Me: I the author don't own anything except the character of the Emperor, and all things related. If you find anything that's yours, please note it's probably and Easter egg or I didn't know about. Please don't sue me just send a pm so I can make the proper edits. Okay enjoy what I got so far.
"10 years, 10 years and you built this fantastic base, managed to fix the phase shift cloaking device, somehow stocked up on 3 years of food, but in all that time never once did you consider a god dam shower. I mean at this point I smell so bad not even I know what to compare myself to." The Emperor was doing his best to remain calm but was a bit miffed at the fact he smelled as bad as he did. "That and it's not like he can go just buy a shower."
"Okay everyone, this takes the top priority, we are going to earth to steal…borrow a shower. Once we figure out what kind of currency these humans use, we will 3d print out a fuck ton of it and pay them back. So, can a have a stealth armor please?" #2 downloaded itself back into the base mainframe and opened the pocket dimension necessary to drop the stealth armor. "As requested sir, now remember just cause the ocean is blue doesn't mean it's a promising idea to hit on it." He just grunted, "I am never going to live that down I guess."
Instead of a boom tube emperor thought it would be best this time if he just flew in quietly, because even though he didn't have a shower, he had a small ship to help get him down to earth. "Emperor why didn't we just take a boom tube, it's not like this planet could possibly harm us." "That's true #3, but remember, we came here to steal a shower, we aren't exactly going to make any friends tonight. Wait…that store looks open. Hey, do you think they accept gold on this planet?" "Well sir remember, gold had almost no value to the horde even though we kept collecting it. However, from the data we gathered gold has a very high value to these humans, the value seems to go up almost every day." "Wait really, well fuck stealing let's just buy one. I just got to activate this holographic emitter. Done, now I look like…who the hell am I." "According to my scans you are now Clark Kent of the daily news."
"Alright I guess I look stupid enough, this shouldn't be too hard." As he walked into the store, he was somewhat baffled at the amount of options you could have for a shower. "Why did they make so many options. Hi yes, I just got here and the place I live at needs a new shower, price isn't an issue I am just looking for top of the line. Oh, and I am in a rush so let's just pay now." The Emperor dropped a nugget of gold on the counter. The two store clerks just looked at each other before they went in back to get only the best shower. "Thanks guys keep the change. Wow that was easier than I thought." Meanwhile back inside the store, "Dude this was the easiest money ever." "I know bro, come on let's see how much we just made off that idiot."
"Finally, I have a shower, it even has its own personal water heater. So, what do you think #3." "I think you paid too much sir, especially since I can overhear those teens. So, fantastic job sir, you just bought 1 shower but paid for over 100."
A/N: lets skip the installing anything and get to the reason I'm typing shall we.
"Well that was nice, nothing like a 1 hour shower to get rid of the grime, slime, and over all worse than shit smell. Well now that I finally put some cloths on, what core should we visit next? I was thinking yellow, or blue. Please refrain from the blue jokes."
"Perhaps it would be wise to go to the green lantern core. The way I have heard it, their leaders are the guardians of the universe. Or so they say, but guess we will need to meet them to find out." #1 stated as data was popping up with images and reports on the green lantern core. "What a promising idea, I always wanted to piss off the smurfs, okay so what armor am I taking and who wants to come with me."
#1 volunteered since it was his idea, and the armor of choice was the speed armor. Allows for enhanced agility, short range teleporter, grappling lines, 5 mile sensors, and a jet thrusters just in case. "Alright everyone, hold down-argh." The Emperor dropped to his knees in pain, it had been too long since he had last eaten, so his nanites started eating away at him, instead of helping him, "Sir eat this, it will help regulate your iron levels so your nanites can eat." Meat and ale was placed before him, as he quickly stuffed himself to help ease away the pain. "What just happened, why did my nanites just start…eating me?"
#2 had already downloaded into the medical armor, "Step in sir, I will find out soon enough." A few hours later the news came down. "Scans complete…sir your implants and nanites are eleven years expired. I thought that you had them replaced, you did get them replaced, right?"
The emperor thought back to the time he went to get them replaced. "I will tear off your face your stupid son of a" Flash back canceled.
"I mean yeah I was supposed to, but I had an argument with the staff, not my best day." #3 spoke up, "I pulled up the file of that day, most of it is in ink except for one word. Fire, oh for crying out loud really." "I admit it wasn't my best day, so what now?"
"Well from the scans I can tell that you need replacements, we don't have any. So, we need to make some sort of repairs to the implants and replace as many of the nanites as possible. While your off making new friends, I will make the necessary arrangements." "Great you do that #1 get the speed armor back up and running, it's time to go."
A boom tube opened onto a planet nearby the guardians, planet name unknown. "Okay how far away are we from the guardians? Wow look at this place, this is a wonderful planet." "That's odd, when we took turns scanning space sectors while you were on ice, this planet wasn't here." The emperor chuckled, "Really now, you missed the fact that the red lantern core had no surrounding planets or moons around Ysmault, and your surprised you missed a planet. Just a single planet has you surprised."
The emperor started to break out laughing, until #1 stopped him. "Sir we knew about Ysmault, but this doesn't make any sense…did you see that." emperor started to focus up "see what, a missing moon." He couldn't help but start laughing again. "sensors are picking up movement all around we are surrounded." The emperor kept chuckling but said quietly, "put my laugh on a loop, and get ready to fight."
The emperor took a knee while his laugh made it seem like he was having trouble breathing. He tapped away on his left wrist computer and was prepping for a pocket dimension to drop some weapons. "Sir we are absolutely surrounded I can't see anything, the only theory I can tell is that…oh shit." The loop ended and the pocket opened, 6 throwing knives, 4 pistils, duel smgs, and a rifle. The magnets for the side arms directed them to their holsters, the knives were caught and put into sheaths, and the rifle kicked up off the ground and grabbed. "I got no targets #1 give me something here, also what's the oh shit part this time." The emperor kept pivoting trying to find a target, "Sir I think the planet is the target, and oh shit is because I don't think it like us."
The emperor dropped his rifle, "You are a living planet, so I can't really fight you but I do come in peace." He showed his red lantern ring, "I am also a lantern I come to from-" The emperor was stuck down from a blow to the back of the head only to awake in front little blue…creatures.
"Are all red lanterns truly so moronic, did you think that attacking Mogo was you best option for a distraction? You clearly couldn't have come alone, so where are the other red lanterns." The emperor just looked back confused, in his home dimension the cores never got along but they also never went to attack each other. "What attack, I just came here to say hi. What did you think I was doing?"
The emperor was surrounded by green lanterns, while construct chains held him down. No one except emperor could hear his Q.A.I. "2 for 2 captured again I see, well are captors are blue so go ahead and talk your way out of this." the emperor gave an angry grunt, "Shut up, you are a useless tool." One of the blue things began to talk, "What did you just call us, a useless tool"
"What, no I wasn't talking to you. Why am I talking to you? I came here to figure out who oversees the green lanterns, but I can guess that would be you and be right wouldn't I." The emperor was on his knees and in chain constructs, looking around he figured it was at least 20 to one odds. Reinforcements were waiting for an excuse to barge in. "We are the leaders of the green lantern core, and we are called the guardians of the universe. Now I ask again where is the red lantern core!"
"Probably back at home guarding the red lantern core central power battery, either that or a big angry BBQ. They ain't here that's all I know." The guardians seemed confused, "You came alone, did no one inform you about the war between the red and the green lantern cores?" A green lantern flew over, "Maybe he is a new red lantern, we have heard rumors of the red's attempting to expand their ranks." One of the blue's spoke up, "Hal Jorden you will not speak of rumors. All rumors are the same, just lies. But that does beg the question, are you a new to the red lantern core?" the blue one in the middle seemed more curios than hostile all the sudden.
"No I have been one for quite some time, but if it does make a difference I am from another dimension. I was a red lantern there for a long time. Look where I'm from the cores didn't get along but there was never any war. I'm sorry about that." The hatless smurfs looked at each other, "Put him in a cell, the red lanterns aren't known for tactical genius but that doesn't mean they won't attempt it. Kilowog, have the patrols doubled. We want updates every hour."
"Wait don't you think we should let him go or at least think about this, what if he is telling the truth. Look at him he just wants…how did he get out?" The emperor was grateful for the speed armor, "Man I am so happy that there is a short-range teleporter in this thing, but we need to find the weapons. Can't let horde tech fall into anyone's hands, #1 got a lock on the gear yet?" #1 one confirm the lock was coming from the armory. "Agility increase online, at current speeds we can make it to the armory in 27 seconds. I have done my best to mask the ring's signature but this isn't the stealth armor, it won't last for long. Take a right, then the next left and it should be straight ahead."
The doors were massive, but that didn't matter. "Stop!" Yelled a green lantern. #1 spoke up, "Looks like we have been discovered, a dozen lanterns are on our tail. Prepping short range teleporter, get ready to go through the door." The emperor leaped into the air and soon he disappeared. On the other side of the door they went crashing, "Quick get to the terminal so I can lock them out." In a quick second (A/N: I will not be making flash puns today) the emperor was plugged in and locked everyone out. "Good that should have bought us enough time, time to…this place is huge. I'm sure if we borrow somethings they won't mind. Okay where is my gear, I have to secure that first, after I take these, that rifle, not sure what this one is so I'm just gonna label it as mine." The pocket dimensions were being filled with all sorts of weapons, but one thing caught the emperor's eyes. It was a vial labeled fear toxin "Fear in a bottle, nah probably not a real thing." He tossed the vial on the ground and a gas filled the area as he sped off unaware of the gas.
"Coming up on the horde weapon signatures, visual confirmation acquired." The emperor holstered his gear and armed himself with his rifle. At that moment, there was a loud boom "Sir I'm just guessing but I think they broke down the door." The emperor sighed "Open a boom tube, it's time to go." Green lanterns came charging in to arrest the emperor again, but had stopped when they heard screams. 2 green lanterns were exposed to the gas.
A boom tube opened as the emperor stepped back into his base, "Mission was disaster, at least we made off we some new toys. #3 start analyzing and categorizing the new weapons in the pocket dimension. I just tossed them in so they should be in a crappy little pile. Time to eat and rest. Time to turn up the heat and have some, chicken? Hey guys what's a chicken, and how in hell should I cook this?"
Meanwhile on Oa, the lanterns that got infected were put in science cells until the fear toxin was out of there system. Hal Jordan was arguing with Kilowog about what to do next, while the guardians met to review what had happened. "He had access to boom tube technology, you think Mogo would have mentioned that in his report."
"Mogo isn't one for words, besides I don't think he was lying."
"Why would Mogo lie about anything to us?"
"Not Mogo, the one encased in rock and hurled at us. So to speak."
"Why would you say that? He is a red lantern-our enemy."
"That's true he is a red lantern but what if he is from another dimension. I think are next action on this subject matter should be to invite him to get answers out of him. Think of what he could tell us."
"I disagree, we had him on Oa for less than a few hours and look at what he did, 2 green lanterns are in science cells because of that fear gas from somewhere, a total of 26 different weapons are missing from the armory and 2 of which are incredible dangerous, and just a reminder he has access to boom tube technology. When he is seen again he should noticed as a high value target to be met with extreme caution."
Now back to Hal Jordan "Look Kilowog all I'm saying is that we should notify batman about this." Kilowog was getting mad at Hal, "No we aren't getting some human involved in this, besides he wouldn't even share the details with us on the fear gas just gave us the stuff and…oh you didn't ask him, did you?"
"I did, he said no. But we needed it here to study. I didn't think it would get lost and placed in the armory." Kilowog was getting even more mad at Hal, "You're going to earth and heading straight to Gotham to go explain this to the hero called Batman and you are not coming back until you get some notes on this garbage. GOT IT POOZER!"
A/N: This story will pick up quickly with the emperor, and then straight to Gotham.