"C'mon! Not again!" Elder Michaels complained when he had to draw 16 cards from the deck.
"Ahaha! Loser."
"Elder Church," Connor chided as he waited for Poptarts to move his chess piece.
Elder Church rolled his eyes, "According to the rules of Uno, he IS losing. Look at how many cards he has in his hands!"
Connor tore his eyes away from the chessboard to glare at the cheeky Elder across the room. Elder Michaels didn't seem to be particularly offended so Connor let it slide. He had lost count of the number of times Elder Church's smarting remarks had led to full-blown quarrels between the Elders. Although, Kevin's incessant need to defend himself from Elder Church's remarks was also to blame for the occurrence of most of those fights. The other Elders have just learnt to brush his insults off with a shrug.
Poptarts finally made his move, and Connor was about to retaliate when someone slapped his shoulder, "Scooch over."
Kevin, with his hair still dripping wet from his evening shower, towered over Connor, who was on the couch with Poptarts, their ongoing game of chess sat between them.
"There's no more space, Elder Price," Poptarts said, staring intently at the game, which he was currently losing.
"I don't want to sit on the floor," Kevin whined.
Poptarts sighed, "Then grab a chair from the dining table."
From the corner of his eye, Connor could see Elder Church taking notice of their exchange. In order to prevent another smartass remark from leaving his mouth and igniting Kevin's short fuse, Connor carefully lifted the board, scooted over to the center of the couch, and balanced the board on his knees.
Kevin plopped down on the vacated spot on the couch, "Where's Arnold?"
"He just left for Nabulungi's," Connor answered absentmindedly as he captured Poptarts' queen, "Whoops, I'm sorry bud." Actually, he wasn't.
"Can't you let me win for once?" Poptarts muttered.
"No can do. You can still win, look, you still have two pawns left to defend your king," Connor laughed.
Connor tried his best to ignore the warm body of Kevin pressed up against his side. It felt strangely intimate tonight, even though they had shared tighter spaces in the past.
"Uno, losers!" Elder Church triumphantly yelled from across the room.
"I got a feeling he has something blue guys," Elder Davis announced.
"Blue, huh? Take this, Elder Church!" Elder Neely threw out a yellow 'draw two' card, and gave Elder Davis a high-five.
"Hey, that's cheating!" Elder Church frowned.
"No it's not, I just guessed correctly," Elder Davis grinned.
"You clearly knew what I'm holding!"
"Can't prove that though, can you?"
"Connor, we both know I'm not gonna win this round, let's start over," Poptarts gave up and started to reset the board.
Kevin sighed suddenly, "I'm going to go find Arnold."
That caught Connor's attention at once, "What?"
"I'm going to Nabulungi's," Kevin announced.
"It's already dark out."
Kevin grabbed Connor's arm to steal a look at his watch, "It's only eight p.m., it's not past curfew yet."
As if Kevin actually adhered to curfew. Breaking curfew was the very first rule he disregarded when he arrived in Uganda. Connor was baffled as to why Kevin would want to venture out in the dark and barge in on the pair. Nobody likes to be a third wheel.
"Why?" Connor asked simply.
Kevin shrugged glumly, and pushed himself off the couch. He slipped into his flip flops by the door and left.
"Wait, Ke- Elder Price," Connor called after him.
When Kevin didn't stop, Connor gave Poptarts an apologetic glance.
"Go on then," Poptarts rolled his eyes.
—
"You don't have to come with," Kevin said, when Connor caught up with him.
"What's wrong?"
Kevin shook his head, "Why do you always think that there's something wrong?"
"Not always. But when I do, I'm right every time," Connor teased.
Kevin didn't answer but continued walking, the beam of his flashlight bouncing around on the dirt path in front of them.
"So," Connor tried again, "Why are we going to Nabulungi's?"
"What? I can't hang out with my friends now?"
Connor had an inkling of what was going on. He had noticed how Arnold and Nabulungi have been spending less time at the mission hut, and with Kevin. On nights like this, when the Elders didn't have any group activities planned, Kevin would usually be in his room all by himself. Connor assumed that it was because he preferred to be left alone, but maybe Connor was wrong.
"You know they are probably smooching right now, do you really want to watch that?" Connor wrinkled his nose.
"I'm already used to it."
"Really? Do they actually do that even when the three of you hang out?" Connor guffawed, "Oh no, they really do, don't they? And what, you just stay and wait for them to finish or-"
Connor's laughter died when he realised that Kevin was being serious.
Why would Kevin still want to hang out with the two of them, instead of the other Elders? Surely, it must be more fun to be playing cards with the rest, than watching Arnold and Nabulungi be all over each other?
"I'm sure they don't want to be interrupted," Connor suggested, "Look, let's just go back and play cards with the others, alright?"
"If you want to go back, nobody's stopping you."
"Well actually, I forgot to bring a flashlight so I'm kinda stuck with you," Connor reached out to halt Kevin's trek, "I know you don't really want to spend your night watching them make out, God knows I don't. Let's just hang out here." Kevin probably just wanted some company, and Connor was more than willing to provide that.
"By the roadside?" Kevin asked sceptically.
"Yeah! Why not? Let's wait for Arnold here, together," Connor sat down onto a low mud wall bordering someone's backyard.
Kevin followed his lead, "Poptarts is waiting for you to get back and play chess."
"Nah, he's sick of me winning all the time," Connor assured. He knew Poptarts wouldn't mind.
"Do you not like Uno?" Connor asked.
"What? No, I- I'm indifferent I guess, why do you ask?"
"I just never see you play with the other Elders, I know, it could get boring, it's the only card game we have," Connor prodded.
"I've told you why," Kevin kicked at the dirt with his flip flops, "nobody wants that."
"Alright, no Uno then. We'll just sit and talk," Connor looked up at the cloudy sky, "looks like it's going to rain tomorrow."
"Are we actually going to talk about the weather?"
"Right, that's lame. What do you want to talk about then?"
Kevin shrugged, looking down at his dirty feet, "I'm sorry, I'm not very good company tonight."
"At least you aren't puking your guts out tonight."
"Ugh, don't remind me," Kevin winced and started kicking at the dirt again, "It's just, going to the lake today made me a little homesick is all. I didn't want to be by myself."
Connor understood completely what Kevin was talking about, "That's perfectly normal. Did I tell you how I cried when I called my mom the other day?"
"You did, huh?" Kevin smiled slightly, "Arnold said that I could stay with him when we return to America."
"So that's really it? You're never going back home?"
"I don't know," Kevin answered truthfully, "But at least I have somewhere to go now."
"That's good, I mean- it's awful, really, but it's good that you found a place to stay," Connor nodded and blurted, "Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
Connor debated internally about chickening out of his real question for Kevin. But he should know if he even stood a chance, right? Poptarts' and Nabulungi's voices filled his head, telling him to stop overthinking and just do it. At least with a definite answer, his heart could stop going 'what if?' or 'maybe', and he could finally move on.
"Were you ever in a relationship?"
Kevin stared at him, "Where did that come from?"
"You've just never talked about stuff like this- You know what? Never mind," Connor's pulse raced. He was wrong, he couldn't do this.
Kevin stared for a few seconds more before answering, "No."
"No? As in, you never had a-"
"Yes."
"Yes to my previous question or…," Connor trailed.
"No, alright! I never had a girlfriend, or whatever," Kevin blushed.
It as a good start at least. That gave Connor the boost of confidence he needed to continue, "Why not?"
"I don't know, it just never happened," Kevin pondered, and then he realised, "Oh god, Church is right, isn't he?"
"About what?"
"What he said," Kevin breathed, "I'm an unlovable asshole and I'm totally going to die alone."
Connor's mind flashed back to the disastrous game of spin-the-bottle. He really needed to have a sit down with Elder Church and make him realise how important words are, and how they could hurt someone more than he knew.
"Kevin-," Connor steeled himself for the spiralling that was to come.
"I'm gonna die alone, and nobody's gonna come to the funeral, not even my own family. No wait, there won't be a funeral. Because no one is going to care. I'll just be another John Doe in the morgue, and they would just cremate me and bury me with all the other John Does."
"Kevin, you're not dying," Connor sighed. Trust Kevin to turn a conversation about love into one about death.
"Everybody's gonna die someday, Connor!" Kevin hissed, "I'm not immortal!"
"Will you stop being so morbid?" Connor scrubbed his face tiredly, "You're not going to die anytime soon. Elder Church was just being an ass."
Kevin remained unconvinced, "Promise me you won't let me die alone, Connor."
Connor frowned. He wished that Kevin would just stop talking about his death, but agreeing to Kevin's sombre request just because Connor wanted him to stop seemed wrong somehow. But it wasn't like he was ever going to say 'no' to that, there was no way Connor was even going to let Kevin die if he could help it.
"I promise, okay? You're not going to die alone for as long as I live," Connor declared, "Now can we please stop all this talk about dying?"
Kevin stared intensely into Connor's eyes for the longest time.
"What?" Connor laughed nervously, "Should we- Oomph!"
Connor was suddenly attacked by Kevin throwing his body into Connor's and tightly wrapping his arms around his waist. Connor got about a mouthful of Kevin's hair, but he was not complaining at all.
"Thank you," Kevin mumbled into Connor's neck.
Connor was dumbstruck by the sudden display of affection from Kevin. This was not at all how he envisioned the conversation to turn out. Instead of trying to find his voice, Connor just held on to the warm body in his arms, and tried to imprint the feeling of this moment into his mind.
"Is this weird?" Kevin lifted his head slightly.
Connor inhaled deeply, and all he could smell was Kevin, "No."
"It feels good," Kevin hummed.
Was this how being in love feels like? Because if it was, Connor totally understood why people in love do completely irrational things sometimes. It felt like heaven, and he would do anything to never stop feeling like heaven.
"Uhh, guys?" Arnold's squeak shattered their moment.
Connor surprised himself when he instinctively disentangled himself from Kevin at once. Connor didn't miss Kevin's grunt of pain when he accidentally elbowed Kevin in his side.
"Elder Cunningham! Hey! Uh, we've been waiting for you," Connor couldn't bring himself to look at Kevin right now. What was wrong with him? This was what he had dreamed of, so why would he react the way he did?
"Uh huh," Arnold shone his flashlight into their faces, "what are you guys doing in the middle of nowhere?"
Connor shied away from the sudden brightness, "Gosh, get that away from my face."
"Let's just go back," Kevin sighed.
By the time Connor turned to him, Kevin had already walked away.
"What did you do?" Arnold asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"I-," Connor looked helplessly at Arnold.
And this must be what hell felt like.
—
"Help. Me."
"Go to sleep Connor," Poptarts droned, "It's two freaking a.m."
"I did something stupid, Poptarts," Connor spoke into the darkness.
Poptarts only grunted in response.
"I feel so bad. Do you know what I did, Poptarts?"
"The thing you've been going on about for the past three hours?"
Connor was now feeling bad for keeping Poptarts awake, "Sorry, I'll be quiet now."
"It's not as bad as you think, Connor. You panicked, it happens. Just apologise to him in the morning, and everything will be fine," Poptarts advised sleepily, "Now, shush."
"But- Right right, I'll shut up now," Connor whispered, "Thanks, Poptarts."
Sleep never came to Connor that night.