Best For Last: PT II
Four
ARIZONA'S POV
Waking to a bright winter sunlight, I squint my eyes and stretch out my body. Last night really took it out of me but I appreciate Eliza taking some time to talk to me. I appreciate it, but it probably shouldn't have happened. It's only made things worse for me and I knew that would be the outcome. I just wanted to see her, though. I just wanted to be around her. Spend some time with her. I know it wasn't ideal and I know I'm now beside myself with heartbreak, but it's the first time I'd seen her in a year and she looks good. Hell, she looks amazing.
If only I'd never left. If only I'd put her first and not my career. My soccer. I know she told me I should go and I know we decided on it together, but I should've tried harder. I should've refused to leave. Refused the contract I was offered. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, as usual.
I just don't understand how we got so messed up. I don't understand how I lost her completely. Sure, I know she couldn't bear to be away from me, but was it really that easy for her to cut me out of her life? Was it really that easy for her to walk away and never look back? That's now this all feels. It all feels too easy.
Climbing from my lonely bed, it's been a long time since I stayed here. So long that the last time I slept in this bed, Eliza was by my side. She was here with me and in love. Madly in love. We were both in so deep that I never imagined living my life without her. How times change, huh? How life throws the worst at us when we least expect it.
Taking the stairs slowly, moms place is in complete silence, but it feels good. The quiet. The lack of police sirens and car horns. The peace and quiet are what I was looking forward to most, but so far, I haven't had that. It's hard to appreciate this quiet when I have so much going through my mind. Eliza. My decision to leave. My desire to come back. If I thought we could ever be together, I would come back. I'd come back in a heartbeat.
I'm not sure she believes that, though. I don't think she does but who can blame her? She lost me to a fucking soccer career that I suppose I could've had anywhere. I could have, but I also know that I had to take it when I did. Maybe this is my karma, though. Maybe this is my way of life laughing at me for losing the one person that meant the world and more to me. I guess I'll never know.
Taking my cell from the counter, I round it and put a fresh pot of coffee on. It's only 6:30 am but I want to get a run in before I start looking for flights home. I don't want to leave yet, but there's nothing here for me. Mom is out of town and Eliza hates me. Honestly, it's easier to just leave. It's easier to disappear and pretend like I never existed in my ex-girlfriends life.
A message catching my attention, I furrow my brow and my heart rate soars. For the first time in a long time, Eliza has text me.
E: Come to the party this evening. Mom insists.
A: Thank you but I don't think it's appropriate. X
E: She asked me to contact you, Arizona.
A: Please thank her, but I have a flight to book. X
E: So, book it tomorrow.
A: Eliza…
E: Arizona…
A: I can't. X
E: If you change your mind, the offer is there.
Sighing, I set my cell down on the counter and wrap my arms around myself. Why does she want me there? If she knew how much her daughter hated me, Eliza's mom wouldn't want me to go over this evening.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. I want to go because it's the last time I'm going to see Eliza, but I also don't want to go, because it's too hard. I can't win, whatever I do. Deciding that I don't want to think about it so early in the morning, I pour myself a large cup of coffee and move back towards the stairs.
If I can get through this morning without thinking about her, maybe, just maybe...I'll show up tonight. Mrs. Minnick has always treated me with nothing but respect so yeah, it would be good to see her. It would be good to check in and see how she's doing. One final time…
Breathing a deep breath, I approach Eliza's family home and listen to the sound coming from behind her door. Her place sounds packed out but that's to be expected. Her mom always did throw great parties, so I don't expect now to be any different.
Curling my hand into a fist, I think about knocking but then decide to ring the bell. If I don't receive an answer the first time I press it, I'll leave. I don't want anyone to think I'm here for anything other than to show my face. I don't want Eliza to think that I'm desperate, even if deep down I know that I am. She doesn't need that. She's involved and she's happy. She has a girlfriend and I'm not here to ruin that.
At one time, I would've happily come on in here and ruined it, but she deserves more than that. She deserves to be loved and appreciated. How can I do that all the way from London? The answer...I can't.
Hearing movement, the door opens and I'm greeted by Eliza's mom. "Arizona, come on in." She pulls me into a hug. "It's so good to see you…"
"You too." I smile, avoiding the rest of the room and the possibility of seeing Eliza. "Thank you for inviting me over."
"Oh, sweetheart." She cups my face. "You'll always be welcome in my home."
"I won't stay long…"
"Stay as long as you like." She smiles. "You're family."
Guiding me inside, Mrs. Minnick releases her grip on my hand and motions towards the kitchen. Finding Eliza standing alone, I clear my throat and weave through the crowd. "H-Hi."
"You came." Eliza seems shocked to see me, but I get that. I'm shocked that I even made it here.
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind." I lean back against the counter. "I couldn't get a flight until after Christmas day and I didn't want to sit alone at home."
"No, I don't mind." She shakes her head. "Can I get you something to drink?" She points to the wide selection of alcohol on offer.
"Maybe a beer?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Coming right up." She pops the cap on a cold one and hands it over. "I forget you can drink freely in the UK ."
"I don't really get involved drinking with the team. I don't like the stuff." I wrinkle my nose.
"So, why are you drinking it?"
"Nerves." I laugh. "Trying to be sociable…"
"You don't want to be here, do you?" Eliza gives me a sad smile.
"I do, but I don't think you want me to be here…"
"Mom invited you." She replies. "That's her decision."
"Right, yeah." I nod.
Silence falling between us, I glance around and find a few familiar faces. It's good to be home but it only makes me miss it more. The community. The people I've grown up with. I know it's going to hurt leaving again, but this is the life I chose. This is the way it ended.
"Your girl not here tonight?" I glance Eliza's way.
"No. She has family visiting."
"That's a shame." I drop my gaze. "I'm sure she'd be here if she could…"
"Yeah." Eliza smiles. "She drove here yesterday just to see me for a couple hours, so I know she would be here if she could…"
I took a flight home from the UK to be here but I'm not the hero…
"That's sweet." I sip my beer, the thought of someone else's hands on Eliza making me want to throw up. "Is she local?"
"Arizona, we don't have to do this."
"I'm just trying to make conversation…" I sigh.
"Really, it's not necessary."
"You mind if I get some air out back?" I suddenly don't feel so good. "Then I'll leave…"
"Sure. Knock yourself out." Eliza shrugs.
Moving towards the patio doors, I slide one open and step out, closing it behind me. I've spent so much time in this yard over the years and now my memories are beginning to flood back. I don't want them to, but I don't want to ever lose them either. My memories with Eliza mean so much to me and they always will. I just wish she felt the same.
Dropping down onto a step close to the patio, I sip my beer and wrinkle my nose. I'm not a drinker, not at all, but I needed something to calm me. I needed something to stop the anxiety I have building inside me. Eliza doesn't want me here and her mom has left me to my own devices. What am I supposed to do with any of that?
The sound of someone clearing their throat catching my attention, I glance over my shoulder to find my ex-girlfriend standing behind me. "Mind if I join you?"
"No." I shake my head.
"You said Orlando offered you a contract?"
"They did, yeah." I nod, focusing on my beer bottle. "I thought about taking it but it's not as simple as that."
"Why?"
"They have to negotiate with the club I'm with." I shrug. "My club could refuse. They could set the buy-out clause too high. It could just fall apart."
"Oh." Eliza sounds...disappointed?
"None of it matters anyway…"
"No, I guess not." She sighs, her eyes focusing on the yard in front of us. "Where do you want to be, Arizona?"
"Honestly?" I turn to face my ex-girlfriend fully and she nods. "I wanted to be here." I smile. "When I knew I was losing you, I wanted to be here more than anything. Like, I was playing for the sake of it. Soccer, it didn't matter."
"I wish you'd never gone." She says. "I know it was a joint decision, but I wish I'd never agreed."
"Me too." I agree, taking her hand. God, that feels good. "I can't change the choice I made, though."
"No, and I can't change how I feel."
"How do you feel?" I squeeze Eliza's hand.
"Scared. Unsure."
"About what?" I ask.
"About everything." She admits. "I never wanted this to be our future, Arizona. I never wanted to lose you."
"I didn't leave because I didn't love you, Eliza." My voice breaks. "I love you more than anything in this world."
"Loved." She tries to correct me.
"No. Love," I state. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will."
"Don't." Her voice cracks. "Please don't, Arizona."
"I'm sorry." I release her hand from my grip, feeling the loss immediately. "I'm just hurting you more by being here."
"You're not." Eliza disagrees, shocking me back into the conversation. "But I don't know what to do with any of this…"
"Nothing." I smile. "You do nothing with it."
"And you?"
"I head back to England knowing I lost the only thing worth caring about." I brush a tear from my jawline. "I go back with the knowledge that you're happy and better off without me…"
"I never wanted this."
"I know...you keep saying that." I breathe out. "But it still doesn't change anything, does it?"
"I-I don't know." My heart drops at her admission. "I don't know what they hell I feel right now…"
"I think it's best if I leave, Eliza." I attempt to stand but she grips my wrist.
"I don't want you to."
"You're involved." I shake my head. "I'm not doing this when you have a girlfriend."
"Doing what?" My ex snaps out of her internal thoughts, realizing what she's just said to me.
"Talking this out. Discussing what we once were or whatever it is were doing right now."
"No, you're right." Eliza agrees. "I'm happy and you're leaving soon…"
"I want you to have the world, Eliza." I stand, pulling her up to her feet. "I want you to have everything we ever talked about. Kids. Marriage. Everything in life…"
"I wanted that with you." A tear slips down her face and I brush it away. "I wanted it all with you."
"And I fucked that up." I give her a sad smile. "I chose my career over the woman I love and I can never change that. I can never take it back…"
"I wish you could." My ex cries. "I wish we could just go back to us."
"Me too." My hand settles on Eliza's face and her breath catches. "I wish none of this had happened…"
"But it did." She sighs.
"Yeah, it did." My stomach somersaults, the desperate need to kiss her making its presence known. "I have to go." My hand drops from her face suddenly.
"Stay…"
"I can't, Eliza."
"Why?" She sniffles.
"Because if I do, I'm going to kiss you and make everything worse than it already is." Shaking the emotion from me, I look up to the sky and release a deep breath. All I've wanted is to be here with her. All I've craved is her skin on mine. Our hands, touching. All I've wanted is the woman standing in front of me, but I can't have her. She isn't mine. "Do you love her?" My eyes find Eliza's.
"W-What?" She furrows her brow.
"Your girlfriend…do you love her?"
If she says no, I'm going to kiss her. I know I am…
"Y-Yes…" She stutters, uncertainty in her voice. Fuck! "She's great."
"That's not what I asked." I give my ex a sad smile. "You should get back inside. You're shivering…"
"I just…" Eliza's forehead creases. "You got what you wanted." She sniffles. "You got the career and the opportunity to do what you always wanted to do."
"No." I disagree. "I got what I thought I wanted."
"What did you want?" She tugs her fingers.
"You, Eliza." I finish my beer. "You were all I ever wanted." Handing her my beer bottle, I pull my jacket tighter around me and back up. "Thank your mom for me?" I ask and she simply nods. "Have a great Christmas, Eliza." Deciding to take the back exit from my ex-girlfriend's place, I turn on my heel, the tears falling hard and fast from my eyes.
Reaching the street, I stop, crouching down and sobbing. Nothing else matters to me other than Eliza's happiness. Nothing in this world is more important than what she needs in her life. That isn't me. We both know that. At one time, she'd have begged me to stay, but now? Now she's moved on and she's happy. Honestly, she's glowing. For the first time in a long time, Eliza Minnick is glowing, and I'm not the reason why.
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.