A/N: I. RETURN! Despite my hellacious overtime and a lengthy, unintentional hiatus, I've managed to drop everything for a few hours to update a few more of my stories. That, and to play Dragon Age again, thus rekindling my love for the genre and this ficlet. Things get a bit...SILLY in this chapter, so I'll be upgrading the status to M. Fanfiction's witchunt is over, so it should be alright...I hope.
Now, let us continue on with the DAWN WILL COME! Also, I'm totally enjoying playing Dragon Age Inquistion! SO! MANY! IDEAS! Although its a right bugger transferring my saved games with that bollocks of a Keep. Why couldn't they make the damned thing simple?!
By Andraste, it annoys the piss out of me...but hopefully this chapter will make ya'll smile. I worked really hard to capture everyone's personality here and I've had a FIELD DAY with our dear little Serah and Naruto. Herah as well! Also! Prepare to laugh and...
...enjoy! Of course, there's plent of snarky Naruto humor! There's quite a bit! And as an addendum, by popular vote, this is now a harem! And as such, a few alterations have been made, and someone shows up just a wee bit earlier than usual...now...
...I BRING YOU THE RETURN OF THE DAWN WILL COME! And remember...
...Naruto is an incorrigible TROUBLEMAKER in this! He's gonna get into all kinds of trouble! And the title? No Haven Here? Well, that's simple. NO HAVEN FROM NARUTO AND SERA'S PRANKS! I'm also trying out a new style for certain parts here in this chapter, hope ya like it! And the rhymes, too!
"To prank, or not to prank?"
"Are you bonkers? That's NEVER the question!"
~ Naruto and co.!
No Haven Here
Ah, Serah.
For my own sake, I do not wish to speak overlong about that imp of an elf, but I fear I must.
This devilish little waif of a woman has caused both myself and the Inquisition no end of trouble in the past and created no small amount of exasperation for us. Still, I would have it no other way; for I hold her closer than even my own kin, to this very day.
Even now, I can see her children playing with mine, near the way.
Because, in this story, she too had a part to play...
As it turns out, Naruto was quite bonkers.
Serah realizes this midway through their prank.
The sodding bastard barely knew her more than a few minutes, and already here he'd dragged her off on merry mischief with some dwarf! Pretty little thing she was-ah, but she digressed. Back to the mischief. Ohhhhh, and what merry mischief it would be! Just the thought of mucking with some prick noble who punches down excites her in more ways than one. Even if she does have to keep up with some strange blondie, who doesn't seem to know down from up, much less the back of his hand.
"Hey, I'm not that crazy."
Sera starts at the sudden protest, nearly falling off the ledge! Glowering, she adjusts her bow. How did he know what she was thinking? Does it have something to do with the mark on his hand? Gotta be. How else was he able to reach in her head and pluck out his thoughts. Creepy!
"Bloody nuttin' magic...
"Not magic." the shinobi waggles his fingers in her direction, never once looking up from his task. "Just common sense. You were looking at me funny. Tipsy, like."
"I...you...how...you weren't even lookin' at me!" she cried.
"Years of practice, love. You want magic? THIS is magic."
Before she could stop him, he languidly reached across, and poked her in the forehead.
ZAP.
(Flashback)
"Divide and conquer sounds about right to me."
"Dibs on the mages!" Naruto crowed.
Herah cast him a sidelong look.
The blond raised his hands.
"What," he protested, "I'd rather deal with lovely women in robes, not sweaty sods in armor thank-you-very-much! Besides," the ninja rolled a shoulder producing a sharp pop of twisting joints, "Lets face it. Mages are awesome. Most of 'em don't have a stick up their ass like the Temps. No offense, Cullen."
Their commander blanched. "None taken."
"So glad you put me in the 'lovely' category." Herah hummed.
Naruto beamed, and Serah saw an almost childish light dance in those bright blue eyes.
"Anytime, horns! Just need to see what all the fuss in Val Royeaux is about...
(End Flashback)
"GAH!"
Serah jerks away, sputtering, red-faced.
Memories not her own still trickled through her head, and her skull felt like it was cracked.
"Don't do that again!"
"Just making a point." he replied impishly. "Look at you, white as a sheet! Adorable."
Night lay upon Val Royeaux in thick blankets of ebon, the summer bazzar all but forgotten in the wake of another day's chaos. Open balconies, ripe for the picking, shutters flung wide; none thinking that any would dare attack. They were nobles, after all. Big people. Arrogance like that came with the territory. Buncha arse-biscuits, they were. Speaking of which, if Naruto did that shite to her again, he was getting an arrow to the face, no questions asked.
Arrow.
To.
The.
Face!
Ah, but she was getting distracted, wasn't she? Right, Right. Nobles. Pranks. Balconies. One such balcony was their target. Some prissy noble lady who didn't like the inquisition. She was loud about it too. Normally, that wouldn't have been enough to rouse Naruto, and he'd even said much. He wasn't an ass he said; indeed, the rogue shinobi insisted that he was a people person through and through, and didn't like to indulge in random acts of slaughter. Not the sort to walk up to ya and shiv ya from behind.
But this particular noble had made the unwise mistake of sending assassins against them. Poisoning good and foods. Stomping on little people to get her way. If Serah didn't hate her before, she does now. Only an hour ago, she'd watched Lady Pa-something-or-other have her servants beaten. The cause? A spilled cup of tea. Seeing is believing as they say, and she has ample time to make her decision as Naruto sets up, laying his odd seals and wards.
She will have that wench.
Bit of fun before he brought her to Haven, Natuto said. You'll like it, he said.
Then she hears the buzzing.
Peeks over his shoulder.
Her.
Eyes.
Get.
Big.
"Wha?" she suddenly feels like a little girl again, tossing pies at big people. That's the kind of glee she feels when she sees what he's holding. "Where did you get that?"
"Oh, you know. Places. Seals. Scrolls." comes the vague reply.
"Eh?"
"Magic."
"Ah."
Sera sees his plan, makes him explain it again, and her worries recede. If just for a little while.
"It's all good, yeah?" she grins, flicking him on the back of the head. "Bees are bees. If we're looking to do that, just use a flask-
"Non, non, non!" he replies, miming a thick Orlesian accent, the syllables large and unwieldly, "You cannot have ze bees without ze beehive!"
A giggle leaps past her lips before she can stop it; then she starts sniggering; she simply couldn't help herself.
"I can't fly, ya daft twit! How do you aim to get those over there if ya ain't throwin' it?"
"Ah, but that's the beauty of it!"
He rolls his shoulders and laughs; its a deep throaty sound that makes her stomach tingle. Serah exhales heavily. Not quite a swoon, but not a sigh, either. She hands him another beehive and he hefts it. Somehow, the bees leave him be. S'like they know not to sting him somehow, or some other rubbish. She watches, giddy with anticipation as he carefully ties that beehive to an arrow, one she artfully hoists into her bow. Old instincts take over, and she raises her weapon. Ready. Steady...aim...and..
"Here...we...go!"
With a whistle, she let the arrow, and the hive attached to it, fly.
Its arcs up and over into the balcony, right int the duchess's bed. A moment of silence passes. Then another. And another still. Serah begins to wonder if the noble lady's even there or-
WHAM!
Yes.
Strangled shouts and curses answer the retort, followed by bees. A woman's scream. Followed by a man. Eh? Men? Ooooh, someone's been naughty. So many bees! Biting, swarming, stinging bugs pour forth from their shattered home, stinging the objects of their ire relentlessly. Their pretty dresses and masks weren't much good now, were they? More screams, shouts, then, silence. The bees, their ire extinguished, swarm out of their home, streaking away into the night. And all is silent...
...for three seconds.
"BAHAHAAHAHAHA!" Naruto's laughter is sudden and boisterous, and it nearly makes her jump. "Ohhhhh, that was perfect? Did you hear the way she screamed? She won't be walking straight for a week!" He's clutching his stomach, rolling on the ground like an absolute loon. Serah gawps at him, openly guffawing. Worst part is, she's laughing now, too.
Weird.
He's weird.
She's weird.
This...is weird.
She doesn't like men. Never did. Men are loud. Rough. Noisy. They're not soft at all, not too tough, either. One kick in the dangly-bag and down they go. Serah has the feeling that in that, at least, Naruto was the same as the rest, if not in other ways.
Somehow, she likes magic, even less. Nasty, crawly, biting, icy flaming things, mages are, to her. Magic is dangerous. Like those templars. Need to be put on a tight leash, that lot. Mages, too.
But this one, Naruto...she just might make an exception for him. Oh, sure, he glows, alright, but not like that, he just...shines, even when he isn't shining. She doesn't know how to explain it. Its like he's not about big-people at all, even though he is one. He sees what the little-people see. Snark and sarcasm all, and a sharp tongue to match. Full of wit, humor, and a constant need to get into trouble. Says he isn't a mage, swears up and down
She can almost ignore it when he talks to himself, sometimes-
"Naruto? Is that you?"
"Ah, piss." he swears, and the laughter stops. Before she can stop him he drops off the ledge. Lands in a crouch, standing stiffly. Someone else is down there. Two someones, she realizes. Jumping down after them, she sees them, and Serah feels her hearbeat skyrocket, her lungs leaping into her throat as she catches sight of the foremost figure on the right.
Naruto is still speaking, but she barely hears him.
"Fancy meeting you here...and who'se this?"
"Ah." A blink. "This is Vivienne. You weren't exactly the only busy one...
WOOF.
That's all Serah can think when she sees the qunari. She barely pays any attention to the human beside her, fixated as she is on this dark, dusk-skinned goddess. Tall. Wide, and sooo broad of shoulders. Strong muscles beneath the leather armor. And a...
...staff.
Piss.
"What did you do?" Herah is decidedly amused, but she's doing her best not to show it.
"Stuff."
"Naruto."
The blond snorted.
"What am I, chopped liver?"
"Hardly, dear."
Vivi-what's-her-name instantly rubs Sera the wrong way. Flamin' mage she is, rich, pompous, spoiled and snotty. Doesn't know what its like to be little people. Doesn't care. Least Naruto seems nice.
Naruto waggled his eyebrows at Serah.
"Guess I got the better deal."
The elf snorted and slapped him on the arm.
"Alright, time to get down to business, inn'it?"
Her pranks were known far and wide.
Endless, unceasing, flowing like the tide...
Business, as Vivienne soon realized, involved pranks.
Gratuitous, messy, inane pranks.
"FLY YOU FOOLS!"
Looking up from her neatly arranged room, she had just enough time to register a streak of red and yellow. Odd. What would such colors be doing running about?
"I say, what-
WHAM!
The sudden explosion of sound and motion knocked Vivienne flat on her ass; the next she saw was Naruto and Serah's rapidly retreating hindquarters in the distance-the latter whooping hysterically. Not a moment later, she nearly found herself trampled by a rather enraged Cassandra. Murder glinted in those deep, hazel orbs as the Seeker shrieked:
"GIVE ME BACK MY BREECHES!"
Yes, there was no haven here, in Haven...
...no haven from Naruto and Serah!
A/N: Aaaaaand there we go. Naruto as another Herald/Inquisitor in addition to the original, if you will. Someone suggested I give it a go, and by Andraste, I hope I didn't dissapoint. If this Naruto seems a little snarkier than most, its because he's realized that his world is probably gone, lost, or forever ruined by his actions. That'd do a lot to mess with a guy's head, not to mention the fact that he's just realized he's ever known is now forever beyond his reach.
And woe to ye who mess with our favorite blond! And YES, the Warden will be making an appearance in this fic, unlike the game! God, that really annoyed me...
So...in the Immortal Words of Serah...
...Review! Or would you rather have an arrow to the face? Regardless of whether you do or not,iIt would make me oh so very happy to hear what you think of this story =D And of course, enjoy the preview! PAIN and HUMOR INBOUND! CHOOSE ONE! OR BOTH! Eh as long as its, good, right? Can't be shite or nothin'...DARNIT SERAH!
(Preview!)
The so-called"Elvish" offering plate was not carved into the stone; Sera gingerly removed it and held it up to her companions. "Look at this shite, you can still see the bloody offering, before the people wised up and abandoned this place, in the plate."
Sera put her face right up to the important artifact, as if decreasing the distance would increase her understanding. Then, with a sharp intake of breath, she sneezed explosively, blowing the content of the plate into Naruto's face.
The blond twitched.
"SERAH!
"Sorry!" she wailed!
Naruto ignored her, groaning quietly as he struggled to clear his blurring vision. Why did his body feel weird...?
"That was elven!" he hissed, pawing at his face. "I've got enough magic mucking around in my body as it is and...why are you grinning?"
She pointed. "You've got tits!"
Naruto glanced down
"Aw, piss."
Naruto tilted his head slightly as he looked up at Corypheus.
Just an inch.
"You shall not pass."
"What?" the darkspawn-magister?-turned his head, momentarily ignoring the qunari in his grasp.
Naruto spoke again, moving, raising his gaze. "You shall not pass."
Another inch.
But in that inch, Cassandra saw something flash in those bright blue eyes. He stood, slowly, blood-Serah's blood-on his hands, gently laying her down. If the elf yet lived the Seeker knew not, but she KNEW the look in those cerulean orbs, recognized the furious twitch at his fingertips.
"You want to be a god?" the words were a hiss.
"Indeed."
Blue flashed into scarlet.
"I'LL SHOW YOU A FUCKING GOD YA TEVINTER SHIT!"
Then, as Bull would say...
...all shit broke loose.
R&R! =D