Dragon Treasure, a DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanfic by Raberba girl
Chapter 9 - Routine, part 2 (rough draft)
There was one issue which Hiccup very determinedly avoided during therapy. Ikeda broached it once again by referencing a recent news story that had deeply upset Hiccup, about a man's dog that was euthanized after it attacked a neighbor.
The discussion soon veered away from the specific news story to animal attacks in general, and then to the laws governing animal attacks on humans, and then to Toothless. "He's not dangerous!"
"He can be quite friendly, and obviously he loves you very much. But he is a Night Fury, Hiccup."
"It doesn't matter," Hiccup said flatly.
"Hiccup, you seem agitated right now," Ikeda observed, subtly reminding him that the surge of negative emotion indicated an unresolved issue.
His breathing quickened as his expression twisted with outrage. Then he blinked and suddenly went from angrily panicked to sullen and almost disdainful. "Yeah. I keep remembering when they raped me. I hate them so much."
Ikeda let him talk until she had determined that he was indeed using the topic as a decoy. As damaging and traumatic as the abuse had been, it was something Hiccup had already processed at length, in comparison to this more hidden fear that he always refused to let her touch. "Hiccup, I know what you're doing."
"What?" Hiccup snapped.
"I've noticed that you tend to act very defensive whenever a certain subject starts to come up."
"You're always attacking me! You're always prying into me, making me remember, and it hurts-"
"You use every weapon in your arsenal - distraction, tears, anger, insults, everything you can think of. Anything that will save you from having to talk about it."
"I need a break!" he shouted. "You said I could have a break whenever I asked, you said!"
"Though I think now that maybe this time it's not yourself you're trying to save."
"I HATE YOU!" Hiccup screamed, leaping to his feet. Toothless was staring at him in confusion and worry, rather than acting protective as he often did when Hiccup was truly frightened or grieving.
"You often respond well when it's your own pain. You eventually stop resisting or hiding, and let yourself be vulnerable. But this - it's like you get more fiercely protective instead of less."
"Hey Toothless," Hiccup cooed, pointedly ignoring Ikeda. "Hey bud, you hungry? You wanna go play?"
Toothless grumbled at him. Hiccup tried to pounce on him, but the dragon made a rare refusal to play. Instead, Toothless pinned Hiccup to the floor and glared at him.
Looking anxious, Hiccup wrapped his arms around the dragon's neck and tugged him close, whispering. Toothless huffed and rested his head on Hiccup's chest, rolling his eyes toward Ikeda for a moment before closing them.
"Toothless, get off," Hiccup pleaded, but the dragon merely sighed.
"Hiccup," Ikeda said quietly, "I'm sure that Toothless would never hurt you on purpose, but did he ever hurt you on accident?"
"No!" Hiccup shouted angrily. "Toothless never hurt me, duh!"
After studying him for a moment, Ikeda suggested, "Did he ever hurt anyone else?"
"NO!" Hiccup screamed.
There. The panic flaring in his eyes suggested that she had hit home. Hiccup thrashed and struggled; Toothless, alert again, was staring down at Hiccup in surprise and worry, but didn't let him go.
"Hiccup," Ikeda said gently, "we won't let anything bad happen to Toothless. But this does seem to be an issue for you, and we need to work through it."
"Get off me, you stupid dragon!" Hiccup was yelling, drowning her out. "Get off!"
Whining, Toothless finally shifted until Hiccup wriggled free and started to hit him. Toothless barked in surprise, then growled.
"Shut up!" Hiccup screamed. "Shut up! Stupid dragon!"
Toothless turned his back and stalked into a corner and crouched down with his tail wrapped around himself.
Hiccup let out a sob. "Toothless..." He ran to the dragon and climbed over him and tried to nuzzle him. Then he wrapped his arms around Toothless's neck and hid his face as he cried. "Toothless, I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm stupid and horrible, not you...it's not your fault...it's not your fault..."
Toothless licked him and whimpered.
Things didn't go much better when Ikeda tried again in a different session. "I really do think we need to talk about this, Hiccup."
"*SIGH* Fiiiine... Here, I'll show you the scars. This is from when he whipped me this one time when I-"
"Did Toothless ever shoot anyone?"
Hiccup grabbed the first item he could reach, hurled it across the room, and stormed away.
Ikeda experimented with blocking Hiccup's escape route the next time she brought up the topic. Cornered, he lunged at her, snarling like an animal as he dug his fingernails into her neck like claws.
There was a long pause. Toothless whined and nudged Hiccup, uncertainly trying to push him away. Ikeda sat very still. Hiccup knelt over her, breathing hard as his expression slowly changed. "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. This."
Her voice was very calm and measured. "You would do anything to protect Toothless. But there's nothing to protect him from, Hiccup."
"Shut up," Hiccup hissed. "Toothless never did anything wrong."
"Hiccup, let's discuss this like two human beings."
He looked uncertain and nervous.
"Take your hands away from my neck."
"...Is this inappropriate?" he said, in a tone that indicated he already knew the answer.
"Very."
"Are you going to tell Stoick?"
She knew what he wanted, that he was willing to pay any price to protect what was most precious to him. "Yes."
He nodded and withdrew. When he tried to lean back against Toothless, the dragon sidled out of reach. The boys frowned at each other.
Ikeda cleared her throat. "To clarify, I will report to Stoick as usual, but whether he punishes you or not is none of my concern."
"I attacked you," Hiccup snapped.
"You did, and that was wrong, but we're not going to worry about that right now."
"We should! I shouldn't have done that, I was wrong. That was very inappropriate. It's probably because I got raised like a dragon, perhaps sometimes I think I'm a dragon, too. I feel scared and lash out. I don't like to talk about my feelings, so I respond out of fear instead of facing my feelings head-on. I should make a list of affirmations to say every day. 'Number One, I am human. Number Two, I'm worth just as much as any other human. Number Three, I should talk about my feelings instead of trying to claw people's throats out when I'm mad.'"
She had a difficult time suppressing her laughter as he imitated her. He even had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes by the end, as he saw that she recognized the humor.
"True enough, but unfortunately, you're trying to distract me again, Hiccup."
The amusement in his expression crumpled. "You know what happened to Tiana?!" he suddenly burst out. "She hurt me, and she killed Jeffries. She didn't mean to hurt me, it was just because I was stupid and got in the way and Toothless couldn't save me in time; but she was really trying to hurt Jeffries, not me! He whipped her and he burned her with a cigarette, he deserved it, he pretty much asked her to attack him - it was his fault, but they killed her! They shot her, they shot her over and over again until she stopped moving - and even after she was dead, two of them came and beat her, there was so much blood, they beat her so much she didn't even look like herself anymore...!"
Tears streaming down his face, he described the tiger's mutilation in detail. Ikeda listened with an aching heart, not interrupting now that Hiccup was genuinely sharing something with her again.
"I'm so glad she was dead! I miss her and I loved her she was so beautiful and she'd make this ka-ka-ka sound at me when she was happy to see me, but I'm glad she was dead because they hurt her so bad, they tore her up, she was almost in two pieces when they finally took her away, I'm so glad she was already dead and didn't feel it!" He gave a wordless cry of grief, wrapped in Toothless's comforting embrace.
After a long time, when Hiccup had finally calmed down enough to speak again, he peeked out from under the dragon's wing and said in a low voice, "Toothless never killed anyone. Never." His expression was pleading.
Ikeda licked her lips, torn, knowing that Toothless probably wouldn't be harmed even if the truth came out, but wondering if it was worth the risk. He was such a rare and valuable animal, he'd surely been provoked, and it seemed unlikely that the victim's (or had there been more than one...?!) family would come forward and try to retaliate... Still, she could see why Hiccup was so frantic to avoid any risk at all.
"Well," she finally said, "even if he didn't, you still seem to get unduly upset at the idea. I think we should work on that."
"...So you're gonna shrink me until I stop getting upset?" he said guardedly.
"Ideally, yes."
That was the only issue that Hiccup worked through while speaking entirely in a sort of code, never confirming or explicitly stating anything that might endanger his beloved dragon.
To be concluded...