Best For Last: PT II
Thirteen
ARIZONA'S POV
I've been home from my game for an hour or so, but something doesn't feel right. How Eliza left the stadium, I feel uncomfortable about it. I don't know why, and I'm sure it's nothing, but I don't like how she left. I don't like the things she said to me. I've been playing over it in my mind and each time, I come back to feeling uneasy. Unsettled. Like, something is wrong.
Of course, everything is wrong. We're not together and we're very much detached from one another's lives, but that's not the kind of wrong I'm talking about. It was something in her voice. A determination. A fear. A…peace. There was something in her eyes telling me that I should be worried. That I should follow her. I mean, I know she wouldn't ever do anything to hurt herself, but I don't know what's been happening in her life lately. We haven't spoken for two months, so I don't know how she's feeling.
Is she down? Feeling low? Does she need someone to talk to? I know I'm not that person for her, but that's only because I made myself that way. That's only because we're not together anymore.
Checking my watch, she should be home by now, so maybe I could call her. You know, check that she got home safely? Hitting her contact information on the screen of my cell, I lean back against my kitchen counter, waiting for my call to connect.
Nothing…
Something settling inside me, I push off the counter and pull a pair of sneakers on. If I just head to her place, I'm sure she will put my mind at rest. I mean, she could've got caught up in traffic. She could've detoured for her plans this evening. She could be at the gas station. She could be doing anything, but she could also be hurt. Injured. Causing herself pain. It's not something Eliza would ever do, but my mind won't settle until I go to her apartment and see her with my own eyes. Talk to her.
When I met her at the stadium after the game, I wanted to talk to her. I didn't necessarily want to work things out, but I did want to spend some time with her. She's alone at university, and I'm alone here in Orlando. We're only an hour drive from one another, less when the roads are quiet, so we don't really have a reason to completely dismiss one another. At least, that's the realization I've come to.
She may feel differently and judging by her words earlier…that's exactly how she feels, but I could still suggest it to her. I could still offer my friendship, helping us both live our lives out here. She will probably blow me off now that she's let our relationship go, but I still feel like I should try. I still love her, but I'm scared about our future. It seems no matter what we do, it falls apart, so yeah…naturally, I'm terrified about a future with Eliza.
I always imagined us growing old together. Married, with kids. I always imagined vacations and adventures together, settling down when we reached thirty, starting a family. We never really discussed it at length, but I know Eliza well enough to know that she wants kids and marriage, too. I know her well enough to know that our futures looked the same.
Trying her cell one more time, I get nothing again. I'm sure everything is fine and I'm sure she's preparing for whatever plans she has, but I need to leave right now. If I don't, I'm going to go crazy. Insane.
A: So, I wasn't happy with your talk before. I'm on my way over. Please, open the door to me. X
Releasing a deep breath, I shove my cell into the back pocket of my jeans, pulling a hoodie over my shoulders, I could really use a bath with my usual stuff in it, but it can wait. If I'm stiff tomorrow, then so be it. Eliza isn't herself and I need to know why.
Reaching the apartment I once shared with my ex-girlfriend, my heart sinks when I'm reminded of the times we had here. Yes, it was shorter than I would've liked, but I'm over laying the blame here. We both agreed that I'd leave, and that's all there is to it. I didn't want to go, and I know deep down, Eliza didn't want me to go either. Somewhere along the way, miscommunication came into play, totally fucking us both over.
If I could change everything, I would. In a heartbeat, I completely would. I believe Eliza knows that deep down, but we're both too stubborn for our own good. I didn't say what I did to her two night ago to punish her, I said it because I do truly believe that she would be better off without me.
Is it that simple, though? If we both love each other, is it as simple as just going our separate ways because it seems more convenient to do so? I don't think it is and that's why I took Orlando. That's why I jumped at the opportunity…so I could be with her, here.
I didn't know she was going to come to mom's place and say the things she did, but when that happened, it totally threw me. It confused me and I didn't know what to think anymore. I had the name Claire being thrown around the conversation, and I had Eliza asking me if I ever thought she wouldn't be second best. I was shocked and totally thrown.
Climbing from my car, Eliza's car is parked up in its usual spot…mine sitting empty beside it. Heading straight for the block door, I use the key I still have from when I lived here. Eliza may not appreciate me using it, but I'm worried so her being pissed at me is the last thing on my mind.
Deciding to take the stairs, I climb them two at a time, reaching my old floor quicker than I thought I would. My body is beginning to feel today's activities, but I'm good. I'm more than good where my health, my fitness, is concerned.
Coming face to face with the door I once lived behind, I knock gently, hearing no movement whatsoever. I don't know why I've got this bad feeling but I have. I have and I need to get inside. I have to see Eliza, knowing she's okay.
"Eliza!" Banging louder, my hands clenched into fists, I pound the wood but still, I'm getting nothing. "Eliza!"
Taking my keys from my pocket again, I rummage through them until I find the one that will open this door. I've never been more thankful for holding onto them as I am right now. Turning it in the lock, the door opens and an eery silence surrounds me.
"E-Eliza?" My heart sinking, something feels off. Something feels fucking awful inside me. "You here?"
Nothing...
Heading straight for the bedroom, the door is cracked open but I'm scared for what I'm about to find. I know she's here, I can feel it. I can feel her presence, her gorgeous scent all I can smell.
"Eliza?" My heart pounding hard in my chest, I push the door open, my eyes filling with unshed tears at the image in front of me. Eliza. Face down on her bed. "Oh, fuck!"
Dropping to my knees beside her, I immediately check for a pulse, thankful when I find one. I don't know what she's done to herself or if she's taken anything but she's barely conscious. Eyeing a bottle of half drunk vodka on the nightstand, I try to wake her but she's giving me nothing.
"Eliza, please wake up." Taking my cell, my hand never leaving her body, I call 911, praying that someone will come and help her.
"Beautiful?" My lips pressing against the side of her head, tears fall down my face. I feel helpless. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. "Baby, I need you to wake up..."
Putting her body in the recovery position as best as I can, I've never felt so heartbroken in my life. All the things we've been through, this has to be the most devastating. Not only has she hurt herself intentionally, but she's done it because of me. Because of us. What kind of person does that make me? How am I ever supposed to apologize for this? The way she looks right now, I won't have the opportunity to apologize. If the paramedics don't move their ass, she'll be dead.
"Eliza..." Finding a box of sleeping pills beside the bed on the floor, I check the pack, unsure of how many have been taken. She told me she hasn't been sleeping. She told me she couldn't live without me. This is all my fault and knowing that, it's making me want to throw up. "Eliza, I love you..." Brushing her hair from her face, I don't know what else to do other than talk to her. "Please, wake up. I love you and I need you."
Nothing...
I've been at the hospital for three hours and my mind is in overdrive. Eliza's mom is on her way to Florida, and thankfully, she's going to be okay. She's going to live. That doesn't change how I feel though. It doesn't change the fact that she did this because of me. Because of the situation we found ourselves in. This wasn't an attempt to catch my attention, no. This was an attempt to take her own life.
This was brought on by our fighting. Our animosity. Me. I know I shouldn't blame myself for all of this, but it's hard not to when your ex-girlfriend is lying in a hospital bed, her stomach pumped of the shit she'd put in it.
"Arizona?" Glancing up, I find Mrs. Minnick standing in front of me, a look of worry in her eyes. "Where is she?"
"In there." I point towards Eliza's room. "I'll leave." I stand. "I just wanted to be here so she didn't wake up alone..."
"She hasn't woken up yet?"
"She has but it was when I wasn't in there. The doctor was with her."
"What happened?"
"I-I don't know." My voice breaks. "She came to my game today. I wanted to talk to her when it ended but she said she had plans. That she had to leave and she wouldn't try for us anymore."
"Can you blame her?" Mrs. Minnick raises her eyebrow. "You two are forever hurting each other."
"I know." I drop my gaze. "I just...I'll leave."
"I think that would be for the best." Eliza's mom agrees."You know I'm very fond of you, Arizona, but I have to put my daughter first."
"I understand that." My lip trembles. "I didn't want this to happen." A tear slips down my face. "She means the world to me..."
"Well, you have a funny way of showing that." Turning, I'm left standing alone as Mrs. Minnick disappears inside Eliza's room.
Dropping down into the seat behind me, I need a moment before I leave this place. I want nothing more than to be here with her, but I can't. I can't because her mom hates me, and my own hatred for myself is beginning to seep through. I want to know that she's going to be okay, but I'm not sure I have any right to ask. I'm not sure I have the right to still be sitting here. I mean, she probably doesn't want to see me. She probably hates me for going to her place and finding her. For helping her. For preventing what she was trying to do. I shouldn't be here, I know that, but I'm struggling to leave.
Standing, I run my hands down my thighs and release a deep breath. Pulling my hoodie around me tighter, I slip my cell into my pocket and slowly head down the corridor I've been sitting in for what feels like forever. If Eliza ever wants or needs to talk to me, I'll be there in a heartbeat, but I don't ever expect that to happen. If Mrs. Minnick has her way, I'll never see her daughter again.
Brushing a stray tear from my jawline, I straighten out my shoulders, continuing down the corridor.
"Arizona!" Turning, I find Eliza's mom standing outside her room.
"Yeah?"
"She's asking for you..."
"Oh, uh..." I clear my throat. "I'd love to be there but you said it yourself...it's best if I leave."
"Eliza wants you..." Her voice cold towards me, she approaches me. "I'm going to get coffee."
"Mrs. Minnick." I sigh. "I never wanted her to hurt herself. I never wanted this to happen to her. I need you to believe that."
"I know you didn't." Her features soften slightly. "But this is still a mess and I think she would be a fool to keep hanging on, waiting for you to decide what you want."
"It was never about not wanting her." I furrow my brow. "I don't know what she's told you, and I know you've probably lost all respect you had for me, but Eliza said some really hurtful things to me."
"I'm sure she did." Eliza's mom nods."But she's lying in a bed after trying to take her own life, Arizona. My only child...almost died."
"I know." My emotions get the better of me. "I was coming home," I say. "The day she came by and said the things she did, I was trying to tell her I was coming home. That I'd taken a move to be here with her."
"Then you should go and be with her." She steps past me. "I'll give you both some time alone."
Simply nodding, I know Mrs. Minnick has taken a disliking to me. I don't blame her but I also feel like this isn't all on me. I don't know what Eliza wants to say to me, but I should probably hear her out and then leave...before her mom has me removed from the hospital via security.
Heading back down the corridor I've just come from, Eliza's room door is open but I'm scared to go inside. I'm scared for what she's going to say, how she's feeling. I'm scared about all of this.
"H-Hi." I step inside, Eliza's eyes on mine. "How are you feeling?"
"Embarrassed." She replies. "Ridiculous..."
"But you're feeling okay?" I close the door, approaching the side of her bed. "I mean, as good as you can be..."
"Guess so, yeah." Turning her head away from me, my forehead creases. "I just wanted to apologize."
"For what?" I ask, talking to the side of her face.
"Seeing me that way." She closes her eyes. "Ruining your evening..."
"So long as you're okay..." I attempt to take her hand but she pulls away. "Eliza."
"Don't, Arizona." Her voice breaks. "I don't want your sympathy and I don't want you to waste any more time here..."
"I thought I was going to lose you."
"You can't lose what wasn't there..." She glances my way, giving me a sad smile. "We lost each other a long time ago..."
"We need to talk." I lower the rail on her bed, taking a seat on the edge. "We really need to talk..."
"No, we don't." She disagrees. "I didn't do this, hoping you would still love me and take me back..."
"Why did you do it?"
"Because it's pointless being here...living my shitty existence alone every day."
"Eliza..." I take her hand, lifting it and pressing a kiss to her skin. "I know everything is a mess, and I know your mom hates me, but you're my concern. You are the only thing that matters in my life..."
"You told me I had to try and live my life without you."
"Because I believed I was the problem," I say. "Not because I don't love you."
"You've never been a problem, Arizona." Her eyes find mine fully. "But all of this, what we've become, it can never be repaired...I understand that."
"I believe it can." I counter. "I believe that now is the time to try...properly."
"Your career is unpredictable..."
"If one day, Orlando decide they don't want me anymore, I'll give the whole thing up. If it means you and I are happy, I'll work at the local store."
"No, you won't."
"If it meant I'd come home to you every night...I totally would."
"You don't mean that." Eliza gives me a half smile. "But thank you for trying to make me feel better." She squeezes my hand, releasing it.
"I mean it," I say, standing. "I mean it like never before..."
"Why do we keep hurting each other?"
"Because we love each other..." Leaning in, I press my lips to Eliza's forehead. "Take some time to think about what you want. If you want me with you, say the word and I'll be here in a heartbeat."
"I miss you so much, Arizona..."
"I miss you, too," I whisper. "I'm sorry I didn't try harder..."
"This isn't all on you."
"One day..." My heart skips a beat. "One day, I'm going to marry you and make you mine forever, Eliza."
"Yeah?" Tears slip down her face.
"Hell, yeah." I smile. "When you're ready...I'll be waiting for you."
"When I'm ready?"
"When you're ready for us again," I say. "Wherever you wanna be...I'll be there, I'm ready."
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.