Best For Last: PT II
Eleven
ARIZONA'S POV
Two months later…
It feels crazy being here. Mom is recovering, almost back to full health, and I'm working my ass off for the team. We have a competition coming up in a few weeks, so I'm trying to get back to full fitness after the time I had off during the Christmas break. Yes, I should've been looking after myself when I was at home, but I didn't. I had too much shit going on, and a million and one thoughts going through my mind.
The best decision I ever made…was packing up and leaving town the day Eliza showed her true colors. Why? Because now I'm on top of the world and back where I belong. Okay, I'm not quite at home, but I did make the move to Orlando. My team, they're awesome. I know some of the girls from back in high school so it's been good catching up with them, seeing the differences in their technique now that they're professional.
That day I left town, I headed straight to the medical Orlando had requested from my team back in the UK. I do miss some of the girls back in England, but we keep in touch via social media. The day Eliza came to mom's place and said those things to me, I was trying to explain that I'd been given the go ahead to talk to the coaches here. She didn't give me the chance to do that, but it worked out in the end. It worked out because by not stopping her from saying what she did, and by not telling her about my transfer, she told me how she really felt. She told me what she thought of me.
Sure, it hurt, but we move forward, right? We pick ourselves up and be the best we possibly can be, single or not. I haven't bothered dating since I returned but that's simply because I haven't had the time. Training is intense and team meetings are happening multiple times a week. I love being back in the US, but I love being on the pitch more, wherever in the world that is. There's no other feeling like it.
We have a pretty great crowd out here, but I don't see many familiar faces. Mom isn't able to drive yet, and all of my other friends moved out of the city when we left high school. I call them friends, but I guess they're not. None of them have kept in touch, and they certainly wouldn't be the first choice should I need one of them in a crisis.
Eliza contacted me once I reached Orlando for my medical two months ago, but it was short and sweet. I didn't tell her about my move here because I didn't want to hear her trying to make things right. Groveling. After the things she said, no amount of groveling could've fixed us. She apologized and asked if we could talk, but I simply told her no. I'm done ruining her life and I'm done seeing that look of disappointment she always seems to have for me. If I thought I could do this without hurting her anymore, I would, but I know how she feels about me…and I'm okay with that. I don't know how I've ever given her the impression that my soccer is more important than her, but that's her opinion. It's a fucked-up opinion, but I no longer have to concern myself with it. We're not together and we never will be again.
I think she's dating but I can't be sure. If she is, I hope she's happy. If she's fallen in love with someone, I hope they treat her right and give her everything in the world. I always wanted to be that person, but as the months have once again passed, I've come to realize that we're forever hurting each other. Me with my actions, her with her words. What good can ever come from a relationship like that? I always thought I'd be the one to spend my life with her, but things change, and so do people.
I guess I'm still kinda bitter about it all if I'm being totally honest. Not only did she say that I didn't care about her, but she blamed me for leaving. I told her I wouldn't go. I told her she only had to say the word and I'd have turned down London. She didn't, and she told me I had to leave. To throw that back in my face, while she used Claire and her words as the reason why, that hurt more than anything she's ever said or done. It hurt more than I thought it ever could.
I've been back in the US for a week, after finalizing everything in the UK, and I've settled pretty well. I have an apartment close to our training facilities and I made it my own the moment I bought it. I don't know if my ex knows I'm back home, but if she does, she hasn't contacted me. She hasn't called to congratulate me on my move, but why would she? I don't think Eliza and soccer go so well together anymore. At one time, she would've been at every game I was playing. At one time, she'd have worn a jersey, my name emblazoned across the back. At one time, she loved me…until she didn't.
"Hey! Robbins!"
"What?" Stopping dead at the side of the training pitch, I turn on my boot and focus on the team behind me.
"You coming out to dinner tonight?"
"Time?" I yell.
"Five-thirty." Becca approaches me.
"For sure." I nod. "I wanna get a few more laps in before I leave. I'll meet you guys there."
"Got it." Becca turns, running back towards the squad. "Catch you later!" Throwing me a wave, she disappears through the open doors and towards the changing room. Approaching the corner flag, I sprint behind the goal, slowing as I reach the next corner flag. I've been working myself harder than before since I reached Orlando, but I want to maintain my reputation here. Especially on home soil.
D: Can I crash with you?
Furrowing my brow as I glance down at my watch, I've no idea what Dana and her girlfriend are fighting about now, but it's always something. Figuring I'll reply when I'm done training, I sprint the rest of the pitch before heading inside. It's almost four-thirty in the afternoon and I need to get showered before I meet the rest of the team.
Heading out of our training facility, I fix my blazer on my body and glance down at my appearance. This evening, I'm going for the combat boots and skinny jeans look, simply because the team like to look good when they're out together. Yeah, I look kinda hot, but that may have been the look I was going for all along. I'm not dressing for anyone in particular, but I am dressing for me.
I know I should get out more and date, but by the time training has finished and I'm done for the day, I'm too tired to even think about sex, let alone dating. It's not that I'm holding back, I'm really not, but the only thing I have in my life is my career, and I cannot throw it away. Not when I'm in the best position I've ever been in, mentally and financially.
Taking my cell from my pocket, I pull Dana's message up on the screen and send her a reply.
A: Sure. You and the lady fighting again?
D: You don't know the half of it.
A: Not my business. Got my own shit going on. You coming to dinner?
D: Sure, I'll be there around six. Got something to do.
A: Well, don't do anything stupid. Catch you soon.
Rolling my eyes, I lock my cell and head for my car. I really don't need any drama in my life, mine or anyone else's. I'm over that stage and the less I see of people fighting, the better I feel. Pulling my car keys from the side of my kit bag, I glance up and unlock it.
Stopping dead in my spot, I furrow my brow and think about turning around. Eliza is here. She's leaning against my car. What the fuck is going on? About to turn around, I realize I have somewhere to be, Eliza and her words the last thing on my mind. Do I miss her? Every minute of the day. Is that enough? No. It's not enough because it doesn't change what happened between us. It doesn't change the fact that she hurt me.
"Could you move please?" I stop in front of her, her body preventing me from popping my trunk.
"You came home…"
"No, I came to Orlando." I give her a sarcastic smile. "And I have somewhere to be, so…"
"I came by all week." Eliza clears her throat. "Here…"
"Why?" My forehead creases.
"Because I wanted to see you…"
"You're wasting your time, Eliza." I sigh. "I'm here to work and that's all."
"But you came home." She looks at me confused. "You came back…"
"So?"
"So, I don't know." Her shoulders slump. "Just…so, I wanted to see you."
"Really, I need you to move your ass. I have somewhere to be and I don't like to be late."
"I know…"
"You know what?" I drop my kit bag from my shoulder.
"That you don't like to be late." She gives me a small smile. "You're never late."
"O…kay." I draw out. "Look, it's great to see you but I gotta go." I motion towards my car. "Go back to university, Eliza."
"I have some time off." She says, her voice soft. "And I thought maybe we could hang out."
"Hang out?" I deadpan. "Why would we hang out?"
"Because that's our thing…"
"No." I shake my head. "It was our thing before we got involved with each other. Now, you're you and I'm me."
"That hurts." She drops her gaze.
"Yeah, well welcome to my world." Deciding to just put my bag in the front with me, I round my car and open the driver side door. "Words hurt, Eliza. You should know that by now."
"Arizona, please don't leave…"
"Eliza, what do you want from me?" I can feel my anger getting the better of me. "Why are you here and what the hell do you want?"
"I want to spend time with you. I want to sit with you. Talk. Just…Please?"
"I'm busy." I hate how she looks at me like that. I hate how she makes me feel sympathy for her when this is all her own fault. "Look, I have some things at my place that belong to you…"
"You didn't have any of my things…"
"I did," I reply. "I'll be home by eight. If you want them, come get them. If you don't, I'll trash them."
"I-I don't know where you live."
"I'll send you my address." I climb into my car, slamming the door shut and cracking the window. "You still have the same number?"
"Yes." She nods. "In case you ever called…"
"I'll send it over." Firing up the engine, I pull away from my spot in the parking lot and head off towards the restaurant. As much as I miss her, I can't do this with her. We're wasting our time and I know deep down, Eliza realizes that. I know deep down, this is completely pointless.
Parking up outside my apartment block, I cut the engine and sit for a moment. I know Eliza is here, I can see her car a few spots away. Dinner was enjoyable, but she was on my mind. I didn't want her to be, but she knows this is what happens. I see her, and everything turns into a mess inside my head. Maybe she likes doing this to me, I don't know. Maybe she wants to just hurt me over and over, giving me a taste of what she went through when I left for London.
A: I need some time before you head over.
D: Sure. You got a lady coming by?
E: Yeah, my ex and no, it isn't what you think.
D: Not my business. I got my own shit going on.
Smiling at Dana's reply, I shove my cell into my pocket and grab my crap from my car. Climbing out, I lock up for the evening and approach the block doors. I'm living in a high-end area of Orlando, but I couldn't resist this place. It's gorgeous with the best views in town.
Reaching the doors, a figure appears out of the shadows, Eliza's scent catching my attention immediately. This meeting with her won't last long, but I do want to give her the things I kept of hers. They're not my property, no matter how much I've worn them over the last two months. Her shorts. Her hoodies. Her oversized tee's. They're just my comfort…but it's time to give them all back.
"You coming up or did you want me to bring it down for you?"
"I don't mind…" She shifts uncomfortably. "I can come up if you'd be okay with that?"
"Whatever." I shrug. "Do what you want." Pushing the door open, I move towards the elevator and hit the call button. "It's just some clothes…"
"Oh." She clears her throat. "You really did just want me to come by and get my crap…"
"What else did you think I meant?" I turn, facing her. "I haven't seen you in two months, I'm hardly going to lure you here…"
"You didn't lose your sense of humor." Eliza smiles.
"No, but that wasn't humor." The elevator doors open and I step inside.
"Arizona…" She turns to face me as the doors close, the carriage moving. "Can I just have five minutes of your time?"
"That's what I'm giving you." I nod.
"No, I mean…to talk?"
"I really don't have anything to say to you." I give her a sad smile. "You should just collect your things and leave."
"But I can't do that." She disagrees, her forehead creasing. "Not now I've finally found you."
"Found me?"
"I told you I'd been waiting outside that place for you all week."
"And I still don't know why…" The carriage coming to a stop, the doors open and I step out, motioning towards my apartment door down the hall.
"This is fancy."
"Yeah, it is." I agree, slipping my key into the lock. "Come in…" Disappearing inside my darkened home, I flick a small lamp on and throw my bag to the floor. "I'll just get your things for you…"
"Arizona, wait." She grips my wrist, my stomach fluttering as her skin touches mine. "I know you hate me and you cannot bring yourself to share a space with me, but I'm trying to apologize here…"
"You have nothing to apologize for." I wave her off. "Seriously."
"Except I do." She scoffs, her grip tightening on my wrist. "I have so much to apologize for, but you won't give me a freaking chance."
"We're out of chances, Eliza."
"Why? Because you say so?" She snorts. "What about what I want? What I feel?"
"I know how you feel." I laugh. "You told me all about it the night you came by…"
"I was scared." Her voice breaks. "I was so fucking scared."
"About what?"
"Losing you." She sighs. "You leaving again and me not knowing the next time I'd touch you. Kiss you. Me not knowing how to survive without you."
I'm not sure I believe what she's saying.
I may not be sure, but her eyes are telling me something different. Her eyes…complete heartbreak. Devastation. Disappointment. Her eyes are telling me she's never been this sorry in her entire life.
"I wanted to discuss all of this with you." I breathe out, dropping down onto the couch. "When you came over and freaked out, I was trying to tell you about Orlando offering me a contract and London allowing me to leave. I'd just got off a call with them before you came to mom's place."
"I didn't know…"
"You wouldn't give me the chance to tell you." I sit forward, my head in my hands. "You wouldn't let me speak and then when you freaked, you said what you did…"
"I didn't mean any of that, Arizona." Her voice sounds sincere, but how can she say she didn't mean it? Why would she have ever said those things to me if she didn't mean a word of it? "You have to believe me."
"I can't." I glance up at Eliza, unshed tears in her eyes. "I can't believe you…"
"Why not?"
"Because I only took Orlando for you…and you ruined that moment for me," I admit. "The thought of telling you, god…I was so happy. Excited for us both."
"O-Oh…"
"But then you walked in and told me Claire kissed you. You know, I wasn't even bothered about that, not really. I just wanted us to be happy, together…but you went batshit crazy and said some really hurtful things. After I'd agreed with Orlando, you told me my soccer was more important than you. I fucking moved here for you."
"D-Do you think maybe one day you can forgive me?" Eliza wipes a tear from her jawline. "Just…one day?"
"I do forgive you." I take her hand. "But it's been two months, Eliza. We're moving on…"
"I-I'm not." She steadies her emotions. "I'm failing in my classes and I haven't slept properly since the night I spent with you."
"I'm sure you'll live."
"You're not hearing me, Arizona…" She sits opposite me, her ass resting on the edge of my coffee table. "I'm saying I can't do this without you."
"Do what?"
"Life." She lifts my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "I can't live my life without you, Arizona."
"I think you have to try." I pull back, removing myself from Eliza's grip. "I know it's hard and it's kinda shitty, but I think that without me in your life…you'll thrive. You'll be the best you possibly can be."
"Without you?" She chokes, tears falling freely from her eyes. "How can I thrive without you?"
"Because I'm your problem." I sigh. "I guess I always have been…"
"T-That's not true." She shakes her head. "You're my life…not my problem."
"So long as you go away from here tonight knowing that I took this move for you, I'll be okay. So long as you know that you were always so much more than the soccer…I can live with that."
"Arizona…"
"Let me get your things." I sigh, standing. "It's getting late and I don't like you driving alone…"
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.