The Elders were having actual Mac and Cheese for dinner, courtesy of Elder Michaels' parents, who managed to send him twenty boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese because it was his favourite food.

"This tastes like heaven!" Arnold moaned.

"It tastes like home," Elder Michaels' eyes were watery, "I'm missing my parents so much."

Poptarts was slowly savouring it one tube at a time, "I'm making it last."

Elder Church, for once, had no snide remarks to make. He was quietly enjoying the little piece of America in his bowl.

Elder Neely had taken two bowls of food back to his bedroom, citing Connor's previous excuse that Elder Davis still wasn't feeling well.

Connor had to admit, the familiar taste was making him homesick too. He didn't want to start tearing up in front of all of the Elders, so he tried to distract himself with thoughts about what he was going to do with Elder Davis. And Kevin, who was currently eating his dinner with such desolation, Connor was worried that he was going to break down any second.

Arnold must have noticed it too, "Kev?"

Kevin didn't respond, except to shove another spoonful of macaroni into his mouth.

"Kevin, you have to chew before you swallow hon," Connor placed a reassuring hand on Kevin's back.

"I can't-," At that, loud, gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest, startling everyone at the dining table.

"Jesus Christ, Price," Elder Church gaped.

Kevin's body was wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears, "I can't- I can't do this anymore."

Connor pulled Kevin into a hug, "Shhh…you don't have to do anything now, Kev. Just breathe."

Instead of letting up, Kevin's crying became more and more frantic, and Connor wasn't sure if he was taking in any air.

"Connor, he's hyperventilating," Poptarts said, "Church, where was that paper bag you were carrying earlier?"

"I can't-," Kevin gasped, "I can't-"

"Jesus," Elder Church looked around frenetically for the paper bag, "Michaels! Where did I put it?!"

"I don't remember, gosh!" Elder Michaels joined Elder Church in searching.

Connor pushed Kevin's trembling body back onto his chair, "You need to slow down. Focus on my eyes, Kev. Can you do that for me?"

Connor was trying his hardest to remain calm, so that he could remember his first aid training.

After a few nerve-racking seconds of watching him cough and gasp for air like a fish out of water, Kevin finally focused his wide-eyed gaze onto Connor's.

"Good, now just try and match your breaths to mine," Connor breathed in deeply, held his breath for a few seconds, before exhaling, "In through your nose, out through your mouth."

Connor gestured for the hovering Arnold to give them some space.

Kevin's breaths stuttered on the first few tries, but his breathing gradually returned to normal after what seemed like an eternity. He wiped at his eyes with a shaky hand as he sniffed.

The Elders slowly went back to their seats, seeing that the immediate crisis was over.

Poptarts handed Connor a cool glass of water.

"Here," Connor placed the glass in Kevin's trembling hands, and guided them towards Kevin's mouth.

Kevin took a small sip. Connor took the glass from him, as it was shaking precariously in his grasp.

"Do you still want to finish your dinner?" Connor asked softly.

Kevin shook his head.

"Alright then, let's go back to your room," Connor pulled Kevin's pliant body from the chair and led them away from the table.

The Elders watched silently with concerned gazes, their dinner forgotten.

Connor reassured them with a nod. It must have been scary for them to see Kevin like that.

—

Connor sat beside Kevin on the bed, his back against the headboard. Kevin lay curled up on his side, facing away from Connor.

Connor was stroking at his hair, "How are you feeling?"

No answer.

"What did you mean," Connor ran a hand through his own hair, "When you said that you couldn't do it anymore?"

Connor could hear the Elders clearing up in the kitchen. He listened to the muffled clanking of pots and bowls while he waited.

He wondered if he should leave Kevin alone for now, "Do you want me to go?"

Kevin stayed quiet.

He took that as a yes, and started to rise up from the bed.

"No," Kevin gasped, "Don't leave."

Connor sat back down immediately, "Not leaving, Kevin. I'm not leaving."

Kevin turned around, and laid his forehead against Connor's hip.

"Please don't leave me," Kevin breathed.

Connor had a feeling that Kevin was referring to more than just him leaving the room, "I'm here for as long as you want me to be."

There was a tentative knock on the door, before it opened and Arnold poked his head in, "Kev?"

Kevin went back to keeping mum, his face hidden from view.

Connor took the hint, "Hey Elder Cunningham, what's up?"

Arnold quietly stepped inside and handed Connor a small bar of Hershey's, "Elder Michaels has been stockpiling the candies his parents sent him, and he thought that maybe some chocolate would help cheer Kev up. It has mostly turned to goo now though."

Connor took the squishy, misshapen packet, "Thanks, Arnold."

Arnold squeezed Kevin's shoulder, "I'm gonna go over to Nabulungi's. I'll be back later, okay Kev?"

Kevin gave a minuscule nod.

—

It was thirty minutes later, when Kevin spoke again, "What's the worst thing that your parents have ever said to you?"

Connor was taken aback, "What?"

Kevin repeated his question.

"I don't know, I guess well, there was once, I got caught cheating during my exam, and my dad said that I was a total disappointment," Connor recounted, "But Kevin, people say things that they don't mean all the time. Especially when they're angry."

"If he didn't mean it, why hasn't he called back?"

Connor assumed that they were now talking about Kevin's father. He didn't know the answer to that, he had no clue what Mr and Mrs Price were thinking.

"I've been trying. I've tried so hard, so fucking hard. To forget about it. To pretend that it doesn't bother me, pretend that I'm okay," Kevin said morosely, "But I can't- I can't," his breathing started catching again, "It just hurts really bad."

"What did he say?" Connor continued stroking at Kevin's hair.

"He said," Kevin covered his eyes with his hand, "He said that it'd be easier for them to pretend that I had died in Uganda."

Connor was speechless. How could Mr Price say that? What the heck?

Kevin suddenly laughed, "Do you think they'd actually preferred it if I had been killed by the General? Like some kind of martyr?"

"Kevin, please don't say that," Connor froze.

"How do you turn it off?" Kevin whispered, "I can't- I don't want to do this anymore."

Connor should know, there was no turning it off. Living in denial was never a solution, things would just build and build until one day, the dam cracks and collapses, and the floodwater destroys everything in its path.

Kevin began sobbing again, "It hurts so bad, Connor."

—

This was way out of Connor's depth. It was not something that could be easily fixed with a bar of half-melted chocolate and reassuring words. Kevin needed to talk to a professional counsellor or something. They could always go back to Kitgum hospital, or even Kampala, but Connor knew that they couldn't really afford anything that wasn't food right now. Maybe Connor could ask his parents for help. Or maybe it was time for them to return home.

"The stars sure are pretty tonight huh?" Poparts sat down on the steps beside Connor.

Kevin had fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying. Even though Connor wanted to stay in bed with him, he needed some air. Connor was on the verge of feeling entirely overwhelmed, and if he didn't leave the room, he was going to fall off the edge and have a breakdown himself.

Poptarts glanced at Connor, "How is he doing?"

"Kevin's dad is a dick," Connor spat. Anger felt safe. Anger kept the feeling of helplessness at bay. Connor no longer felt like he was drowning when he was being mad at Kevin's parents.

"So I've heard," Poptarts nodded, "How are you doing?"

"This is harder than anything I've ever done, Poptarts," Connor sighed, his anger melting away, "I've been keeping in touch with Spencer, you know Spencer, from my math class? Anyway, he's district leader in Seoul, and he's having it so easy, you have no idea. All he had to do is plan activities for his Elders to enjoy on their day off, maybe give a little encouragement here and there when they are falling behind on their numbers of baptisms. And here I am, trying to keep everyone fed and alive."

"You're doing a fantastic job, Connor. But you don't have to do this on your own," Poptarts took Connor's hand in his own, "We're all in this together!"

Connor chuckled, "High school musical? Really?"

"What? You love musicals, but not the point," Poptarts shrugged, "Just remember that you're not alone here. We all want this to work. And we'll gladly put in the effort to make it work. You only need to say the word, and we'll gladly do whatever we can to help. We sure as heck are hardier than those Elders in Korea. Encouragement, pffft."

Connor bumped his shoulder against Poptarts', "Thanks, Poptarts."