Chapter 2: I'm Not a Monster

Even in his wildest dreams Cloud did not suspect that his little party would end in General's home.

Sephiroth was the one to invite them, his argumentation simple and logical. It really was late and they both with Zack would have some problems with the security in their quarters. It could generate even worse troubles later, and Sephiroth explained that he has no intention of punishing his subordinates for the party he himself participated in. But the next part of his plan – smuggling them to his room through the secret passage, that probably even President himself did not know about – sounded really crazy.

But they did it anyway; they walked through an abandoned underground passage, like in some ghost story from childhood. Cloud was excited like a little boy when they finally reached their destination.

He had never been in the Shin-Ra's laboratory at night and hoped to never visit such place again. It was strangely cold and scary even during the day, but now, when only Sephiroth's eyes were glowing mysteriously in the darkness… 'Creepy' would be the best word to describe it.

"Easy, no monsters in here." Sephiroth chuckled, inviting them to the small room in the back. It was a modest but cozy place, which smelled like books and green tea, with no window, carpet or couch. Only a small bed, wardrobe and corner for work and reading were enough to the star of SOLDIER, it seemed.

At this moment the only purpose of a lamp on the desk was to give light to a miniature tree. It was a tiny but stunningly beautiful plant, with three creamy-white flowers on its highest branches.

"Oh! Princess Persimmon is in bloom again?" Zack looked really pleased by this discovery, like it was his personal success. "I see you take good care of her."

"Ah, she's in good hands." Sephiroth's voice was surprisingly gentle when he looked at the tree. He noticed Cloud's astonished expression and explained with a smile: "Don't look at me like that, Zack named her. He brought this bonsai from Wutai. I… don't really want to know how he made it through the security, but I'm grateful he did."

A proud, wide grin on Zack's face was the ultimate proof that his heroic sacrifices, made to smuggle the tree in here, were worth the effort.

"Security?" That was something new for Cloud. "So SOLDIERs can't bring anything from their missions?"

"Of course we can. But Sephy…" Zack winced, not knowing how to put it in plain words. "You know…"

"I'm not allowed to go to Wutai ever again," Sephiroth explained, shrugging like it was nothing, but Cloud could sense bitterness in his voice. "Every delivery that comes from Wutai to me is confiscated or checked and censored." He looked at the pile of Wutaian books – was it a copy of 'Loveless' on the top? - on his night table, an antique cup and two figurines near the bonsai tree. "Happily, I have some really good friends who know how much I enjoy their little gifts."

"I don't get it, honestly." Cloud shook his head. Saying, that he was surprised by this revelation, would be an understatement. "Why is that? Aren't you the hero who ended the war in Wutai?"

"I did. But not in the way Shin-Ra wanted." He sighed, ending the topic. "This is not the time for stories. You should rest if you want to survive tomorrow's training. The bed may be not very comfortable for the two, but still should be better than in barracks, I suppose. Or one of you can sleep on the lab table."

"No, thanks," Zack protested vigorously. "And where are you going?"

"To sleep on the floor, like a dog you called me before."

"Sephy!"

"Just kidding. Sleep well, you two."

And Sephiroth disappeared from their sight, leaving Cloud with tons of doubts and unanswered questions.

"I didn't expect that General lives in the abandoned laboratory," Cloud whispered, not really knowing where to start.

"It was the workplace of Doctor Crescent." They way Zack said this name made Cloud think that he should at least hear it before. Sadly, he didn't, so Zack explained with a sigh: "Sephy's mother. She disappeared… some time ago. Professor Hojo took over her labs and duties, including Sephy's medical care, but even he wasn't crazy enough to invade his personal space."

"Oh." It made more sense for Cloud now, but questions kept coming one after another. Well, maybe Professor didn't change anything in the old laboratory, but he installed heavy titanium doors there. This was highly suspicious for Cloud. "And what about Wutai?"

"Spiiikyyyy, don't make me tell you this, it's classified." Zack rubbed his forehead, then sighed heavily. "Look, I really don't know what had happened in Wutai, but there was a huge scandal when Sephiroth returned. As far as I know, Shin-Ra accused him of treason, there was a court-martial and such, but he was famous already and they decided to make him an idol instead. It was better for PR reasons, they did not want to sentence their poster boy to death."

"Did he really betray Shin-Ra?"

"Nah…" Zack did not hesitate even for a second. "Believe me, Spiky, Sephiroth is a kind of person who would jump into a Mako reactor to save his men. I trust him - and Angeal - with my life." He looked more serious than ever when he said it, punching himself in the chest near the heart. "On my SOLDIER's honor I swear to you, that he's the good guy."

Cloud smiled, hearing so eager declaration, but some things still bothered him.

"Well, the truth is" - Zack continued quietly after a moment of prolonged silence - "that I wanted you two to meet not only to make you happy, Spiky. With Doctor Crescent gone, Angeal and Genesis on the mission and me working with cadets, Sephy... I've just thought he needs a pupil and you need a mentor." He shrugged. "I can already see you like each other, so another mission accomplished?"

"Are you sure you've chosen the right profession, Zack?" Cloud smiled, shaking his head. "You should be a matchmaker, not a SOLDIER."

"Well, at least they would pay me better, I guess!"

Wutai, 8 years ago

When a commanding officer orders you to wait, you sit and wait. When he orders you to sleep, you don't ask, just fall asleep immediately. No one knows when you will have another chance to rest.

Sephiroth waited. He was sitting on the floor in the temple's vestibule, trying to meditate.

It's been two weeks of his captivity, so he already got used to the customs and rules here. He could walk freely through the temple grounds, talk to anyone he wanted to (he was a quick learner, so language wasn't a big problem), literally do what he wants. They even let him train with a wooden sword, together with the Holy Guardians, and Sephiroth loved it.

He wore Wutaian clothes (priestesses were suspiciously happy about it and tried to take care of his hair), ate delicious Wutaian food (he could never suspect that eating anything that's not sweet can be so pleasurable), learned Wutaian swordsmanship, listened to Wutaian stories… He came here to war, but now it seemed like vacation of his dreams. And he felt guilty enjoying it all while Mom stayed in Midgar and his comrades were dying on the battlefield.

Sephiroth sighed. Not that he could do anything about it. Basically, it was the same as in Shin-Ra – they all pretended that he's not imprisoned, but some mysterious 'circumstances' made leaving the place impossible. The nature itself kept him locked here.

Still better than lies, threats and keeping Mom hostage.

He barely remembered the way into the mist-covered mountains. He must have fallen asleep halfway, and when he woke up, he was already here, healed and well rested, just like Izayoi had promised. They talked much during few last days, and Sephiroth still had more questions, but now the priestess was busy with a very important guest.

The boy knew this man from the short training before his departure to Wutai – it was Godo Kisaragi, one of the major targets, ranked KOS as far as Sephiroth remembered. In Shin-Ra he was considered the enemy's leader, but now, seeing him together with the priestess, the boy had no doubts who's more important of the two.

Sephiroth also tried hard to pretend that he can't hear their conversation, but the man was too upset to speak normally.

"Izayoi-sama, you can't be serious!" Godo's unusually long eyebrows moved violently, like two autonomic organisms, when he shouted: "Do you know how many good soldiers were killed by this monster?!"

"Keep your voice down, Kisaragi-san, you're on the sacred grounds."

"Izayoi-sama, the sole presence of this… abomination is enough to defile this place! He should be executed immediately for his crimes against our people."

"I didn't know that you've fallen so low to execute children, Kisaragi-san."

"It's not a child but a damn killing machine!"

"All living creatures are children of the Goddess and deserve respect, this boy is not an exception."

Sephiroth had enough and cursed his own sharp senses. He did not want to hear it, did not want to… feel like this.

"I'm not a monster," he muttered, as if trying to convince himself about it. "I'm a SOLDIER, not a murderer."

But, honestly, is there any difference?

Maybe Godo was right and Sephiroth really shouldn't be allowed to stay here, in a place where all life was precious? It meant no using living creatures against their will. No eating them, too. In short: NO KILLING.

The boy sighed helplessly, trying to resume his meditational practices. Unfortunately, it was useless, at least as long as mister Kisaragi continued his verbal rampage in the background.

Sephiroth looked around. Usually at this hour many pilgrims visited the vestibule, but today they must have been warned about the important meeting. Weapons or soldiers other than the Holy Guardians were not allowed inside, so it was the best way to ensure the safety of the secular leader of Wutai.

And his family, because he did not come here alone.

Kisaragi's wife was talking with the old man, who was selling hand-made wooden figurines of Leviathan near the entrance. They were discussing some barely visible details on the sculptures and their meaning in Wutaian culture. Sephiroth found this conversation interesting, but Kisaragi's child was visibly bored. No surprise, considering age of the little girl – that awful moment in growth when a young human being can't yet speak more than few short words, but has just learned how to run, and focuses all his energy on this activity.

Sephiroth watched the girl sneaking out of her mother's grip and running around like a wild animal, attracted to everything that shines. He wondered if he acted the same way as a child. If so, it must have been terrible for the scientists in the laboratory full of expensive things, which can be easily broken…

Anyway, observing this tiny creature was surprisingly amusing, at least until the girl spotted Sephiroth. She came close enough to touch him and tilted her head, captivated by the green light in his eyes.

The girl stared. Sephiroth stared back. They kept the status quo for a while, but then the little girl suddenly reached out her hand and placed her finger on Sephiroth's nose.

"For Goddesses' sake, Yuffie, stand back!"

The boy ignored Godo's cry and pretended he can't see his desperate try to draw the sword that was not in the sheath. He was too focused on the small finger that touched him so shamelessly, so innocently. Sephiroth slowly raised his hand…

The girl's father was about to attack even without weapon, but Izayoi stopped him somehow, probably using a spell.

"Wait, Kisaragi-san. Trust me. Just watch them," she said with a smile.

Sephiroth gently touched Yuffie's nose with his finger and they both froze in this strange position. Then the little girl laughed at loud, happy that she's found a funny companion. It could be the beginning of a friendship, but the girl's mother intervened at last.

"Are you hurt, Yuffie?" She grabbed the child and literally ran away from Sephiroth, who did not move an inch from his position under the wall. "Do not come near this monster ever again!"

The boy slightly tilted his head, hiding his face under the strains of silver hair, but Izayoi noticed his fists, clenched in frustration. He pretended to not care, but the priestess knew what he had whispered under his breath:

"I'm not a monster."

Shin-Ra Laboratories, 8 years ago

"Damn you, Hojo," Lucrecia hissed angrily through her teeth, analyzing the results of last scanning of Jenova cells.

She was well aware of her own mental instability, but did not expect that Hojo had chosen her for the Project S especially because of that. It seemed that the activity of the cells rises drastically when subject suffers anxiety and other types of psychological imbalance.

"Damn you, Hojo," she repeated, clenching her fists in frustration. Professor probably wanted Sephiroth to slowly go mad, then observe Jenova in full power, when the mind of her host would completely shatter.

But Lucrecia knew that simply observing is not enough to be called 'science'. That's why Hojo would never be equal to Professor Gast. Every discovery must serve humanity, she believed. Every power should be mastered and used properly. Observation for the sake of gathering knowledge leads nowhere, if you don't use this knowledge.

That's why her son must be strong - to overcome 'his instincts'. He must stay calm, never doubt his own worth. He will manage to use Jenova's power within him, not otherwise.

To achieve this goal, Lucrecia needs to keep the boy away from Hojo at all cost. She must be careful. Her deal with President Shinra could be easily broken. One mistake is enough to place the boy under Hojo's 'protection'.

"Never. I won't let it happen."

Professor's maniacal laughter from that horrible night still ringed in her ears. Her feelings – shock, disbelief, sense of loss and pure, deep despair – were nothing compared to this annoying, terrifying sound.

From that moment Lucrecia knew she cannot let her child fall into this lunatic's hands. But how could sie oppose her superior, how could she break free from his influence? – she had wondered back then. Her husband is one of the Shinra's Corporation most important persons in charge, his word is final in this matter, isn't it? This child is a part of a major and expensive experiment, actually a property of Hojo's department…

There was only one thing she could do without risking being held captive or exposed to even worse danger. The final word belonged to someone else. Not to Professor Gast, although he supported her in every possible way. No, she needed to reach even higher.

So she did, desperately taking this last chance. Lucrecia remembered the moment, when she was standing face to face with President Shinra in his office, waiting for the most important answer in her life.

…

The silence was too heavy and too long, in her opinion. She could barely stand President's piercing gaze. Of course she was afraid. Of course she was hesitant. But not taking any action at this moment was like throwing away her last reason to live. Or like letting Hojo finally break her.

"Doctor Crescent, with all respect, but please explain to me what can you possibly achieve with this experiment that Professor Hojo can't?"

It was a simple question of a person, who values only power and money, Lucrecia thought. In fact, President just asked what he can gain from this transaction. If her offer will be tempting enough...

"Professor Hojo does not know everything. He's manipulative and thinks only of his own goals, knowing no restraints or loyalty…"

"Just like many other scientists, I suppose? I did not ask about Professor, Doctor Crescent. I've never expected loyalty from him, I want results. He promised to give me a Cetra and I will get one sooner or later, that's all."

"This child is much more than a Cetra!" Lucrecia had no more reason to hesitate; her emotions overflowing all of a sudden. "Hojo has no idea about it."

"Oh?" President Shinra raised an eyebrow, truly amazed. "How can it be? Are you saying that Professor had already lost control over his own creation?"

"Not 'his' creation." Lucrecia shook her head in quiet protest. "Hojo did nothing more than performing the surgery. I don't need to add that the specimen is a part of my body, as well as Jenova cells, do I? I know things about this project that Professor Hojo would never be able to grasp."

A wild light was burning in Lucrecia's usually calm eyes. President Shinra was surprised by her unexpected stubbornness in this matter. His fingers tapped a strange rhythm on the table before he spoke again.

"Still, to remove Hojo completely from the project…"

"I will share all the data with Professor, so his other works won't be harmed in any way. I would cooperate with Professor Gast and even Hollander, if necessary." Lucrecia took a deep breath, knowing that she had done everything she could. But the final decision was President's alone. "Sir, all I ask is a small team far from Professor Hojo's influence. Considering possible results, there's actually no cost. And if the project fails, I will take full responsibility."

There was nothing more to add and a heavy, tense silence filled the room. A wheeze and a creak, when President Shinra finally stood up from his chair, seemed extremely noisy.

"Of course you will, Doctor Crescent, of course you will."

…

So she ended up here, in her own laboratory, as a head of her own little department, and mother of her precious specimen… or that's how people used to say. Lucrecia never thought of Sephiroth like this. Not even once.

Or maybe she was only lying to herself? Maybe she did not love him at all, only wanted to succeed as a scientist? Or to find an excuse to prolong her own worthless existence?

Are these my own thoughts or Jenova's?

Lucrecia sighed heavily, feeling mentally exhausted. If not for her son, she would probably give up long ago. They would try to turn him into a monster, but he was just a normal child with some additional genes, nothing more.

A child bathed in Mako for Shin-Ra's gain. A child sent to war for Shin-Ra's gain. A child who lives only for Shin-Ra's gain. And Lucrecia could do nothing about it, only try to protect him from even worse fate. She couldn't save him. She couldn't save THEM.

I'm sorry, Vincent. I'm sorry, Sephiroth.

She took a deep breath and got back to work. Sitting here and worrying would not help anyone, especially Sephiroth, who had his own problems in Wutai right now. It was strange she didn't get any report from the Turks for the last few days, though…

Lucrecia decided to resume the project Professor Gast had started before he left Shin-Ra for good. She smiled to herself, remembering the first rule of microbiology, the rule Hojo ignored on purpose: when you start to replicate cells, first, for your own safety, you must learn how to kill them.

To be one step ahead of Hojo, to ruin his vicious plot, she needs to uncover the weak points of Jenova.