"Tara doesn't expect him to follow her into the house. She isn't ready for the confrontation that is sure to come. Part of her wants to put on her running shoes and get the hell out of this house, but she knows that running isn't an answer for her problems since the moment she became a mother.
Jax's eyes are now burning holes into the back of her skull as she fusses about the kitchen, delaying the inevitable. Clay's dead body still haunts her memory, but that is soon eclipsed by the prostitute straddling her husband. The gratefulness she had felt evaporates and once again hurt and anger burns through her veins. The silence is unbearable and before she knows it she speaks.
"Do you have something to say Jax, or are you just going to stare at me for the rest of the day?"
Jax lets out a breath. "I don't know what to say."
"Then why are you still here?"
"Because this is my home," he says softly.
Tara laughs bitterly. "You haven't been here in weeks. So why are you here now?"
Jax runs a hand through his hair. "We can't leave things like this Tara."
Realizing he's right, Tara straightens her spine and tries to keep her shame and anger at bay. Because despite what she feels, this man deserves an explanation for her actions.
"Everything I did, it was for our boys," she says, jumping straight into the deep end. "They deserve so much better than this life. I tried to see what you see, how you see it but I can't," Tara says, softly. She lets out a shaky breath. "All I see are the lies and the violence, and it's going to hurt them one day. It's changed you, and it's turning you into a monster."
"I never forced my life on you," Jax bites out stiffly. "You came back to me. You're a part of what I am Tara. You always have been."
"That was my mistake," she lies. Maybe coming back had been a mistake, but she would never have had Abel and Thomas if she had stayed in Chicago. And her boys make the last five years of hell worth it.
"I don't think there's anything left to say. You need to leave."
"There's plenty left to say."
"There really isn't."
"Tara c'mon-"
"You want to talk? Fine. Was she good?" Tara bites out nonchalantly, as if they were discussing the weather.
"The flash of surprise across his face only fuels her anger. "Tara-"
"How was she? Did you get your moneys worth?" She raises an eyebrow scornfully. "Personally, I think she's a little too old for your usual taste, but maybe MILFs are what you're into these days."
Tara relishes in the spark of anger in his eyes. "Stop it Tara."
"Based on the little psychology I've studied, I'd say you've got some mommy issues, baby. Is she one of your favourites? I'm guessing that wasn't the first time you've been with her. But what do I know, right? I'm only your wife."
"God dammit!" he shouts, and for an awful moment she honestly thinks that he's about to strike her. "Fine! Just fucking stop okay!" Jax runs an agitated hand through his hair. "What do you want from me, Tara? You want to divorce me? Take my kids away from me?" He leans closer to her and she can see the barely suppressed rage in his eyes. "That ain't going to happen, babe."
"I want the image of you and that fucking woman to stop playing in my head," she hisses at him. "I want you to put your family first for once! I want to take our kids and get away from this fucking poisonous town and your toxic mother. I want to be able to take my kids to the park without looking over my shoulder for the most recent enemy of the club-"
"This is about us, not the club-"
"Everything about you always relates back to the club! Can't you see what it's turning you into? What it's turning me into? We're becoming the people who we hate most in the world! You might want to carry on going down that path, but I can't."
"We are not Gemma and Clay."
"No, but if we carry on then we will be. You promised, Jax," she says, her voice cracking with emotion. "You wanted to leave too. I understood you wanting to fix the things that Clay broke. I stood by you! But everything's fixed now, the club is out of drugs, out of guns. Yet you're still here! I have given up everything for you. I came back here for you. I've given up my career for you. But I will not stand by and let our sons follow your path."
The times he has put the club before her, before their family. The times he has pushed her away for her own safety. The women he's fucked behind her back. All of the promises that he has broken, it all comes bubbling up to the surface.
"I love you Jax," she hisses in his face. "I love you and I fucking hate you for doing this to us."
He stares at her and she can finally see that horrid emotionless mask starting to fade. My son loves deep, hates deeper. She's beginning to wonder if those words are true. For the first time in weeks she is seeing the real him, and though it kills her a little inside to see his vicious anger directed at her, she embraces it because now he knows how she feels.
His lips are on hers before she can spit out more of her hatred.
She bites his lip harshly and groans into his mouth because finally, this is real. His hands are tugging off her jacket and she's pushing off his cut and unzipping his hoodie. He wrenches his mouth away from hers and sucks on the sensitive skin of her neck and she knows that he's marking her, showing the world that even if they do hate each other, she is still his.
"Tara tugs his hair impatiently and he finally releases her tender skin. She pulls her top over her head and her greedy hands reach for his belt buckle. She feels his eyes burning holes into her but she pays him no mind as she pushes down his jeans and wraps a hand around his hard length.
"He groans and it's such a delicious sound that her eyes snap back to his. She almost wants to smile smugly because she knows that only she can do this to him, make him feel like this. After fifteen years, they know the other's body and how to make the other see stars. In that moment it doesn't matter how many women he has had over the years. Without a doubt, she is the only one who can bring him to his knees with a simple twist of her wrist.
She loves the power that she has over him.
Her hand tightens around him and she's just about to tease him some more but then he's stepping away from her and for an awful moment she is sure that he's going to stop. But then he's reaching for her and pulling down her jeans impatiently and kicking off his shoes.
His hand cups her sex and his skilled fingers have her soaked in seconds. She spreads her legs for him as he pushes her panties to the side and has two fingers buried inside of her before she can blink. She leans back against the table as he looms over her. She couldn't escape him even if she wanted to. Tara rocks against his hand, and she tips her head to brush her mouth against his bearded jaw.
Tara cries out in ecstasy as he fucks her, his fingers curling inside of her and his thumb rubbing her clitoris without mercy. She comes almost immediately, the walls of her cunt fluttering around his fingers. Jax snaps her bra off. "Jax!" she cries out shamelessly when he adds a third finger. He carries on fucking her with his fingers until she is a quivering mess and just when she's having her second orgasm, he whispers darkly in her ear, "It doesn't matter if you hate me, you will always love me Tara."
And then he's pulling away from her and she's crying out in dismay as she realises that he's going to leave. She can't stop herself from reaching out for him and kissing him with insistent lips. She knows that this is wrong, that she's not ready for this or to forgive him because everything she said was true.
But it's Jax. The man who she has loved for so long that he's a part of her now. She's missed him after those long weeks of feeling like strangers. Despite their fucked up relationship, this intimacy has always been simple between them.
His mouth is hot against hers and she is powerless to resist. His calloused hands reach down to cup her ass and then he is lifting her. Her legs wrap around him instinctively and then he's walking slowly towards their bedroom. He lays her down gently on their bed and pulls away from her mouth to press soft kisses down her body, fingers trailing down her sides. She welcomes his familiar touch that brings her so much warmth and comfort.
His beard makes her shiver in delight as he presses a sucking kiss to the inside of thigh as he slides her soaked panties down her legs. Jax grabs her waist, sliding her towards him and then he has her legs hooked over his shoulders and his mouth is on her.
He takes her like she his own personal feast.
Tara's back arches and moans softly as his talented tongue sets every nerve ending on fire. His eyes never leave her face, his hold on her ass tightening. She reaches down and runs a hand through his hair as he sucks greedily on her clitoris, unsure if she wants to push him away or pull him closer. She's crying out his name in ecstasy, and she can see the smug satisfaction in his eyes at still being the only one who can make her a shaking mess. He picks up speed, kissing, licking, sucking and just when he uses a hint of teeth, she's finally having the most intense orgasm of her life when he pulls away. Tara cries out in dismay instead of euphoria.
But then Jax is crawling up her body and hovering over her. For a moment they do nothing but stare at each other. They breath each other in, lips so close that they brush against each other.
How have we become this? she wonders.
Then he's closing the gap between them and laying the gentlest kiss on her lips. She can taste herself on his tongue and it sends a thrill down her spine. Tara pulls him closer until they are completely wrapped around each other. Then he's burying himself inside of her, and she can't help but sigh at the delicious sensation of him stretching her.
"Look at me," he whispers, his voice rough with desire. She looks at him, and once again he is the man that she loves and in that moment she feels whole again. This is when they are at their best, when it's just the two of them locked away from the world. Tara gently presses her lips against his shoulder.
He fucks her slowly as if they have all the time in the world, never taking his eyes off of hers as if he's memorizing every little thing about her. Her breasts brush against his chest with every thrust causing her breath to catch in her throat. She's close but she doesn't want this to end. "Don't stop," Tara whispers. Jax grabs her hand and links their fingers together.
His rhythm never alters and his slow, hard thrusts have her gasping in pleasure. With each thrust her orgasm builds higher and higher and then she's shattering into a million pieces. Jax's eyes stay locked on her the entire time. Each thrust gets harder and harder until he buries his face in her neck and spills himself inside of her.
They stay that way for a long time, each trying to catch their breath, until Jax lifts his head. He looks down at her with tender eyes and the trace of a smile on his lips. He places a soft kiss on her nose, then on her lips and then he wraps his arms around her waist and rolls them over, hugging her to him. She feels oddly peaceful, thinking that this is the first time in months that th ere are no more secrets between them.
"God, I love you so much," she hears him mumble against her neck a few moments later. And she tries, she really tries to hold onto that peaceful feeling, but the moment those words are whispered against her skin, all of the painful memories flood back in.
There's no changing the past and despite how she rationalizes it, there are no excuses this time. Her husband had sex with another woman. Jax was inside the pretty blonde whore despite the fact that he made a vow to her. That woman knows what he looks like naked, the tattoos, the scars. She knows what he feels like inside of her. She knows what he looks like when he comes. And though part of her wants to bash the whore's head in, the bigger part wants to hurt Jax just as much as he constantly hurts her.
Ima she rationalized. He had told her that they were over, Abel had been kidnapped, claimed that he was trying to protect her. She forgave, but she never forgot.
He had every reason to want to hurt her after everything that she had caused. But this? He didn't only betray her. Jackson betrayed their boys, their little family, just to get back at her.
And she doesn't think that's something she can ever forgive him for.
Tara tenses, and Jax must feel that he's losing her because he's pulling her closer to him. "Tara-"
"Let go of me," she says quietly.
He holds her tighter. "Babe-"
"Get your hands off of me!"
He reluctantly lets her go. Tara's out of the bed in seconds and pulling the sheet around her naked body as if it is battle armor. The moment that she's away from him she wonders what the fuck have I done. The delicious ache between her legs suddenly makes her feel sick to her stomach. With shaking hands she pulls the sheet tighter against her body and makes her way into the bathroom. "You need to leave," she tosses over her shoulder.
"Can we talk about this?" he questions as he follows her.
"There's nothing left to talk about. Get out." She goes to shut the bathroom door but his hand blocks her. Tara's eyes are suspiciously damp but she can't let him see her like this. He has broken her, again, but she will be damned if she lets him see it.
"I'm not going anywhere babe," he says surprisingly gently. "Please let me back in."
"I can't," she whispers, feeling suddenly exhausted.
"Please baby," he whispers, pulling her into his arms. She wants to stop feeling like this. She wants to go back to their life where they're happy again. "Just let me back in."
"You hurt me Jax." She hates the way her voice breaks on the last word. "You're constantly hurting me and I can't let you do it anymore.. I won't."
Jax's hands cup her face. "We can get through this babe. All of the shit that has happened, we can work it out. You just have to meet me halfway here Tara."
They stare at one another. For a moment she is tempted to say yes, that maybe she can forget what he did and maybe he can forget what she did. Because despite everything she still loves him. But there will always be one thing standing between them.
"You're never going to leave Charming, are you?" she asks, already knowing the answer but dreading hearing it spoken out loud.
Jax stares at her, as if begging her to understand but she can't. How can he want their babies to grow up with so much death and violence in their lives? He looks away from her, and says, "I can't leave yet, Tara."
She blinks away the tears that threaten to fall. It's all suddenly becoming so real. She thought that she'd prepared herself for this, the end of their marriage, but now that the moment has come, she doesn't know if she can survive this.
Swallowing painfully, Tara blinks back her tears and steps away from him. "You want to know what I want?" she asks softly. "I want you to keep your promises. I want to watch the boys grow up happily. I want to live in a safe place with my family. I want to grow old with you." She waits until he looks back at her when she tells him, "But most of all I want my husband back."
Jax's face falls and he's reaching out for her. "Tara-"
She takes a step back. "I think that it's best if you leave now, Jackson." Tara closes the door in face, and this time he does not bother to stop her.