A/N: I. RETURN! Despite my hellacious overtime and a lengthy, unintentional hiatus, I've managed to drop everything for a few hours to update a few more of my stories. That, and to play Dragon Age again, thus rekindling my love for the genre and this ficlet. Things get a bit...dicey in this chapter, so I'll be upgrading the status to M. Fanfiction's witchunt is over, so it should be alright...I hope.
Now, let us continue on with Keeper of my Heart! Also, I'm totally enjoying playing Dragon Age Inquistion! SO! MANY! IDEAS! Although its a right bugger transferring my saved games with that bollocks of a Keep. Why couldn't they make the damned thing simple?!
By Andraste, it annoys the piss out of me...but hopefully this chapter will make ya'll smile. I worked really hard to capture everyone's personality here and I've had a FIELD DAY with our dear little Inquisitor and Cassandra. Varric as well! Also! Prepare to laugh and...
...enjoy! Ff course, there's plent of snarky Naruto humor! There's quite a bit! And as an addendum, by popular vote, this is now a harem!
"Is that a hole in the sky? The FUCKING SKY?"
~?
Heralds
"Ow."
Cassandra felt a muscle jump in her jaw, but ignored it, and the voice ringing in her ear. Squaring her shoulders she kept walking, the steady crunch of snow from the Frostback Mountains under her boots serving as a brief palm of sorts for her boiling temper. Sadly, it seemed that someone wasn't about to let her be. "Ow." Yet again, she heard the voice behind her, a subtle hiss of annoyance leapt from her lips. Finding no solace in her mind, she focused instead on the Breach overhead; that massive rift spitting out demons, spirits, and Andraste knew what.
"Owww."
Their little group had yet to encounter any as of yet, but that could be subject to change. It was dangerous. A threat. Something she could not-would not-abide by and refused to accept. Accepting the possiblity that the man and woman and her back were quite possibly innocent...well that didn't help matters.
"Owwwwww." the voice cried again.
They had to seal it. Hopefully one of the prisoners-she couldn't bring herself to call the other one such, not after he'd volunteered himself to tag along-would be able to seal it. Assuming, in fact, that she made it to said Breach with her sanity intact. Which seemed less and less likely as the moments dragged on, as she lead them up the winding path towards the forwards camp. Neither was armed, but the man's words cut deeper than any blade possibly could, strike a raw nerve, infuriating her beyond believe.
"You're not doing it right." Herah chimed in, sounding oddly bemused despite the pain her own mark was causing her. "You need to work the blade, not just drag it." Where the woman got her wit from, Cassandra knew not. She didn't think Qunari were capable of having such a sunny disposition; the few she'd met were either silent as the grave, or stoic to a fault. Of course, her companion was anything but.
"I'm fine." Naruto huffed, interrupting her thoughts with an annoyed whine. "I just...gotta get the hang of this...
"Whatever you say~!"
"I said I'm just fine-AAARGH!"
Then the blond gave another angry growl, causing her lips to twitch into a scowl. Ignore-she told herself. "Ow." Resolving herself to blot the words from her mind. Ignore. "Ow." Ignore! Her hands curled around the hilt of her blade. "FUCKING OUCH! Why this so hard?!" She could take it anymore! Ripping her sword free from its sheathe, she spun around, shrieking bloody murder.
"MAKER'S BREATH, WHAT IS GOING ON BACK THERE?!"
Imagine her surprise when she found the former prisoner leaning intently forward...his eyes now level with her breasts. A small knife-flames, where had he hidden it?-of some sort was pressed against his cheek, which he'd doubtlessly been using to do something to his face. Cassandra was more concerned with the fact that he was staring at her breasts. Behind him Herah colored and stifled a tiny laugh-her hands forming a tent over her mouth. Of all the nerve! Cassandra's lips pursed into a frozen, angry line.
"What? 'S not like I was staring, or anything." his eyes moved to blink up at her, body still hunched heavily forward. "I was just using your shield as a mirror while I shaved. Its just so shiney! But," He gave the knife an exploratory wave and touched it to his cheek once more. "I'm not very good at this whole shaving thing. Hence the ow, ow, ow bit, ya know?" Finally, mercifullly, he straightened. "Not to say you don't got a nice pair or nothing; I mean, I've seen bigger but hey, that's not your fault."
"I...you...that...
Cassandra sputtered impotently. Rage and embarssment twined within her, forming a knot of righteous indignation. Oh, how she longed to cut him to pieces! Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed. Swearing she turned and spat an oath to the Make before stalking away, leaving the pair to follow in her wake. Eventually, they did.
"Was that really neccessary?"
Naruto bit back a laugh as Herah poked her head over his shoulder and whispered in his ear; not a difficult feat, considering that she towered over him by almost a good six inches. Even with his recent growth spurt she still made him feel like a dwarf by comparison, and she claimed to be short for her kind! Naruto wasn't looking forward to meeting a truly tall qunari...
Nevertheless, he paused in his ministrations once more and turned his head aside slightly, the flat of the knife still pressed to his cheek.
"Oh, I think it was quite neccessary." he replied with a shrug, cutting the last scraggly hairs of his beard, herding it into a more manageable shape with the knife. "She demanded that I disarm myself, remove all of my clothes, which she thought were robes mind you-and submit to her authority-and that was after I kicked her ass. Of course I'm going to mess with her!" He thought long and hard about mowing off the rest of his facial hair, then reconsidered, looking at himself long in the reflecting pane of a nearby sheet of ice.
The face that stared back at him was no the same, shaggy-looking hermit as before; he now bore a trim, if slightly thick, golden beard draping across the line of his jaw and mouth. Huh. He rather liked this new look. It suited him. He'd traded his orange-black rags in for a nice pair of sturdy-looking black, hardened leathers, light enough to allow freedom of movement, yet still thick enough to offer some semblance of protection should he need it. It would do, for now.
Coupled with a pair of dagger's he'd "borrowed" from an unsuspecting guard, he looked rather dashing, in his opinion.
"Asuma pulled the look off better than you. The beard, that is. If we're talking about being handsome, you're out of luck." Kurama chuckled blackly in the back of his mind. Naruto flipped her-pretty sure it was a her after that last outburst-a mental, one-fingered salute.
'Bite me, whiskers.'
"You're not going to apologize, are you?" Herah asked at last, giving him a look.
"Nope." Setting the jagged slash of iron aside in its holster, Naruto favored the Qunari with a cheeky grin. "I am currently disinclined to acquiesce her request at this time-until she starts treating me like a human being, as I am. Besides," he snickered a bit to himself, "She's so easy to mess with!" He did a little spin as they strode out onto the bridge, crossing both arms behind his head as he looked at her, and waltzed backwards with a churlish grin. "How can you expect me not to? I mean, its not like the world is going to end or anything i'nnit?"
...I suppose you have a point."
The ghost of a smile plucked at Herah's lips as she glanced at the mark on her hand, still sparking and green. It pained her somewhat-but that same pain was greatly reduced compared the writhing agony that it'd once trapped her in. Now if she could just find her staff, she might be rid of the damned thing altogether-
"Will the two of you stop standing about?!"
"Hai, hai!" Naruto called back at Cassandra's shout, thrusting his tongue impudently out between his lips. "We're coming, mom!"
"Aaaargh!"
Up ahead, the Seeker's face blotted with outrage and looked like she wanted to throttle him. Or her. Maybe both? Laughing softly, Herah moved out onto the bridge after Naruto. He seemed an affable enough sort; albeit one prone to bouts of sarcasm and snark at the slightest provocation. Beyond his given name, she knew next to nothing about him and his strange abilities. And flames, but the blond seemed intent to keep it that way.
In the beginning, she'd sought to ask him where he hailed from shortly after their 'liberation' such as it t'were, only to be deflected with humor. He wouldn't say where he was from. He'd been his same, cheeky self ever since. Perhaps it was simply his way of deflecting? She was about to ask him as much...
When all hell broke loose.
One moment they'd had been following Cassandra and a contingent of distant soldiers towards the gate; the next, a flaming green meteor struck the stone edifice. For a heartbeat, Herah thought it might hold-and then that hope was dashed as the ground gave way underfoot, sending a nearby cart of weapons tumbling to the ice less than a yard away. Then the disintegration reached them. Hardened cobblestones crumbled beneath their feet, the entire earth lurching as though it were alive, brick after brick falling apart-
"Oh, that is just not fucking fair!"
Naruto shouted something that sounded dangerously like a curse...just before a second streak of green smashed into the bridge and sent the two of them flying out onto the frozen tundra. The soldiers up ahead did not fare as well. They perished almost instantly, evaporating in the blast of pale fire, their screams dying in their throats. Cassandra only narrowly escaped such a fate through sheer luck alone; she'd been a few steps back from the main group and as such, instead of turning to ash, she survived. She almost wished she hadn't.
The blast knocked her flat on her ass, her superior armor spitting and smoking as she tumbled down the embankment after them, skidding out onto the ice with a groan. There was a moment of pointed silence as each of them gathered their wits and recovered. Surprisingly, no attack was immediately forthcoming.
"Well," Naruto muttered, dusting himself off, "That was anticlimatic."
As if summoned by those very words, another green meteor descended from the Breach. To Herah's dismay it carromed off a nearby snowy hill before smashing into the ice only a few yards away, coalescing into some sort of foul looking smog rising from the soil itself. The look Cassandra-and even Herah herself-cast him could've melted the scales off of an Archdemon. The poor man actually blanched.
"What?!" he cried! "Its not like I meant for this to happen! I-
Then something rose out of the fog. Naruto froze, the words dying on his lips. Look again, his brain told his eyes.
We are, they said! Its real!
Kurama swore. So did Naruto.
For a moment he couldn't bring himself to believe what he was seeing. It was a creature, but like none he had ever seen. Its skin was deep and unholy shade of violet, its body garbed in ugly rags, with claws for hands deadly, and dripping with miasma. Dead, empty eyes stared back at him; yet, within those glassy orbs, he saw something that terrified him to the core. Anger. Hate. Envy. Pain. Pain, pain, pain, pain pain so much pain whyaretheyhurtingmewhatdididowhymakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopMAKEITSTOP!
"Naruto! Snap out of it!"
Gasping, he lurched back to reality and, blessed sanity. Cold sweat blanketed his forehead, his body trembled. The creature -the Shade- was still advancing, staring at them, its claws raised. Fear was slowly supplanted by hatred. He was staring at a monster. But the terror it had once inspired with its prescence was gone, replaced a lake of cold fury. He palmed a knife to his hand, slipping into a ready
This was one of the things that had tormented him in that place a dread spirit who'd provided him with nothing but pain and suffering for an untold eternity.
"Get behind me, the both of you!" Cassandra shouted. She surged forward to meet the demon without waiting to see if they obeyed her command. She belted out a war cry and smashed into it with her shield-sending it staggering away with in a single swipe before immediately raising it to block, then counter when the creature tried to strike back. Naruto took a brief moment to admire her skill. Not a single movement was wasted; she fought with the skillful poise of an ancient samurai he thought, much like old man Mifune; but with more ferocity. Hell, she wasn't exactly hard on the eyes, either, now that she wasn't shouting at them...
Another rifted opened beside them seconds later.
"This is what I get for opening my big mouth...
"Cover me for a second!" Herah shouted!
"Wha? What're you-
She must have seen something in the wreckage aways behind them; out of the corner of Naruto's eye, he watched her she dive towards the ruined remnants of the cart. Whatever she was up to, he didn't have time to ask. Because in that instant the creature was upon him, claws seeking his throat. Fear seized him once more but he fought it down, battling back the instinctive urge to vomit as he laid eyes upon the hunch-backed and misshapen being.
Naruto didn't move; he simply exhaled and drew in natural energy. To his great delight-and overwhelming relief-he found his senjutsu was just as powerful in this strange, otherwordly realm, if not moreso. Pure energy flooded his veins, in a heady, intoxicating rush. Suddenly, he felt as though he had the strength of a dozen men. More than enough. Claws scrabbled harmlessly against his arm, tearing deep trenches in the leather, but leaving the skin beneath almost completely untouched, bar a slight slice in his arm. Bah, crappy armor! But Naruto smiled at the creature's confusion regardless.
"Sorry, pal." he said cheerily, baring his fangs. "You'll find I'm actually capable of putting up a fight, now."
Then he spun, swatting it as though it t'were no more than a fly. A single punch ripped right through the ragged shade, eviscerating it as though it were no more than just that-a pile of rags. The beast crumpled around his arm with a quiet groan, turning to ash before his very eyes. All that remained was a strangle pile of essentia, pooled at his boots. Without thinking Naruto uncapped a flask and scraped some of their shavings inside, storing them for later use.
That was when he heard the crackle of thunder.
"Ha!"
Herah shouted in triumph as another shade emerged from the rift and slammed her weapon down upon the ice, summoning forth a cone of fire from the ether. The poor shade never stood a chance. One moment it had been set on a collision course with the Qunari-the next it found itself bathed in flame, tumbling past its intended target. Moments later, it too, was ash. A newfound staff-doubtlessly claimed in the wreckage-twirled nimbly in one hand as he looked on, and in another, a sword. Her body seemed to shimmer and fade, as though she weren't quite a part of this world. As he looked on, that sword arced forward in her hand and fired off another bolt, this one of pure lightning, striking the creature dead on the spot.
Huh.
Naruto tried not to gape, he really did. His mouth parted anyway, leaving him gawping like a fish. Strange folk in armor and horned women were one thing but that...that was no jutsu. No ninjutsu let you summone up a firestorm like that without any handsigns or chakra! Indeed, it didn't feel at all like the energy he was used to. It felt, like...something else. Like that place. The realm he'd been trapped in. A shudder convulsed down his spine, eliciting a nervous frown. Herah must've noticed, for she cancelled the spell that made her look so...ghostly.
"Well, that was fun." she chirped happily as she walked up to him, her large shoulders rolling beneath the mercenary coat she still wore. Her grey eyes briefly glanced at her ramschakle weapons, narrowing slightly with disdain before strapping them down to her back. "Not my first choice, but these will do, I suppose-you're bleeding!" the qunari gasped, her witty repetoire falling to the wayside as she saw the state of his arm.
Naruto blinked. "Oh, its nothing. It'll heal in a bit-
"Yeah, about that...
That was when he noticed the blackened line on his arm. Poison. From the demon's claws. He stared at it, baffled. Channeled his chakra to the wound. Nothing happened. Dread dawned with mounting horror, filling him with the nauseating, awful, terrible realization that he'd lost something precious. He saw the blood, failing to congeal, the skin, refusing to mend. And it was then that he knew.
'I can't regenerate.' Was his next thought. 'Shit.'
"You're hurt." Herah insisted, laying a large hand on his arm. "Let me help."
He felt her weave a thread of mana through the Fade, and it took everything he had not to wrench his arm out of her grip as she bathed the injured limb in a gentle blue glow. His mind gibbered. Fade. Mana. Pain. Bad. Dangerous. Badbadbadbadbad! He didn't want anything to do with that kami-forsaken place! But, in that same vein he refused to let the fear consume him. Instead he willed himself to remain still whilest Herah tended to the now-ugly black mark on his arm. Under her careful ministrations
"How did you do that?" he wondered aloud.
Cassandra stormed up to them, looking as though she were about to demand that they drop their weapons. Thankfully, she seemed to think better of it when confronted by their glare. Unfortunately, she hadn't failed to noticed Herah's extravagantly unorthodox means of combat. Naruto saw and recognized the expression on her face for what it was, and knew at once that the Seeker would not let it lie.
"What...what was that?" she demanded to know, her eyes blazing like cold fire. "How is that you can wield a sword and cast spells with it?"
"Its called the Arcane Warrior. A...friend taught me." Herah colored and refused to elaborate any further on that, swiftly changing the subject under the Seeker's penetrating gaze. "Hey! Don't look at me like that, you! I have friends-really, I do! I know the ability seems odd, too. I just don't use it often, is all. I mean, its not everyday you see someone with a sword and a staff. Soo...I'm going to stop talking now." Cassandra seemed to take that under advisement for a moment. Then those dark eyes flashed, and her accented voice cracked at Herah like a savage whip.
"You!" She exploded, jabbing at a finger at her face! "You know her! You know the Warden! Where is she?! Where has she gone?!"
"I do not!" Herah shot back, her flush deepening, this time with anger-anger at being discovered, he wondered?-smattered with a touch of righteous indignation. "I've never seen her before in my life!"
"She is a mage! The first mage to rediscover that ability in a hundred years! How is it that you know what only she knew?!"
"Astrid wouldn't-
"Aha!" the Seeker cried! "You do know her!"
"Uhm, girls?" Naruto raised a hand, baffled. "Care to fill me in here? Kinda lost...
"You...you do not know the tale?" Incredulity momentarily broke through the veil of Cassandra's anger. At his mute shrug, she sought to answer his inquiry. "The Warden...she was once a mage of the Circle. The first to leave it under conscription in an age. It was she who gathered the treatires, she who forged an army to stand against the blight, she who killed the Archdemon and survived-
-aaaand in doing so she stopped the Blight, saved the whole of Thedas, then dissappeared with a former member of the Antivan Crows." Herah hurriedly butted in. "Yes, yes, yes, we all know that story. Can we skip the history lesson, please?" She begged, casting a pleading glance at him. Naruto wondered why she was so eager to silence Cassandra. He'd no idea who this Warden was, nor of what import she might be. But Herah seemed to beacting dodgy about it...
"You will tell me where she is!" Cassandra demanded.
The Qunarmi seemed to grown an extra foot, all but towering over the much-smaller woman. "I will do no such thing!"
Cassandra's hand flew to her sword-!
"Ladies!" Naruto thrust himself between them before they could rightly come to blows. "I hate to be the serious one here, but in case you've forgotten, there. Is. A. Hole. In. The. Sky!" He punctuated each word with a sharp jab of the finger, indicating the Breach itself, still growing, still swelling in the sky. "Can't this wait till after we plug it?"
"No! It cannot!" Now it was Cassandra who flashed him a pleading look. "Please, convince her! do not understand. We have been searching for her for ages! If this qunari knows where she is...!"
"This Qunari has a name!" Herah snapped back!
"I do not care what your name is! Just tell me! You must!"
"No!"
Herah grimaced, clutching the staff and sword tighter still in her grasp. Naruto sighed.
"Both of you...just...calm...
Cassandra's blade rose a fraction of an inch-
Okay, so apparently they were doing this after all!
...down!"
With speed and strength Cassandra could scarcely believe possible, Naruto grabbed the front of the Seeker's armour and shoved her across the icey field with impossible strength. Her path crossed one of the boulders, taking her legs out from under her. Without her balance, she careered into the snow, the back of her head colliding sharply with the ice and stunning her. In the next instant he rounded on Herah-who'd been preparing a spell of her own. That spell died as his fist slammed into her stomach.
Her vision flashed white and red, and bright spots of light swirled in front of her eyes. The pinpoints of dancing light were rather pretty. Then he moved back to Cassandra, just now shaking off the beating she'd taken at his hand.
"Oomph!"
Her breath exploded from her lungs as something struck her belly, just under the point of her sternum. Her armour protected her somewhat, but the blow had been hard. She tried to draw in a breath while instinctively moving her arms into a defensive position when something slammed against her nose.
Again, her head smacked back against the ice. Her right arm wouldn't move, so she tried protecting her face with her left. Something struck her hard on the neck and pressed her against the wall.
Her vision cleared. The Shinobi stood over her, one hand gripping her right wrist, the other arm pressed hard against her throat.
Cassandra's training took control. With her free hand, she reached out to grab hold of the man's coat. She rolled her right wrist to break the grip.
As a tall human and expertly trained warrior, Cassanda expected herself to hold a distinct advantage over a ragged-looking peasant. She was an expert swordswoman and more than competent when it came hand-to-hand combat, but dazed as she was her reaction times were somewhat slowed.
Unexpectedly, the man pulled back, spun and shoved the Seeker onto the floor, still holding her right arm in a grip like iron. Unable to compensate for the abrupt change, Cassandra fell forward. Her right cheek smashed into the floor and was painfully shoved along the rough-hewn stone. White hot pain flooded her right shoulder as that arm was cruelly jerked around and up behind her back, hyper-extending the joint.
Nothing moved for a second.
Through a haze of pain, Cassandra gasped a breath through her aching throat.
"Never," a voice in her ear growled, dripping menace, "raise your sword to a comrade. Ever. Do you understand?" She managed to squeak out an affirmative. Then he dropped her like a sack of bricks and stalked over to Herah. "And as for you!"
Now it was the Qunari who found herself hoisted out of the drifts and dragged upright. One look at those blazing sapphire eyes, and she wilted.
"I wasn't trying to attack you." the words sounded weak, even to her ears. "She just-
"Enough!" His voice descended like a hammer against an anvil between them. "Whatever quarrel the two of you have, save it for later!"
"I have no idea what's going on here," he began slowly, his words rough, "And quite frankly-I don't much care. But I will not have the two of you tearing each other to pieces over some silly little arguement! The world's coming to an end! We don't have time for this!" With a grunt, he placed the much larger woman back on her feet. "Now," his gaze snapped between the two of them like a live wire, rooting warrior and mage in place as they stood. "You ladies are going to shape the fuck up, shut up, and you, Seeker, are going show me where the hell this forward camp is before I start cracking heads! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"
Fear.
Both women were in accord on this. The moment he'd spoken-started shouthing-it felt as though an invisible ocean had descended on their shoulders, crushing them. Killer intent flooded the air, obliterating any and all thoughts of bickering with on another forevermore. It was like standing in the prescence of a giant; to protest was to be trodden underfoot and left to die.
Cassandra couldn't find her voice. She could only nod. Herah mimicked the gestured, her horned head bobbing stiffly. Naruto huffed angrily and stalked away, marching towards the sounds of battle rising higher upon a nearby ridge.
"I'm really starting to hate this place...
A/N: Aaaaaand there we go. Naruto as another Herald/Inquisitor in addition to the original, if you will. Someone suggested I give it a go, and by Andraste, I hope I didn't dissapoint. If this Naruto seems a little snarkier than most, its because he's realized that his world is probably gone, lost, or forever ruined by his actions. That'd do a lot to mess with a guy's head, not to mention the fact that he's just realized he's ever known is now forever beyond his reach.
And woe to ye who mess with our favorite blond! And YES, the Warden will be making an appearance in this fic, unlike the game! God, that really annoyed me...
So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly? It would make me oh so very happy to hear what you think of this story =D And of course, enjoy the preview! Its twofold! As in two separate scenes! HUMOR INBOUND!
(Preview!)
A delighted cry from Herah reminded him of where they were.
She snatched it up with a squeal, holding it close, heedless of the battle raging around them.
"My staff," she purred, lovingly running a hand over the oaken steel. "I can't believe its still in one piece...
"Oh, I could kiss you!" she grinned, the smile bringing a warm flush to her grey cheeks. "You glorious bastard you-oof!"
Herah's body was suddenly launched out of the debris cloud, smashing directly into Naruto's gut. The man had braced himself against such an impact, but was still knocked flat by the sheer mass of the larger woman, nearly sent airborne himself. He quickly nudged the woman aside before noticing the Pride demon dashing towards him again from across the temple. He scrambled back to his feet and summoned a Rasenshuriken to his palm and flung it at the hulking apparition—who naturally flew straight through the blast as if it were nothing.
"What the hell?!"
The Pride Demon cackled at the futility of his efforts and cast another of its whips at him, the electric tendril snapping at his feet and forcing a retreat. What bothered the shinobi most was how the massive monstrsosity seemed to be able to tank just about any attack without receiving damage. At this rate, he'd have to improvise just to find a way to injure the big brute...
"Why won't this thing die?!"
"Try hitting in harder!" Varric shouted over the din!
"Says the man with the crossbow!" Naruto snarled back, dodging another surge. "Maybe you should aim better!"
"Maybe you should talk less!"
"AND MAYBE YOU BOYS SHOULD STOP DICKING ABOUT AND BLOODY KILL IT!" Herah shrieked! In the next instant she raised her staff, and her body rippled, writhing as she changed shape. Now it was she who nigh but towered over the demon, dwarfing its hateful form. The creature actually gave a little shrill cry of fear. Naruto's jaw dropped.
"Okay...that...is..awesome!"
Naruto opened his mouth and emitted a jaw-popping yawn so overwhelmingly loud, it ensnared the attention of everyone at the war table. Shikamaru would have been proud, he thought to himself. It certainly stopped the bickering in its tracks. Herah gave him an odd look, her own reply frozen on her lips. At her deferential nod, he continued.
"Mages...Templars..." he drawled, still half-covering his mouth with a hand, "You keep talking about choosing one over the other. Why not both?"
"Both?" Cullen gawped.
Naruto nodded sagely.
"Both."
R&R! =D