Author's note: Tomorrow is my birthday. So, I thought I'd spread the happy - especially since yall's sweet reviews made my day. Here's chapter two: hold on to your vaginas - it's going to be a bumpy ride.
As always, I don't own shit.
Whoa, what the hell is that smell?
Living with guys is so gross. Like, uber gross.
Okay, so yes, I lived with Ron. But that was for like, two months, and the majority of that time either I was travelling, or he was travelling and if we were home together…well, let's just say that the afterglow must have bled over into our living space as well.
I puffed out my cheeks while I held my breath and continued to get ready.
God, what crawled up someone's arse and died?
I was starting to get used to it though. I mean, look at me. I'm in the bathroom after someone's arse exploded, and I've only gagged twice!
Experimental sniff. Retch.
Okay, three times.
I can't complain too much. The guys are nice. They're…sweet. And annoying. But mostly sweet.
Theo, the poor lug, he has a bit of a temper. He'll randomly scream at things and people, which should be terrifying due to his size, but really he's just a big old softy. After my bout of depression, and subsequent wake-up call from the three of them, he's been, my go-to guy. Always asking if I'm okay – but wary of my response. He doesn't do girly emotions well.
He brought me ice cream and chick flicks, then offered to help me work off the calories later.
Get your mind out of the gutter! Blimey! He's a personal trainer.
Then there's Blaise. Ah, Blaise. He's…well, he's a douche most of the time. In fact, he was the inspiration for the douchebag jar. And it's biggest contributor, by far. At last count, we had a hundred and three dollars in there. But really, he's just afraid. He tries to hide it, but I can see it. He was burned pretty badly while attending University by some bitch named Pansy. She had him wrapped around her pinky, worshipping the ground she walked on and then she cast him aside like yesterday's garbage. It's sad really, the way he behaves. Trying to keep everyone at arm's length.
I'm going to work on him.
And finally, there's Draco.
Gah.
Draco.
He's just gorgeous. And incredibly smart. And funny. And sweet. And charming. And…and…and…just…
Perfect.
Yeah, he's just absolutely perfect.
And totally untouchable.
Gah. Oh wait, I already said that. It bears repeating.
Because, you see, apparently Draco has been single, by choice, for the past year. Why - you ask? Well, that would be because his ex, Astoria, broke his heart. Oh, she broke it bad. From what I've been able to pull out of the guys, they had been dating for almost two years, living together for six months and Draco had been ready to propose.
But Astoria, on the other hand, was ready to move on. With some guy named Adrian.
Yeah.
Ouch.
Poor Draco.
He's apparently been shut off to the idea of love and romantic nonsense ever since. Theo says it's because he's waiting for Astoria to come back. Blaise agrees. Draco says it's because he doesn't need the stress or the headache that comes along with it all.
I agree with Theo and Blaise, but I would never, ever, tell Draco that.
With a heavy sigh and a gentle shake of my head, I finished curling my hair. A swipe of eyeliner here, a brush of mascara there and I'm good. Ready to face the day.
Why is my face blue? What are those little dots swimming around my head? Oh. Right.
Deep breath. Retch.
God, boys are so fucking gross.
…
I spent the majority of my day in a hippy-chic coffee shop, trying and failing to get words down. The last month had been tough on my fragile mind. My stories were about love. Epic, mind-blowing, earth-moving love. My shit with Ron, paired with both Blaise and Draco's painful pasts with the four-lettered word, left me more than a little disillusioned.
How could I write about gentle sighs, sparkling eyes, laughs and lingering touches when I had been hurt so badly by it?
I couldn't.
So, I didn't.
I wrote some super smutty fanfiction instead. What? Don't judge me. It's a nice escape from time to time. And the reviews are sweet. They make me feel normal.
Mental snort.
I packed up my things and made my way back to the apartment. I had my mind set on going to the bar tonight. Draco wasn't working, and I could use a night with my boys. Juvenile and stupid as they were, they made me smile when I felt like a loser.
Which was roughly ninety-five percent of the time. Give or take five percent.
Imagine my surprise when I got out of our elevator and heard the first emotastic strains of Bryan Adams 'Everything I do – I do it for you' blaring from our apartment.
"Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!" I whispered to myself while racing to the door. My messenger bag banged against my hip as I ran, frantically searching through its pockets for my key. I might have been acting a little dramatically, but my boys didn't listen to emo music. They just didn't.
Finally securing my key and unlocking my door, I came to an immediate halt at the visage before me.
Draco.
Gah.
He was swaying along to the music, belting out the lyrics to the song in his incredibly smooth voice – a bottle of Jack Daniels clutched firmly within his grip. A half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
"Psst," I heard coming from my left. I turned, wide-eyed, towards the kitchen and saw Blaise and Theo standing there with matching grimaces. With one last, brief look at Draco's pathetic display, I tip-toed into the kitchen and rounded on the other two boys.
"What the fuck?" I whisper-yelled to be heard over the impressively loud singing from the other room.
Theo sighed deeply before shoving an open envelope into my hands. I looked at it warily, before glancing back up into his sad, dark eyes.
"Read it," he urged.
On the outside of the envelope, in pretty, flowing cursive, was Draco's name. With no small amount of trepidation, I opened the heavy envelope.
I was scared, whatever was contained within this inconspicuous envelope had sent my sweet, charming Draco into an alarming depression. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
August 1st at three o'clock, reception immediately following.
Astoria Greengrass and Adrian Pucey.
"Holy fuckballs," I muttered. Was this shit for real?
"Is this shit for real?" I questioned the boys. I was pissed.
I mean, who the fuck does that?
"Yeah, um…" Theo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "We found it when we got home."
I flipped the blasphemous envelope over and noticed the lack of postage.
"She brought it here?" I hissed indignantly. How dare she? Just who the fuck did this bitch think she was?
"Stupid bitch," Blaise grumbled, crossing his arms. "He was actually doing better."
"Wait! The first? That's two days from now!" God, poor Draco. My poor, sweet, charming Draco. My poor boy.
"Yeah, I don't know what Astoria was thinking. She never seemed like the type to do something so…cold." Theo's mumbled words weren't all that shocking to me. He cared deeply for his friends. I knew it was killing him to see Draco in this state.
"Psssht!" Blaise huffed. Yes, huffed. "Bitch knew exactly what she was doing." I overlooked his second use of the offensive term, I had used it recently myself and currently agreed with the assessment.
"What do you mean, Blaise?" I questioned quietly, my anger diminishing as the music changed to REO Speedwagon. Poor baby. Draco was really bad off.
"Oh, come on, Hermione. She doesn't want him to have a date! Hand-delivered invitation, two days before her wedding? It might look like she didn't know whether to invite him or not, but she's like that. She toyed with him for months after their break-up. Bringing him back into her web, just enough for him to feel wanted and then pushing him away when things got too close to being real. She likes the power. She likes knowing she's in control of his heart." Blaise's glower was so full of heated hatred that I dropped the envelope he was staring at, afraid it might burst into flame.
"She wants to see him suffering at her wedding?" I whispered, feeling my heart break just a little more for the pain Draco must be in.
My two boys just nodded, one wearing a glum expression and the other's so angry it scared me a little.
I felt it churning in my stomach. That ugly emotion that makes your ears feel hot and your breaths choppy? Yeah, that one. I balled my hands into fists and clenched my jaw.
No. No way.
I refused to let this happen. I might not be beautiful and sophisticated. Hell, I knew I was a geek. I had a healthy obsession with Dr Who and Lord of the Rings. I preferred reading fanfiction to real novels and sometimes wished I could just write the stuff instead of my 'real' stories. I was awkward and kind of flighty. But I love my friends. I loved them fiercely.
Much like Gollum and his precious.
And in this instance, Draco was my precious.
"Fuck that. He'll have a date and we'll show this bitch a thing or two," I stated succinctly. Blaise and Theo exchanged a fearful glance before looking back at me. "Oh, come with me my dears. Let mama tell you all about it."
…
Blaise and Theo thought my plan was genius. Draco…not so much. It took a little wheedling. He had been steadfastly against going to the wedding, he said it didn't interest him and he didn't need to be there. I could see the hurt in his grey eyes though, he wasn't fooling me. He didn't want to have to see it. He didn't think he could handle it.
We didn't mention the drunken emotional stupor.
After Theo pointed out that not attending would seem cowardly, and Blaise chimed in that it was exactly what Astoria was hoping for, Draco had hesitantly agreed.
Draco really didn't like looking like a pussy. He said so. About a hundred times.
So, we started preparing. For what, you ask? Draco and I were going to be the perfect couple.
Oh yeah, bitch was going down.
Mental eyebrow wiggle here.
And mental facepalm here.
My boys were rubbing off on me too much.
So, we spent all the evening before the wedding becoming that couple. You know what I'm talking about. The couple you look at when you're single and want to simultaneously vomit and sob because they're just that good together? Yep. I even let Draco choose who we would model our coupledom after.
Noah and Allie, Jack and Rose, or Edward and Bella.
He looked at me like I was insane. I made him watch the movies.
I'll deny it with my very last breath, but it was kind of amazing, sitting next to him and watching those couples fall in love. I might have thought I died when he wrapped his arm around me and whispered certain lines in my ear.
"If you're a bird, I'm a bird."
Swoon.
"You jump, I jump, right?"
Gah. Huminah. Unf.
"You're the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me, ever."
Goo. I was pure goo.
In the end, I asked him again which couple we would be. He just shrugged and said the sweetest thing ever.
"Draco and Hermione. We'll just be Draco and Hermione."
That boy was going to kill me.
…
The day of the wedding I was a bundle of nerves. What the hell had I been thinking? There was no way I could pull this off and then I'd let Draco down and he'd feel like a fool and it would be all my fault. So I stared at my wide-eyed reflection in the bathroom mirror for several minutes, thankfully the arse stank was missing this time, before dialling my best girl. She would help me. She'd make me look the part and then I'd just have to make sure I played it.
Not very long after my fashion SOS, Ginny came sashaying into the bathroom like she owned the place.
"Let's get cracking, baby girl. I only have thirty minutes."
…
I wish I had a camera to capture the boys' reaction to my makeover. Ginny was a model, no lie, and she had closets full of clothing most women would kill to get their hands on. Add in her expertise in hair and make-up, and I looked quite nice. Of course, they did as well in their dark suits.
"Holyfuckingshit, you look smokin', Hermione!" Blaise exclaimed, as his eyes nearly bulged out of his skull.
I smiled, feeling a little shy and smoothed down non-existent wrinkles in my dress. Ginny had me in an emerald, floor-length, one-shouldered silk dress. There was also a slit that came up to right there. Add in a pair of shiny, strappy, fuck-me-right-here stilettos, dramatic smoky eye makeup, and crazy 'I've just been sexed up, good and proper' curls, and I looked like a completely different person.
"Damn," Theo whispered. "You're not playing around, are you 'Mi?"
Again, I just shrugged, worrying my hands.
"Is it too much?" I wondered aloud.
"No," the whispered response came from behind me and I turned to see Draco in a well-fitting black suit, a silky emerald tie in his hands. I smiled bashfully before making my way over to him and took the tie from his hands, raising my eyebrow in question. "Ginny," he supplied with his own shy grin.
"I figured," I whispered before looping the tie around his neck and securing it into a proper Windsor knot. I smoothed it down gently, before staring up into his mesmerizing slate colored eyes. "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be," Draco murmured, reaching up to cover my hands with his own. "Thank you for this, Hermione."
"Thank me later," I smiled up at him. "When we've actually pulled this off, okay?"
A throat clearing snapped my attention back to the other guys in the room, both of whom were staring at Draco and me with odd expressions.
"I really don't think they're going to have a problem, do you, Blaise?" Theo elbowed him in the ribs, and Blaise just snorted, shaking his head in the negative. I looked back to Draco, who just smiled and shrugged, before offering me his arm. I took it with a happy smile as we made our way out of the apartment.
…
The wedding was lovely.
Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I couldn't do that to Draco. The bride wouldn't have eyes for anyone but the groom and it served no purpose, so we skipped that clusterfuck and showed up at the reception.
All part of the master plan, no worries.
Draco and I sat closely together, and I watched his eyes dart in every direction.
"Relax," I murmured gently.
"Maybe this wasn't the best idea," He ran a frantic hand through his hair, and I cupped his cheek gently to bring his gaze back to my own.
"Take a deep breath, Draco. I'm going to go get us some champagne. We'll make it through this, okay?" I cooed to him in a soothing voice. Draco had been anxious ever since Astoria spotted us. She had cocked a disbelieving brow in his direction before her attention had been pulled away by some other well-wisher.
"Yeah. Yes. Okay," he mumbled. I stroked his cheek softly, I'm sure he thought I was just keeping up appearances, but really I had recently discovered that I enjoyed touching him.
I stood and made my way through the throng of guests, thanking every higher power I could that Astoria and Adrian had the decency to offer an open bar. I stood off to the side waiting for one of the bartenders to notice me. It didn't surprise me that it took them so long to do so, what with several women basically throwing themselves at the barmen, in order to get their drinks first. After several minutes and too many annoying women, I had our champagne.
Again, I had to fight my way through the crowd to get back to our table. Halfway there, I ran into Theo.
"Where the hell did you go?!" He all but screamed at me. See? Temper, temper.
I blinked slowly while raising the glasses.
"Shit! Get over there. Astoria has him cornered," Theo whispered harshly, though only gently pushing me in Draco's direction. I'm pretty sure my heart dropped into my stomach and I may or may not have elbowed quite a few arseholes to get them out of the way. I stilled several feet away from Draco and Astoria, wanting to calm myself before making a grand entrance and what I overheard made me nauseous.
"Who is she, Draco?" Astoria murmured almost sadly. Almost. "I thought we were closer than that and that if you had someone special in your life, well…I thought you'd tell me."
Draco actually looked guilty.
"Hermione. Her name is Hermione," he sort of mumbled into his hands. Where the hell was this whore's husband?!
"That's a pretty name," she said grudgingly. "And is she? Someone special, I mean?" Her tone took on that sad quality again and judging by the look on Draco's face when he glanced back up, her expression mirrored it. He gaped at her like a fish for a couple seconds before swallowing nervously.
No, really. I could see his Adam's apple bob from where I stood. My poor Draco, locked in the vindictive bitch's sights. Well, fuck that. I shook my head to fluff my curls, straightened my spine and made my way over to them. I refused to let Draco down when he needed me.
I might have added a little more sway to my hips than normal. I may have smiled demurely when Draco noticed my approach. I very well could have, not so gently, bumped into Astoria as I passed her. And I might have, just maybe, kissed Draco's oh-so-kissable lips, before handing him his drink.
"Sorry I was gone so long, love. The line was terrible," I murmured against his cheek, loud enough for Astoria to overhear. "Did you miss me?" I asked with my sweetest smile.
The answering sparkle in Draco's eyes and the quick upturn of his lips made me feel like the queen of the world.
…
My head was pounding, and I was just a smidge too warm. Which was odd, because I keep my room really cold. Like, almost freezing.
What? I like to be cold when I go to sleep.
Also, there was something heavy draped across my stomach.
Heavy, yet comforting.
I scrunched my forehead and pursed my lips as flashes from the night before assaulted me.
Drinking.
Lots of drinking.
Dancing.
Several not-so-innocent touches.
More drinking.
Snogging.
Lots of snogging.
A little more drinking.
Stumbling out of the reception.
Laughing and groping in the elevator.
Banging against the walls.
Nibbling, biting, and sucking on skin.
Panting, moaning, and screaming a certain name while in the throes of passion.
Holy shitfuck.
I slept with Draco last night.
Endnotes: Oh, well...okay then. *titters* Next chapter should be fun.
xx - otterly