Hi, everyone. I had this conversation between the Meta-Crisis Doctor & Rose in my head, I just needed to write it down. This is just a one-shot, no plans on extending the story. I personally don't like the idea that Rose wouldn't have a complex emotional response in the aftermath of Journey's End, but I also don't think it would take long for her to fall back in love with Tentoo. This conversation is basically head canon for how I interpret the Doctor in series 3 (is it just me, or did he become more reckless after losing Rose?) Anyway, hope you enjoy.

TW: Suicide & Therapy

It hadn't taken long, in reality, for Rose to warm to her new Human-Timelord companion – even if those first couple of months had felt like years to the Doctor. Two weeks of guilty glances and shy conversations had evolved into a turbulent week of shouting, blaming, finger pointing and storming out of any room that he was in. Eventually, this had then settled into a pattern of silences, half-arsed shrugs and mumbles of 'whatever'. It was perhaps the most painful part of the whole experience for him, the feeling that she had simply stopped caring at all. Little did he know, behind the scenes she was so scared about how her brain reacted at the sight of him, and how much it hurt her heart to treat him this way, that she had signed up for Torchwood's on-site therapy. Rose didn't want to hate the Doctor. Rose wanted to kiss him again, wanted him to her hold tightly. She wanted him to hold her hand and grin that wide, cocky grin. She wanted him to whisper in her ear just one word. Run.

But… she had wanted that with the Doctor. This man she was left with, though filled with his memories, felt more like a cheap copy. Knowing that the real deal was out there somewhere, happily moving on without her… that's when the anger had come. After everything she had done, every sacrifice. He didn't know about those years without him, what it had cost her. And yet, he'd not wanted her back. Or at least, that's how it felt. And through all the terrible treatment of this clone version she now had beside her, she was smart enough to know that it wasn't right. So, therapy helped, little by little.

Then, one magical day, this new-ish Doctor had made her smile. It wasn't much – more a smirk, than anything else – but his Rose reacted positively towards one of his science-y ramblings during a lecture at the Torchwood Training Facility Hall. This was where the Doctor had felt most comfortable taking up work, somewhere he could use his vast knowledge and incredible intelligence and put it to good use, training new recruits. (The scars of Canary Wharf had not yet faded, and so the idea of being anywhere near the fight frightened him more than he cared to admit. Damn these human emotions, suddenly so much harder to suppress in this new body.) He hadn't noticed when she had entered his auditorium, only realising half-way through his speech regarding the Quantum Entanglement Theory that she was stood there, leant in the doorway, all pink and yellow and beautiful with her lips turned up at once side. A smile! As their eyes met, he began to fumble on his words and she rolled her eyes playfully before signalling him to hurry up.

Fifteen minutes later, the Doctor dismissed his class and regrouped with Rose in the staff canteen. She pushed her spaghetti bolognese around the plastic plate absentmindedly, more focussed on the site of the Doctor wolfing down his portion – not that her Time Lord had never eaten during their travels, but generally he had only ever snacked and rarely ate full meals. More and more she realised that she had been travelling with some sort of cat-person, who grazed their food, only ever napped (and were usually still mentally awake anyway), and simultaneously demanded attention whilst also keeping her at a distance. The silly thought of him purring made her laugh, which caught him off-guard mid mouthful.

"Sorry," She swallowed her giggles as he swallowed his food and put his fork down. "Just… not used to seeing you like this."

"Human bodies need so much to keep going, I don't know how you people cope." He responded.

"Oi! You're one of us now, mate. Less of the 'you people', yeah?"

"Hmm." His faced was amused as he crossed his arms. "So. To what do I owe the pleasure, Rose Tyler?"

She still melted whenever he said her name like that. Like it was the most precious thing his tongue could ever pronounce. Like she was special.

Full of shame, she took a deep breath and averted her gaze to her own food. "I know I've not been the easiest person to be around since… you know. I didn't know how to feel about everything and I got overwhelmed. The more I thought about him, the more I felt abandoned or discarded. And then I would look at you, and as much as I wanted to try to move on, y-you look to like him! And your face made it all come back. It's stupid, I just couldn't focus my outbursts. So, um, yeah, I started seeing a therapist."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, but he didn't look judgemental. It was a curious expression. She risked darting her eyes at him then back down to her plate.

"It's really helped me to sort my head out. And I don't want to push you away anymore. 'Cause, well, that would be pushing away someone who… like, loves me. And I need to keep my loved ones close." She finally met his eyes now, and reached forward with a tentative hand. "And you said, on the beach, you said-"

The Doctor leant forward like lightening and enclosed her shaking hand with both of his own, pleading with his own eyes. "That I loved you. And I do."

Relief swept over her face which concerned him in an instant.

"You didn't believe me." He stated it as fact, no question.

"I did." She corrected with a shake of her head. "At the time. And I do now. There was just this dark part of me that thought, well if he could leave me so easily, then maybe it isn't real. I don't know."

A familiar anger boiled within the Doctor's gut now, though it wasn't aimed at her. It was something he'd had to deal with for the longest time, ever since the Time War and all of the atrocities he'd both witnessed and committed. It was something that had been the reason behind keeping his beautiful Rose at a distance their entire time together. Self-loathing. Only this time, it wasn't his current self he wanted to shake. Attempting to shield her from his demons, he took a breath in through the nose and grit his teeth.

"He loves you, as well." The Doctor began despite himself. "But he is also a self-important, proud, spiteful, alien creature that can't see past his own problems."

Rose was aghast. "That's… you're talking about yourself."

"I know." He spat, letting go of her hands and leaning back in his chair. "This is the kind of stuff I never saw, before. I got to save the day and move on. I didn't see the aftermath. The therapy. Therapy, because of me? I just-the thought wouldn't ever cross his mind. That you would need to get over him. Because of, well, me. I'm the perfect scape goat, am I not? Here – I won't take you in the TARDIS because it's too painful but hey, here's a discount Doctor with built-in memories, same thing, right?"

Unsure of how to react, Rose scooted her chair round the table so that she could lean her head onto his should. With a sigh, he mirrored her movement by leaning his head against hers. She whispered, "I don't think you're a discount Doctor."

He hummed in response and she placed a hand on his thigh so she could squeeze her reassurance. She was sure everyone else in the canteen would be giving them sideways glances and gossiping, but she didn't really care. He didn't seem to either, as he didn't move except for winding his arm around her shoulder, then wrapping his other round her front so that he was hugging her.

"He loves you." He repeated.

"Okay." Rose didn't sound convinced.

They were quiet for a few minutes. And then, "Rose, you were in that parallel world with Donna. You remember what happened?"

"The stars were going out." She nodded into his chest.

"No, I don't mean that. You remember what happened to me?"

A single tear raced down her cheek, another threatening to burst its banks. "You died."

"Do you know why?"

"The Racnoss, Christmas day. Donna wasn't there to help, so you drowned."

"Hmm."

"Why are you bringing that up?"

The Doctor appeared to stiffen around her, then relax again. He was fighting something internally, she could tell. Once again, they went quiet. Perhaps he would never answer the question, she thought. Maybe it was time to get back to work? They'd more than likely spent too long here now; the Doctor probably had a class and she was more than likely making the lab team wait. She was just about to suggest that they move on and talk more later, when he finally began to speak. It was a croak, low and practically a whisper.

"I could've got out. It wasn't hard. Even if I left it too late, and I began to drown, it would have triggered a regeneration and I could've swum to safety. There were tonnes of escape hatches, maintenance tunnels, and the like. The regeneration energy would have kept me safe until I got out. And then, well you know. New man. Et Cetera." He made a blasé gesture with his wrist and Rose looked up at him. His eyes were glazed over – he wasn't in the room anymore. She didn't dare move or speak, afraid that if she stopped him now, he would never open up again. Did she dare to hear what he had to say, though? "I remember my version of events, so I can assume what happened. I guess you could call it PTSD, I don't know. I was killing her children, Rose. They would have devoured the Earth but… they were children. And she was screaming. I kept thinking, is this all I am? All I can ever be? Genocidal. A killer. It was the Time War all over again. And then, I thought, not with her. Not with Rose. She made me better. She was – is – my everything. And she's gone. And the moment she is lost, I am back to being that man. Easy as that. Back to murdering children for the so called 'greater good.' And I thought, I can't. I can't live without her. Without you."

Rose's tears were coming thick and fast now, though she let them drip down her chin, still afraid to move. His eyes were wet, full of emotion, still staring into the distance. He was reliving it.

"I wanted the water to take me." He concluded. "It was Donna, shouting up at me to stop, that snapped me out of it. I couldn't leave her to drown too, so I carried on. Met Martha shortly after that. I didn't treat her well, I still wanted you back. I don't know how she stayed for as long as she did. I kept throwing myself into situations, regardless of my safety. Did I still want to die? I don't know. I begged the Daleks to kill me. I let lightening hit me whilst I dangled on one of the tallest buildings on Earth. I-I ruined Marth's life. Then Donna came back, and you know what, I finally felt like I could be happy. I finally found a place in the universe again."

Rose hadn't realised the extent to which she had impacted the Doctor's life. Her breath caught at the idea of him feeling suicidal when they parted ways – he even more so at the acknowledgement that she, too, had experienced similar thoughts. The revelation rang in her ears, made her feel sick. After all this time…

"He still has Donna." She blurted out, a surprise to herself. "Is that why he left me?"

"No." His answer was abrupt. "It's my fault. If I hadn't been born, he would've taken you in a heartbeat. He still loves you, Rose Tyler. He always will."

He shuddered suddenly and unwound her arms from her, stretching and standing from the table. Shocked, she blinked several times and quickly wiped her face on her sleeves. If she was trying to hide her tears from him, her puffy red eyes and snotty nose betrayed her. He turned around and instantly felt guilty for making her feel that way, though at the same time he knew that she needed to know, to understand. She needed to know that her Time Lord had and still did care for her. Just as he did. He extended his hand out to her, which she gladly took.

"Come on," He smirked despite himself. "Let's play hooky for the rest of the day. Fancy an ice cream at the park? It's not a walk in the anti-gravity trails of Xentropolis Falls, but-"

"I'd love to." She beamed up at him.

He squeezed her hand. "Brilliant. You're brilliant. I do love you, Rose Tyler."

"I love you, too."

"Never going to tire of hearing that."

"Me neither!"

As though the conversation had never happened, they walked hand-in-hand out of the canteen, to hell with the consequences. Little did they know that this would lead to a very Human Doctor accepting to take some therapy sessions for himself, which would lead to a more open relationship. No, in this moment right here, they couldn't possibly know that they were starting their new path, one that led to world travel, physical and emotional intimacy and, much later, two children. That was all the future, and without a TARDIS, it was something they would discover as they grew, together.