Best For Last: PT II
Six
ELIZA'S POV
New Year's Eve…
Right, I got everything I need. My bag is packed, now I'm just waiting for Claire. She isn't due here for another couple of hours, but I'm looking forward to getting out of town. It's what I need right now. Arizona said some things to me last week and now I'm getting her off my mind once and for all. If I'm being honest, it's not what I want, but she hasn't contacted me and I don't expect her to. She's home with her mom and I just hope she's happy.
She shouldn't ever have to choose what she wants in life and I guess she was truly letting me go when I spoke to her a few nights ago. There were things I wanted to say to her, things I wanted us to figure out, but she wouldn't allow me to. Maybe she didn't want to hear them or maybe she's just tired of trying to do the right thing all the time. I don't want her to be unsure about her future and I know she was right. She was right when she told me she would be leaving soon. I understand that she has a contract to honor and I understand that it isn't as simple as her coming home and us being good again.
I wish it was that simple, but life never works like that. It never gives us what we want and need…never to be unhappy again. The only thing I can take away from my relationship with Arizona is how good she made me feel. How much she loved me. I got to experience her in the way I always wanted to, and now she's free to have that with someone else.
She's free to move on in England, just like I told her to last year. It isn't going to be easy letting her go, and I know I was doing that before she came home, but I have to. We have to let each other go or this hurt, this pain, it will never end. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of missing someone who isn't even in my life anymore. I just want to get on with my life while Arizona does the same.
When she said those things to me at the party, I meant it when I told her I didn't want her to leave. I wanted to just take her upstairs and lock us away forever. That wouldn't have been the right thing to do, though. It would've been wrong and I recognized that. I stopped myself from getting too close while she was home, and now I don't have to worry about her leaving again. I don't have to beg her to stay, because even though I'll always love her, we're nothing to one another. We're nothing, and we never will be again.
If we'd kissed, if we'd got too close over this last week, I would've been setting myself up to get hurt again. Nothing has changed, and in a way, I'm thankful for that. We could've quite easily made something more of my ex-girlfriend's time here, but we didn't. As much as I wanted to go to Arizona's place on Christmas evening, I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to put me through that again. As much as I wanted to kiss the face off her, I stopped myself and now I'm feeling better for it. I'm feeling like there is hope for me, my future. I may have always wished for a future with Arizona but there is nothing I can do about that. I cannot love her like I want to when she is all the way in London, and she understands. At least, it seems like she does.
"Eliza!" Mom yells, startling me.
"Yeah?"
"Can you come down here please?"
Leaving my bedroom, I take the stairs slowly, checking my cell for any messages. Mom has a look of worry on her face but I don't know why. She looks like she's about to cry, but again, I've no idea why.
"Mom?" I furrow my brow. "What's wrong?"
"I-I just had a call." Her eyes close. "F-From Arizona."
"O…kay." I don't like this feeling. I don't know what this feeling is, but I don't like it.
"Barbara." She clears her throat. "She was in an accident."
"An accident?" My knees weaken. "What kind of accident?"
"C-Car." Mom steadies herself against the kitchen counter. "C-Car versus truck."
"Oh god." My mouth runs dry. My legs, they're dying. My body…it doesn't belong to me. "I-Is she…I mean, is she alive, mom?"
"Yes." Mom simply nods. "She's alive. I don't know what her injuries are, but she's alive."
"Thank god." Placing my hand over my chest, I hit Arizona's number on my cell and call her. Voicemail. Damn it! "Can I use your cell, mom?"
"Of course." She hands it over. "What for?"
"I need to call her." My voice breaks. "I need to call Arizona."
"Yes, you should." Mom agrees. "She will need someone, Eliza."
"I-I don't think I can be that person for her." I shake my head, dropping my gaze. "I don't think she would want me around…"
"Call her, Eliza." Mom gives me a knowing look. "And you should probably cancel your plans."
"Let me speak to her first." I breathe out, heading for the patio doors. "I don't know what's going on, so let me call her first."
Heading out into the yard, I pull up my mom's last dialed and find Arizona's number sitting on the top of the list. I appreciate that she called my mom to inform her, but I wish she'd called me. She wouldn't call you. Giving myself a moment to breathe, I hit the call button and wait for it to connect.
"Hi, Mrs. Minnick," Arizona says, her voice laced with fear.
"A-Arizona, it's me."
"O-Oh." She stutters. "Eliza, is everything okay?"
"Do you need someone?" I ask, my voice breaking. "Just to sit with you?"
"No, thank you. I'm okay."
"You shouldn't be alone." I furrow my brow. "I can come to the hospital now if you don't want to be alone…"
"Eliza, I appreciate you offering but I'm okay." She says. "I'm waiting for mom's surgeon to come speak to me and then I'll know more."
"Surgeon?"
"Femur." She sighs. "She's going to be okay…"
"I'm so sorry, Arizona." I rest my head in my hands. "What happened?"
"I don't know much yet." She replies. "Internal bleeding. She's pretty banged up. They're trying to control everything but I'm sitting here not knowing what's happening."
"I can be there with you."
"No, you have plans…" She says, leaving no room for discussion. "I need to figure things out for myself."
"You're going back to England?"
"No, I can't." Arizona disagrees. "I've spoken to my coach and I've explained that I need to be here while mom recovers. They don't like it but I can't leave her alone. What kind of person would I be if I did that?"
"Your mom comes first…"
"I know." I can feel her smiling and it sends a shiver down my spine. "Thank you for calling, Eliza."
"I had to."
"I appreciate it," Arizona replies. "Have a great time out of town."
"I can change my plans," I suggest. "If you need a friend, I can change them…"
"No, don't do that." She sighs. "If I've learned anything today, it's that life can change in seconds. Go and have fun. Love her, Eliza. Let her love you in return. You deserve it." Cutting our call, I remove mom's cell from my ear and glance down at the screen. Why doesn't she want me with her? How can she be okay with sitting alone in a hospital waiting room? I don't understand.
I don't understand any of what's happening today…
We've been driving for the last twenty minutes but something feels off. Something about leaving town when Arizona is alone and hurting feels completely wrong. I know she said she doesn't want me there and I understand why but is it really that simple? Is my trip away more important than being there for my ex-girlfriend?
"You're quiet." Claire interrupts my train of thought. "Wanna talk about it?"
"No, it's okay." Her hand settles on my thigh, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.
"Something doesn't feel right…" She slows a little on the open road.
"I just...something happened a little while ago."
"Is everything okay?" Claire asks, worry in her voice.
She doesn't know Arizona is even home right now. She doesn't know my ex came back hoping to fix things. Sure, nothing happened, and I'd never do that to Claire, but she doesn't know Arizona is here and I feel like it's about to blow up when I tell her.
"Arizona's mom…" I run my fingers through my hair. "She was in an accident."
"Oh, no." Claire pulls over at the side of the road. "Have you called her? She must be going out of her mind with worry in London."
"She's here."
"What do you mean...she's here?" My girlfriend asks. "And why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's not important." I sigh.
"It kinda is, Eliza." She gives me an incredulous look. "She's here, she's your ex, and you thought it wouldn't matter if you didn't tell me?"
"Well, no." I furrow my brow. "She's home for the holidays, Claire."
"Sure, she is." She rolls her eyes. "And you haven't seen her?"
Shit!
"I, uh…" I drop my gaze. "I saw her a few times but not intentionally."
"Not intentionally?" She scoffs.
"Mom invited her over before Christmas. Then I saw her Christmas evening."
"You spent Christmas with your ex-girlfriend?" Claire's voice breaks as she turns to face me. "What the hell are we, Eliza?"
"I didn't spend Christmas with her. It wasn't like that. I literally bumped into her in the street. I was with her for all of five minutes…"
"I don't believe you." She shakes her head. "I don't believe that you haven't been with her."
"Excuse me?"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. I haven't stepped out of line once while Arizona has been home. I haven't got close to her. We've simply spoken. I'd never cheat, no matter how much I wish Arizona was still mine. I'd never do that to another person. It's not me. I was raised better than that.
"How long has it been going on?"
"Nothing has been going on…" I sigh.
"I just...I don't like knowing she's around." Claire wipes a tear from her jawline. "I don't like knowing that she's here when you still love her."
"I'm not doing this with you." I shake my head, avoiding what Claire has just said. "Can you take me home please?"
"So that's it?" She scoffs.
"You've just accused me of cheating…"
"No, I just...I'm sorry." Claire focuses on the console between us. "I don't want to lose you, Eliza. I care about you too much."
"I'd like to go home." I give my girlfriend a sad smile. "I need some time."
"For what?"
"Just...to be alone," I admit. "Maybe I went into this too quickly with you. I don't know."
"You mean, I was your rebound?"
"No. Not at all." I disagree. "But I've done nothing wrong here, yet you're quick enough to accuse me."
"You really wanna go home?"
"Yeah." I nod. "I do." I don't know at what point this day went wrong, but I don't feel good. I don't feel good about anything at all right now. I can't win either way. Arizona is alone and Claire thinks I'm a cheat.
Yeah, I need to be alone...
Taking the staircase two at a time, I head for the kitchen and find mom sitting with a cup of coffee. She hasn't said much since I unexpectedly arrived home from my trip with Claire, but I think she's waiting for me to blow up. It's going to happen sooner or later, we both know that. She knows something isn't right but I'm thankful she isn't pushing me.
"I'm going out…" I grab a bottle of water, removing the cap. "I won't be long."
"Anywhere nice?"
"The hospital." I grab my car key. "Do you know where I'll find her? Where I should look?"
"Arizona?" Mom raises her eyebrow. "She's at home…"
"Mom, I don't have time to play around. I know she isn't at home…why would she be?"
"Because they sent her home for the night," Mom says, sipping her coffee. "I know you're not having a good time right now, but I'd appreciate it if you lost the attitude."
"I'm sorry." I rest my elbows on the counter between us. "I just don't know what to do…"
"About what?" Mom asks.
"I miss her, mom." My voice breaks. "I'm trying to forget about her, but I can't. She just…she's there. Everywhere. Constantly on my mind."
"That's love, Eliza." Mom glances at me over the rim of her coffee cup. "You can dress it up however you like and you can deny it all you want, but you are so in love with each other."
"It doesn't change anything, though." I sigh. "Arizona still has to leave for England when her mom has recovered."
"I wish I could give you the answers you need, honey." Mom stands, approaching me. "Only you know what you can handle. Only you know if you can love Arizona from another country."
"I want to, mom." She pulls me into a hug. "I never wanted to end things with her."
"I know." She presses a kiss to the top of my head.
"Everything is just a mess…" Sighing, I pull back and brush a tear from my jawline. "I don't know where to begin trying to fix it."
"Go and visit her," Mom says. "See how she is."
"She told me she didn't want me there." I shake my head. "I already offered…"
"So, don't offer." Mom smiles. "Show up. Be her friend. Talk to her. Just…be whatever she needs right now."
"I think Claire broke up with me…"
"Well, Arizona needs you right now. Claire will survive." Throwing me a wink, mom motions towards the door. "Come on, I'll drive you over."
"You're sure?"
"I am." She nods. "If you want to come back here with Arizona, call me." She smiles, pulling the door open. "It's New Year's Eve and you should both be together…"
"Thanks, mom." I give her a thankful smile and slip inside her car. "I don't know what I'd do without you…"
"You'd survive." She shrugs, backing out of the drive. "I've always known you would. Arizona, too."
Falling into a comfortable silence, mom heads slowly down our street, giving me a few minutes to think over what I'm about to say. What I'm about to do. Arizona may close the door in my face when I knock, but I'm not backing down. She needs a friend, and I'm that person for her. It may not feel like it to her, but we've always had each other's back, and in a way, we always will.
I know mom is hoping for a reconciliation beyond friendship, but I'm not sure that's possible. Right now, I want to be her friend. Right now, I want to help her through her super shitty Christmas at home. If I have to sit in silence with her, that is what I'll do. If I have to be a sounding board, she can count me in.
"If I've learned anything today, it's that life can change in seconds…"
Arizona's words from earlier play over in my head. Knowing that I have to be there, I feel calmer. I feel like this day may not end as badly as I thought it would. I want Barbara to come home fully recovered, and Arizona and I to be on good terms. After all, we've never been apart. Whether that is as friends or lovers, we've always been in each other's lives. Now shouldn't be any different, and I'm beginning to understand that.
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.