DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the installments of Ace Attorney or any of the characters.

ACE ATTORNEY SCRAPBOOK
Chapter 14: Divine Retribution

Case Tag: 3-5 (Bridge to the Turnabout)

Quote:

Bikini:
Well, well, well! That's a Demon-Warding Hood! Acolytes are highly susceptible to possession by evil spirits, you know.
That's why we always wear these for protection.

Edgeworth:
Oh, I see...

Bikini:
What are you waiting for? You won't get any protection just by holding it, you know! Put it on already!

Edgeworth:
No! I can't...! I was just...!

Bikini:
... Ha ha ha ho ho ho!

Gumshoe:
Ho ho ho! It's like it was made just for you, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth:
What do you mean by that, Detective!?

Bikini:
It looks absolutely marvelous! You've just got to keep it on for a while!

Edgeworth:
(Is this some sort of divine retribution...?)

February 8, 2019, 4:22pm
Hazakura Temple, Main Hall

Being on the opposite side of the law and defending criminals rather than prosecuting them was a surreal experience for Miles Edgeworth. So, this is what my life might have been like if that egregious DL-6 incident had not occurred and I became a defense attorney like my father, the cranberry clad attorney considered as he and his faithful detective, Dick Gumshoe, traversed the snowy terrain of Hazakura Temple. With his 'frenemy' Phoenix Wright in the hospital recovering from his nasty spill into the frigid waters of Eagle River, Edgeworth assumed the role of defense attorney until Wright could get back on his feet. With the conclusion of court for the day, Edgeworth returned to Hazakura to do some more investigating. He would leave no stone unturned.
A man of logic, the whole 'spiritual' and 'paranormal' thing was uncharted territory for the prosecutor. The irrational nature of the whole case was somewhat irksome but, at the same time, Edgeworth was always one to be open to expanding his already vast knowledge. He was looking to speak to the woman in charge who, apparently, despite these freezing temperatures, was dressed in a bikini. Entering into the Main Hall of the Temple, Edgeworth and Gumshoe came upon a pleasingly plump woman in white. She looked down sadly at the tiled floor beneath her sandal clad feet and let out a deep sigh.

"Hey! Hello there!" Gumshoe addressed the woman, apparently already acquainted with the robust female. "Um, so how are you feeling?"

"Alright, I suppose," the woman replied, looking up at Gumshoe.

She paused, having noticed Edgeworth standing beside the detective.

"Huh? Who is this?"

"!" her question caught Edgeworth a bit off guard. "My name is...Miles Edgeworth."

The woman's sad expression immediately disappeared and was replaced with a rather cheerful one.

"My my my. A handsome boy such as yourself if always welcome!" she sighed again. "If circumstances weren't so tragic, I might just..."

Edgeworth jumped in in an attempt to halt that sentence before it could reach an uncomfortable conclusion.

"I'm sorry to trouble you," he said, pausing for a brief second, as he felt a bit foolish at having to ask his question. "But I'm looking for a woman in a bikini."

"Well, you have found her," the woman replied. "Now, what can I do for you?"

Edgeworth blinked.

"...I'm sorry, but I don't see any bikinis..."

The woman laughed, her entire body shaking like a jello mold.

"Ha ha ha!" she smiled at Edgeworth. "If you ask nicely, I might give you a peek, big boy. Wa ha ha ho ho ho!"

Gumshoe nudged Edgeworth gently.

"Um...Mr. Edgeworth?" he whispered. "This is the head nun, Sister Bikini...she's the witness."

The prosecutor's face adopted a hue that nearly matched his that of his trademark suits.

"...Why didn't you tell me that earlier!?" he snapped. "This is exactly why your salary keeps on getting cut!"

Gumshoe flinched.

"Nngh...my stomach is already growling in protest..." he whined.

Bikini spoke up before Edgeworth could say anything further.

"So...um...what's the latest about my beloved Iris!?" she questioned, concern and urgency in her voice.

"Well, first," Edgeworth replied. "I want to hear what you know."

He proceeded to ask Bikini a series of questions, getting straight into the matter at hand. Once he deemed the information he had gathered sufficient, Edgeworth let his curiosity continue the conversation. Turning to Gumshoe, who held his briefcase, he withdrew the white hood he received from Wright. He hadn't the faintest idea what the purpose of the hood was, so Edgeworth figured it would be prudent to inquire about it to the head nun. Turning back around, Bikini, having seen the hood in his hands, addressed the situation before he could even get his question out.

"Well, well, well! That's a Demon-Warding Hood!" Bikini was oddly jolly about a topic that seemed like it would be the antithesis of jolly. "Acolytes are highly susceptible to possession by evil spirits, you know. That's why we always wear these for protection."

That was certainly the last answer he was expecting, so Edgeworth was, admittedly, surprised by Bikini's explanation.

"Oh, I see..." he responded.

Of course, that led him to conjure up numerous additional questions regarding the whole subject, but Bikini had a question of her own to ask first.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked him. "You won't get any protection just by holding it, you know! Put it on already!"

Edgeworth's eyes darted back and forth between the hood and Bikini. She didn't seriously expect him to put that forsaken thing on his head, did she?!

"No! I can't...!" he tried to protest. "I was just...!"

Surprisingly strong for such a tiny woman, Bikini managed to get the hood out of Edgeworth's hands. Before he could register what was happening, she grabbed him by the cravat, pulled him down to her level and then forcibly stuffed his head inside of the hood.

"...Ha ha ha ho ho ho!" Bikini laughed merrily, proud of her work.

"Ho ho ho!" Edgeworth heard Gumshoe cackling from behind him. "It's like it was made just for you, Mr. Edgeworth!"

Edgeworth whirled around to face the detective.

"What do you mean by that, Detective!?" he questioned.

"It looks absolutely marvelous!" Bikini assured the flustered prosecutor. "You've just got to keep it on for a while!"

Keep it on? With Larry hanging around the temple, there was no way Edgeworth was going to do anything of the sort. If that imbecile caught sight of him like this, Edgeworth knew he would never hear the end of it. Then again, Eagle River wasn't too far from here and Wright would probably enjoy the company of his good friend, Larry, while both would be recovering from a spill into the raging river if he could not promise to keep his ever-flapping trap shut. If Larry just so happened to have an "accident," so be it. Now that, Edgeworth considered, would be divine retribution.