A/N: I. RETURN! Despite my hellacious overtime and a lengthy, unintentional hiatus, I've managed to drop everything for a few hours to update a few more of my stories. That, and to play Dragon Age again, thus rekindling my love for the genre and this ficlet. Things get a bit...dicey in this chapter, so I'll be upgrading the status to M. Fanfiction's witchunt is over, so it should be alright...I hope.
Now, let us continue on with Keeper of my Heart! Also, I'm totally enjoying playing Dragon Age Inquistion! SO! MANY! IDEAS! Although its a right bugger transferring my saved games with that bollocks of a Keep. Why couldn't they make the damned thing simple?!
By Andraste, it annoys the piss out of me...but hopefully this chapter will make ya'll smile. I worked really hard to capture everyone's personality here and I've had a FIELD DAY with our dear little Inquisitor and Cassandra. Varric as well! Also! Prepare to laugh and...
...enjoy! Of course, there's plent of snarky Naruto humor! There's quite a bit! And as an addendum, by popular vote, this is now a harem! And as such, a few alterations have been made, and someone shows up just a wee bit earlier than usual...now...
...I BRING YOU THE RETURN OF THE DAWN WILL COME!
"Lets see here...demons? Check. Hole in the sky? Check. No fucking idea where I am?! CHE-CK!"
~?
Dragons, Demons and Death, Oh My!
Naruto met his first dwarves and his first elf in relatively short order. Two on one end, and one on the other.
Which wasn't to say that they weren't interesting -they certainly were!- he was just still reeling over having closed the hole in the sky. Not the large one. The small one, the tiny rift that he'd helped Herah close. Shades, he wasn't even sure how he'd done it; the mark of the Sage on his hand had simply...reacted. His hand had moved of his own accord with Herah, defying his-or Kurama's!-commands and demands to stop. Then the rift slammed shut, banishing the demons like ashes on a strong breeze.
The elf was fascinated by it.
Solas, his name was. He seemed an amiacable enough sort, if a tad stern. Stoic perhaps. Naruto wasn't much baffled by him. Aside from the ears, elegant features, and slight lack of stature, he looked very much like a human being. It was the dwarves who confounded him so.
It wasn't that they were short, of course.
On the contrary, lack of height was something Naruto could sympathized with, having been a bit of a pipsqueak for much of his youth. T'was their personalities, however, that confounded him to no end. Scarce had the rift been slammed shut at their backsthen he found himself face to face with one of the diminutive beings. The time-hopping shinobi had just enough time to behold her; navy blue armor, chestnut brown hair, and dark eyes, before she started blitzing him with the questions!
"By the Stone...h-how did you do that?" she asked, gawping. "Who are you, actually? And why are you all glowy? How come I can see through you? Aren't you human? Are you a mage?" For someone missing a sizeable chunk of her leg and in likely danger of death from imminent blood loss, she was quite the chatty thing, he thought.
"Too many questions/Too many questions!"
Naruto gazed at his hand, still shimmering. Odd. He turned it over end, balking as he realized that through the golden glow, the limb was indeed transparent, almost as though it didn't quite exist in this physical plane. A strange thing indeed. Now, the blond felt just fine, but the sight of the stone beneath his hand was disconcerting enough for him to drop the cloak altogether. Mercifully, he became solid again.
"Names Naruto, no idea why I'm all glowy. Yes, yes, no, no, and I'm pretty sure you've been staring for the last thirty seconds."
Her cheeks turned pink. He pressed on.
"And you are?"
"Lace Harding, at your service." the dwarf archer grinned cheekily, composing herself and managing only a slight wince as she shouldered her bow. "Sorry for all the questions, its just, ancestors, I've never seen a mage do that before!" Herah preened a bit at the attention, her dark cheeks flushing beneath the praise. Her fingers curled just a little tightly about the worn staff she'd found, those full lips quirking into a smug smile. If there was one thing he'd learned about the Qunari, it was that she loved being praised.
"I've seen them do worse." Magefire danced at her fingertips invitingly. Lace managed to look simultaneously mollified and terrified at the same time.
"Oh, Sod, you're a mage too?"
A horned head was cocked. "Did the fireballs not give it away?" When the latter sputtered the sarebas laughed and strode forward, humming thoughtfully. "Here, let me see that leg of yours. Wouldn't want a pretty little thing like you to bleed out, after all...and stop squirming! Solas! Hold her down!"
The elf nodded, moving to aid the qunari in question.
"As you wish."
"Hey!" Lace whined! "OW! Ow! Are you sure you're good at this healing thing?"
"Well, it was never my best skill-
"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE ME?!"
"Its not my fault!"
Inwardly, Kurama cackled.
"Ooh, I like her. Feisty! Can we keep her? Please? Pretty please?"
He sweatdropped. "I'm not sure now's the best time to decide about Harding...
That got a laugh from the other dwarf.
"Heh, Harding-ow!" Varric winced when the latter ruthlessly elbowed him in the stomach. "What was that for, Seeker?"
"It's been used already. Just don't."
Grateful for the distraction,
"Friends of yours?"
Cassandra huffed. "As much as I hate to introduce him, this is-
"Varric Tethras," the second introduced himself. "Rogue, storyteller, and," he winked at Cassandra, "Occasional unwanted tag-along. I hear you're headed down into the valley. Need some help?" Cassandra opened her mouth to say nay-then she closed it. Considered. Those hazel eyes cut towards Naruto.
"Whatcha looking at me for?" he shrugged. "I say we bring him. Lace, too, once Hera patches up her leg. More the merrier, I say. Unless you'd rather we all get cut to bloody pieces down there...?"
Against that look, the poor woman practically deflated.
"Fine."
Varric chortled softly.
"Well, Bianca's excited."
Naruto sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. "Lets get going...
Cassandra got.
"Soooooo...
"What?" Herah gave Varric a bemused look as they trekked-slogged really-up the mountain. The bitter cold and stench of demonic ichor did little to improve the move, nor did the ever swelling rift in the sky. The qunari in question was bearing the pain of her mark stoically, but anyone could see it was beginning to wear on her as tear expanded. What came next did not do wonders for her mood.
"Did you do it?"
A cross look flashed in the woman's eyes. "Why aren't you asking him that?" she asked this, tilting her head toward Naruto.
"Achoo!"
The blond in question sneezed.
"Him?" Varric shook his head, abstaining "No, thank you. Dealt with enough crazy in Kirkwall."
"That hurts." the deadpann was barely concealed. "That hurts my heart, Varric."
"Better you than me, chuckles."
Just like that, Herah's sly smile returned. "You said you didn't like crazy. So, then, why are you talking to me?"
"You? Slightly less bonkers. Less likely to blow my head off, too."
"Libel!"
Demons died deceptively easily when faced with blade just as well as magic, and with their sizeable little band, quick progress was made. More than enough time for witty banter at any rate. Despite the slight slander to his name, Naruto found his attention drawn to conversation regardless. A small roguish smile played on his lips as Herah tried in vain to defend herself.
"I don't remember what happened."
Varric nodded sagely. "That'll get you every time. Shoulda spun a story...
"That's what you would've done." Cassandra sniffed.
"Its more believable." Naruto agreed. "Tall tales tend to be the most distracting."
Harding bit back a smile of her own. "And less likely to result in premature execution."
Varric laughed.
"Exactly so-oh, that's just wonderful-another rift up ahead!"
Indeed, another tear was there to greet them as they crested the hill and found themselves at the gates of the forward camp. Moments later, the demons protecting it found themselves subsuquently slain and sealed. A simple fight, of little and no consequences. Between himself, the magic of Herah and Solas, Varric/Lace's withering fire, and Cassandra's sword, the foul horde was dealt with most swiftly.
And thus, the gates swung open wide, welcoming them to sanctuary. Or at least what passed for it in this chaos.
To his surprise, he found the red-haired woman from before-Leliana-arrived there ahead of them. She was speaking in hushed tones to a harried-looking man in red and white robes, the latter fretting over a small table of maps and old documents. Poor sod looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Or an anneurism. Maybe both."
"Ah," she looked up as they drew near. "And here they are."
"Chancellor Roderick, this is-
"I know who they are."
The stuffy little man straightened behind his desk, trying his best to look imposing. He failed, horridly.
"As high chancellor of the Chantry," he said to Cassandra, "I hereboy order you to take the prisoners to the Val Royeaux to face execution for their crimes!"
There was a silence.
Varric and Lace burst into laughter.
"Is he serious?"
"I think he is!"
Solas' thin look of dissaproval spoke volumes for his opinion on the situation. Cassandra...well, she just wasn't having it.
"Order? Order us?!" The Seeker shouted, jerking the stunned man from his feet by the collar around the desk. "You...are a glorified clerk! A bureaucrat! You will do no such thing, Roderick!" Hours of dealing with Naruto and his antics had shortened her temper to nearly nothingness; she was in no mood for this!
"And you are an overzealous thug, one that supposedly serves the chantry!" came the sputtering reply. "Unhand me at once!"
"Sodding politics," Lace muttered. "Is it just me, or does he seem to be ignoring the hole in the sky?"
Naruto and Herah shared a glance, a single thought passing between them.
"So none of you are actually in charge here?"
"You killed everyone who was in charge!" Roderick bleated! "Guards! Take them-GURK!" Whatever else he might've said died as Naruto and Herah simultaneously stepped forward and struck him on the jaw; one to the right, the other, the left. Roderick went sprawling backwards, tumbling into his desk, papers flying everywhere. It was rather spectacular Naruto thought, given the timing of their attack.
Great minds thought alike, it seemed.
"So," Naruto mused, popping his neck, "I'm thinking we should probably ignore this little shit and fix that hole in the sky before Herah and I die. Just saying. Kinda attached to my life here."
"You and me both!"
"Are you all mad?!" Roderick sputtered. "The mages and Templars will kill each other over this! It cannot be fixed!"
Naruto opened his mouth and emitted a jaw-popping yawn so loud, it ensnared the attention of everyone assembled at that tiny little desk. Shikamaru would have been proud, he thought to himself. It certainly stopped the bickering in its tracks. Herah gave him an odd look, her own reply frozen on her lips. At her deferential nod, he continued.
"Mages...Templars..." he drawled, still half-covering his mouth with a hand, "Everyone keeps talking about choosing one over the other; its all I've heard about since I woke up. Why should it be one, or the other? Why not both? At least, once this mess is sorted out."
"Are you mad?"
"Possibly."
"Both?" Cassandra gawped. "We're in the middle of a battlefield, and you're talking about...?"
Naruto nodded sagely.
"Both."
"On your head be the consequences, Seeker!"
A collective sigh followed, Naruto quietly resigning himself to means beyond his control once more. It seemed that Fate and her sister-in-crime, Destiny, just loved to play pranks on him. Everywhere he looked he found himself drawn deeper and deeper into events beyond his ken. It really wasn't fair...
"Suuuuure, lets go to the destroyed temple. Where thousands of people died. What could possibly go wrong?
(One very wrong moment later...)
Apparently, everything!
Not only was the temple home to a scene of sordid slaughter, but it was also the home of visions. A dark voice demanding the death of the divine, images of the past flashing before their eyes like fireflies in the night. If that weren't bad enough, the temple itself was home to the Breach itself, and, in the process of attempting to seal it, they'd let loose a demon.
A Pride Demon, according to Herah.
A delighted cry from the sarebas herself reminded him of where they were.
"THERE IT IS!"
She snatched it up with a squeal, holding it close, heedless of the battle raging around them.
"My staff," she purred, lovingly running a hand over the oaken steel. "I can't believe its still in one piece...
"Oh, I could kiss you!" she grinned, the smile bringing a warm flush to her grey cheeks. "You glorious bastard you-oof!"
Herah's body was suddenly launched out of the debris cloud, smashing directly into Naruto's gut. The man had braced himself against such an impact, but was still knocked flat by the sheer mass of the larger woman, nearly sent airborne himself. He quickly nudged the woman aside before noticing the Pride demon dashing towards him again from across the temple. He scrambled back to his feet and summoned a Rasenshuriken to his palm and flung it at the hulking apparition—who naturally flew straight through the blast as if it were nothing.
"What the hell?!"
The Pride Demon cackled at the futility of his efforts and cast another of its whips at him, the electric tendril snapping at his feet and forcing a retreat. What bothered the shinobi most was how the massive monstrsosity seemed to be able to tank just about any attack without receiving damage. At this rate, he'd have to improvise just to find a way to injure the big brute...
...why the hell haven't I recovered yet?' he thought, intercepting a giant fist and, with an effort, lobbing the beast over a shoulder. It was on him again in an instant. To his infinite charign, the blond actually gave a bit of ground beneath the assault. 'I should be stronger than this!' The mark on his hand sapped at his strength like a leech; even with Kurama's efforts, the most he could do was keep it at bay. It wouldn't kill him, but it wasn't helping him, either.
"Why won't this thing die?!"
"Try hitting in harder!" Varric shouted over the din!
"Already doing that!" Lace cried, loosing another arrow!
"Says the man with the crossbow!" Naruto snarled back, dodging another surge. "Maybe you should aim better!"
"Maybe you should talk less!"
"AND MAYBE YOU BOYS SHOULD STOP DICKING ABOUT AND BLOODY KILL IT!" Herah shrieked! In the next instant she raised her staff, and her body rippled, writhing as she changed shape. There was no ghastly crack of bone or sinew as she shifted-she simply changed form. One moment she was a Qunari. The next...she wasn't. She was something else.
Wings sprouted.
Scales took the place of grey skins; the dull, russet red, neck elongating. Still those wings blossomed across her back as her body hunched forward, falling onto deadly claws capable of cutting entire houses in half. Now it was she who nigh but towered over the demon, dwarfing its hateful form. The creature actually gave a little shrill cry of fear, backing away.
Naruto's jaw dropped.
Looming before them in its glory, a great, violet bulk towering over all, was a dragon. But not just any dragon, no mere drake. A high dragon. Magnificent. That was the first word that came to his mind. He couldn't even find it in himself to make a snarked remark.
Hera roared, a keening shriek that turned everyone's bones to jelly.
He'd yet to see one until now, but one look at the massive beast told him all he needed to know. He was glad the creature was on their side!
"Okay...that...is..awesome!"
Hera took one look at the Pride Demon, lifting her head on that long, serpentine neck. Now, Naruto didn't possess much-or any for that matter-knowledge when it came to dragons but he could've swore the shapeshifter smiled then, baring row upon row of deadly, knife-like teeth. Then, in an incredible movement, she shot forward, jaws agape, flaming, searing, spitting, until-
CHOMP!
Just like that, the terrifying demon died. Not even a beast like that could live without its head. Its head, an arm, and a good portion of its torso. Broken, the beast flopped away, its body turning to ashes scattered away on the breeze. There was a silence.
"Well...that was anticlimatic."
"Owowowowow...low mana...talk about your head rush...
When Naruto dared glance back at Herah she was already changing again; her body shrinking, scales receding, wings folding-them molding-into her back as she regained her true shape and form. Something was wrong, though. He didn't see her clothes. Nothing at all, even as the last of the scales fell away. Naked. His jaw clicked open slightly. Well, now. Qunari women were certainly...wow. Only a few feet away, she turned to look at him, that wild, draconic look still in her eyes.
"Sorry about this." she apologized, striding forward, "Still feeling a little rush."
"Sorry about wha-mmph."
Whatever else he might've said died as her mouth claimed his. Brief, fierce, intense. Her kiss lasted all of an instant, yet even so, it left him reeling.
"I...you...oh, damnit that is just not fair...
Her teeth flashed in a pearly grin.
"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that."
A/N: Aaaaaand there we go. Naruto as another Herald/Inquisitor in addition to the original, if you will. Someone suggested I give it a go, and by Andraste, I hope I didn't dissapoint. If this Naruto seems a little snarkier than most, its because he's realized that his world is probably gone, lost, or forever ruined by his actions. That'd do a lot to mess with a guy's head, not to mention the fact that he's just realized he's ever known is now forever beyond his reach.
And woe to ye who mess with our favorite blond! And YES, the Warden will be making an appearance in this fic, unlike the game! God, that really annoyed me...
So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly? It would make me oh so very happy to hear what you think of this story =D And of course, enjoy the preview! Its twofold! As in two separate scenes! HUMOR INBOUND!
(Preview!)
Naruto fought with every fiber of his being not to burst into apocalyptic laughter.
Vainly, his hands formed a tent over his mouth; succeeding only in muffling the words.
"You...took their breeches?"
Sera grinned cheekily.
"DRAGON!"
Naruto heard the words a split second before a golden blur slammed down out of the sky.
"Oh...that's pretty big."
R&R! =D