Olivia wasn't sure if she'd done the right thing; pressing send, but it was useless to dwell on that now. There was only one way to get over the ghost of Fitz that had been plaguing her life—seeing him in person once and for all. Running away from him only helped to suppress her emotions, but never let her get a grip on them, not in a real way anyway.
She wondered how he would react, after all he hadn't asked to meet her, he just wanted her to understand that he was deeply remorseful—and she did. Liv couldn't deny the little seed of curiosity that had blossomed inside her head, he sounded miserable in all his messages, and that made her sad. Her sadness for him didn't emanate from a place of pity, it was just as genuine as her love for him had been, and deep down she couldn't deny her nurturing disposition. Truth be told she was a bit worried and not only about Fitz.
The way her workday had finished with Harrison left her feeling awkward as well. He'd been more hurt than upset with her, and his disappointment cut her deeply. She didn't want to keep anymore secrets from him so she figured that she'd ask to meet him and Mike for breakfast, and for the sake of honesty she was going to come clean that she had asked Fitz to meet up with her. Hoping to calm her mind Liv padded down the stairs to her kitchen to brew herself a cup of chamomile. As her tea steeped she calmly typed out a text intended for Harrison; random hour of the night be damned.
"I'm bringing bagels tomorrow morning. Today morning? This morning. In a few hours. Your job is to ready the French press."
The comfort and devotion of their lifelong friendship allowed her to be this presumptuous about their morning plans, and besides if they couldn't have her over for breakfast she figured they'd let her know. Rinsing her cup of tea in the sink she decided she'd had enough for one day, and that it'd be wise to catch a few hours of sleep at the very least. She plopped down on her fluffy white comforter with a deep sigh, turned off the lamp on her nightstand and decided she would meditate herself to sleep. She couldn't afford another thought about how Fitz would react.
Fitz woke up feeling groggy, a result of the sleeping pill he had decided to take last night because he'd had enough of his anxiety. Physically and mentally exhausted by the emotions seeing Olivia had stirred within him these past few weeks, he truly had decided that enough was enough. He had done his part and if he hoped to move on with his life then he also needed to overcome this part, what he knew would be the hardest part. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he got up to face another day; the perks of sleeping naked allowing him to step right into his shower.
Feeling awake post-shower Fitz slipped on his black boxer briefs, navy pants, and white button down shirt before heading to his kitchen for his morning coffee. Once he rounded the corner of the kitchen he pressed the button on the coffeemaker to brew his coffee and turned on the morning news; keeping with tradition of his morning ritual. He needed time to acclimate to being awake before being fully functional in the mornings. As he was finishing his cup of coffee he decided he was going to stop by John's office to check on him. He'd been so gracious about the whole Olivia situation and he wanted him to know it, even if Fitz was never that expressive with him. He sensed it would be a nice change.
Fitz put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and phone and headed out the door. He'd used the Bluetooth voice command in his Porsche to call John and let him know he was headed over there. Only once he had parked his car and was making his way up on the elevator did he notice that he had an alert on his lock screen, and that it was none other than an alert from Liv. He froze in place, his thoughts racing a mile a minute, time passing as tiny grains of sand in an hourglass.
Suddenly too nervous to open the message, Fitz decided he would wait until he met up with John. If her message was laden with cruelty he'd have moral support present while being forced to read it, and if it wasn't cruel then he'd dodged a bullet and could expound on his emotions with John present.
Once John spotted Fitz he couldn't help but notice that he was as white as a ghost, the dark circles on his under eyes starkly pronounced. Not wanting to put Fitz on the spot in the middle of the lobby John just went in for a hug and directed Fitz towards his office.
"Fitz, I'm not going to lie to you, you look like shit," John said with a chuckle trying to lighten his brother up.
"Well good morning to you too, asshole," Fitz answered.
A few moments of silence passed until Fitz decided to divulge his reason for showing up, even if Olivia's sudden message had thrown a wrench in that.
"It's weird, isn't it? Me passing by is what I mean… I know we aren't used to all this deep conversation shit but I just wanted to thank you. Just thank you for not making me feel like an asshole when I told you the truth about what was going on. All this word vomit is so out of character for me, especially since you've always been the open one between us, but I just didn't… I couldn't keep it to myself anymore after seeing her that night," Fitz said solemnly.
"I'm curious, did you ever tell Mellie?" John asked.
"Not in so many words, by the time we divorced we had drifted so far apart that it felt hopeless to tell her I'd been unfaithful too. We'd been like passing ships in the night long before Jerry died; his birth had had the opposite effect on our marriage. It just compounded our misery as a couple and my one-track mind became all about being a good father. By the time I met Olivia I was starved, and I don't only mean for sex. I didn't approach her with the intentions of starting some torrid affair, it certainly never became tawdry, and at times it'd felt inevitable. Suffocating too, but innocently enough she took me up on my offer to review a few contracts for her one time. She was young—I mean she's still young she's only twenty-eight now, but I could sense she'd lived an expanse of a thousand lives just from looking in her eyes. I'd get lost in time with her and what were supposed to be business meetings morphed into meetings over lunch, which inevitably became longer and longer, until one day it was time to go home and I walked her out to her car. I was being courteous I told myself, but the reality was that I didn't want to part ways with her. Within the four walls of my office she'd always been the consummate professional, shaking my hand when she'd leave, but out in the parking lot, away from prying eyes I guess she decided she needed to strike me like thunder one day. To leave me powerless in her wake. She leaned in for a hug to say goodbye that time, and as our faces got close to one another she whispered "Bye Fitz" in the breathiest tone I'd ever heard and pressed her lips gently on the corner of my mouth. Then she did an about-face and got into her car. I was stunned, rooted in place, torn between thinking I'd imagined the whole thing, or thinking this was the single most exciting kiss since my first kiss. She'd always been so demure that this sudden boldness revealed so much more to her, little vixen that she was, and from that point on I felt like she'd challenged me to find all the different ways to get her to unravel and let me in. I was addicted to discovering her, peeling back the layers—both of her and her clothes. Couldn't have fought it even if I tried. I'd been given a hit once and became an instant junkie. Anyway, you can't mention any of this to Becca. I know you like to share every aspect of your life with your wife but I'm pulling the older brother card and this secret trumps your marriage. She's friends with Mellie, the last thing I want is to have to rehash this because Becca let it casually slip somehow," Fitz told him.
"I know. I haven't said a word to anyone! Not even to mom who was trying to figure out how you are doing since she says you've been very vague over the phone with her lately," John joked knowing damn well his mother was always fishing around for any details that Fitz hadn't shared with her.
Fitz rolled his eyes and said "Yeah, mom's always fishing… anyway, I was initially coming in to thank you for being a listening ear these past few weeks, and to mention how I messaged her a final time last night… but as always, Olivia being Olivia surprises me. On the way up I noticed I had a notification of a message from her from sometime last night, but I was too chicken shit to open it right away."
"Fitz, if you don't fucking open the message right now I swear to god!" John said exasperatedly.
Fitz hesitated for another second before sliding his thumb over the notification, only for his eyes to become glassy as he read her very simple response. With no more than ten words she had managed to floor him the same way she did when she kissed him goodbye in that vacant parking lot four years ago.
John noticed how Fitz had shifted in less than ten seconds, and he couldn't help but think of how he'd had been a universe all on his own for a long time now. Carrying the burden of a dissatisfying marriage, harboring his secret true love, living with the grief of having lost his son, the guilt, the shame, and subsequently having lost it all. At that point in time John noticed Fitz was more resilient than he let on, and far less moody than everyone interpreted him to be. He'd been so stoic for such a large part of his life that people failed to realize he was human after all, and this all only made Fitz more endearing to him.
"The suspense is literally killing me. Do you mind?" John interrupted.
"She's asking to see me," Fitz said with a twinkle in his eye. A twinkle John couldn't remember if he'd ever seen in his brother's blue eyes before.
Not wanting to dwell too much on the thinking of a perfect answer Fitz simply typed "When?" and pressed send.
Olivia had picked up their bagels like she agreed and was currently on her way to Harrison and Mike's place. She figured Harrison had spilled the beans about Fitz, and was grateful she wouldn't have to rehash those details. She needed to tell someone about her crazy idea of wanting to see Fitz face to face, or better yet, her impulsive idea of asking him to meet up, if only to tell him she forgave him in person so that he'd be at peace. She closed her car door as she juggled her purse and the bagels with her other hand and headed towards the front door.
"You little minx, I knew you had it in you," teased Mike as he opened the door to let her in.
"Shut up," she replied somewhat painfully through gritted teeth, knowing damn well once the initial shock wore off both Harrison and Mike would question her within an inch of her life wanting to know it all about Fitz.
"Well if it ain't the other woman," Harrison said.
Olivia simply groaned as she was setting up their breakfast fare.
They ate quietly amid a somewhat awkward silence until Mike interrupted hoping to diffuse the room.
"So…." Mike said in a singsong tone.
Mike's trick had worked as they all found themselves chuckling at his antics.
Olivia wasn't ready to speak yet so she did the next best thing, she handed them her phone and showed them the messages. She figured there was no point in going over the past, besides Fitz had been tucked away in her private bubble back then and she intended to keep it that way. Her open disposition was meant to be applied to the present only.
"Let's start with what's most important here Liv, what does mystery man look like?" asked Mike.
"Tall, white, and handsome," she answered, matching the playfulness of the question.
"Well, he wants to know when you're going to see him, and so do we," Harrison chimed in.
"I don't know. When we get back from our business trip?" she replied.
"Makes sense, so you can mentally prepare," Harrison said.
"Is affair sex really as hot as it's made out to be? How big was he?" asked Mike.
Olivia covered her face in horror as the heat rushed to her cheeks, taken aback by the forwardness of Mike's questions.
"It was hot, passionate, but I don't think it had anything to do with the affair. We were always so in tune, so different but so alike, in a complementary manner… I can't explain it. We just had this unspoken understanding. It wasn't about the sex. It didn't start that way. We'd spend hours in silence, looking in to one another's eyes in our little bubble, shielded from the world outside," She said.
Olivia drifted off in her memories to one afternoon in the early stages of their relationship…
They were lying in bed in their post-coital glow as they looked in to one another's eyes, both sobering up to the fact that whatever was going on between them had spun out of their control. Olivia wanted to laugh at their predicament now, legs tangled amid rumpled sheets, but she had no room for humor left in her.
"What's going on in that pretty, little head of yours, Livvie?" Fitz asked.
She flashed him a beaming smile hoping to wordlessly answer his question, but relented when he looked at her so expectantly. Boyishly handsome across from her in their afterglow as they shared a pillow.
"Just thinking of the mess we made," she answered, an unintended double entendre on her part.
"Oh really? I thought you liked it when we get messy?" he sassed as he remembered her breathily whining in his ear, telling him he'd made a mess between her thighs ruining her pretty lacy panties. The ones she'd bought just for him to see.
She laughed and swatted his bicep, then hovered over him for a kiss, lingering on his lips as she murmured "I do like it when we get messy, mister."
"Earth to Olivia!" yelled Mike, effectively bringing Liv back to the present.
"Well answer the man!" said Harrison.
"What do I tell him exactly?" she asked.
"You need me to dictate? I got you: I'm going to be out of town for a few days, when I get back I'll let you know. That's all you should say, keep it simple," said Mike.
Olivia huffed and took her phone back from them so she could answer Fitz. She felt silly to have his phone number blocked now that they were communicating with one another again, so she added him on Instagram, wrote to him that she'd be out of town and let him know she'd unblocked him and that he could reach her via text if necessary.
Fitz was pleased with how quickly she'd replied compared to the past messages and the prospect of seeing her when she returns from her trip gave him something to smile about, not to mention the act of unblocking mercy he'd just been the recipient of. He simply wrote "Alright, you let me know," and pressed send.
As Fitz was returning from the gym he noticed she hadn't written back, but he didn't realistically expect to strike up a conversation. While eating his dinner and simultaneously toying with his phone, he noticed he and Olivia were now "friends" and he could see her photograph collection. He'd finally get a glimpse of what she had been up to all this time that they'd been away from one another.
Fitz, not very knowledgeable about Instagram, went through her feed and liked every picture. He was none the wiser about this perceived "etiquette" or that of appearing like a stalker. As Olivia was continuously interrupted from packing her bags by her phone chiming she noticed it was a result of him liking her pictures. Down to the very first one she posted long ago. She found it endearing and thought of maybe teasing him about it if their chemistry was like old times.