it was two people getting it out of their system? It doesn't have to be… more." She said, surprising herself with how light her voice was.

She backed away.

The Doctor reached his hand out to stop her. "Rhea…" He began, earnestly.

But she abruptly turned away and slinked off into the TARDIS, leaving him staring at the back of her. She made her way to her room and shut the door behind her, leaning back against the metal for a moment, her eyes sliding shut, fingers winding into her hair as she slid right down the length of it, until her face was buried in her knees.

She let herself stay like that for a few minutes before she jumped to her feet and strode into the bathroom, undoing the clasps on her outfit until it fell to the ground in a heap of silk, ignored. She stared at herself in the mirror, before turning on the tap and splashing her face with water as cold as she could get it, the crimson in her face fading just slightly. She remained in only those impractical Victorian undergarments that she had been forced to wear and she tore at them with a new fervour, leaving her naked, before grabbing a terrycloth robe and wrapping it around herself, as tight as she could, and went back into the bedroom, settling on top of the mattress.

She stared at the silk dress on the floor and had the sudden urge to burn it, burn it so she wouldn't have to look at it ever again and remember all the miserable, stupid things she had done all because the Doctor was human and he had wanted her. Like she was some desperate little girl wanting a boyfriend because all her friends had one.

Stupid, stupid whore.

She felt sick.

The TARDIS gave what she guessed to be a reassuring hum, the walls of the room trembling slightly.

"Oh, shut up," Rhea muttered, running a hand through her dark curls. "This is all your fault, don't think I forgot that, okay."

The TARDIS crooned again, at a sharper tenor, which she took to mean you got yourself into this mess, not me.

"Yeah, I know." Rhea sighed. "Bang up job, huh?"

She shuddered. Honestly, she hated feelings. They made her soft and judging by how the Family had almost killed her, the Doctor and Martha, they made her weak as well, and that was something she couldn't afford. Not again. Once bitten, twice shy was the best proverb to live by, in her eyes.

And now, she was stuck on a time-travelling spaceship with a man she had, for all intents and purposes (because she was pretty sure the Doctor and John Smith had exactly the same body under that stupid pinstripe suit), slept with on more than one occasion, after going out of her way to prove to him she wasn't built for committed relationships.

You're practically built for this, Rhea baby. Damian had said once, when he slipped his fingers between her thighs and she had whined with her hips in the air. An unparalleled, shameless whore.

So, what to do now? She had a few options, now that her cunt had made mistakes her mouth couldn't fix. She could walk out, of course. She could demand he take her back to San Francisco, December 2013, and shut the door on this part of her life, and in time, she was sure she would be okay. Eventually, at least. Because who could forget this?

Another option, and yes, she knew this was the grown-up option, she could actually talk to the Doctor and air out this awkwardness between them and they could come to a decision together. But, sue her, she was the queen of running away from her problems and she'd be damned if she ruined her streak today. So, hiding out in her room until she could pluck up enough courage to saunter into the console room and tell him to drop her off at home (not that she thought he would need much persuasion – what guy would want to stay shacked up with the one-night stand (technically, more than one night but it was the principle here) he may or may not have really wanted because he thought he was human and said one-night stand was his wife?).

Of course, the Doctor, having perfect timing as always, knocked on her door just at that moment, which had her almost slipping off the bed in surprise.

For a moment, she was angry at herself for allowing him to catch her off-guard, before straightening and walking over to the door.

When she opened and saw him standing there, handsome and miserable, all brave thought left her and she was left speechless.

"We really need to talk." The Doctor said, urgently, hand pressed against the door-frame as if preparing for her to slam the door in his face.

Not that she was thinking that. Not at all.

Her shoulders slumped. "Do we have to?" She asked, wearily.

The Doctor nodded, fiercely. "Yes. We have to, Rhea."

Rhea breathed in and stood to the side, allowing him to enter. She shut the door, because Martha's room was not that far from hers and she really didn't need any witnesses to one of the most uncomfortable conversations she was sure this would be, and turned to face him.

"What?" She asked, sharply.

When the Doctor looked at her, really looked at her, he was struck by how vulnerable he found her. Clothed in a simple terrycloth robe, she looked alarmingly small to him, as if the events in 1913 had siphoned the strength from her. Her eyes were still a vivid green, dry and unassuming, her hair still lush, black and curled, but there was something unnerved in her, as if she were trapped against a wall and desperate for an escape.

It took everything in him to not reach out and pull her into his arms, knowing that an action like that would only result in perhaps a dislocated shoulder.

"I needed to finish my apology." The Doctor said, quietly.

Damn, it was the grown-up conversation then.

"No, you really don't." Rhea shot back, her fingers twisting.

"I really do." The Doctor argued. "You took care of me for three months and I repaid that by-"

He sank down onto the bed and ran a hand through his dark brown hair, making it stick up at the ends. He looked so crestfallen that she almost took a step towards him, in order to do what she didn't know, but she just wanted to make him feel better.

"By what?" She narrowed her eyes. "What do you think happened?" She asked, coldly, curiously.

He waved a hand in her direction. "I took advantage of you. I knew you didn't want… any of that and I pushed and pushed until you felt like you had to and-" He looked up at her, desperately. "Believe me, I never meant to make you feel- I never wanted to force you-"

She looked down. His knuckles were stark white against his knee.

The laugh that spilled from her was so jagged she almost didn't recognise it as hers.

"Wait, you think you took advantage of me?" Rhea asked, incredulously.

The Doctor's face tightened. "Is there any other way to interpret it?" He asked, stonily. "I remember everything, Rhea. I remember every time you turned me away. I remember every excuse. I remember every demand he made, as if he had the right to make you do anything. And it makes sick to know I, of all the people in this universe, put you in that position."

"Any other way to-? Are you fucking kidding me?" Rhea snapped. "You didn't even know who you were, Doctor. You had no control over what John Smith did, but I did. I knew who you were. I knew you didn't want it as the Doctor and the only reason John did was because this stupid ship decided it would be funny if you-he thought I was your wife for three months. How is that any of your fault? Doctor, I practically raped you." She hissed.

The Doctor stared at her, horrified. "Is that what you think? Is that what you would say happened between us? Rape?"

"I knew you may not have wanted it if you were the Doctor and not John, and I still went ahead with it. That's rape." Rhea whispered.

"I wanted it." The Doctor said, earnestly.

"Yeah, as John Smith." Rhea snorted.

"No, Rhea. As the Doctor or John Smith, I wanted you."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." Rhea retorted. "I know what happened."

"No, you really don't, because you're determined to make yourself the villain." The Doctor snapped. "I know you don't trust anyone's opinion but your own, but please believe me when I say that nothing happened between us that I didn't consent to as John Smith, nor that I do not consent to now as the Doctor. Do you believe me now?"

"You don't know what you're saying-" Rhea argued.

"Rhea, for once, will you actually listen to me?" The Doctor growled, roughly. "Don't tell me what I feel. I know what I feel and I know that I wanted everything that happened between us."

Rhea stared at him and there was nothing in his gaze that she could read that warned her that he was trying to soothe her, make her believe a lie so that she could feel better. Some tension left her shoulders, because it had been a burden she had been carrying the last few days. The last thing she wanted was to become the same monster she had run away from.

"Okay, say I believe you, it doesn't make anything better. I still screwed up."

"How did you screw up?" The Doctor asked, incredulously.

"I let myself get distracted!" Rhea said, fiercely. "You and Martha almost died because I got caught up in fake wedded bliss." She snorted, derisively.

The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. "I didn't realise your self-esteem was so bad now." He said, wearily.

"My self-esteem isn't-" Rhea started.

"Yes, it is." The Doctor interjected. "Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here, claiming you failed me in some way." He chuckled.

"This is not funny." Rhea hissed.

The Doctor's lips twitched, as if he were fighting amusement. "Yes, it isn't."

"Then stop laughing!"

The Doctor jumped to his feet and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, which she eyed with suspicion.

"You didn't get distracted and you didn't fail me in any way." He said, lowly. Rhea opened her mouth to argue. "No, don't say anything. Nothing happened that you could've stopped, Rhea. Nothing."

"You don't know that." Rhea murmured.

"But I do. The Family was always going to catch up with us. And you stopped them from hurting a lot of people, Rhea. That whole village is safe because of you. That's not failure." He frowned. "Is this… is this about John?" He asked, hesitantly.

Rhea pulled away, turning her back on him. "I feel like I killed someone." She confessed, suddenly. "And not in a good way."

The Doctor pursed his lips. "Understandable." He said, cautiously. "He felt like a real person to you."

Rhea rounded on him. "He was a real person. He was you. Don't act like he was just this imaginary friend I had for three months. It's wrong and unfair." She said, angrily.

"He was me, Rhea." The Doctor said, hurt that she seemed to care more for John Smith, who was only a part of him, while he was standing right in front of her.

"I know that." Rhea sighed. "But he was real, wasn't he?" She stared up at him.

"Yes." The Doctor swallowed hard. "He was real. But he is me, Rhea."

Rhea looked away and laughed, suddenly, coldly. "Poor guy, he died thinking his wife was in love with someone else." She muttered.

"Maybe not," The Doctor said, quietly. "But that someone else is very much in love with you."

For a moment, the entire universe stopped for Rhea. The world stopped turning for her and she simply stood there, his last words spiralling again and again in her head. Planets stopped spinning and stars stopped shining and suns stopped burning and everything teetered on the edge of creation or destruction. All she could hear was his confession and the blood rushing to her ears. And then, she felt a frigid, violent suffocating rage deep within her bones and she welcomed it.

"Oh, my God." She breathed. She started to gasp again and again. "Oh, my God." She muttered. Her eyes snapped to his, staring at him, tortured. "What the fuck?! What the fuck?!" She shrieked. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She shouted. "Why the hell would you say that to me?" She tipped her head back and prayed. "Do you understand what you just said to me?" She asked through clenched teeth.

The Doctor nodded, nonchalantly, as if expecting this sort of reaction after his confession. "Yes."

"Obviously not, otherwise you wouldn't have said it to me!" Rhea shrieked.

"I told you that I'm in love with you."

"Yes." Rhea hissed. "And do you know what that means?" She asked, running her tongue over her teeth, baring the sharp incisors at him. "Do you realise how stupid you are? Have you not listened to a thing I have said to you since we met?" She spat. "I have spent this entire time trying to prove to you exactly how wrong I am for you. Are you trying to tell me that you spent all this time not fucking listening to me?" She snarled, her eyes flashing.

"I just said that I wanted you, why don't you believe me now?" The Doctor asked, confused.

"That was about sex." Rhea snapped. "Sex isn't love."

"I don't love you because we slept together, Rhea." The Doctor rolled his eyes. "At least give me more credit than that."

"Yes, because that would make you an idiot," Rhea said, through gritted teeth. "Especially since you know why I am the worst person to fall in love with."

"None of that matters to me." The Doctor said, earnestly, taking a step towards her.

"Really?" Rhea laughed, harshly. "Are you fucking sure? When I told you and John stories of what my husband did to me, it didn't set your teeth on edge?" She hissed. "It didn't make you feel sick to your stomach? And you're still standing here, telling me you're in love with me?" She snarled. "Do you realise how fucking dumb that sounds?"

"I already knew." The Doctor confessed. "You told me years ago what your husband did to you." His hands came down to her shoulders and squeezed. "I already knew and it doesn't matter to me."

She swiped his hands off her and she glared, viciously, at him. "Not at all?" She raised an eyebrow, incredulously. She smirked and raised herself on her toes to press herself against him with only an inch between their bodies, her lips so close to his that he could almost taste the redness of her mouth. "You're okay with the fact that the girl you're in love with-" She said, mockingly, her eyes flashing. "-is nothing more than a luxury whore?" She breathed.

The Doctor pulled away from her. "You're trying to make me angry." He murmured. "It won't work. I know I'm in love with you and that won't change because you feel bad about yourself today. The love I have for you is beyond what Damian did to you, Rhea."

Rhea shook her head. "That's all that's left for me." She said, quietly. "I can't believe you."

"Well, I do." The Doctor said, bluntly.

"You're confused." Rhea hissed out between her teeth. "You have all these memories of romance and-and… weddings and late nights with iced tea on the porch and sex… and it's screwing with your head and it's making you twist your feelings into something that isn't there." Her eyes lit up as if she found out the right answer. "It's okay, Doctor." She said, soothingly. "It's called transference. It's very common for people to transfer feelings onto someone else. John had all of these emotions towards his wife and you absorbed all of those memories and you're trying to redirect those feelings onto me, because I'm the person who John's wife was based on." She said, proudly. "You're not actually in love with me. You're in love with a template, which is quite different to flesh and blood. You're trying to treat me as John Smith would have treated his wife had she been real. It's okay, Doctor. I'm not angry and you don't have to be ashamed. It's quite common for transference to occur and we're very close. We can work through this together." She nodded, emphatically.

The Doctor started to smile until it became one his trademark, beaming grins. He chuckled to himself. "I have always been proud of your intelligence, Rhea. But today, you have never sounded stupider as you do now."

"Hey-" Rhea protested, hotly.

"You think this is all in my head. But you are wrong. John may have been a different person altogether, but he had my basest needs and wants." The Doctor said, pointedly. "Namely, you." He smirked.

"It is in your head." Rhea said, weakly.

"It really isn't, lovely." The Doctor smiled, sadly.

"You don't even know me." She murmured, disbelievingly.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Of course, I know you." He said, confidently. "I know you better than anyone in the universe, Sunehri. You can hide from that fact if you'd like, but I know you."

"No, you don't." She snapped.

"I know you have thought about your father every single day for the last ten years. I know you still feel his loss as keenly as if he had died just yesterday. I know you feel guilty. I know you think he died because of you. I know you absolutely worship your mother and you're scared that one day she's going to realise just how broken inside you really are and walk away from you, the same way your uncle and your cousins did."

Rhea flinched.

"I know you met Damian when you were seventeen and in a bar with a fake ID. He drugged your margarita with rohypnol and he took you back to his flat that night." Rhea swallowed hard. "I know he convinced you the next morning that you were just a bit too drunk and then you continued to see him. A year later, he proposed and you said yes. You were still in school, but he worked at the nearby hospital and you were convinced that you could make it work. And then, after you were married, everything started to change. You wake up with all of these bruises over your body which you didn't remember receiving. You would be sore in places that made you suspicious and you would feel tired after a good night's sleep. You voiced your concerns to your husband," The Doctor spat out the word as if it were poison. "And he used his years of experience to convince you that you were going mad. Things would start to go missing around the house and there would be chunks in your memory that you didn't remember. You felt as if you were going mad and you had no idea what to do."

"Shut up."

"Then, one day, you were cleaning up your apartment and you found a strange tape. And you popped it into the video recorder and you settled down to watch what was on it. And then, you started to cry and scream and shout."

"Shut up."

"It was you… on the screen… you were tied to a bed and there were… so many… people standing around you, and they took turns on you while you remained unconscious through it all."

"Shut up, please." Rhea pleaded through clenched teeth.

"And you threw up. Again and again. And then your husband came home and you confronted him. He didn't even have to hit you to make you cry. All he did was threaten you."

"Doctor, please."

"He never stopped, did he? You threatened to go to the police. You went down to the station and made a complaint. They took you in for questioning and then they raped you themselves, payment for protection, courtesy of your husband. In fact, for a brief period, you checked yourself into a psychiatric hospital because you actually believed the lies he was telling you and of course, he had control over all of the medication you were taking, and drugging someone with antipsychotics and benzodiazepines and ketamine… well, if you weren't insane already, you would be after all that dopamine and serotonin. And all just to teach you a lesson that escape was impossible. Finally, he brought you home. And then everything was back to normal, as if nothing had happened. That was when you realised that you were completely alone. You couldn't go to your mother or your uncle. You hadn't spoken to them in over a year and how could you just crawl back knowing you had failed. You were so convinced that they would be ashamed of you."

A tear fell down her cheek.

"So, you suffered through it. You suffered through the mental torture, the drugging and the rapes and the humiliation and degradation and the betrayal until you were convinced that you deserved it for what happened to your father. That you were nothing more than Damian's whore and you could be content being that. You would look around you and all those… degenerates… who had paid for you, standing over you with lust in their eyes and you would close your eyes and turn your cheek when they took you."

She felt sick to her stomach.

"That was when you started to get sick in the mornings." The Doctor said, quietly.

"Stop!" She snarled. "Okay, I get it. You know me." She bit out. She looked up at him, her eyes angry and broken. "Obviously at some point in my future, I'm dumb enough to tell you all of this. So, if you know, why are you in love with me?" She snapped.

The Doctor took a step closer to her. "Because none of that matters to me." He growled. "None of it. I love you because you are fierce and beautiful and when you smile, it's like the universe is coming into existence before my eyes. That's love, Rhea."

She swallowed hard. "Why?" She whispered, feeling her eyes dampen and she couldn't bring herself to stop the tears when they came. She had cried more times around him that she had in the last six years. "I don't… I can't… How do I…?" Her shoulders slumped and she wiped the tears away, deliberately. "Okay, fine, say you do actually love me – and I'm not sure if I believe you – what do you want from me?"

"Nothing." The Doctor looked at her, gently. He reached out, just as sweetly, and brushed just under her eyelids with his thumbs, cleaning the tears. "Nothing at all. I don't want anything you're not willing to give."

Before she could stop herself, she was already saying the words.

"How do you know I'm not willing?" She asked, roughly.

"You wouldn't put up this much of a fight if you were willing." The Doctor pointed out.

Rhea looked thoughtful. "Actually, I wouldn't put up this much of a fight if I weren't willing." She said, slowly.

The Doctor shook his head. "Rhea, I-"

"Look, this isn't easy for me, okay." Rhea said, fiercely. "I don't do this. I don't do the whole rom-com confession thing. I haven't ever done that. So, I don't really know the protocol for this. But I can say I want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else." She confessed. "A long time ago, I thought I was in love and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. But I know what I feel for you now is nothing like how I felt like then and that makes me believe it more. Are you okay- I mean, is that-" She took a deep breath. "I understand if that's not what you're looking for, Doctor. But it's the best way I can commit to you because I can't say the words." She stared up at him, guilelessly.

"Is that your way of saying you want to try… this?" The Doctor asked, clumsily, shyly.

Rhea nodded before she could over-think it too much.

"Alright, okay." The Doctor grinned. "Good."

For a few minutes, they just stood there in awkward silence.

"We should have sex." Rhea said, suddenly.

"Oh," The Doctor's eyes widened, comically. "Are you sure? I mean, after everything that had happened, do you really want-"

"Doctor," Rhea began, sternly. "Rule No. 1 in a relationship with me: when I say I want sex, I want sex. Just because I was a victim once, doesn't mean I'm a victim now. So, when I say I want sex, I really do mean I want sex. I will let you know if there is ever a time when I don't want sex." She paused and turned hesitant, which was definitely new for her. "Unless you don't want to have sex, which is perfectly alright as well-"

"No, no," The Doctor said, hurriedly. "I would love to."

There was another awkward pause.

"Maybe we should get on the bed?" Rhea suggested.

"Good idea." The Doctor nodded, solemnly.

Out of nowhere, the Doctor grabbed her by the waist in a show of strength that surprised her. She threw her head back and laughed, exposing the line of her lean throat to his roving gaze. His hand pressed against the small of her back until he was pressing her down onto the bed, while she grinned at his show of dominance and felt a pleasant thrum began to form in her stomach.

"Not so shy anymore, are we?" Rhea said, playfully, her tongue sliding over her lower lip.

The Doctor chose not to answer her, instead staring at her with such a heated gaze that the ache between her thighs grew infinitesimally and she trembled just slightly.

"Well, now that you have me in bed, what do you plan on doing with me?" She raised an eyebrow, spreading her legs ever so slightly.

A low growl left the Doctor's lips and he swooped down, kissing her hard on the mouth. Rhea wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him down, slotting his hips between her thighs, her legs coming around to lock around the backs of his calves.

Sex was good. She knew sex.

His hips pinned her against the bed as his lips moved against hers, his tongue slipping between her parted lips and tracing patterns with hers. She tangled her lithe fingers in his thick, dark locks, twisting and tugging at the strands, as she deepened the kiss. A soft moan escaped her lips and he pulled her closer, half tugging her off the bed as his hands slipped around her back, moving down her sides to cup her ass. Heat rushed through her body and she used the momentum to press right up against him. He rolled his hips against hers and she gasped, feeling the length of his cock rub right up against her warm, wet flesh between her thighs.

He moved against her again and she kissed him even more, frantically. She undid the buttons off his suit jacket, patiently, before her impatience kicked in and she all but ripped it off him, much to his surprise and amusement. She unbuttoned his shirt and dragged it off his shoulders, leaving him bare from the waist up but for the dark brown tie around his neck. He felt so impossibly good and she desperately wanted more from him. She wanted to tear the clothes that separated them right off their bodies and to feel him against her, slightly cool and hard.

He rolled his hips against her again and she raised her own to meet him, feeling him rock against her cunt, her nails digging into his back from the sweet pleasure. She ran her hands up and down his chest, feeling his smooth muscles flex under her ministrations, and she arched her back, pressing herself against him. His hands moved under her silk robe, curving around her hipbone and stroking the skin under her breasts, teasing her flesh on his way up. When his fingers stroked over her breast, she bit down on his lip and smirked against him. Her smirk broke out into a gasp as his thumb moved purposefully over her nipple, tracing slow circles on the sensitive skin, her breath growing more and more ragged by the minute.

He inched her robe apart, dragging it across her smooth, toffee-coloured skin, until he was pulling it off her arms and tossing it into one of the corners of his bedroom, leaving her naked but for a scrap of lace that was a poor excuse for underwear. She leaned back and watched his eyes rove over her bare breasts, the flush from her cheeks flowing down her neck and spilling out over her cleavage. His head darted forwards and he nipped at her collarbone, branding her with yet another mark that proclaimed her as his.

Her head tipped back as his mouth moved downwards, her hands finding their way into his hair and holding him against her body, as his tongue worked miracles on her breasts. Her head lolled from side to side as his thumbs worked her nipples until they were hard as a point.

"Lie back, Rhea." He said, lowly.

She did as he asked, her breathing shallow, as she settled her head on the pillow at the front of the bed. His breath was cool and sweet against her skin as he kissed down her stomach. She bit her lip and arched her back, tugging on his hair, as he bit down, lightly. She felt him smile against her and tugged his hair harder, making him growl against her skin.

"If you do that one more time, I won't be responsible for what I do." He growled.

Her ensuing laugh caught in her throat when he reached her hips and the edge of her panties. Her fingers curled into his sheets as he continued his line of kisses, his tongue darting out to lick the skin above the lace.

She rubbed her thighs together and moaned. "Doctor, don't tease."

The Doctor chuckled – the bastard – and hooked two fingers on either sides of the lace and tugged her panties down her curvy hips. She lifted her legs up and allowed him to slip them off her slim legs.

The Doctor moved back onto his knees and looked at her with such heat that it would have made a less experienced woman blush from his scrutiny.

Rhea smirked and arched her hips up, drawing a dark rumble from the Doctor. He leaned down at kissed a spot on her forehead, hidden by her hair, across the slightly raised scar tissue.

"Doctor, what are you-" Rhea whispered, confused and a little worried.

"Hush, Rhea. Let me." He crooned against her skin.

His lips dragged down her cheek until they met her collarbone, his tongue laving across yet another scar that marred her skin. Rhea's eyes widened as she realised what he was doing and she tried to squirm away, but the Doctor kept a tight hold on her hips, pinning her to the bed.

"Doctor, I-"

The Doctor hummed against her skin and looked up at her from her breast. "These scars mean nothing to me." He said, roughly, his voice drawn out from emotion and lust. "Nothing at all. And I'm going to prove it to you."

His lips moved down her stomach and descended on the long line of scar tissue that stretched across the underside of her belly. Rhea felt tears come to her eyes at the memories of that particular scar surfaced in her mind. She started to gasp, the combined sensations of his lips on her skin and her memories overwhelming her.

"Rhea." The Doctor's voice cut through the haze in her mind. "Come back to me, lovely. It's just me. We're in your bedroom in the TARDIS." Her eyes snapped to his. "We're going to make love, Rhea. That's all." He leaned up and kissed her hard on the mouth; it was more than just a kiss; it was a vow to her. "I would never hurt you. I couldn't even dream of it."

Rhea swallowed hard and nodded, jerkily. The Doctor kissed the scar on her stomach from end to end once more. He leaned up on his knees and pressed a warm and loving kiss to the two names inscribed on her ribcage, Rhea's fists clenching in the sheets from the shock. The Doctor moved back to her mouth, unable to tear away from the luscious red lips, and tasted the saltiness of her unwilling tears on her tongue. He planted a tender kiss on her lips and fit himself along the entire length of her body, sashaying his body down hers, until his eyes met her beautiful hips.

Rhea bit her lip and watched him hook his hands around her thighs, his fingers stroking over the jagged scar on the back of her leg, and she wondered how she could possibly be attractive to him. But his eyes never faltered. They stared at with that ever-constant intensity that made her breath hitch in her throat. His hands jerked to the side, baring her thighs wide, exposing her completely to his dark, appreciative gaze.

"Doctor," Rhea swallowed hard and tried to cover up her emotional reaction with harmless flirting like she was used to. "You're wearing entirely too many clothes." She waggled her eyebrows.

The Doctor smirked and his hands dropped from her legs, falling to his belt buckle. He undid the belt slowly, watching with pride as Rhea licked her lips, not taking her eyes off his hands on his belt. He pulled it through the holes and tossed it somewhere in the room, the clang of the metal buckle hitting one of the books and making it fall down to the floor.

Rhea hissed and threw herself off the bed, pushing herself onto her knees in front of him, barely an inch between them. Her hands trailed down his smooth, lightly muscled chest, never taking her dark green eyes off him, until her fingers reached the button of his pants. She undid the button and pulled down the zipper, and the Doctor shoved them off his legs, not caring where they went.

He had his hot gunslinger naked in his bed. What did he care about clothes?

Rhea bit her lip, a playful, wicked smile on her lips, and she placed her hands on his shoulders. Suddenly, she shoved him sideways and onto the bed, on his back, and he let out a cry of shock as she straddled his hips. His hands curled around her hips, steadying her over him, and slid up her back, rubbing over the burn mark that adorned skin between her shoulder blades.

Her head dropped down and her nose grazed his hips, sliding down his body, until she came face to face with his boxers. She chuckled when she saw the mini screwdrivers on the silk. The Doctor wound his hands in her hair and gave her a reprimanding tug on the curls.

Rhea grinned. "Right, laughing at a guy's boxers during sex is probably in poor taste, huh?" She bit her lip, smirking up at him. "I bet I can make you feel better though." She said, coyly. She mouthed at the length of his cock through the silk of his boxers, and his hands tightened in her hair as he gasped.

"Rhea." He groaned.

"Don't worry, honey. I'm a pro at this." She purred and tore the boxers at the seams, swiping the shreds of the fabric off the bed.

She dragged her teeth over her lip and tipped her head up, looking at him. He was heavy and cool when she wrapped her small hand around the base of his cock, drawing a strangled groan from his lips. Rhea licked her lips and dipped her head down, swallowing him down with one long swoop. The Doctor's grip in her hair was to the point of painful, but Rhea had suffered through much worse during sex that him simply pulling did nothing but send pleasurable shocks down her spine and settle in her cunt, making her gush onto her thighs. She licked and sucked at him until he was nothing more than a shaking mess above her, pressing her mouth even more firmly onto his cock.

The Doctor looked down at her, at her black curls falling over his hips like silk, her full breasts pressing against her thighs. He could feel a coiling pressure at the base of his spine, his orgasm fast approaching. He wanted to tell her how brilliant this was, how brilliant she was, how grateful he was that she wanted to do this, but that Time Lord brain he was always talking about didn't seem to be able to do anything more than wordless sounds of pleasure that were roughly translated as please, Rhea, please don't stop. All he could do was weave his fingers in her long, dark curls (he wouldn't dare admit to her because she would never let him hear the end of it, but he really did have a thing for her hair).

The hot, wet of her mouth was scorching on him and he had always wondered why she liked doing what others would call such a vulgar gesture so much. From time to time, she would have the urge to take him into her mouth and all she would do is whisper her suggestion in his ear, seductively, and slip her hand inside the front of his trousers, palming the length of his cock. He, like every other time, would watch her go down on him with obvious and delicious relish, which was almost better than that magical thing she just did with her tongue.

His grip on her hair became insistent, knowing just how much pressure she liked, when her tongue coiled around the tip of his cock. When she reached a hand between his legs and slid a finger against his perineum, almost hesitant-like as if she didn't what was okay with him, his hips thrust forward into her mouth, making her grin, while he was only now realising that he was about to come and come hard. One more hot, lapping lick of her tongue to the very tip and he was gone.

"Right, that's enough." The Doctor breathed out, his voice nothing more than a low growl in her ears, like smooth honey.

Rhea pouted and slipped her lips off the head of his cock, running her thumb over her cherry-red lips and sucking the digit into her mouth, seductively, as she drew out any remaining moisture. He tasted warm, salty and perfect. Not much different than any human male she had been with, but this was the fucking Doctor she was talking about. He felt firm and heady on her tongue, the feel of him in her mouth making her head spin as she savoured his delicious moment of insanity, dipping her head down and licking him in a long line from base to tip one last time.

She had always been a huge fan of blowjobs. Men had tried to use them against her in a power trip, but she was the one who was giving them the pleasure they needed to have an orgasm. There was never anything that made her feel like control than watching a man fall apart above her because of the pleasure she was deigning to give to him.

But the Doctor was different. She relished in every single reaction her ministrations drew from him. She could rut with him like an animal. Nothing but mindless clothes-tearing, furniture-smashing, back-scratching, licking, biting and sucking all night long.

"You're ruining all my fun, honey." She purred, wiggling forward so that her thighs were straddling his hips once again.

The Doctor growled at her challenging smile and gripped her by the hips, tossing her down on the bed and switching their positions. His hips jerked against hers, and she felt him with a low purr of delight against her cunt, her wetness soaking the entire length of his cock. He stared at her, her hair a bunch of messy curls that travelled like silk down her skin, her cheeks were flushed and her mouth moist and still tasting of him.

"Amazing refractory period." She gasped out.

He dipped his head down and took one of her nipples into his mouth. His tongue licked and nipped the pebbled bud, and he repeated his treatment with his hand on her other breast. She writhed beneath him, curving herself into his mouth, clutching his head tightly to her chest, as his tongue sent her soaring. His mouth moved from breast to breast, sucking and biting sensitive flesh until his room was filled with only her breathless cries.

He moved down her body, his scorching eyes never leaving hers and spread her legs for him once more, throwing one over his shoulder. His hands held her upper thighs in place and his head dipped down, his tongue swiping across the length of her cunt.

Rhea shrieked and tried to buck her hips, much to her embarrassment. It wasn't the first time that someone had gone down on her. However, with the exception of her husband, the other men had no idea what they were doing; they just went in blindly and were convinced that at the first touch of their tongue on her cunt, she would start to come. In fact, if she were being absolutely honest, other than Damian, she had only ever had a proper, toe-curling, limb-spasming, stomach-clenching, eyes-rolling-back-in-her-head orgasm from the Doctor.

"Your – uh – oral fixation – guh – seems to be – oh, fuck, more, please – coming in handy, honey." Rhea's hands twisted in the Doctor's hair, tugging until all she was doing was gasping out unintelligible sounds.

He hooked his hands around her thighs and lifted her hips right off the bed, making Rhea's eyes widen. His mouth descended and his tongue licked her once more, delving into the warmth and the wetness as if he were lapping it up. Once, twice and three times and Rhea was desperately searching for something hard that she could break apart. She fell back against the bed, her body arched off the bed, half on the sheets and half in the Doctor's very capable hands. She was weak from the pleasure, trembling, as his tongue did things to her that she didn't even imagine he knew about.

Maybe, I'd gotten him all wrong.

Thank God for oral fixations.

It had been years since she had a mind-blowing orgasm – her last being her husband over six years ago – and he had barely touched her cunt and she was already shaking from it.

"Oh, hell." Rhea hissed as the Doctor slid a finger inside of her, his lips attaching onto her throbbing clit.

He suckled with a firm pressure that made her tremble anew and her hips rocked against his mouth.

"Still with me, lovely?" The Doctor smirked.

Rhea blinked and lifted her head to look down at him. His lips were damp and red and his cheeks were flushed from the lack of air while her legs were wrapped around his neck. She licked her lips and had the sudden urge to lick her taste off his lips and smirked, wickedly. She leaned down, scooting down the bed, and crushed her lips against his, her tongue sliding out and licking her come off his lips. She smiled at the familiar taste of her cunt; she tasted sweet and salty and absolutely decadent and she stared at him through her eyelashes, wantonly.

She pushed him down by the shoulders and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, get to work." She gestured and her words broke off in a moan when his tongue lavished her clit.

His finger slid deeper inside her and rubbed at that little spot that had her dripping over his fingers, his glee clear on his smug face. But then, just as she was about to come – quicker than ever before – and come hard, his firm strokes eased up and his tongue danced away from where he was exploring and focused on the rest of her cunt.

The Doctor groaned, seeking out more of her taste on his tongue. She tasted of wicked sex – sharp, tart and amazing – and he swept his tongue around her opening, dipping it inside and laving the sensitive flesh. He loved the mewling and the thrashing that his actions elicited from Rhea almost as much as he loved licking her out. He could stay here forever, between her sweet, welcoming thighs, he thought, running his tongue over her damp, eager flesh, sucking on her clit and making her buck and writhe.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck." Rhea chanted and the Doctor finally gave up on teasing her.

The Doctor gripped one of her thighs with one hand and with the other, he slid two fingers easily and deeply into her cunt, thrusting them in and out of her soaking wet flesh. He could feel and see and hear her dripping around him, the sweet come drenching his fingers and the silk sheets under Rhea's thighs.

Without conscious thought, her hips began to rock against his mouth to the rhythm of his tongue on her clit and his fingers in her cunt. The heated tension in her stomach was coiled tight and she was ready to snap; her clit was achingly sensitive with each purposeful stroke of his fingers. He was thrusting, stroking, pressing and licking all at the same time at a pace that was slowly, but surely, bringing her to a point from which there was no return.

His mouth bore down on her cunt; alternating between hard, firm licks and sweet, slow licks, which had her hurtling towards a mind-blowing orgasm. She finally hit that peak and went over the edge, her cunt convulsing around his lips and fingers, and he groaned as she gushed all around him, leaving his lips and fingers wet, and he greedily lapped up every drop, moaning at the last of the taste of her come on his tongue.

"Doctordoctordoctordoctordoctor." Rhea thrashed on the bed as her climax took over every bit of reason, her eyes rolling back in her head and her toes curling, her arms and legs seizing.

He couldn't help but smirk in sheer smug delight, as he licked at her gently as she trembled through the last of her orgasm, and he pulled away when she finally stopped thrashing about on the bed. He sat on the bed on his knees, right in between her thighs, as she panted from her orgasm. His thigh eased between hers and he ground his hard length against the soft flesh between her thighs.

"Don't tease me, you jackass." She snarled, her voice breaking off as a moan and losing some of their vitriol.

The Doctor grinned and thrust into her with one harsh jerk of his hips. Rhea's back arched off the bed and she wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging him and crushing her lips against his, his mouth swallowing her moans.

"Every instinct in me is begging me to hunt him down, Rhea." The Doctor murmured against her lips and she reeled back in shock, feeling him slide so deeply into her that her legs spread for him in wild, wanton abandon. "To make him feel the fear he instilled in you." Her breath was shallow and slow as he thrust again into her. "He didn't deserve you, Rhea. But, then again, neither do I." The Doctor's voice rumbled in her ears.

Rhea threw her head back, her hands slipping from his neck and down to his back, her nails raking down his skin.

Of course you deserve me, Doctor. But you'll soon find out that I don't deserve you.

Her head tipped forwards and to the side, slightly, so that her lips grazed his ear.

"Don't hurt me." She whispered and cursed the slight break in her voice and wished that the fear didn't exist, buried deep in her soul – not with him.

The Doctor swept her hair from her face and admired the way that it curled away from her face, like a dark halo. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers.

"I'd die first." He swore.

He buried his face in her neck as his hips moved, steadily, against hers. She spread her legs wider and hooked them around her hips, her heels digging into his back, urging him deeper inside of her.

"Doctor… I need…"

"I know, love, I know." The Doctor crooned in her ear, revelling in the whimpers and moans he invoked from her, catching her mouth in a hungry yet sweet kiss as he picked up speed. "Rhea. My beautiful Rhea."

Rhea gritted her teeth, a little annoyed at the way she had lost control of their interlude, and clenched her cunt around his cock, digging her nails into the Doctor's back and moaning to the sky when the Doctor turned, slightly, to the side and bit down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder, making her cry out in pleasure.

"Mine." The Doctor growled, pleased at the way that his mark covered the one that John had placed on her skin.

The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, pulling her half off the bed and into his arms. He kissed the side of her head as he slammed into her, overwhelmed by how hot and wet and tight she was.

"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes." Rhea muttered, furiously, her head thrashing from side to side. "Please, more, Doctor, I need more. Please, fuck me harder." She growled, slamming her hands down on the sheets.

The Doctor smirked and pushed her back on the bed. He hooked his hands around her upper thighs and pulled them apart, baring her cunt to his gaze so that he could see every slow pull of his cock into her warm, wet flesh.

"Don't worry, love, I'll get you there." The Doctor purred.

His breath crashed against her ear, growing shallower with every thrust and rock of his hips, his speed increasing then decreasing, puling her ever so close to the edge and then wrenching it out from underneath her. Rhea growled in desperation, baring her teeth at him, and he simply bit down again on her shoulder, a punishing bite, a warning for her to submit. His fingers dug into her hips, leaving a pleasurable, dull ache and Rhea knew for sure that she would be sore tomorrow.

Rhea choked out a sound of pleasure when one of his hands slipped between her thighs and his thumb brushed, purposefully, against her aching clit in time with his quickening thrusts. Rhea dug her teeth in as she felt her stomach start to clench with her approaching climax. She could feel her body trembling as she approached that precipice that she had ached for since the moment the Doctor had thrown her on that bed. She could feel herself gushing even more with every single one of the Doctor's thrusts, her sweat-soaked skin tingling as the sparks in her mind and cunt ignited. The burning coil at the pit of her abdomen intensified and moved lower with every single thrust and she couldn't help but think that the sensation was mind-blowing. His tempo picked up, moment after moment, thrust after thrust, and she started to arch her hips more forcefully up against his, whimpering, gasping and thrashing amidst the silk sheets.

"Rhea-" The Doctor growled, clenching down on his teeth

Starts burst behind her eyes as she bucked her hips against his hand, his finger tapping on her sensitive clit until all she was doing was convulsing around him. It didn't take him more than two more thrusts for his breathing to get shallow and for him to groan in her ear, spilling deep inside of her. Her hand weaved its way into her hair and she pressed his face into her neck, as the aftershocks continued to attack their bodies, their limbs still trembling and their toes still curled.

The Doctor started to whisper praises and endearments in a language that Rhea didn't even understand against her skin, but she understood the intention behind the words even if she didn't know the translation. She kissed his cheeks and his forehead, as he shook above her, his jaws, then his eyelids and finally, her lips slanted across his, sweetly, moaning his name against his lips.

They were both panting and breathless and the echoing of the slap of their skin and the vicious gyrating of their hips against each other still rang through the occupied bedroom. Finally, the Doctor slid out of her, her cunt convulsing one last time as he rubbed against her inner walls once more. He rolled onto the other side of the bed, but not before wrapping an arm around her curvy waist to bring her warm body against his.

He brought the sheets up to cover them both, and their legs tangled together beneath the covers.

"Well?" The Doctor said, hesitantly. "Do you believe me now?" He asked, slowly.

Rhea bit her lip and turned onto her side, her hand moving and stroking against the side of his face, her fingers trailing down his unshaven cheek and lingering on his strong jaw. She didn't know how to explain this to him. How did she go about explaining her mindset to a man who was convinced he was head over heels for her?

She graced him with a haunted smile.

"Have you ever laid on your bed at night and cried because you're not good enough? Just lied there and thought about everything that you hate about yourself and everything the others hate about you and just wanted to die." She swallowed past the lump in her throat and the Doctor ached for her, having the sudden urge to hunt her ex-husband and anyone who had dared to hurt her down and rip them limb from limb. "Because, I have." She admitted. "I have scars, Doctor, scars across my body and my mind that are not magically going to go away. I can't give you more than this right now. If I did, I'd be lying. And I don't want to lie to you." She confessed, pressing her worn and sore body against his, feeling his arms come to wrap around her waist.

"I know, Rhea." The Doctor buried his face in her hair and nuzzled into the curls. "I understand. You're cautious and I'm willing to wait until you can believe me." He said, sweetly.

"I'm not an idiot, you know." Rhea said, suddenly. She looked slightly awkward, bringing this up. "I mean, I've noticed the way you look at me when you think I'm not looking, those little comments people make about our relationship, the fact that we pretend to be married every chance we get, the way you acted when I first met you, I can tell that our relationship isn't purely platonic, be it in the future or the past. You know that I… I mean, don't think that I don't…" She stammered, pressing her hand against her stomach, and her nose graced his shoulder.

She couldn't say it. She doubted she would ever say it. If he truly loved her, he would have to be satisfied with her non-confessions. She couldn't give him more than that. At least, not now.

"Yeah, I know." The Doctor said, quietly, his hand stroking over her hair, and he kissed her on the forehead.

Rhea pushed herself onto her elbows and leaned over him, her long, mussed hair falling onto his chest and her full breasts pressing deliciously against his skin.

"Thank you for making love to me. It's the first time anyone's ever done that." She leaned down and gave him the sweetest kiss on the mouth she could muster after a night of the most toe-curling, limb-seizing and body-arching lovemaking she had ever experienced.

And with no feeling of discontent, humiliation or shame afterwards.

She leaned back against the bed and allowed the Doctor to wrap his body around hers. He could feel every inch, every curve, every rise and fall of her body against his. She hated the closeness, but she would only ever allow the Doctor to see her like this. So uninhibited and revealing. She wasn't at that point where she could willingly cuddle with him. Her haphephobia would protest and she would probably scare him away. But she could stomach the rest of the night in his arms, even though her skin would itch, maddeningly.

"By the way, you desperately need to apologise to Martha for everything you pulled when you were human." Rhea said, suddenly.

The Doctor nodded, emphatically against her shoulder. "I will, in the morning."

She sat up and the sheets fell to her waist. The Doctor's attention was immediately drawn to the fierce curve of her breast, before she snapped her fingers in front of his face to clear his head.

"Do you actually realise why you have to apologise?" She asked, suspiciously.

The Doctor smiled at her. "I know I have a reputation for being insensitive, lovely, but I am capable of recognising my own mistakes on occasion, even without you pointing it out." He sighed. "I treated Martha abominably. I wish I could blame it on the fact that John thought it was all appropriate for the times, but there was opposition to racism at that time as well and if anyone should have been tolerant, it should've been me." He looked at her, artlessly. "But believe me when I say this, Rhea, I don't think of Martha as being less because she's not white. I'm not that sort of person and John shouldn't have been either. But he was and the way I treated her was inexcusable, so I'll apologise to her in the morning."

"You were kind of a white supremacist." Rhea agreed. "A complete jackass. Even I wanted to punch you in the face." She shrugged. "I'm glad I got a chance to kill the Headmaster for what he did to Martha." She said, honestly. She bit her lip. "But John also believed that shooting people was okay, so we can definitely see that he was not completely you," She said, pointedly. "I'm sure if you're sincere in your apology, Martha will forgive you. She really cares about you and she knows that you'd never look down on her because she's coloured."

"I can only hope so," The Doctor murmured. "But I, for one, am glad we left Farringham." He grinned and kissed her neck, sweetly.

Rhea smirked and shook her head. "You're going to be doing this for the rest of my life, aren't you, acting as my guilty conscience?" She said, fondly, blanching slightly when she mentioned staying with him for the rest of her life.

That would never happen. She would screw up long before that. And he would kick her out. That was the way of the world for her. And she could accept that. But she would not accept scraps just because she was desperate for some of the Doctor's attention. If he wanted her, she would indulge him until he got tired of her. And then she would leave with her dignity intact.

"Would you sing to me again?" The Doctor asked, suddenly, wrapping the sheets around them so that they were tucked underneath Rhea's arms, covering her breasts so that he wouldn't be tempted.

Rhea cracked a smile. "I'm not even a good singer." She pointed out. "What song?"

The Doctor hesitated. "The song you sang to John after he had a nightmare."

Rhea nodded, her head burrowing into the soft pillow, her hand coming around his head and stroking through his thick hair. "Saiyaara main saiyaara, Saiyaara tu saiyaara. Sitaaron ke jahaan mein milenge ab yaara." Her voice was slightly hoarse but the foreign words that were so similar fell off her tongue as if they were honey. "Saiyaara main saiyaara, Saiyaara tu saiyaara. Sitaaron ke jahaan mein milenge ab yaara."

The Doctor and her had met in the world of stars again.

---

A/N: Okay, I don't have much of an author's note for this chapter. This is definitely the longest chapter I have ever written before, and I'm glad it could be this chapter, because it took me almost four days to write and I really did enjoy it. I'm kind of sad that it's over because this was the one I was working towards and now it's done, but I'm sure there'll be so many more of these emotional ones in the chapter.

So, congratulations, everyone! We finally made it to the beginning of the Doctor's and Rhea's relationship – and it only took sixty-nine chapters!

Anyway, hope you all liked the chapter and don't forget to review!

Reviews:

I love damon Salvatore girl: Thank you so much!

ImsebastianstanButter: I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

NicoleR85: Thank you! And I'm so glad you enjoyed Rhea's treatment of Joan. I thought more people would think it was a bit of an overreaction, but I'm glad to see that isn't so.

grapejuice101: Thank you! It's good to be back! Yeah, the Doctor has a lot to apologise for, especially to Martha.

SporkGender: Aww, that's so great! I'm also secretly (or not so secretly) cheering for Rhea.

AxidentlGoddess: Yeah, I don't think we've ever seen her outright murder someone like that before. But like you said, Rhea definitely had cause considering everything he did to Martha and she probably felt like she was justified. And that line is actually very Rhea; she always tells herself something along those lines so that she can pull herself back before she does something she thinks is stupid like fall for the Doctor. So hopefully you found the reunion realistic.

The bunny always dies first: Hopefully you enjoyed the fallout!

LookAliveSunshine03: As far as Rhea was concerned, I think she felt like she was justified in killing the headmaster after what he did to Martha. And the way I look at it, I think maybe they wouldn't understand the intricacies of misogyny, but feminism has existed for a long time and I think the Doctor (in any form) would know a feminist Rhea, if that makes sense. I think John would have memories of a Rhea that doesn't conform to the values of a 1913 society, so while he wouldn't understand maybe misogyny completely, he would understand her ideas about equality. Not necessarily agree but he would understand, I think. I mean, even in Human Nature/The Family of Blood, John never really looked down on Martha and Joan for being women, he only looked down on Martha for being coloured. So I don't think the whole men/woman thing would be an issue for him.