Chapter Three; Adpotus

Adpotus. Adjective. 1. Drunk, intoxicated.

The engineering department was a hive of activity. Everyone knew that Lieutenant Commander Data was being bought up from the surface in critical condition, and there was a mad dash for all the necessary parts and equipment to be ready as soon as the shuttle docked. Geordi's instructions had helped, but even he wasn't completely certain of what they would need.

The turbolift doors hummed open and the three engineers emerged, with Data on the anti-grav sled. They swung it into a space between two banks of monitors and set about hooking cables to the android's temple ports, ready to run full diagnostics. The rest of the engineering crew swarmed round, tools and parts at the ready. Geordi looked around the room at his team.

"Okay guys, this is going to be a long day. We have to prioritize the hydraulic systems. Jensen, you've already had a good look at the job, I need you to pinpoint the damage, any leaks or ruptures. V'Las, start replicating and installing additional hydraulic parts as directed by Jensen. Fisk, top up his fluidic system, work with V'Las and Jensen to make sure you're putting it in where it's not gonna come straight back out again. Hesling, I need your expertise getting those sensor clusters sorted out, they're a damn mess and I'm getting some really weird readouts here. Tramin, use the blueprints on file to get on replicating and installing the skeletal structure. Once we've got the hydraulics sorted out, we can start thinking about tendon and muscle clusters. Okay? Get to it."

"Geordi?" Data murmured as the engineers scattered to their relevant tasks, "May I have a word with you in private?"

Geordi looked pointedly at Jensen, bent over the android's legs. The blonde engineer huffed a sigh at being interrupted, but left when Geordi jerked his head impatiently.

"What's up?" He looked down at his friend. Data opened and shut his mouth a couple of times as he considered what to say.

"It hurts." He said, simply. Geordi's eyebrows shot up in astonishment.

"Really? How... you know, that would explain these readings..." He looked at the terminal that Data was wired to and pondered for a moment, before turning back to the android. "So what do you want to do about it?"

"I..." Data shook his head. "I do not know. Perhaps Doctor Crusher would be able to help?"

"I dunno Data, your physiology is so different from organic beings..." Geordi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Tell you what..." he tapped his combadge, "La Forge to Troi."

"Troi here," replied the mellow voice of the counsellor, "what can I do for you Geordi?"

"Could you join us down in engineering? Data's being troubled by some new sensations, I was hoping you might be able to clarify."

"Of course, I'm on my way. Troi out."

Geordi smiled down at Data, who was looking troubled.

"You do not believe me?"

Geordi sighed. "It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that all these feelings are so new to you. I just figured that Troi could tell us exactly what it is you're experiencing, and we can move on from there."

"I understand." Data held out his hand and Geordi, after a momentary hesitation, took it in his own. The android's strong fingers squeezed, and Geordi suddenly realised how miserable his friend was.

"Can I continue my work now, sir?" Said Jensen, returning with his arms full of equipment. Geordi sighed.

"Sure, go ahead." Geordi made for the nearest terminal only to be bought up short. Data had not released his hand. The android looked at him for a moment, and then loosened his hold.

The doors hissed open, and Deanna Troi strode into engineering. Her bright dark eyes sparkled as she looked around the department, taking in the atmosphere of focused activity. Her gaze alighted on the prone and damaged android and her eyes widened as the blood drained from her face. She hurried to the makeshift bed and put her hand on Data's shoulder.

"Data..." She was shocked at his appearance; his brutalised body upset her on a fundamental level. But the waves of emotion rolling off him were worse still. She felt all of his helpless panic, his fear over the severity of his condition, his embarrassment at his undignified situation... and as Jensen inserted a driver into the mangled stump of one of his legs, she felt the red-hot wave of pain crash through him.

"Stop!" She cried, shoving the young engineer in the chest. Jensen stumbled back with a cry, the driver spinning away to land with a clatter on the floor as the heads of half a dozen engineers swivelled to regard the disturbance with surprise.

"Geordi, a word, now!" She was already moving away towards a side room. Geordi looked back at his team.

"Alright everyone, back to work! Nothing to see here."

"No!" Deanna whirled round and pointed at Jensen. "Don't you touch him!"

"With all due respect," Jensen replied, without any, "This work is extremely high priority..."

"It is alright, Counsellor," Data interrupted, "his work is vital. I will be 'all right' for the moment."

Troi looked at the android in sympathy, and then nodded to the young man.

"I apologise for my behaviour. Please, continue your work." She murmured through tight lips.

As main engineering fell back into busy silence, she dragged Geordi into the small ante room.

"Geordi, it's awful! He's..."

"In pain. Yeah, he said." Geordi looked troubled, and Troi felt like shaking him.

"He told you? And you let them work on him? Geordi, how could you?" Two high spots of colour had risen to her cheeks. Geordi had the sense to look embarrassed.

"Look, I'm sorry, but it's like I said, I wanted you to confirm what he was telling me! I mean, it's so fantastical..."

"Nevertheless, he's telling the truth. We have to do something, I won't let him suffer." Troi folded her arms.

"I don't know what we can do. It's not like we can give him painkillers, I'm not shutting him down, and we can't switch off his sensors, the readout is vital to us to make sure we're putting him back right!" Geordi paced around the room, as if movement would help him think. "I'm fresh out of ideas."

"You can't carry on, it's like performing surgery without anaesthetic." Troi looked thoughtful. "Have you spoken to Beverly? Perhaps she'll have some ideas. She knows Data's systems well enough."

Geordi chewed his lip. "It's worth a try. Could you go to medical and explain? I know she's got the other casualties, I don't want to drag her away unless she comes up with something."

"Alright." Troi began pacing to the turbolift. "And Geordi?"

"Yeah?"

"Look after him."

Beverly Crusher hurried into main engineering, hypospray in hand. She made a beeline for Geordi who was hovering over a monitor.

"I think I've got something." She said, brandishing the medicine. Geordi grinned widely.

"Great! What have you come up with?"

"Well," Crusher looked pensively over to where the engineers were bustling around the android, "if I'm right, it should work well, but I don't think you're going to like the side effects."

"Doc, if it works, I'm happy. What is it?"

"It's the Tsiolkovsky Virus."

"Whoa!" Geordi stepped away from her, hands in the air, as if he could ward off the infection with his sweating palms. Crusher shook her head.

"Don't worry!" She tried to reassure him. "It's been modified. It's not contagious, there's no way it can spread to you, or anyone else here. It'll only affect Data."

"But... you're proposing we get him drunk? That's the best you've got?"

Crusher pursed her lips. "We know he's affected by it, and I've nothing else in the med store that would work at all on an android. If you've got any better ideas, I'd love to hear them. If it stops him from suffering, then I've done my job, so you and your team can do yours."

Geordi ran his hands over his face. "Fine! I'll brief my team while you administer it."

Geordi called the engineers over to explain, and Crusher made her way to the grav-sled holding up the prone android officer.

"Data, how are you feeling?"

"I think it would be fair to say that I have been better." He was obviously unhappy, his brow lined and his lips narrowed. She frowned in sympathy.

"I've got something to help. The Tsiolkovsky Virus. Intoxication has been proven to assist with pain management. Obviously it's not something I would ever normally administer, but owing to your unique physiognomy..."

"I understand, Doctor. Thank you."

She pressed the hypo to his neck.

"I know this is probably going to be weird, but please, remember that he is still your superior officer, and treat him with the respect he deserves. And nothing he says or does while he's under the influence of the virus leaves this department, you got that? Nothing!"

There was a chorus of 'aye's from his team, and they all set back to work with alacrity as Crusher pocketed the now empty hypospray and made her way out. As she passed Geordi she put a hand to his arm.

"It's done. It might take a minute for it to start working, I've had to weaken the strain. If you need more, call me."

"Alright, thanks doc." He patted her hand where it lay on his arm, and they parted to go their separate ways, Crusher back to her casualties and Geordi back to his. He looked at the readout on the monitor.

"Huh, looks like it's having some effect, these readings are levelling off. How're you feeling?"

"I feel fine, Geordi." Data certainly looked better, although Geordi thought that the android's golden eyes looked unusually bright.

"O...kay, good to know. You let me know if..."

"Rest assured, Geordi, that I will alert you immediately if there is any change in my status towards the negative. And, might I add, what a splendid job everyone is doing! Young Jessica Hesling is doing marvellous work on my damaged sensor clusters, she has a remarkably steady hand!"

Hesling glanced up from her work, blushing furiously. "Thank you sir. It's an honour to be working on such an advanced machine." She went, if possible, even redder as she added, "Not that I think of you as..."

"No no, it is quite all right, I am a machine, and thank you for the compliment!" Data raised an arm to wag one pale finger in the woman's face as he added, "And you yourself are a remarkable machine, albeit of a biological nature. Do not forget that!" He looked up at Geordi. "Do you know that if I were a human, I would be healed by now, and they would be fitting me with bionic prosthetic legs? Do you not find that ironic?"

Geordi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, you're drunk all right."

"I am not just drunk!" Data waved his hand to indicate the damage, "I am legless!"

"No puns! Absolutely not! And don't laugh!" Geordi rounded on Fisk, who was snorting with suppressed giggles, "You'll only encourage him!"

"Fine." Data huffed, folding his arms. "No puns. Is anyone here familiar with the works of Flanders and Swann?"

Over the course of the next hour Data regaled them with select songs from his vast repertoire, including a rousing rendition of "The Major-General's song", which he then sang at double speed, much to the amusement of Tramin, and "First and Second Law", which he insisted on teaching to Fisk, who proved to everyone's astonishment to have a rather pleasant light tenor voice.

Geordi clicked his visor off and sighed heavily as he rubbed his temples. This was certainly turning out to be an eventful day. If he had thought he'd end up with a drunken Data on his hands, he never would have gotten out of bed.

"We could always deactivate him." Murmured Jensen. Geordi snapped his visor back into place and glared at him.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, ensign." He growled. "He's already been shut down once today, and he hates it nearly as much as I hate doing it. Not an option."

The blonde man's brows came together. "With respect sir, it would make our work much easier..."

"Oh lay off, Lars," said Tramin, walking past with a crate of replicated spare parts, "at least he's a happy drunk!"

Jensen scowled at the Bolian's back and went back to his station, his tasks mostly complete. Geordi watched him go, and his dark brow furrowed. That man was always just a step shy of insubordination. Talented and ambitious, but arrogant. He ran a hand through his hair and went reluctantly back to his inebriated friend.

"Hey, you doing okay?" He enquired. Data grinned beatifically.

"I am fine, Geordi. And I feel that I should let you know that you are looking particularly attractive today."

There was a snort of laughter from somewhere, but when Geordi looked up, all heads were down.

"Look, Data, just... will you keep the volume down? I'm getting a headache. No more singing, no..."

"Oh dear, poor Geordi!" Data's feathery brows came together in consternation. "Let me kiss it better!"

Before he could process the words, a pale hand had grabbed Geordi's collar and pulled. Reflexively he slapped one hand over Data's mouth, the other clutching the android's wrist.

"No! What the hell, Data?!" he yelped, an inch from Data's long nose. Golden eyes peered over his hand in confusion. "You can't... you... just... no!"

From beneath his hand a muffled voice replied, "Why not?"

Geordi ground his teeth and looked up at his crew.

"Not a word!" He barked.

In another hour they were ready to test Data's new lower legs. The virus had gradually worked its way out of his systems, and as it lost its potency Data's behaviour became less and less erratic. They noticed the change when he began apologising profusely for his conduct to anyone in earshot, and had to be reassured multiple times that nothing he had said or done whilst under the influence had caused any offense. Geordi kept his opinion to himself on that score, but still put his arm around Data to help him stand.

The android bounced up and down on the balls of his feet a few times.

"They seem to be functioning perfectly." He stated, talking a step. His knee buckled, and Geordi was pulled almost off his feet as Data stumbled sideways before regaining his balance.

"They will, of course, require some calibration." Data mused. Geordi rolled his eyes under his visor.

"I think you're still a bit drunk." He muttered. Data hummed in assent and looked round the room at the engineering crew.

"I thank you all for your assistance. Your work today has been exemplary, and I would be most gratified if you would all join me in the lounge bar this evening after your shift for a celebratory drink. I feel that you have all earned it."

"Yeah, I should say so!" Geordi nodded, "As long as none of you get as drunk as Data was. Now, I'm gonna get him back to his quarters, and you all can get on with your regular duties."