Hello! Sorry I'm late. The muse called me away to other writing things for a little while. But I've got more stuff planned for this I promise!
This is kind of like the seventh chapter of this story (and is way out of season) but I had fun writing it. And I think you'll enjoy it nonetheless. Thanks for hanging in there!
The Doctor was seated behind his desk as normal when Bill entered his office.
"Happy Halloween!" she greeted.
Though the Doctor wasn't one for most Earth holidays, he grinned broadly and popped up out of his chair.
"Happy Halloween," he replied. But as he scanned Bill up and down, his smile faded some. "You're not wearing a costume."
"Yeah, I am," Bill scoffed.
When the Doctor looked her over again, confused, she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, come on," she chuckled. "You have to get it."
"They just look like clothes," he frowned. "What is it supposed to be?"
"You have to guess. But I'll give you a hint… I'm dressed like an alien."
The Doctor raised an eyebrow as he tried to figure out her costume. He circled around her a couple times, muttering under his breath as he went through his mental catalogue of alien species.
"Well, you're wearing clothes, which eliminates all gaseous and non-corporeal species. And most insect species too," the Doctor stated. "But not all. I once met a very large sentient centipede who worked as a haberdasher. He was quite fond of bowler hats."
Bill chuckled as he circled around her once more, clearly stumped.
"They look like Earth clothes. So, an alien in Earth clothes. An alien… in Earth clothes…" he thought aloud to himself. "What kind of alien would wear Earth clothes?"
The Doctor paused, considering for a moment. Then his face lit up.
"You're a Zygon!" he concluded, grinning broadly. "You're a Zygon disguising itself as a human."
It was Bill's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"What the hell is a Zygon?"
The Doctor deflated at the
"Okay, fine," the Doctor huffed. "I give up. What are you supposed to be?"
Bill smiled again.
"Okay," she said, reaching a hand into the pocket of her coat. "One more hint."
She pulled out her black plastic sunglasses and slid them on. With the glasses on, it was as if the layered t-shirts, hoodie, and black coat were thrown into a different light.
The Doctor lit up again, his entire face breaking out into a wide grin.
"You're me!" he said happily. "You're dressed as me."
"Yeah, I am," Bill confirmed, smiling widely as well. "What do you think? I kind of ran out of time to get ready for Halloween this year, so I needed something easy."
"So, you just took my clothes out of the wardrobe?" The Doctor asked, still smiling despite the question being accusatory.
"No, of course not. I bought this all at a charity shoppe for like ten quid. Which is why the coat's just like a sport coat for a really big bloke and not velvet and posh like some people's," Bill replied, holding up an arm to show him. "Bought the boots new though, and honestly? I'm probably going to incorporate them into my actual wardrobe. They're pretty cool."
Bill was sure that the Doctor was going to hold the fact that she had just implied that part of his style was "cool" against her, but he didn't acknowledge it. At least, not beyond a small twitch of his eyebrows.
"But why did you dress as me? Why not something else?"
"Mostly, I wanted to see your reaction when you figured it out. Which was perfect, by the way. Exactly what I was going for," Bill answered. Her brow rose. "So… do you like it?"
The Doctor gave her his most pleased smile, which, of course, made Bill straighten up proudly. Then, his eyes widened as if remembering something and he stepped back.
"What do you think of my costume?"
He indicated to the clothes Bill had only just recognized were not his typical ones. She considered for a moment, her head cocked slightly to one side and her eyes narrowed.
"I don't know. What is it?"
"Oh, come on," he urged. "I guessed yours. Now, you guess mine."
Bill did as he had, circling around him to better observe his clothes: a button up shirt, tweed blazer, and a bowtie.
"Mmmm...You just kind of look like a professor," she concluded with a shrug. "You know, like a proper one."
The Doctor, who had readied himself to reply, stopped to give her a disapproving look in return for the word "proper". He rolled his eyes.
"No. Try again."
Bill sighed and thought harder. Then she lit up.
"Bill Nye the Science Guy!" she said excitedly. "Because of the bowtie."
The Doctor frowned.
"Who?"
"You know, Bill Nye the Science Guy. From that American show in the nineties," Bill explained. "I used to love those. He'd always talk about science stuff and he wore a bowtie, just like that one. Plus, the theme tune has like this chant of just 'Bill, Bill, Bill' over and over again and when I was little, I pretended it was my theme tune."
The Doctor continued to frown.
"I've never heard of it."
"Oh, we have to watch some. You'd probably hate it," Bill said happily. But after a moment, her expression changed back to one of consideration. "Or maybe you'd love it. I honestly don't know."
"Well, anyways," the Doctor said, waving her away and indicating to his outfit again. "You haven't figured it out."
"Mmmm… I don't know," Bill said, shrugging again. "Just tell me."
The Doctor put on his best shit-eating grin.
"I'm me," he said, clearly utterly delighted with himself. "I'm dressed as me."
"Uh… no?" Bill eyed him, confused. "I'm dressed as you. We just established that."
"No, I mean-" The Doctor sighed exasperatedly. "I'm dressed as me, but not this me."
He motioned to his face.
"You know," he continued. "It's ironic, right? I'm dressed ironically."
The way he smiled made it clear that he was very proud of… whatever it was he thought he was pulling off.
"You… want to be dressed ironically?" Bill asked slowly.
"Well… yes," he answered, albeit less excited than he was a second ago. "Isn't that what the kids are into these days? Irony?"
Bill stared at him, mouth slightly agape, for a moment before she started laughing. The Doctor's confused expression grew with every peal of laughter.
"What the hell are you on about?" she said between laughs.
"I thought that was a thing!" he said. "You said just yesterday that you were wearing something ironically."
The defensiveness in his voice made Bill laugh that much harder.
"Okay, okay, okay," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes as her laughs died down. "I said it was unironic. I wore it unironically."
The Doctor scowled.
"I don't understand."
"If you wear something ironically, it means that you don't like it, but you're wearing it. If you wear something ironically, it means that you're not supposed to like it, but you do," she explained. "Like, if something is supposed to be kitschy or weird, but you actually really like it, then you like it unironically.
"So, if you don't like bow tie and the tweed, then you're right; you're wearing it ironically. But usually, people want to wear things unironically."
His scowl deepened, earning him a few more chuckles, as he processed what she had said.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"It does to me," she said with a smirk and shrug. "Maybe you're just too old."
She expected him to retaliate with one of his remarks about (his perception of) his age. But instead he just kept scowling as he turned and made his way towards his desk. He was still frowning when he dropped dejectedly into his desk chair.
"See this? This is why I don't engage in the youth culture," he huffed, waving a disproving finger for good measure.
"The 'youth culture'?" Bill asked, doing her level best not to burst out laughing again at the sight of the Doctor acting like a pensioner.
"There's too many words I don't understand," the Doctor said. "Like 'dab' and 'WhatsApp' and 'fam'."
Bill chuckled slightly at what she thought was his joke, but her smile faded at the seriousness of his tone.
"Fam? I call you 'fam'."
"Exactly, and I don't know what it means," the Doctor said quickly. "You say that I am your 'fam'. But what is a 'fam'? What does that mean?"
Bill slowly took a seat at her usual chair in front of his desk, her smile returning ever so slightly.
"Come on. You know... 'Fam'? Short for 'family'," Bill explained. "I call you 'fam', because… well..."
Bill didn't finish the sentence but instead shrugged and inclined her head towards the Doctor, raising her eyebrows to indicate that it should be obvious.
The Doctor blinked. He seemed frozen, just staring at her for a moment.
Bill waited for him to react. Finally, after what seemed like forever of him just sitting there, he inhaled deeply and cleared his throat.
"Yes... Well…," he muttered. "That one can stay."
Bill's smile grew as the Doctor sniffed and wiped at his eye, which he then pretended to pass off as flicking something away. He cleared his throat again and then sat up, trying to return to his previous complaining tone.
"But that's it. The rest of them? Done. Gone. No more," the Doctor decreed. "I particularly don't like the word 'millennial'."
"Trust me," Bill said with a chuckle, "we really don't like it either."
"I think I should be considered a millennial."
Bill blinked for a moment before her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Look," she began, shaking her head. "I know there are like a ton of definitions of the word 'millennial', but I assure you, none of them include you."
"They should" the Doctor responded sincerely. "'Millennial' is a description. It should mean 'one who has a millenia'. You know. Like me."
"Doctor, you can't just redefine words you don't like the definition of."
"I can and I will," the Doctor said. He pointed to the bag on Bill's lap. "So, write that down."
For a moment, they both stared at each other, brows raised. Eventually, Bill gave in and rolled her eyes as she pulled out a notebook and pen.
"Is this gonna be our tutoring lesson today? You making up new definitions to things and me writing 'em down?"
The Doctor smiled.
"It wasn't going to be, but it is now."
Bill shook her head again and let out a sigh.
"Okay, fam."
Bill scribbled the new definition down in the notebook. When the Doctor was unusually quiet, she glanced up to find him smiling to himself. A smile of her own spread across her face.
"Oh, that is adorable. Are you going to do that every time I say 'fam' now?"
The Doctor's face fell, his smile replaced with his usual furrowed brow.
"Do what?"
"That little smile you just did," Bill pointed out.
"No. Of course not."
"Are you sure, fam?" Bill said, raising an eyebrow. "Come on, fam. It's okay if you do, fam."
The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Stop."
"Can't, fam."
"This is distinctly not very fam of you," the Doctor said sternly as he pointed an accusatory finger at her.
This only made her laugh harder.
"Oh, that's so cute, fam," Bill said, grinning. "I won't stop until you say it, fam. Come on, fam. I know you can do it, fam."
Bill raised her eyebrows expectantly as he hesitated. He rolled his eyes again, but he knew that she was ready to keep going.
Finally, he sighed.
"Please stop saying fam," he said slowly, "... fam."
He rolled his eyes a third time at her renewed grin and chuckles, but couldn't stop himself from making the same small smile again. Especially not after glancing at the pictures of River and Susan and then back to Bill.
"Oh, Doctor…" Bill shook her head. "I hope you know I'm never gonna let you live this down."
This is loosely based of a Tumblr post from em-and-fandems. Here's the link to view the post (on my Tumblr sorry) : post/181885695254/13-knows-fam-which-means-12-did