Chapter 5: Wendy POV

I can't watch. I can't watch as my twin brother makes out with my best friend. I have known John since the beginning, and Tigerlily since I was three. Lily has always been like a sister to me. And seeing her kiss my brother reminds me of the thing I'm scared to do.

Two years ago, someone I thought was the one, wasn't. But that didn't stop him from taking advantage of me. I gave him everything, and all he gave me was pain, misery, and a broken heart. John, my parents, and Tinkerbell are the only ones who know that he hit me. He got arrested so it wasn't like my parents or anyone could talk to him anyway.

But seeing John reminds me of this. And the fact that I've only kissed someone once but it was by force. I feel scared. I'm trying to be quiet and not cry. But I can't help a tear from falling. And another. And then another. And in seconds I'm breaking down at school. I'm trying to hold back sobs and make my way to the bathroom.

I keep walking and I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Hey, Wendy. Since all this is happening, I was wondering if I could ha-"

I send a good glare to silence him. "Touch me and I'll kill you."

My voice comes out l meaner than I was expecting. I put my head back down and continue my self pity-party. I hear whistlers and murmurs behind me and I know I snapped too hard. I wrap my arms around myself and put my head down further until I feel myself begin to shake.

I hear someone come up beside my and speak. "Wendy, is everything alright?"

I was too deep in my self-pity to register who was speaking. I feel a hand rest on my shoulder and I try to control my shaking. "Wendy, you're shaking. What's wrong?" It was Peter. His voice is laced with concern.

I give up my attempt to hide my reaction. I slowly lift my head up and close my eyes. It was now that I notice we had all stopped walking. I can't bring myself to open my eyes and face the group. An unapproved sob slips my lips and I put my hand over my mouth and try to cover up the fact that I'm breaking down at school. I never break down regardless of where I am.

I hear Peter speak, but I can't understand what they're saying. I feel someone grab my hands and slowly lead me to the left; away from the bathroom. I look up expecting to find Tink, but it's Peter. With soft features and a small sweet smile. I take in every inch of him and how he's walking backward so he can keep his eyes locked on me. How he would take time out of his day because I was having a panic attack.

I look back down at the ground and don't think about where we are going. I notice the Floors change, and I'm walking on concrete instead of stone. I look up to see Peter still walking backwards, not even looking to see where we are going, but staring at me. I notice his eyes; they are beautiful and I want to get lost in them. I try to find my voice and look around me.

"Peter, where are you taking me." I get scared and think about how Peter is touching me. I've never been one to dislike physical contact cause I forced myself to do it until everything went back to normal. But this was not something I force myself into. I feel it coming; another panick attach. I start breathing a little heavier. Then heavier. Then even hearier. I start looking around, begging fate to give me a bathroom.

Is it really that hard to get a bathroom around here?

I tug at my hands to get free from contact but Peter tightens his hold on me. "Wendy, what's going on. What is happening? Why are you trying to get away from me?"

"Because you're a boy. And I need space, Peter. I can't calm down till you let go. Peter, please let go. Please..." I burst into tears again and tug my hands away to have them fall at my sides. I look around hastily and then back to Peter. He has a look of fear and concern on his face. I don't know where I'm going, but it needs to be away from Peter. I sprint left as fast as I can (which is the second fastest to Lily while Peter is in fourth behind John) to my left and away from Peter. I need air. I need my mom. I need John! But he is busy snogging my best friend so I can't have her either.

"WENDY!" Peter yells behind me. I look back and he is chasing after me. I make a beeline for the girls' bathroom. I'm almost there... just fifty yards to go... when I feel my waist being yanked back. I scream. I scream until a hand covers my mouth. "Bird," Peter says softly, "it's just me. We need to talk about this. Come on." The hand leaves my mouth and he grabs my hands slowly and starts to gently move me forward. I'm still crying, but I can't move my legs. I can't speak at all. I just stay put, not willing to move.

"Wendy, don't make me be the bad guy. You need to move." I look up at him and stop crying, curious to see what he means.

"And if I don't move?" I questioned him.

His grin returns to his face. "You won't like it one bit." He takes one step towards me and grabs my waist. He lifts me up and over his shoulder and holds me by the back of my knees.

"Peter Pan, you put me back right now," I say and giggle, forgetting everything that just happened.

"Not a chance, love." He says and I giggle even louder.

We will for about three minutes is a comfortable silence. I've stopped crying and prop my chin on my hand with my elbow on his back. But one question keeps nagging at my mind. "Peter, why aren't you making fun of me for crying?"

Peter stops and puts me down on the ground. He looks me dead in the eye and says, "Wendy, I have only seen you cry like, what, four times. The only times you've cried, you cried because it was about something you loved or cared for. You cried when you broke your leg not because it hurt, which it probably did, but because you would have to take a semester off of sports. You cried when you got your wisdom teeth pulled out when you were a little wacky because you thought I had cancer, John had diarrhea, Lily had pneumonia, and Tink had a brain tumor. You cried when I saw you in the hospital because you thought I wouldn't remember you. You are not a crier. You don't talk about your emotions, ever. But your still the sweetest and kindest person I know. So when you cry, it means you still care."

I feel the giggles leave. I start shaking again and the flood gates burst open. My legs feel like jello. I'm not sure how long I can stand. I drop to my knees and hide my face in my hands. I can't even tell Peter how much his friendship means to me. Or how I melt when he touches me. Or how handsome he is when he wears a tuxedo in my dreams. But I know he is there for me through the end.

I feel hands on my shoulders running up and down my arms. I look up to see Peter crouching in front of me. "You're really beautiful when you cry. But your even more beautiful when you're happy. Come on."

He gets up and holds his hands out to me. I start to put my hands up but hesitate. Peter would never hurt me, but he is still a boy. And he still has hormones.

I get off the ground by myself and wipe away my tears. I wrap my arms around myself and say, "Where are we going, Peter."

"A place my dad showed me. He told me that I could come here is I got bullied or needed a safe place to call him. Or if I just wanted some alone time. But he also told me only to bring special people here. And you're just about the most special person in my life. So, come on. I want to show a special person a special place." He holds out his hand for me to take. I reach out and I put my hand in his and I feel myself stop shaking. I look up at him and my eyes meet his. He looks at me a second before breaking contact.

He starts walking towards the library. Right before we reach the entrance, he turns left. As we reach a dead end I notice a dark oak door with light blue vine details. Peter puts his hand on the handle and looks back to me. I nodd my head and he opens the door.

The first thing I see is grass. The prettiest, greenest grass I've ever seen. The next thing I notice is a big oak tree in the middle of this beautiful garden. From one of the thicker branches, a tire swing hangs from a thick rope. There are wild flowers everywhere and there are beautiful grey stone walls lining the walls.

I feel Peter snake his arms around his waist and pull my back against his chest. "Peter, it's absolutely amazing." I put my hands on his arms and look up at him. "How did you find this. I mean, does the school know about this. It's so beautiful and perfect and... God. I'm part of the English Olympics and I already have no words from my larger that usual vocabulary."

He chuckles and rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes and feel lost in the moment. I just need to try one more thing before I have to talk to him. I open my eyes and pull my head away. When his eyes snap open I launch myself at him and wrap my arms around his neck. Peters' arms are instantly around me and the bottom of my stomach feels like it has butterflies in it.

"Wendy, we both know you are trying to distract me with your hugs. Especially when I would like nothing more than to hold you all day. But I brought you here to talk, not cuddle. So what's bothering you."

I bury my face in the crook of his neck but keep quiet. After a moment Peter sighs. He drops one hand from my back and puts it behind my knees. He carries me bridal style over to the tree. In my fantasies of Peter and I, he only carried me like this after our first married kiss. I squeeze his neck tighter not wanting to let go. "Wendy, I want to be able to look at you not get choked by you."

I slowly let go of Peter and sit on the grass. I lean my head against the tree and let out a shaky breath. I close my eyes and say, "So, what do you want to talk about, hotshot."

I feel him sit down beside me and place a hand on my knee. I open my eyes and look at Peter. "Why did you freak out? Why did you cry? Why did you say you needed space when I was holding your hands?"

I close my eyes and let my upper body fall to the ground. "I freaked out because my brother just kissed someone I thought was a sister. I cried because it was beautiful. And I said I needed space so I could run to the bathroom and touch up my makeup."

"Wow. You just made up a load of lies, didn't you? Or I might as well call you sappy like Tink and obsessed with looks like Lily. So tell me the truth. We'll start with why you freaked out cause I'm kinda taking that personally."

Realization hits me. "Oh, god. I'm sorry Peter. Don't take it personally. I just... went through something that scared me. I mean, have you ever realized I don't, I don't know, touch people that much. Or hug, hold hands, all that stuff."

"Well, yeah. But I thought you were just being polite so you didn't get in peoples space...wait, you hug me all the time. And you hold my hand...well, on occasion. Why aren't you like that with Tink and Lily?"

I feel myself blushing. "First, I went through something a couple years ago and I guess you could say I got PTSD from it." I open my eyes and look at the branches above me.

"Wendy," his voice softens, "what happened?"

I try to hold back tears as I think about how he hit me. How he threw things at me. How, until the neighbors heard my screams, how he beat me until I dropped. But I need to tell Peter. I close my eyes.

"A couple years ago, a boy on John's football team started to take interest in me. He asked me on a date. And then, after the date, he drove me home. But he didn't go to my house, he went to his. He said he had something to give me. I was naive and stupid, so I went into the house. Then he backed me up into a corner and said he wanted to kiss me.

"I didn't even get to respond before he forced his lips on mine. I thought I felt something, but nothing happened. I told him I was sorry and asked him to take me home, but he got angry. And he hit me. He slapped my face and told me I was worthless. He threw things at me. He beat me until I fell to the floor.

"It wasn't until the neighbors came in with baseball bats did he stop. He was arrested and his parents apologized. I didn't let my parents press charges. And ever since then I haven't liked being touched. I forced myself most of the time but I can't handle watching people kiss. And why I'm too scared to like anyone? I don't think I'll ever kiss anyone again.

"And two, I hug you because you don't scare me as he did. You're there for me and you protect me and my brother, even though he doesn't need it anymore. But you're like family to us, more than you know it, Peter. You may be my brother's best friend, but to me, your home." My eyes snap open. I just admitted to Peter what I've been trying to deny myself for years.