Chapter Three; Prendo

Prendo. Verb. 1. Catch up with 2. Get a grip on 3. Reach safe harbour 4. Understand

Geordi checked himself in the mirror again and blew out a sigh. He had finally gotten around to getting his hair cut, had decided to simply have it cropped close to his skull. He had trimmed his beard, shaved his cheeks into a semblance of respectability. His civilian clothes felt strange and awkward and they seemed ill-fitted, the waistband too loose, the arms baggy. He scowled at his reflection, silver eyes glittering in irritation. He would have to update his measurements. He turned his face this way and that, regarding his hollow cheeks and hooded eyes with a grimace. He jumped when the door chimed, and called a greeting as he scurried into the living space. The door slid open and Deanna Troi glided in, smiling her soft sweet smile. Geordi's shoulders slumped.

"Sorry, Geordi, not yet. Maybe soon, though. He's making great progress."

"You said that a week ago." Geordi grumbled. She patted him sympathetically on the arm as she walked past him to the replicator.

"How are you, Geordi? You're looking much better."

"I look like hell and you know it." He scowled. "Coffee, seeing as you're there."

She nodded and returned with two mugs, and they sat together on his couch. She cocked her head as she looked at him.

"I meant the haircut, and the beard. They suit you. But yes, if you want honesty, I can tell that you're still not sleeping or eating properly. Have you seen Beverly?"

"I don't need a doctor, there's nothing wrong with me."

"I never said there was, but she may be able to give you something for your appetite, and perhaps something to help you rest."

"I just want to get back to work. It's being stuck on my own, not knowing what's going on in my own department, that's what's bugging me!"

"You don't have to be on your own. You're welcome at poker night, and there's always the lounge bar, the hollodeck..."

"Yeah, I know." He huffed a sigh. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. And for what it's worth, he misses you terribly. He's looking forward to seeing you."

"So what's the problem? Why can't I... Y'know, sometimes I think, to hell with it, I'm just gonna go to his quarters and see him, I don't care what happens."

"You do care, because until he's really ready, it won't go well, for either of you. And I don't think you're ready either."

"The hell makes you think that?" He scowled at her, and she pursed her lips.

"Did you go through those courses I gave you?"

He grimaced. "Yeah, and it was boring as hell. Interspecies relationships... Damn, I never thought I'd have to worry about that sort of stuff."

"But you do, because that's what this is. You must understand, although he looks human, his thought processes are very different."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, with different codes of ethics and social moirés and, and moral standards and... all that stuff... I get it, I do!"

"And has it made any difference to the way you think about his actions?"

"Yeah..." He sighed. "No. I dunno. Guess I just never thought that he'd... do something like that. To me."

"You need to come to terms with the fact that he's not the same person any more. We all grow and change. You are not the same person that you were twenty years ago. The difficult thing, for both of you to deal with, is that you have changed gradually as your experiences have shaped you. But with Data, all his changes caught up with him at once. He's finding it as difficult to understand as you are."

Geordi put down his mug and stood, began to pace restlessly around the room as he brooded. Deanna watched him move around the room, her eyes dark and distant as she focused on reading his emotional state, trying to gauge his reactions. Geordi swung his arms in irritation.

"You know what? I wish he had lied. Even... even if I knew he was lying, I wish he had just told me that everything was fine, that he and Lore... Damn it." He stopped in front of his bookcase, staring at the spines of his ancient technical manuals. "I know every circuit, I've repaired and analysed and diagnosed, but... I want to fix him, I do, but I guess, what I really want, is for him to be like he was before, and he's not going to be, is he? He's always going to be scared and angry."

"Data's emotions are not like human emotions. He finds it hard to process more than one emotional state at a time, and sometimes, yes, he's angry and frightened. But there's a lot more going on, underneath, and it's starting to come through. He just needs to learn to manage his more negative emotions, and focus them in a positive way."

"Is it working?" Geordi turned, wrapped his arms around himself. "All this talk, all the time you're spending with him? Are you going to be able to fix him?"

"Geordi..." She shook her head. "You're still thinking about this the wrong way. He's not broken or malfunctioning, he doesn't need to be fixed. You're an engineer, so you tend to view things in two states, working and not working. But people aren't like that."

"I know that! Probably why none of my relationships have ever worked." He mumbled. "Should've never gotten into this in the first place, I told him it wasn't going to work."

"And that is because of your point of view. Working, or not working. Geordi, loving someone doesn't mean that you're going to be happy all the time, regardless of everything else. It's not a state of bliss, some magical thing. Relationships aren't perfect, and eventually they all take work. There will always be arguments, and compromises, and difficulties."

"Then what's the point?" He huffed. "Why bother?"

"Because the positives outweigh the negatives. A good relationship is a wonderful thing, but it's not an easy thing. We are raised on fairytales, stories of 'happily ever after', but that's not a realistic way to look at life." She smiled softly at him. "You can't just kiss him and break the spell."

"I could fucking try, instead of standing round doing nothing." He growled. She shook her head again.

"I'm telling you, he needs time, just as you do. He's... he's very unhappy today, and..."

"He's unhappy?" Geordi strode back to the couch, thumping down onto the cushions to sit and stare at her. "About what? Why?"

"Geordi..." She warned, but he waved her glare away.

"I have a right to know what's going on with him, you need to tell me."

"And I have a duty of care. He's my patient, and what he tells me is in the strictest confidence."

"Oh God, it's bad, isn't it?" Geordi stared at her, trying to draw an answer from her dark eyes. "Has he... hurt himself? Is he..."

"Geordi, stop, I'm not going to tell you."

"For fuck's sake, Deanna!" He thumped the couch cushion. "Now I know it's bad! How bad is it? Tell me he's not thinking about... doing something stupid? After the whole Fajo thing he was thinking about..." His silver eyes bored into hers, she could see the tiny mechanisms whirring and moving around and over neon blue. She pressed her lips together and glared right back at him, her dark eyes fathomless. Before she could react he flung himself up off the couch and strode to the door. She scampered after him as the door slid open, jogging to keep up with his rapid strides.

"Geordi, wait!" She cried. "Don't, please! He's not ready..."

"I don't care!" He barked, marching down the corridor. "I'm not gonna just sit around any more, while he works himself up to killing himself! I'm gonna do what I should have done weeks ago! I'm gonna march right in..." He slowed as he reached the door to the android's quarters, and Deanna caught his arm.

"Geordi, if you burst in there, shouting and accusing, it's not going to help, you know that. Please, come away and let him think things through."

"And what if he thinks himself worse? What if he doesn't work it out? What then? No, I'm through with waiting." He thumped the panel and the door opened. He shook himself free of her arm and entered Data's quarters.

"Geordi, please..." Deanna followed him in, taking his arm again, tugging him back. His silver-blue eyes swept the room, his face fell.

"What the hell happened in here? Where's all his art? His books? Data!" He shouted, his head swivelling to take in the whole room, body tensed, poised.

"Geordi?" Data was as far from the door as he could get, but he stepped forwards towards the man as he spoke.

"Data! What happened in here?"

"Geordi..." Data stepped forward again, and then his expression hardened. "You are not supposed to be in here."

"Why not? Because seeing me makes it harder for you to go through with it?" Geordi growled, his fists clenched. Deanna tugged on his arm again.

"Geordi, please..."

Data's head swung to her, his yellow-gold eyes sharp and penetrating. "You told him?"

"No, Data, I didn't tell him anything."

"She told me enough!" Geordi barked, jerking his arm roughly from Deanna's grip to advance on the android. "You're thinking about killing yourself, aren't you? Of all the stupid, selfish..."

"Selfish!" Data's eyes widened, then narrowed in anger. "It is an act of selflessness! You said yourself that you would be better off without me, that your life would not be so complicated, so I am removing myself from the equation..."

"That's not how it works!" Geordi snarled. "Maybe I would have been better off without you if I had never met you, but to think about doing this to me, after everything I've gone through? How am I supposed to save you from yourself, huh? I can't swoop in and rescue you from your own head! You're insane if you think that killing yourself would make my life easier, it's... totally crazy!"

"Are you intending to convince me that my intended course of action is inappropriate by informing me that I am mentally unbalanced? I know that, Geordi! I am fully aware that my thought processes are abnormal, but if you cannot see that I would do this for you, that..."

"For me? Data, it'd kill me! I'd... I'd be devastated! You know what, I don't care about everything else, it just doesn't matter, everything else that's happened, it's not as important as having you in my life, e-even if you're hurt and frightened, even if you can never look at me again, even if you hate me, I-I'd rather have that than nothing at all!" Geordi stopped, his mouth falling open. "That's it, isn't it?" He whispered. Data was staring at him, the anger draining from his eyes. He looked at the android, really looked, and saw what he had been missing.

"It doesn't matter." He whispered. "What matters is that I love you. And everything else... we'll work it out. I'll work it out. Data... You don't need fixing, but I think I do." He looked down, his shoulders slumping. "You were right, I've been thinking about things all wrong." He looked back up at Data. "We can make this okay."

The android's mouth opened, his throat worked, but no sound emerged. His golden eyes flickered as he analysed. Then he stepped close, raised one hand and brushed his knuckles across the man's cheek.

"You have grown a beard." He said weakly. Geordi gave a breathy laugh.

"Yeah. If you don't like it..."

Data's fingers slid around the back of his neck and the android leaned in to press their mouths together, and suddenly Geordi didn't know what to do with his hands, couldn't think about anything, his world slipping away, receding under the warm pressure of those familiar lips against his, the fingertips against the nape of his neck. He felt like he was floating, and his only anchor was those four points of contact on his skin, the softness against his mouth. Data drew back and Geordi gasped, tears spilling from his eyes.

"I have missed you." The android murmured, withdrawing his hand, letting his arm fall back to his side.

"I missed you." The man replied. He didn't want to move in case he broke this spell, didn't want to startle Data into reacting once more with fear. But in the android's eyes he saw nothing but trust and love, and it nearly broke his thundering heart. He wanted to say so much, but the words seemed to stick in his chest, and he couldn't make a sound. Data's eyes flickered, and he looked up over Geordi's shoulder.

"Would you give us a moment, counselor?"

She looked concerned, but her eyes softened as she nodded.

"Call me if you need me." She murmured, and slipped out of the door.

Data fixed his gaze once more on the engineer, suddenly shy and uncertain, and Geordi took a small step back, putting enough space between them to allow them both to relax.

"Well..." Geordi scrubbed his cheeks roughly with the heels of his hands, rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Um... What... what d'you want to do now?"

Data's eyes glowed, and he looked at the man with an intensity that made Geordi's face heat suddenly. He sucked a breath in through his teeth. He didn't want to go too far, not yet, it was too soon, but his body was yearning for it, that closeness and comfort.

"Uh, I don't mean... not that I want... I-I mean, I do want you, very much, but..."

"I understand. And I appreciate your restraint, although I too have been anticipating the recommencing of our physical affections."

Geordi chuckled softly. "That's my Data."

The android cocked his head. "Is it not the customary time for your evening meal?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Hadn't really thought about it."

Data nodded firmly. "I would like to go out and have dinner with you."

"Out?" Geordi raised his eyebrows. "To the lounge?"

Data took a deep breath. "Yes. I think it would be... good, for us, to spend time together, and for me to begin to accustom myself again to being around others. And I believe that having you with me will make it easier. Is this an acceptable suggestion?"

Geordi blew out a sigh. "Sure, I'm okay with it, but it's a big thing. You sure you're ready?"

Data squared his shoulders. "Yes."