Chapitre 9 - Judie
The dry spells of air were making the tent's fabric flow slowly. The temporary construction seemed to have a heart beating and limbs moving. It was the size of a small building, with benches inside and a small platform at the end, in front of a big wooden cross. It reminded her of evangelical groups barbecues she used to attend when she was little. She remembered the first preacher she ever really believed. He was quite young at the time, no more than thirty years old, and he was speaking with such a passion that the then little Judie almost cried. Today, she was feeling the same expectation. As if something huge was on the verge of happening. The housewife could sense something changing around her. On the side of the tent, the ruins of a church. One of many others that laid abandoned in this county. Big boxes and rumbles surrounded the fallen building indicating that people had been trying to restore it. It was not just the wreckage of lost hope anymore, but the prospect of better things to come.
Her dull dress was gliding on her meager legs. It had been a long time since Judie had abandoned the prospect of pleasing somebody, even herself. Younger already, she found these games of flirting and dating meaningless compared to God's plan and the salvation of her nation. As far as she was concerned, the United States had been sinking further into the deep for a long time now, way before her birth. It seemed now that the inertia gathered by the non-believers was too strong to fight. And still… Still, she had some kind of hope. The wife and mother had found that cramped feeling of faith when she heard Joseph Seed for the first time. Thrown back in time to her childhood, she felt her rusty guts discovering again that excitement of hearing the words of God so rightly put out for the world to hear. She could not get enough of it. Each sentence resonated inside of her for a long time, like a treat you would slowly savour, not wanting that feeling to go away.
Mary and Richard, a couple of believers like her, had also been changing slightly. They were reading the bible over again and seemed to engage a bit more with Judie's endless analysis of the old testament. When, in the past, she would almost drag them and try to motivate them in order to not lose the only friends she thought she had; they were now following without any hesitation, and sometimes, leading the way, calling her to eagerly remind her of the next meeting.
Their eyes were glittering with excitement, like kids seeing christmas presents under the tree, every time they saw Joseph enter a room. Whereas it was fear, interest, love or suspicion, the Father instilled a lot of strong feelings. His aura seemed to wake up parts of people's mind they thought buried under the weight of their everyday life. Judie, for sure, had never felt so alive and young than when she was listening to him, raging, crying and singing with the rest of the congregation. It was safe to say now, that they were a community. There were faces that she recognised and people started to know her name. If, at the start, she would seat at the back, listening quietly, her eyes scanning the rooms and scrutinizing the people of Eden's Gate, now, she proudly tried to get a seat at the front. Her stomach conveyed the need to be as close to Joseph as possible. Little sparkles, a heavy rumble of anticipation, letting her wanting more every time she had to go back home.
As she entered the tent, several people were already seating. Young and old. She had grown used to see only people her age attending these event over the years. But she could recognise the curious looks of some young people of the area. The Bishop girls who helped at their folks' farm. Allen and Megan Porter, a young couple who owned a small airport and offered tours for tourists. Abigail Merchant, the taxidermist… People she had only seen together at one place during the Pumpkin Festival, sharing beers or hot dogs. And yet, they had met somewhere else, in the deepest corners of their mind: their fears, but also their hope.
Sliding on a bench, Judie put her bag in between her legs. She joined her hands on her bony knees and her eyes started inspecting her surrounding. She always had been very careful about details. Something she did not seem to have passed on to her son. He navigated life like a ten ton truck, disregarding anything too subtle for him. She had given up very early. The priest of the bible study group for young people had asked her to not send him anymore as he was distracting others; she almost died of shame. If only Leroy Jr had found another place to stay, somewhere out of the state, she would not have to see him lurch in laziness. He was not even embarrassed… So she took on that responsibility for the two of them.
John Seed was talking to some followers. He was a handsome man, well dressed, with a respectful way of speaking. She liked him. She would have wanted Leroy Jr to be like that… Commited to something, and well mannered, not like his father. At least, Leroy was unsurprising. He was a creature of habit and that meant that Judie could live her life without doing much for him apart from cooking the meals and doing the laundry. In a corner of the tent, Jacob, a tall man, stood still. His hair was shaved on the side and a red streak fell down on his forehead. His eyes, blue and hollow, were scanning the tent, like Judie. Their gazes met very briefly. He seemed to be gauging people. Somewhere in his eyes, there was something scary, detached… She averted her eyes to look at the stage. A simple wooden stage, nothing else. Her parents would brought her to mega churches and very expensive congregations when she was young. Glossy stages with golden lecterns and expensive decorations... Priests and preachers would, most of the time, read the bible and repeat old sermons, rehashing the same enfeebled ideas. But new times brought new enemies. They could not just ignore everything anymore, hiding behind their holy books, averting their eyes from sin when it was convenient.
As people entered the tent, the distant ambient noise moved into the fabric walls, carried away by the gulf of airs seeping through the openings. Now, most benches were full and some visitors stood at the back. They were in an empty field close to the main road and to some shops. There were mainly regular people but also new faces, some curious and some suspicious.
When Joseph entered the tent, from the side, people stopped speaking. Now, all the attention was on him. He climbed on the stage and took few seconds to observe the ever growing assembly. His icy blue eyes hiding behind his glasses, quickly glancing at everybody present. In this simple tent with a more than modest cross and wooden benches, Joseph did not need anything other than his presence to instill some kind of respect. As the public went quiet, some almost stopped breathing, as if not to miss anything from the scene unfolding.
"I heard, not so long ago, that we are the most connected population that ever lived on this Earth. Phones, emails, twitter, facebook… But how many of these connections you make for a few seconds, really matter? How many of these connections really mean something?" he paused, his eyes hovering on the youngest in the audience. "How is that, then, that so many of us have never felt so alone in our lives?" he raised his right hand, in front of him and made a step forward, towards the first bench. "They have lied to you. They told you that you would never be alone ever again. But they were wrong. They just created a space to sell you things you don't need. They don't care about you." he made a step forward and his eyes met Judie's. He extended his hand to her, and silently, she took it before she even realised she had done it. "But we do, and we will never abandon you or sell you a false sense of happiness."
His grasp loosened slightly and it was gone, Judie was left with the immediate remainder of his smell and his rough skin on hers. His eyes were now on the rest of the faces, listening. His voice had become louder and fractious. "We have lost our purpose and we have lost our instincts. We have walked away from our original path: thriving, listening to the words of God… The times when we were just wandering around aimlessly are over. I can give you a direction, believing and fighting." a couple of people started to clap before the entire tent followed. As voices raised to cheer, Joseph shouted, his voice hovering on the clamor like a thunderstorm. "Suffering is a choice. Not believing and taking everything for granted is easy. But it tears us apart. By coming together, atoning for our sins, we will walk together to Eden's Gate and be finally free." the applauses started to get stronger and louder, and as euphoria seemed to have consumed most of the listeners, a couple of light voices started to introduce an airy tune…
In the west shall rise, a sinister creed
The rich will get what they want, the poor will lose what they need
The devil knows our fears, he told all his friends
They'll block the sun with their lies, as darkness descends
Oh Lord, the Great Collapse
Won't be our end
When the world falls into the flames
We will rise again
We will rise again
Let the wars begin, we'll keep our pistols near
Our neighbors frail and thin, as they disappear
Let the chaos come, let our houses freeze
The lights will all go out, but we'll finally see
Oh Lord, the Great Collapse
Won't be our end
When the world falls into the flames
We will rise again
We will rise again
Judie was starting to know the song. One of the many in their repertoire. Judie's eyes were hypnotised by Joseph. His tall figure, standing straight on his legs, singing with a beautiful voice breaking away from his unforgiving appearance. At the same time, she tried to remember the fleeting contact they had have for few seconds.
When she stepped out of the tent, she had that odd feeling. Light legs, dizzy… As if she had just woke up or had been hit by something. The sun stroke through her face and she had to held a hand for few seconds to protect her eyes. The woman felt conflicting things. Inspired by the discourse, reassured that she was not mad… Things were bad, things were not going properly and the pain she was feeling deep inside came from somewhere. The cause was clear and the remedy seemed obvious… But at the same time she felt burdonned. Now, her dark eyes were darting around. As she was going to go back to her car and go, she felt somebody touching her shoulder. It was a light and tender, and she realised that Joseph was now next to her, his arm around her frail shoulders. "I am glad to see you Judie." she was almost shocked to realise that he knew her name. She opened her mouth for a second, without being able to produce any sound. He smiled and then parted away from her to step in front of her. "I have noticed that you have come to all of our last meetings." he said. Judie noticed just now how gentle his voice was when he was not preaching to an entire assembly. "Yes… I… I came to your first meeting, a month ago I think… You are very inspiring." she almost did not recognise herself. People would recognise her voice by the decisiveness of her tone and the crisp sound of each of her words, stacked one after the others precisely. His smile grew wider, revealing small wrinkles in the corner of his eyes. "I am trying to be… But you seem a bit uncomfortable. What are you thinking about?" he asked with a real concern on his face. Her right hand rose to tuck a strand of her black hair behind her ears and she smiled shyly. "I… I am not sure." she said at first, realising that nobody, ever, had asked her what she was thinking about in her life. Everybody seemed to just assume that she was a brainless mom, going from one chore to another without having any kind of aspiration. She started twisting her fingers, trying to find the right words. "I am just realising more and more how everything is… Empty. I have a husband, a son, but I am just a maid for them. I clean, I cook… It is meaningless, especially given what is happening to our county, our world…" she would snap at Leroy and Leroy Jr all the time, spitting her words like poison, and suddenly, in front of this man, she felt like what she was saying mattered. As a result, she wanted to chose her words carefully. Joseph raised his hands and grabbed her shoulders gently. "They do not see your value. They do not see your strength. I can see that you are destined to do greater things than that. Your fate lies ahead of you. Power, glory, and a sinless life. But this is a choice. Nobody can make it for you. Your pain is a choice. You can be free from it." it seemed like in a dream. His voice was hovering, slipping into her ears. She could almost feel some sort of silky feeling with it. His blue eyes in hers, she felt like the only one in the world. At the same time, her anger was growing. She felt like she was just waking up after a big party and she had missed everything. She was so old… Would she be able to? Almost like he had heard her, or seen her uncertainty in her eyes, Joseph applied a firmer grip on his hands and told her "We will help you. We will never let you down. You can trust me. You only have to choose to be happy, now." and she heard herself say "Yes, I am ready."