Best For Last: PT II
Three
ELIZA'S POV
I'm feeling good. Christmas is just three days away and I'm at home with my mom. Nothing feels better than being home for the holidays. Claire has headed home to be with her family, but we talk for hours most days. I don't know why I waited so long to get to know her but that's not important anymore. What's important is that I'm feeling like myself again. I'm not sitting by the computer waiting for a call from a woman who left me and went to another country. I'm not hanging on for a miracle because I've let her go. Arizona, she's free.
Free to love whoever she wants. Free to go wherever she wants. I'll always remember how she made me feel inside but I had to let her go. I had to tell her no when she called me some five weeks ago, asking if we could ever be together. It's just not possible. I'd forever wonder if she was leaving again. I'd forever wonder if I'd always be second best to her soccer. I know it's who she is and that's why I've done what I did.
I talked it all out with mom when she visited me in Florida and she understood why I wanted to cut contact with my ex. She understood that even though she has a tremendous amount of love for Arizona, I couldn't anymore. It was like waking up from a bad dream every morning, only to discover it was reality.
I can't live that way anymore. I spent the best part of a year wondering and waiting but I'm done. Arizona has cut all contact with me and I appreciate it. Why? Because if she'd kept contacting me, I'd have lost my mind. I'd have gone insane and she wouldn't have been here to face the consequences.
Taking the stairs two at a time, mom is sitting in the kitchen, perched on a stool at the island. "Morning." I lean in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Feels so good waking up here…"
"Really?" Mom raises an eyebrow. "I wasn't sure how it would feel being here."
"Uh, this is my home. Why wouldn't it feel good?" Laughing, I shove a bagel in my mouth.
"Never mind." She smiles, awkwardly.
"No, tell me." My brow furrowed, mom sighs.
"The last time you spent all this time at home, you and Arizona were still together."
"And now we're not." I shrug. "But it still feels good."
"I didn't want to ruin your morning or any plans you may have…" She clears her throat. "But, Barbara is stopping by today."
"So?"
"So, I thought you should know." Mom folds her newspaper. "I didn't want you to feel as though I'd put you on the spot."
"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, mom." I roll my eyes playfully. "I'm just planning to hang out today. That isn't going to make any difference to Barbara being here…"
"No, and she understands too." Mom stands, squeezing my shoulder. "She understands perfectly."
"Barbara is awesome." I nod.
"She just wants what's best for the both of you, honey. We both do."
"Thanks, mom." I pull her into a hug. "I'm making more coffee. Can I get you some?"
"Sure. I'll be back in a few minutes…"
Sighing, I lean back against the kitchen counter and glance around my childhood home. Yes, I spent a long time creating memories here with Arizona, but it's time to create new ones...without her.
Preparing coffee, I pull myself up onto a stool and sit quietly. I'm completely up to date with my work at university and I know this holiday is going to be peaceful and relaxing. Mom and I always have the perfect Christmas and now isn't going to be any different. Just like the nineteen I've had with her so far, I'm going to make the most of this one.
C: Good morning. How's home? X
E: Home is great. You okay? X
C: I am. How would you feel if I told you I was about to climb in my car. X
E: Well, I'd tell you to have a safe trip wherever you're headed. X
C: If I told you I'd be with you in a few hours…
E: I'd say hurry up. X
C: Then I will see you soon. It's okay to come by, right? X
E: Of course. X
Smiling at the thought of spending some time with my girlfriend, mom reappears and raises her eyebrow.
"What's got you smiling?"
"Claire." I shrug. "She's headed over."
"Wonderful." Mom beams. "Is she staying?"
"I don't know." I pour coffee for us both. "It's the first I know of her coming here…"
"Great. I'll head to the store. Get in some supplies."
"You don't have to do that." I wave off mom's suggestion. "Me and Claire can do that when she gets here."
"Nonsense." She shakes her head. "She's a guest, Eliza."
"Okay." I smile. "I know better than to argue with you."
"Yes, you do." She throws me a wink. "Make a list. I'll head upstairs with my coffee. No time like the present."
Dancing around my bedroom, I pull my hair up into a messy bun before shimmying into a pair of skinny jeans. Pulling an oversized sweater over my head, I glance at myself in the mirror and smile. I'm feeling really good today and the sooner Claire gets here, the sooner I can relax with her.
The sound of the doorbell pulling me from my thoughts, I rush out of my bedroom and straight down the stairs. Mom is busy in her office but that's okay. She will head down and see Claire as soon as she realizes she's here. Clearing my throat, I brush myself down and tug the door open. "O-Oh."
This isn't happening…
"Hi, uh…" Arizona stands in front of me, a wine basket in her arms. "This is from my mom."
"Thanks." I take it from her, our hands brushing. "I'll pass it on to mom."
"Yeah, okay." She steps back. "She just asked me to bring it by. She can't make it this evening."
"I'll let mom know." I set the basket down on the table beside the door. "Thanks for bringing it by."
"Bye, Eliza." Arizona throws me a small wave and backs up down the porch. "Have a great Christmas."
"You too."
My heart is pounding hard in my chest. I didn't expect this. I didn't expect Arizona at my door. She said she was coming home for the holidays but if I'm being honest, she's been the last thing on my mind lately. I know that sounds awful and makes me seem like a bitch, but this is how it has to be.
She may be here right now, but in a few days, or a few weeks, she'll be gone again. She'll be gone and I'll carry on with my life. Just like I have been since I cut contact. Just like I have been, with Claire.
A car pulling up at the end of our drive, my girlfriend cuts her engine and climbs out, giving me her best smile. Stepping out onto the porch, my eyes land on Arizona standing across the street and my heart breaks all over again. She looks lost. She looks like she wants to run and never look back. She looks like she's going to cry.
"Hey!" Claire pulls me into a hug, attempting to kiss me.
"Let's get inside." I pull back, avoiding her lips. "It's cold out here." Tugging her hand, we disappear inside and I close the door.
Arizona and I may not be together anymore, but I'd never do that to her. I wouldn't stand on my porch kissing someone else, not when I know how much this is hurting her. I may be moving on, but I'm not cruel. I may be moving on, but I still care about her.
I care about her a lot, actually. I've been trying to catch her games in the UK when I've had the time, and it's been enjoyable watching her and not missing her. I guess in some way I'll always miss Arizona, but knowing that there is nothing between us anymore, and there never will be, it makes things easier. It makes my days easier. It's certainly helped my sleeping pattern.
"I've missed you." Claire tugs at my hand, turning me in her arms. "I hope it's okay that I just showed up here…"
"It's good to see you." I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. "Was your trip here okay?"
"Yeah, fine." She shrugs, her arms wrapping around my waist. "Just wanted to see you for a few hours."
"You staying the night?" I raise an eyebrow.
"As much as I'd love to, I can't." Claire smiles. "I have family due tonight. They come from Canada every Christmas."
"Hey, you don't have to explain." I pull Claire in closer, relaxing in her arms. "I'll take what I can get right now."
"Wanna take this upstairs a while then?" Claire smirks.
"Mm, sounds like a plan."
Four hours later, I find myself taking the stairs with my girlfriend and seeing her out the door. She had a call from her mom around fifteen minutes ago asking her to head back, but I got her for a few hours. I knew it wouldn't be an all-night thing, but it's been nice not sitting alone. It's nice that she took the time to drive over here during the holidays. She really is very sweet.
"I'll see you next week, okay?" Claire whispers against my lips as I grip the door handle. "If anything changes, let me know…"
"Nothing will change." I smile into a kiss. "We have plans."
"Mm, we do." She moans, gripping my hips. "And I'm beginning to wish those plans were happening right now."
"Keep those hands to yourself." I pull back, giving Claire a knowing look. "We have all the time in the world next week and you really should head back."
"Ugh, I know." She whines, the door opening. "I'll call you tonight, okay?"
"Okay. I'll speak to you tonight." One final kiss, my girlfriend steps out onto the porch and heads down the drive, slipping into her car.
What the hell…
Focusing on the same spot on the street I did earlier, I find Arizona slumped against a wall, sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest. Throwing Claire a wave, I wait until she's pulled away and rounded the corner before crossing the street and approaching Arizona.
"Why are you still here?"
She looks up at me, a small smile on her lips. "Just didn't feel like moving."
"Arizona, you need to leave." I pull her up to her feet. "You need to go home."
"Why?" She furrows her brow. "Am I bothering you?"
"I didn't even know you were still here, so no." I sigh.
"Then you should head back inside." She runs her fingers through her gorgeous blonde hair. "I'm just minding my own business."
"Can you not do that somewhere other than my street?"
"Sure, yeah." Her shoulder slump and she turns to walk away.
God, I feel like the ultimate bitch.
"Arizona, wait!" Sighing, I shift uncomfortably and she turns around, her eyes holding unshed tears. "Did you want some coffee before you head home?"
"No thanks." She gives me a thankful smile. "I wasn't here for your sympathy. I just hoped I'd see you again, is all."
"See me again?" My forehead creases.
"When you said goodnight to your girlfriend." She drops her gaze, a slight laugh falling from her mouth. "How pathetic am I?" She shakes her head. "Sorry…"
"Arizona…"
"Yeah?" Her eyes find mine.
"Come and have coffee," I say. "You're here and it's cold."
"I'm fine." She replies. "I'm used to the cold now."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." She backs up. "Your moms having a party tomorrow…"
"She is." I agree.
"I was invited...with my mom." She shoves her hands in her pockets. "I just...thanks for inviting me but I don't think I can make it."
I didn't invite her…
"Arizona…" She stares at me, but I've got nothing for her. I don't know what I wanted to say. "Are you okay?"
"No." She gives me a sad smile. "But you are, and that's what matters."
"Did you want to talk?" This is a mistake, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. "I don't mind…"
"I'm sure you have better things to do than sit talking to me, Eliza."
"I wouldn't offer if I didn't have the time…"
"M-Maybe we could take a walk?" Her eyes holding nothing but hope, I simply nod.
"Let me grab a jacket." I throw my thumb over my shoulder. "I'll just be a minute."
"Sure." She rests back against a wall. "I'll wait here."
Crossing the street, I rush inside my home and give myself a moment to think. I know this is a bad idea, but Arizona looks like she could use a friend. I'm not her friend, though. I haven't been her friend since I told her we had to talk less. I haven't been her friend really since she left for England. I wanted to be, but I couldn't. I think she's beginning to realize that, though.
Grabbing a jacket from the closet, I slip it over my shoulders and head back out onto the street. I don't know what conversation we're about to have but I know it's not going to make anything any better between us. The way I feel lately, I truly believe things are unfixable. I feel like no matter what she says, it couldn't possibly make things change.
"Where did you wanna walk?" I ask as I approach my ex. "Anywhere in mind?"
"I don't care." She shrugs. "I'm sure you're busy so whatever works for you…"
Silence surrounding us as we make our way down the street, this all feels useless to me. I don't want Arizona to believe that this means something, and I don't want to get attached to her again. I just want to enjoy the holidays and head back to university.
"London is so cold." My ex suddenly breaks the silence. "Like, I don't mind the cold, but it's an icy wind. It hurts your face."
"You'll adapt." I smile, glancing her way. "I saw your game last week."
"Yeah, top of the league again." She shrugs. "That's normal for the team."
"You scored four." I clear my throat. "It was impressive."
"Thanks." Her blue eyes find mine. "I, uh...I had a call from someone in Orlando."
"Who?"
"One of their coaches." She says. "It's frowned upon to call players directly, but the club doesn't know."
"What's frowned upon?" I furrow my brow.
"Different clubs enquiring about me. My availability."
"Your availability?"
"Orlando want to sign me…" Arizona replies. "For big money."
"Well, you'd solve your weather problem." I laugh.
"Yeah." My ex stops on the street. "But it wouldn't solve my other problems, would it?"
"Arizona…"
"I thought about it." She furrows her brow. "I thought about breaking my contract and coming home. I wanted to." She smiles. "I wanted to come home and figure things out here."
"What things?"
"My relationship. My life. Everything I've ever known."
"You left for a reason…" I say, my tone cold and void of any emotion.
"But suddenly my reasons don't matter. They haven't mattered since you told me we couldn't talk anymore."
"I can't do this with you…" I step back, holding up my hands. "You can't come back here and expect me to fall at your feet."
"I don't expect that." She shakes her head. "I don't expect anything from you…"
"Then this conversation is pointless."
"I know but I figured I'd tell you about my offer anyway." She sighs. "Thanks for taking five with me but I should get home."
"I can't see you anymore, Arizona…"
"You won't have to." She smiles. "I know I fucked everything up, Eliza. I know and I'm willing to face the consequences." Her voice breaking, I can't be here any longer. "I'm going home to arrange a flight back to the UK. You won't have to see me again…"
"You're home for Christmas," I say.
"Mom had to leave town for a case." She shrugs. "I'll be alone for Christmas anyway."
"You can't be alone for Christmas." I shake my head.
"I've been alone for the last year. Christmas isn't going to make any difference."
"She was supposed to come with you…" I wrap my arms around myself, a chill settling in my bones. "Jade."
"She realized I wasn't all in and broke it off."
"I'm sorry." I sigh.
"It is what it is." Arizona smiles, trying to be nonchalant. "I lost everything when I left this place." She glances around "I lost you…"
"I'm involved…"
"And I'm so happy for you." Arizona wipes a tear from her jawline. "I really need to get back. Bye, Eliza." Turning on her heel, my ex-girlfriend disappears, leaving me standing on the street alone.
Seeing her today was a mistake. A huge mistake...
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.