Best For Last: PT II
Fourteen
ELIZA'S POV
I feel awful. Not only for the things I did, but because Arizona saw it. She saved me, basically. Right now, I'm thankful she did...but two nights ago, when I left her at the stadium, I wanted to end all of this. I wanted to sleep and never wake up. It seemed like the easiest option. It seemed like being out of it was the best way to forget about what we once shared.
Death, it seemed appropriate.
I know I was a fool to do what I did, but it didn't matter. The people around me, they didn't matter. Mom is sick of hearing about my relationship and Arizona didn't want me. She was cold. Void. Nothing I said was registering with her and I didn't see a reason to remain in this world, regardless of who it hurt. I know it's selfish and I know that's not me, but I was so freaking tired of trying to piece my life back together that I was done. Totally. Completely. Nothing else mattered in that moment.
I've been invited over to Arizona's place this evening but I'm unsure if I should go. I don't know what she wants to talk about, and even though she said those things to me at the hospital, I know it was her emotions talking. Her fear. I know she only said that stuff to make me happy in that moment. I appreciate that, but it's not what I need. I know we can never be together again, so tonight...when I go there, I need her to just be honest with me. I need her to admit that she's no longer in love with me so I can move forward.
I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, but I know now that I have to try. I know that my own life is just as important as hers but I hope we can be friends. I may miss her being my entire world, but we had the most amazing friendship before I ruined it. Before I told her I had feelings for her. She said it was a mistake doing that and I'm beginning to agree with her. If I've missed one thing about Arizona, it's her constant friendship. Her support. I've missed it more than I care to admit.
My cell buzzing on the kitchen counter, I glance down and find her name flashing on the screen. Mom isn't happy that I'm visiting my ex-girlfriend tonight but I need answers. I need to resolve whatever the hell we used to be.
"Hello?"
"Eliza, hi." Arizona sounds nervous. "Just checking in with you."
"Oh, uh...okay."
"You still headed over to my place tonight?" She asks.
"I think so, yeah." I watch the bedroom door that my mom is behind. I've told her to head back home but there was no chance of that happening. I love her, but she's suffocating at times.
"I mean, I'd love to see you...but if you don't feel like doing this tonight, that's okay. I understand."
"I just...mom doesn't like it."
"No, I don't imagine she does." Arizona sighs. "She hates me, doesn't she?"
"She's just worried about me..."
"Because of me." She scoffs. "Look, don't worry about tonight," Arizona says. "I'll grab an early night. I have to train tomorrow. Just...relax, okay?"
"You don't want me to come over?"
"I'd love you to be here...but I know it's not that simple." Arizona breathes out. "I don't want your mom to be mad at you for spending time with me. I get that."
"Right, yeah."
"If you ever wanna meet, just call me." She replies. "I know your mom isn't okay with any of this, and I hate that she hates me, but you guys are close and I've caused enough trouble. I don't want to cause anymore..."
"Should I call you later?" I ask, suddenly desperately wanting to see my ex.
"Sure. If you need to call me, that's no problem." I know she's smiling, I can feel it. "Whatever you need, okay?"
"Thanks, Arizona."
Ending our call, I set my cell down on the kitchen counter and pull myself up onto a stool. I want to know how moms feeling about this, but I don't want it to blow up into a fight. I know she means well...but the fact remains, I want to see Arizona.
My head placed in my hands, I can feel tears pricking my eyes. I don't want or need them to fall but since I left the hospital, they happen when I least expect them to. They happen, and I can't stop them.
"Eliza?"
"Hey, mom." I glance up, finding worry in her eyes. "You okay?"
"I heard your call..."
"So?" My brow furrows. "It was just Arizona."
"Mm, and now you're upset." Her eyebrow arches. "What did she say this time?"
"Huh?" I give mom a look of confusion. "She just asked if I was still going by tonight."
"And are you?"
"I want to." I nod. "But she's under the impression that you hate her..."
"I don't hate her." Mom disagrees, joining me at the counter. "I don't like what's going on, but I don't hate her."
"I have to figure this out for myself, mom." Taking her hand, I squeeze it. "I have to go there tonight and end this once and for all."
"Look how that turned out last time..."
"I'm okay, I promise you..." My voice holds nothing but honesty. "It's time for us to let one another go..."
"What about the things she said to you at the hospital?"
"They were sweet, but I'm not sure she meant it." I give mom a sad smile. "She was scared, too. When she came by my room...she was scared and I get that."
"You're really ready to let her go?"
"I'll never be ready to let Arizona go..." My heart feels heavy in my chest. "But it's the right thing to do. For both of us..."
Taking the elevator to Arizona's apartment, it stops on the floor I require but I feel okay. I don't feel as nervous as I did when I left my place over an hour ago. Mom offered to come with me but I declined. I need to do this alone and I don't need her to sit waiting for me in her car. If she does that, I'll only feel the pressure to get this over and done with.
Yes, I know this night isn't going to end well, but that doesn't mean we can't spend some time together. That doesn't mean we can't share dinner and just talk about everything and anything.
Approaching Arizona's door, I knock gently, waiting for her to answer. I can hear movement and soft music playing inside, but I'm trying to keep my cool. If she opens the door looking gorgeous, I'll crumble...I know I will.
"Hi." Her door opens. "I didn't expect you to show..."
"Me neither," I admit. "Is it okay that I came?"
"Of course, yeah." Arizona nods, stepping aside. "I made dinner but figured I'd use it through the week..."
"You made dinner..." A smile curls on my mouth, my back to Arizona as I head inside. "That's sweet."
"Figured you wouldn't have eaten if you showed..."
"Arizona..." I clear my throat, turning to face her.
"Yeah?" Her dimples pop, that beaming smile has me weak at the knees. "You okay?"
"What are you expecting this evening?"
"Just...us." She blushes, shrugging. "Why? Did you have something in mind?"
"I-I guess so, yeah." I give her a sad smile. "I came by to say goodbye to you..."
"O-Oh." Her head drops between her shoulders. "Are you going someplace?"
"No, I just think it's for the best," I say. "I think we need a fresh start."
"Right, yeah." She doesn't look at me. "If that's what you want."
"Hey..." I approach her. "I understand, okay?"
"Understand what?" Arizona furrows her brow.
"That stuff you said at the hospital..." I smile, reminding myself of her half proposal. "I know it was said in the heat of the moment. I know you just wanted me to feel good..."
"N-No." She shakes her head. "That isn't what happened."
"Arizona..."
"If we can't be together, okay...but please, you have to believe that I meant what I said."
"What are you expecting from me?"
"Right now? Nothing." She admits. "I figured we could hang out here for the weekend and then through the week, I'd stay at your place."
Okay, I didn't expect that. I didn't expect any of this. Of course, I'd love nothing more...but is it really that simple? Can we honestly just start again? I thought we could, at one time, but a lot has happened.
"You really want that?"
"More than anything..." She closes the distance between us. "Those things I said to you...I meant every word."
"Wow..."
"I don't expect us to just be okay, but I think we should try." She smiles, her fingertips grazing mine. "I'm never leaving again, Eliza. I'm never leaving you..."
"Don't say that." I drop my gaze. "We know that isn't true."
"Oh, it is..." Curling her fingers under my chin, she lifts my head. "I almost lost you, forever. I can't go through that again."
"I didn't think you'd care..."
"If only you knew just how much I care about you..." Her voice breaks, those soft pink lips just millimeters from mine. "I didn't invite you here with the intention of us just being friends...but if that's what you want, that's okay."
"Arizona..." My eyes close, her forehead pressing against mine.
"Talk to me, Eliza." She whispers, her breath tickling my lips. "Tell me what you want."
"I only ever wanted you..."
"I'm here." She says. "I'm here and I'm never leaving again..."
"I want to ask you to promise me that, but I wouldn't do that to you."
"Ask me..." She says. "Ask me to promise you." Her lips brushing mine, I stumble back a little.
"I-I can't."
"Ask me, Eliza." My body pressed against the wall, Arizona is all I can feel. "I really need you to ask me..."
"Promise me…" I say. "Promise me you'll never leave again…"
"I promise." She replies, certainty in her voice. "I promise I'm never leaving again..." Those lips pressing against mine, my body melts into the wall, Arizona's soft hands finding the skin beneath my shirt. Placed against my stomach, they settle, my heart beating as it should be. "I can't ever lose you again."
"Y-You'd really never leave me?"
"You know I never wanted to." Her lips press against mine, hard. "You know this was a total lack of communication."
"You came home for me..." My voice breaks, tears slipping down my face.
"I came home for you." She smiles against my mouth. "I always knew I would."
"Oh god." Pushing her away from the wall, I guide her towards what I assume is her bedroom, kicking the door open as I reach it. "In here?"
"Wherever you wanna be..." She mumbles against my lips. "So long as it's with me, I don't care."
"Arizona..." I pull back when her knees connect with the bed. "You're serious, right?"
"I'd never lie to you..." She captures my lips, moaning into my mouth. "This is our time. Right now."
"I love you..."
"Not as much as I love you." She says, her lips trailing my jawline. "I need you to stay the night." She suggests, breathlessly. "I need you here with me, Eliza."
"Please, don't ever let me go..." Pushing Arizona down onto her bed, I fall down on top of her, our bodies connecting. "This...God, it's all I've needed."
"I know." She runs her thumb across my cheek as I pull back, studying her face. "I want you here, okay?" She leans up, taking my bottom lip between her teeth. "God, I need you here..."
"I'm sorry..." I whimper, Arizona's hand grazing my breast. "For doing what I did...I'm so sorry."
"I need you to never do that again." Her voice cracks, emotion pouring from her entire body. "Don't ever scare me like that again…"
"Arizona…" My breath catching as my bra suddenly loosens around my back, this is happening. Intimacy. Love…with Arizona. "Oh, god." She tugs my shirt from my body, my bra following.
"I'm never leaving you…" She pulls me in by the back of the neck. "N-Never." Taking my lips hard, her tongue slips inside my mouth. Everything about this moment is all I've craved since Arizona left two months ago. I know I should be wary, but I can't. I can't because her words have never seemed more genuine. Her eyes, they're holding complete honesty. "You know I love you, Eliza."
"I love you, too." Lifting Arizona's tee from her body, she falls back on the mattress again, her gorgeous breasts on view for me. Dipping my head, I take a nipple between my teeth, sucking just how I know she likes it. That perfect pressure. "God, I've missed this." The flat of my tongue teases the hardened bud. "I've missed you…"
"E-Eliza." She moans, my head spinning. "I need you to touch me." Pushing my hand past the waistband of her shorts, I find nothing covering her sex other than slick arousal. "Fuck." My fingertips pressing against her throbbing center, Arizona's back arches and I settle between her legs. "Shit."
"So good…" My voice breaks.
"Mm…" Her head buried deeper into the pillow, Arizona's hips lift as I slip her shorts from her body. "Y-Yes."
Pushing two fingers deep inside her, all breath leaves her body. I could watch her writhing beneath me every moment of my life, but something about this feels different. I don't know what, but it feels good. It feels like she's genuinely here forever. Never to leave again.
"Eliza, I can't." She whimpers, her walls throbbing around my fingers. "Fuck, I'm coming…"
"Shit." Taking my bottom lip between my teeth, I watch on in delight, feeling love for the first time in a long time. Arizona will always have a remarkable effect on my body, but this is intense. Watching her come undone before me, it's turning me into an emotional wreck.
"O-Oh." Her body shaking, her thighs close around my hand, her breathing erratic. "Jesus Christ."
Climbing back up her body, Arizona holds me close as I slip out of her, her throbbing walls almost forcing me out. Burying my face in the crook of her neck, tears fall from my eyes, Arizona's joining mine. "Arizona…" I whimper.
"Eliza…" She cries.
"Never again," I say as she holds me tighter.
"Forever…"
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.