"I can't do this," Hermione sobbed, face hiding behind her hands as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "Two people. Us. People like us shouldn't be allowed to procreate, let alone raise a child. I barely have my life together, there should be a set of criteria to pass before they hand you your baby after birth," she said with the utmost sincerity.
He couldn't help but smirk at her in an amused fashion. "We might not have it all together but I assure you, we will be fine, Hermione." He leaned casually on the wall, arms folded over his chest tightly, eyes fixated on the girl moping about on the bed.
"No, really, we won't. I am going to screw this child's head up before it's even set foot at Hogwarts!" She snarled at him, curling her top lip in disgust at how he was acting so casually and coolly.
"You are being so melodramatic my little witch, you will be a perfectly fine mother." A dismissive hand was waved quickly.
"I don't know the first thing about babies," She protested with sad tears pricking her eyes as she looked to him for some semblance of assurance but was only met with an amused smirk and he was clearly enjoying her worrying a little too much. "They don't just come with a manual to tell you how to deal with them, do they?" She looked to him, hope glimmering in her eyes, a statement masquerading as a question.
"No. Babies do not come with manuals but I am assuming it's all common sense, I mean our parents never had manuals and we have survived long enough to procreate and be as clueless on the matter as they were, it's been going on for eons,"
he offered casually in a bid to settle her mind on the matter. She had plenty of time to come to terms with her impending dive into motherhood.
"I can't even deal with this right now. We aren't even married," she snapped at him looking for every single reason as to why she shouldn't have a baby.
"A mere inconvenience that can be easily overturned." He shrugged. It wasn't like they didn't have plans to wed and it mattered not if the child was born out of wedlock, this was the nineties, not the fifties where women were forced to wed or give up their babies for fear of retribution.
She went to open her mouth to protest but was forcibly stopped by a loud banging on the front door. She looked with worry at Severus.
"Are we expecting anyone?" She whispered in a hope the person at the front door wouldn't hear her.
Black hair swinging backward and forward like a curtain caught in the breeze as he confirmed her answer with a shake of his head.
"Should we pretend we aren't home?" She asked hopeful, he only laughed in return.
"As much as I too hate interacting with other humans, I feel the correct procedure would be to open the door like a decent human being."
"But we aren't decent. We are sheltered humans who tolerate one another and no one else." She harrumphed.
The corners of his lips twitched as a small smile spread on his lips. "And this is why I love you so much." He left the room only to return moments later, Harry Potter trotting along behind him like an obedient puppy following its master.
An awkward silence shrouded them in tension. Harry shifted awkwardly on the spot, Hermione stared at him with loathing and trepidation in her eyes and Severus assumed it would be up to him to diffuse the situation.
"Hermione, talk to Potter, make peace with one another you will both feel better." Smooth, Severus, real smooth he told himself with mock praise. Could he have been any colder and less interested in his tone?
Turning on his heel he left the room. He didn't want to be there to hear them hash out their issues, and he didn't feel it was any of his business. He knew Harry still loved Hermione deeply and he knew Hermione loved Harry platonically and not romantically anymore.
"Have you been crying?" Harry asked softly, standing near the doorway casting a sad look at her as he rubbed an upper arm awkwardly, shifting on the spot uncomfortably. "I swear to god if he hurt you I will-"
She smiled through the tears. "He hasn't done anything." She sniffled, standing up and closing the gap between them, only a foot or two remained. "Well, I guess in a way he has but not directly."
"Then why are you crying?" Harry could never comprehend females and their emotions.
She watched him intently for a few seconds, wondering if he deserved to know or if she should spare him the details. He wasn't exactly the most pleasant person towards her of late, but she felt if she kept it bottled up, she might just implode.
She took a deep breath, pausing for a moment wondering the best way to tell him. "I'm pregnant," She whispered sadly yet simply.
Harry looked like he had gone three rounds with a boxer; his stomach dropped to his feet, mouth dry, and heart hammering against his chest like it was about to explode. Hands clenched open and closed for a few seconds as he tried to process what he was told. Pulled only from her revere as the girl almost collapsed into his arms sobbing her heart out.
He held her tight in his embrace, even after he was a total git to her, she still sought the comfort he could offer her as a friend. She sobbed heavily in his arms holding onto him like he was her lifeline.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I don't know what to say," his voice but a harsh whisper that flew past her ear. He was shocked and upset, to say the least. He knew deep down she loved Snape but he couldn't help think that maybe, just maybe there would be hope for them eventually one day once she got the whole Snape infatuation thing out of her system. After all, she was young and tastes change as you age.
He guided her to the bed and sat her down gently; sitting beside her he rubbed her back softly as she continued to sob.
He couldn't help but have a bitter taste in his mouth over the news. The number of times he had told himself over and over again, playing the fantasies of how excited he would be should she come to him and tell him she was carrying his child had whirled through his mind over and over again and now here he was receiving news but not exactly how he had imagined it.
"I owe Minerva money," he whispered so softly he had hoped she hadn't heard him, if she did, she chose to ignore it.
"I've destroyed my life, I've stuffed everything up between us, I feel alone and helpless," She continued to cry into his shoulder. Well, at least she knew she had stuffed up at least.
"Everything will work out, Hermione," He tried to console her, voice monotone and almost cold.
Silence hung thick in the air as he awkwardly stroked her back over and over again as she cried her heart and soul out to him.
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, Hermione…" he trailed off as she stiffened at his statement. "For what its worth I was just an asshole to you because I loved you and you broke my heart…"
"Excuse me?" She managed to bite out, pushing herself away from him and putting a small gap between them. "I broke your heart?! You broke mine, Harry Potter," She screeched loudly, causing him to jump in fright.
"No, pretty sure you broke mine first, that time Ron came back and you decided it was in his best interest to cut romantic ties, that fucking crushed me, Hermione. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on by a Hippogriff. And then I had to stand idly while I watched you fall for Ron and not me. Do you know how much that hurt me?"
He stood and began pacing, his mind racing, fingering his hair he caught some between his fingers and started pulling it in frustration. "And then when you and Ron broke up and you came to me and punched me square in the face because I tried to console you…" He trailed off resting his head hopelessly in his hands.
She regarded him for a minute, why did it take something like this to finally bring true feelings to light? He could have told her how he felt long before any of this but it was much too late now.
"You tried to fuck me that night Harry Potter and you know it. I came to you looking for a shoulder to cry on and you mistook my weakness as being an easy fuck that night. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't have ignored and abandoned me when I reached out to you over and over again." Tears pricked her eyes again as she was forced to relive the memories again.
"I thought that is what you wanted when you came to me, a rebound, a way to fuck your frustrations and anger out. And if you must know I didn't contact you because I was fucking hurt. Hurt that the one person I really loved in my life punched me and stormed out. I thought you didn't want me. And then, then I come back and Draco is practically all over you, which okay, whatever floats your boat I could deal with that. And then oh no it's not Draco you are with it is fucking Severus Snape instead?"
He punched the wall in pure anger and frustration causing Hermione to jump on the spot in both surprise and shock at what he had done.
"And then, oh no wait, not only had you been seeing Severus Snape behind everyone's back, you had been fucking him senseless and then, then comes the best part, he asks you to marry him in front of everyone there. Do you know how that made me feel?"
"Well with all due respect Harry, it isn't all about you."
"And then, then here comes the kicker, I come here to apologize and you lay the boot in once more right into my heart by telling me you are carrying his child. Well, fuck, Hermione. I don't know if I can take any more news from you, Hermione. I don't think my heart can take any more of a beating from you. I love you and I always have and I probably always will. I will be here for you but I don't know it what capacity. This will shatter my standing by watching your progress through life with him by your side rather than me."
"Harry, I'm sorry it ended up like this. I didn't know you felt that strongly but I love Severus. I love you as a friend don't get me wrong…" She walked over to him, gently, running a soft hand over his hot cheek looking into green, sad eyes, tears welling the depths.
"I love you and I will be here for you, Hermione because I love you that much, but right now I need time to get my thoughts in order and come to terms with the fact I have lost you." Pushing her hand away he turned his back to her and walked out leaving her even sadder and despondent than before he had arrived.
-o-o-o-o-
Severus paced up and down the hall that night long after Hermione had gone to sleep. He didn't know what to think, to feel, to process. He couldn't sleep, the thoughts of the news they had received dancing heavily ion his mind, clouding his judgment like a heavy storm that had blown in.
He loved the girl with all of his heart. He was a lot of things, sadistic, sarcastic, evil and ill-tempered but a father he was not. He was quite happy to ensure the Snape name died with him, but here he was. Oh, how the universe could twist and turn and change people's lives in a Nano-second.
He hated children, but he knew he wouldn't hate his own child. When it was your own child, there was something deep inside of you that ignited, that awoken. A primal beast within that stirred and roared loudly for the entire world to hear. Feelings of love and adoration that you could make something so perfect, so sweet and so innocent clouded people's perceptions and ensured they loved and protected their child.
He got that; he saw it happen time and time again. Even the hardest Death Eaters had been rendered almost cationic at the sight of their children when they were born. Smitten parents holding babes in arms protectively, hands hovering below the child when someone wanted to hold it should they drop it.
But he, he wasn't father material. He wasn't even close to husband material. It wasn't all that long ago he was drinking himself into oblivion to pass the days and forget how bad his life was and now here his was, engaged to marry one of his ex-students for fuck sake and she was bearing his child. If someone had have told him this even a year ago, he would have hexed them from here to last week and told them they were being obtuse and yet, here he was.
He could already tell the girl was talking herself out of wanting to have the baby, not that she really had much choice and he felt if she kept telling herself she would be a terrible mother that she would end up believing the lies she told herself.
The news was almost like a punch to the face. It was right then that he realized he didn't have his life together, not even close. There was no way he was ready for a baby, his life was in shambles, he had no job, he had savings behind him but not enough to raise a child, he knocked up a girl who hadn't even graduated from Hogwarts and burnt a few bridges along the way.
Well, fuck.
A/N: It's been a while… I hope you like this chapter. I plan to have this story done before Christmas so buckle up for a few more chapters between now and then.
-Aliasmel1