Best For Last: PT II

Seven

ARIZONA'S POV

My life is falling apart.

No matter how I look at it, or what positives I can take from my past, everything around me is falling apart. I feel useless. I feel alone. I feel like I could breakdown at any moment. I don't know what the hell happened on the road today, but mom is seriously injured, and I'm no use to her. How can I be when I seem to be incapable of looking after myself? How can I possibly make her feel safe and loved at home, when I'm barely keeping my own shitty life together?

I need someone here with me. I need someone to break the silence I've been sitting in since I arrived home from the hospital. I didn't want to leave, but mom's doctor insisted and promised to call me if anything changes. She isn't far away, and I can be there pretty quickly, but now I'm sitting here feeling lost. I'm sitting here wishing I'd never left home. If I hadn't, Eliza would be here now. She'd be here with her arms wrapped around me, holding me safely, making me feel loved.

If she was here, she would lift my mood. She would crack a joke or do something to take my mind off what's going on around me. She always had a way of making me smile when I wanted nothing more than to cry. She had that calming presence about her, and I lost that the moment I lost her.

I mean, I'm sitting here alone, and she's having a world of fun with her girlfriend in a swanky hotel room. How did that happen? I feel like I woke up and she'd gone. I feel like the last year of my life didn't happen, and she just left me. How can two people be so in love, but worlds apart? How can I still crave her when I know she's in someone else's arms? Shouldn't I be mad at her? Shouldn't I be angry and pissed off, hating her for how we ended? No, I shouldn't. I shouldn't because I love her too much. I love her so much that letting her go so she could be happy was the right thing to do.

I can't be mad at her for wanting happiness, even if that's without me. Of course, I want her to choose me. Of course, I want her to fall into my arms and never let me go. I want those things, but it's too late. Too much time has passed and we're a lifetime apart. I made the choice to leave, and this is the consequence of that. Me…alone. Me…feeling worthless. Me…wondering if I'll ever be happy again.

When we met in the street on Christmas evening, I know she had things she wanted to say. Usually, I'd have stopped and listened. Usually, I'd have given her the opportunity to say whatever was on her mind. In that moment though, I couldn't hear it. In that moment, I had to leave before I broke down in front of her. She's been through enough emotion with me to last her a lifetime, so rehashing everything that's already been said was pointless. It would only be dragging up the past, with nothing changing.

As much as I want to spend my life with her, London still remains. One day, when mom is better, London will be my destination and I don't know when I'll be back. If I could cancel everything there, I would. It isn't that easy, though. I can't just walk away from the team. I'm being paid big money and they signed me for three years. I can't just ask to leave, it doesn't work that way. I'm tied to them until further notice.

I'd thought about calling Orlando and speaking to the coach there, but it's inappropriate. I'm also pretty sure it's illegal in some way. They may want me, but they wouldn't be willing to pay the buy-out and a fine for approaching me. I may be good and in demand, but nobody is worth that kind of money. Nobody. Right now, as my career stands, I have no choice but to return to London and wait this out. One of two things can happen. One, nothing happens and I remain there for two years, or two, Orlando enquire and they agree to let me go. I know which is more likely, but I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm trying not to think about the fact that my club won't let me go until my contract ends and they're not able to reach an agreement with me to sign on for longer. It wasn't supposed to be this way, but it's somehow turned out like this and now I never want to leave town. I never want to pack my bags or take a flight to London ever again. Not because I don't love the team or the people there, but because the people here mean more to me than anything.

Sitting on the couch, my home in darkness, a flash of light catches my attention as the sound of a car pulls up on my street. I'd check it out, but I can't be bothered. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I have no energy, and honestly, I think it's best if I just lock up and sleep the rest of this year away. New Year's Eve is bullshit and the sooner January begins, the sooner I can sort my life out and leave this place.

A knock startling me, I glance over at the door and stare at it. I don't move. I don't shift. I simply stare at the door, hoping whoever is on the other side will leave. Another knock, I roll my eyes and sit forward in my seat. I don't have time for mom's friends checking in with me. I don't have time for them being here and trying to be helpful. They don't show their faces any other time, so I'd rather they didn't show now.

"Alright!" I yell, another knock beginning to piss me off. "Fucking hell."

Pulling the door open, I find the one person I care about in this world standing on my porch. "Eliza…"

"Arizona." She holds up her hand. "I know you don't want me here and I know you're probably mad at me for coming, but I wanted to check in with you. I need to check in with you."

Glancing over my ex-girlfriend's shoulder, Mrs. Minnick throws me a wave through the window of her car and pulls away. "Your mom left…"

"I know." Eliza smiles. "Can I come in?"

"It really isn't a good idea." I sigh. "And you're supposed to be out of town."

"Yeah, well I'm not." She shrugs, shifting from left to right. "Have you eaten?"

"No." I drop my gaze. "Have you?"

"No." Clearing her throat, I lift my head and find Eliza's eyes. "And I'm really hungry."

"I didn't go to the store." I step aside, motioning for Eliza to come in. "But I think we're in time to order in…" Closing the door, I flick the lock and step past my ex.

"Wait." She grips my wrist, her hand on my skin setting me on fire. For the first time in days, I feel human. I feel something. "Arizona, are you okay?"

"Sure, yeah." I give her my best fake smile. "Just need to order before it's too late."

"I want to be your friend, okay?" Eliza searches my face. "Please, let me…"

"We need to talk, Eliza." I run my fingers through my hair. "Just…can we eat first?"

"Sounds good enough to me."

I don't know what to do. Eliza is sitting beside me, but I'm scared to move. If I do, she'll disappear. If I breathe, it will be as though she was never here. I want her here and I feel like I need her here, but why isn't she at the spa she was supposed to be at? Did she cancel her plans for me? I hope she didn't. I already feel bad enough about everything else.

She seems happy to be here. She hasn't once given me a reason to believe that she's here for the sake of it, or because she feels sorry for me. She's here, and I'm so thankful for that. I want to speak to her, but I don't know where to begin. She said she wants to be my friend, but I need more. I can't continue a friendship with her when I love her as I do. Back in high school, it was hard enough. Some days, it was crippling. Knowing how much I wanted her but not being able to do anything about it...I couldn't go back to that. I couldn't bring myself to go through those emotions again. That want. The desperate need.

"How was your food?" I clear my throat, my eyes finding Eliza's. "Was it okay?"

"Perfect." She smiles, setting her plate down on the coffee table. "Have you heard anything from the hospital?"

"No. They said mom will be recovering for a while."

"I'm so sorry this happened, Arizona." Eliza crosses her legs under her body, facing me fully. "I was getting ready to leave and mom told me. Thank you for calling her."

"They're close." I shrug. "Seemed appropriate."

"I wanted to call you…"

"You did." I furrow my brow.

"From my own cell." She says, tugging her fingers. "I wanted to come straight over."

"Eliza." I set my own plate down. "Why are you here?"

"Because you need someone." She gives me a small smile. "Because I was wrong to ever cut contact with you. I am sorry, Arizona."

"I have to go back to London…"

"I know." Eliza nods slowly. "But that's not important right now."

"Except it is." I give her a sad smile. "It's important because it's the reason why we're not anything anymore."

"Do you think maybe Orlando will happen one day?"

"I hope so." I breathe out. "I don't want to be so far away…"

"You asked me…" She sighs. "If we could ever be together again…"

"I did." I drop my gaze. "And I got my answer."

"I-I would." Her eyes bore into my soul. "If you came home, for good, I'd want nothing more than to be with you, Arizona."

"I can't promise you that, Eliza." God, I wish I could. I wish I could promise her the world. "I don't know what the next year will mean for me…"

"But it's possible?"

"It is." I agree. "But I don't want to tell you what you want to hear, only to disappoint you down the line. I'm tired of disappointing you and I'm tired of hurting you."

"It was a joint decision, Arizona."

"Maybe, but I feel like the blame for us ending still lies with me. I feel like whatever we decided, I'm the one who caused this."

"Hey, you didn't." She shifts closer to me. "You followed your dreams. There is nothing wrong with that."

"It all feels wrong." My voice breaks. "My life is falling apart, Eliza."

"Come on." My ex-girlfriend pulls me into a hug, her arms wrapping around me. "Your life is just getting started."

"None of it matters anymore." Tears slip down my face. "I don't have you anymore, so nothing matters."

"You do have me." Her head rests against my own, that feeling hitting me hard. The feeling of love. Care. Respect. "I'm sorry I told you I couldn't see you anymore."

"No." I pull back. "No, you shouldn't be here saying this stuff. You have a girlfriend…"

"Yeah, I don't think I do anymore." She shrugs. "She accused me of cheating a while ago."

"With who?" I ask, shocked.

"You." She laughs. "If only, huh?"

A laugh falling from my mouth, it's the first time I've felt like myself all day. This is all I needed. Eliza. Her laugh. Her words. Those arms holding me. It's all I needed but I feel like I need to take a step back. I don't know what she expects from me anymore, so it's best if I cool this before it heats.

"Thanks for coming over." I give my ex a genuine smile. "It does mean a lot to me."

"I can hang out a while…"

"Shouldn't you be at home with your mom?" I arch an eyebrow. "It is New Year's Eve."

"I want to be here with you." She takes my hand. "And I know this is all going to turn to shit, but still, I need to be here with you."

"W-Why?"

"Because I miss you." She squeezes my hand. "I miss us."

"Don't." My voice breaks. "Please don't do this, Eliza. I can't watch us fall apart again."

"We need to figure things out." She nods, agreeing. "But that doesn't need to happen tonight, does it?"

"No." I shake my head. "Being like this is nice. Spending time with you."

"Then we will do that. We will spend some time together…" Somehow feeling like the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders, I relax back against the couch and smile. It's not a true smile, but it's certainly the next best thing.

Relaxed and appreciating each other's company, we've been watching a movie for the last hour and I feel like Eliza is going to leave soon. I'd fully expect her to, but I'm enjoying her being here too much. I know she should be home with her mom, and usually, we'd all spend this day together, but I understand that things have changed. Things have changed dramatically since we left school and I'm still trying to adjust.

I've never been one to embrace change and I'm not sure I ever will, but I have to one day. I have to try to move forward and work everything out. Eliza says we have stuff to figure out but she's right, nothing needs fixing right now. If I'm being honest, I don't know when it will be fixed. The fact remains...I'm leaving.

God, I don't want to leave.

Her cell buzzing on the coffee table, she reaches forward and takes it in her hands. Sighing, something tells me she's not in the mood for whoever is contacting her.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's just Claire."

"Oh." I clear my throat. "I guess you have to leave…"

"No, I'm not leaving." My ex-girlfriend disagrees. "I'm not sure we have anything to say to one another."

"I think you should work things out with her, Eliza." Her facial features changing, she sends off a reply and sets her phone back down. "I do," I say as she faces me fully.

"You want me to be with Claire?" She arches her eyebrow. "Really?"

"She's here." I give her a sad smile. "She's very much here and soon, I won't be."

"I need to find a way to be with you, Arizona." Her admission catching me off guard, my heart pounds hard in my chest. "I know it's going to be hard, but I miss you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too." I nod slowly. "But can we do this?"

"Do you want to do this?" She asks. "Do you want to try and do this long distance, hoping that one day you'll be back here…"

"I've never wanted to be without you, Eliza." I sit forward in my seat, my head in my hands. "It just didn't seem fair to you to love you when I couldn't be with you."

"And what about what's fair to you?"

"I didn't matter." I lift my head, finding her teary green eyes. "I created this mess by leaving, so I didn't matter at all. When you said we should break it off, I knew that decision had to lie with you."

"You never wanted that?" A tear slips down her face. "You just agreed because you thought it was what I wanted?"

"Well, yeah." I sigh. "I wanted what was best for you."

"Oh god." Her breath catches. "What the hell did I do…"

"You did what worked for you." I shift closer. "And that's okay."

"No, it's not." She scoffs. "None of this is okay and I'm so sorry…"

"Maybe we shouldn't lay the blame on either of us," I say, trying to reassure her. "It isn't going to solve anything if we're going to move forward."

"I love you…" Her words filter through me, my body floating. "I love you and I need to be with you, Arizona."

"I love you, too." My hand settles on Eliza's. "But I really need you to think about this. I need you to know what you want."

"I know what I want." She says confidently. "I've always known…"

"You wanna head home?" I ask, changing the topic of conversation. I don't want either of us to feel overwhelmed tonight. This is going to take time and a whole lot of discussion. "See your mom, spend time with her…"

"Will you be joining us?" Eliza asks, her eyes pleading with me.

"If you'd like me to be there, I'd love to join you…"

"Yeah?" That smile I've missed appears, beaming and almost blinding me.

"Yes." I return my own smile. "Let me change and I'll be ready to go…" Climbing to my feet, I release a deep breath, my heart settling truly for the first time in a long time.

"Wait!" Eliza grips my wrist. "I just…" She stands. "Thank you."

"For what?" My eyes switch from Eliza's to her lips.

"For allowing me to be here…" Leaning in, her lips ghost over my own, all oxygen leaving my lungs. Steadying myself with the use of her hips, she deepens our kiss and I'm close to tears. "I've missed you so much Arizona, but I can't lose you again." Her forehead presses against mine. "We have to work this out because I love you too much to lose you again."

"Oh god."

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.