Lost. Dark. Pain. Air. Breathe, can't breathe. It hurts. His arms hurt, they're tied up, trapped. He can feel the tears leaking from his eyes, despite that they're screwed shut as tight as possible. He can hear someone crying out, begging to stop, just stop.
"CAS!"
There's a sharp sting on his cheek and he gasps in a sudden, deep breath - then more, starving for air. The crying suddenly stopped - oh, because it was him making that sound. His chest hurt as he slowly came back to himself, listening to the voice talking quietly, calmly, in his ear. Someone was sitting on him, holding his wrists on either side of his head, stopping his flailing.
"Come on, Cas. Four things you can hear."
He listened, trying to focus on something he can hear. There's birds chirping excitedly - it's morning, then. The cars rumble as they pass by outside, so that means he's indoors. The ceiling fan overhead - he's in his bedroom, then. Someone breathing, slow and steady in his ear. Dean. His breathing started to calm as he slowly opened his eyes.
"That's it, stay with me. Three things you can see."
He glanced around, trying to ignore the way he's shaking. The walls - Dean's forest painting on his bedroom walls, that always calms him. Not his, no. Theirs. Dean had painted the same thing when they'd bought this little house, after everything was over. The dresser in the corner, that they'd made together - Dean had built it, and Cas had carved patterns into it. And Dean. Dean, with his beautiful green eyes, and worried lines.
"Two things you can feel."
He moved his wrists, still being held down by Dean. Dean's skin, burning hot against his own, he could feel that. The soft mattress that they picked out together, so much more comfortable than he was used to.
"One thing you can smell."
Ah. The vanilla scent, coming from the diffuser on his bedside table. His breathing had evened out by this point - his mind was no longer disoriented, and he sighed softly to himself as he came back around. Everything was clear again - where he was, when it was, and who he was with.
"Dean." He breathed out, finally.
"Welcome back." Dean smiled slightly down at him, releasing his wrists. "And good morning."
"I'm so sorry, Dean." Cas frowned, rubbing a hand over his face. "I- It hasn't been that bad in a long time."
"I know, I know. It's cool, Cas." Dean laced their fingers together with both hands, not moving from his position as he straddled Cas' hips. "Remember what Missouri said. Anything new or stressful could trigger a flashback."
Cas nodded slightly, and pulled slightly on his partners hands to draw Dean down into a lingering kiss. He hadn't suffered a nightmare like that in months now. It stood to reason that today, the stress would trigger one. He'd learned to process it fairly quickly now, though, and the regular visits with his therapist, Missouri, were helping. And now that Dean had grounded him, he was switching to an entirely different mood.
He let go of one entwined hand, moving it to tangle in the hair at the back of Dean's neck, pulling him in deeper. His tongue flicked over Dean's lip, and he heard his partner groan before he pulled back.
"Dammit Cas, you start that and we'll never leave this room."
"Hmm." Cas hummed, his hands moving to slip up underneath Dean's shirt. "We have time."
"Cas-" Dean warned, but his protest was cut short as Cas tweaked one of his nipples.
Cas grinned as he heard Dean gasp softly, rolling the little bud between his fingers before he pinched it again. He freed his other hand and snaked it around to Dean's back, slipping inside the band of his boxers to grip Dean's ass posessively. His nails dug into the soft skin, punching a drawn out moan from Dean's lips.
"I love how pliant you are in the mornings." Cas grinned, pinching at a nipple again just to hear more of those little gasps.
"Not my fault you're a sex addict that wants me before coffee." Dean grinned, rolling his growing erection against Cas'.
"Oh, I disagree." Cas answered on a groan, and pulled Dean down to his chest just so that he could run his lips over the exposed collarbone. "It is entirely your fault that I am a sex addict."
"I don't-" Dean started, but cut off with a moan as Cas sucked a dark bruise into that spot on his neck. "Okay. Sure, yeah. Totally my fault."
Cas grinned against his partners neck, then nipped slightly. Dean whimpered softly in response, unable to help the way his whole body rolled with Cas, trying to get as much friction as he could. Cas tensed for a moment, then pushed hard off the bed, successfully flipping them both over. With Dean now trapped beneath him, he made short work of the clothes separating them.
Both stripped of clothing, Cas pressed himself back down against Dean, groaning as their cocks made contact. He slid his length along Dean's, enjoying the friction but keeping it light, teasing, as he reached over to snag the bottle of astroglide from the side table and dropped it on the bed. Dean growled in frustration, his hips bucking up as he sought more friction. But Cas simply chuckled, pulling away slightly to deny the man.
"Cas, fuck... don't be a tease."
"You'll get what you want. But first..."
Castiel pulled away, bringing himself back up to hands and knees to hover over Dean. Green eyes snapped open to follow his movements, filled with desire but also questioning. Cas grinned impishly, dipping his head to kiss a line along the vee of his hips.
"Cas." Dean growled, his hips bucking against the not close enough touch.
"Hush." Cas dipped his head again, dropping a light kiss at the base of his cock.
"Ngh-" Dean bit down on his lip, trying to stay quiet.
Castiel loved playing this game. The one where he would see how long Dean could stay quiet. He slowly kissed a feather light trail up Dean's length, finally reaching the top, to lick a drop of precum from the tip. Dean jerked slightly, his breath hitched, but he didn't let out a sound.
Cas licked a slow circle around the head, then gently took it into his mouth, suckling just on the head. His eyes shot up to meet Dean's as he lowered his head torturously slow, watching the man struggle as he took the entire length into his mouth. Dean's breath was coming in sharp, ragged breaths, and he was biting down on his lip so hard he thought it might bleed.
Cas hummed around the cock in his mouth, noting that it earned him a soft gasp, before he grabbed the bottle he had dropped earlier. He slicked his fingers quickly, then tossed it aside again. He wanted to have Dean a writhing mess before he gave up on the game.
He heard Dean gasp as he pressed a single digit against his rim, massaging around the area teasingly. Cas bobbed slowly, letting Dean's cock slip in and out of his throat easily, the way he knew Dean liked. After a moment, he pressed harder, and his finger slipped inside easily.
Dean whimpered, his hips bucking to thrust into Cas' mouth. He could hold on, stay quiet, a little longer - until Cas pushed a second digit in, and found that spot inside him.
"Fuck, Cas, please.." He whimpered, his hips trying to drive down on his partners fingers.
"Hmm... That has to be a new record." Cas answered after he popped off Dean's cock, chuckling to himself softly as he worked the fingers inside Dean, stretching him, rubbing against that bundle of nerves.
"I'm ready, I'm ready, please, Cas, need you-" Dean broke off on a cry as Cas drove his fingers one more time against his prostate, hard.
"God I love you, Dean. You look amazing like this." Cas told him, removing his fingers quickly and wiping them off on a wash cloth.
He spread himself above Dean, loving the way the man writhed against him, how his legs lifted easily to rest over his shoulders. He loved when he got Dean to the point of falling apart like this. He spread more lube on his hand, then took himself in hand, stroking a few times to spread the slick. Dean was whimpering beneath him, the sound sending hot fire through his groin.
"Fuck me, Cas, please, need your cock in me now- ah!"
Dean's begging turned into a cry as Cas lined himself up, then drove his length into Dean in one smooth motion. Fully sheathed inside his lover, he paused, leaning down to capture Dean's lips against his own in a searing kiss that had Dean bucking his hips, trying to get some movement.
They moved together, Dean pressing his hips down as Cas drove into him, hitting his prostate on every thrust and drawing delicious moans from his lips. Dean was losing in, unable to keep himself quiet or hold still. As the tension built, Dean slipped a hand down to wrap fingers around his cock. The simple pressure had him crying out as his hand moved in time with Castiel's hard thrusts.
"Dean, dean... I'm so close, already..." Cas panted as he dropped his head, mouthing at that sensitive spot on Dean's neck.
"Fuck yes, Caaaas..." Dean moaned as his back arched up, angling just right to hit that spot inside him. "Close, so close, please,"
Cas' breath hitched as Dean changed angles - it made for a different sensation, and he found himself pounding harder into the man beneath him, grunting with his effort. Dean's begging sent tingles shooting through him, loving that he could make this man fall apart for him. He reached between them and joined his hand with Dean's, tightening his grip and pumping his cock fast, until Dean tensed up and finally-
"Cas!" Dean screamed as his orgasm pulled him under, eyes rolling back in his head as he came between them.
"Shit, Dean... Oh god.." Cas muttered as he watched the ecstasy take over.
Watching Dean's face, hearing his scream, and feeling Dean clench around him sent him tumbling over the edge after his lover. They moved together, slowing down as they rode out their orgasm until finally, Cas' body relaxed and flopped down on top of Dean.
They lay there for several moments, catching their breath. Cas lightly carded his hands through Dean's hair, the touch comforting as he lay his head on the man's shoulder.
"We made a mess." Dean finally spoke quietly, amusement in his voice.
"You made a mess." Cas snorted with laughter. "Mine's contained."
"Yeah, yeah. Next time though..."
Cas grinned and lifted himself up slightly, just enough to plant a gentle kiss on Dean's lips. He pulled back and met his eyes, smile turning soft as he stared at the love of his life.
"Shall we shower?" He asked, glancing down at the mess between them.
"Mhmm. As soon as my legs start working again."
That made them both laugh, and Cas dropped his head back on Dean's shoulder, for just a few more moments.
"What kind of a ridiculous question is that?" Castiel grumbled as he stood in front of the mirror, staring at the image of himself that he almost didn't recognise. He tugged at the tie around his throat, wishing it was looser. "Of course I'm nervous. What if this isn't... What if it's too soon?"
"Castiel Novak, you look at me now." Charlie grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him to look at her, then slapped his hands away from the tie. "Stop doubting. You will relax, you will be happy, and you will get your ass out there."
Cas stared at his best friend, slightly surprised by the vehemence in her voice as she fixed the dark blue tie, tucking it under the vest he wore. He'd chosen traditional black suit, and white shirt, though he had decided against a suit jacket. Instead he wore a buttoned vest, and admittedly he liked the look.
Charlie was wearing a similar outfit, though it was dark blue to match his tie, and her vest had to be tailored to fit her bulging abdomen. It was now that Cas smiled and put his hand on her belly, feeling for the life inside. Charlie gave him a soft look, holding still as the babe inside reacted to his touch and kicked.
"See? Even your daughter thinks you're being a dumbass." She laughed softly.
"Alright, fine. I understand." He took a deep, grounding breath as he dropped his hand and turned toward the door. "It's time."
Charlie went first, holding the door open for him. He stepped out onto the front porch of the house that he and Dean had bought. As followed the path through his gardens and around the side of their home, he couldn't help noticing the little things - the bench that Dean had built for him to sit on, in their first month here, or the little birdbath he'd made and sat right outside their bedroom window.
They made it to the gate that would lead them to the back yard, and Charlie held her hand up for him to wait before disappearing through it. Slowly, as he stared around at evidence of the love they'd built together, he felt his fear melt away.
"I can do this." He told himself quietly. "I want to do this."
"Good, cause it's too late now. Come on, Prince Charming. Cinderella awaits." Charlie grinned at him as she held the gate open.
The first strings of a guitar sung out, and with it he stepped through the gate. He was greeted first by the sight of his friends and family first, standing in his garden sanctuary, smiling at him through watery eyes. As he followed her through the garden path that would lead to the archway at the bottom of their back stairs, his eyes finally found what he was looking for.
Dean. Perfect, beautiful Dean, dressed in a similar suit, following the same path toward the arch, having entered from the gate on the other side of their house. They'd designed the yard in such a way that it was symmetrical, and perfect for this occasion. Sam was leading Dean, wearing a matching suit to Charlie's.
Dean's smile was radiant, and as they stopped mere feet from each other, Cas could feel his eyes start to tear up. It had been two years since they'd won his freedom. Within six months they'd found their dream house, a little cottage outside the city, with plenty of land and trees and lakes. Within a year, Castiel proposed. Soon after Charlie had offered to have their baby. And now, they stood here, in front of Bobby (who had procured a marriage license just for this) with their friends and family, promising their futures to each other.
He barely heard Bobby reciting the necessary words as the ceremony began. He was lost in Dean's eyes, his thumb rubbing small circles as he held his partners hands. How was it that this person had stumbled into his life so dramatically and changed every aspect, to bring them to this point?
He finally snapped out of it when Charlie elbowed him and handed him a ring. He took it, staring at the thin metal band for a moment before meeting Dean's eyes again. Silence fell.
"Dean Winchester." He took a breath, then plunged on. "When I met you... I wasn't ready for you. But you were stubborn, and noisy, and arrogant, and I couldn't ignore you." Dean laughed softly, along with Charlie and Sam, the only ones who knew the full story. "At first I thought you were sent to torture me. But I soon realised, you were sent to change me. You saved my life, Dean, in so many ways. So committing to you, promising that I will be with you through anything that comes our way... I've never been more confident of anything in my life. I love you, Dean, and I give myself to you, my heart and soul, with no reservation. Taking you as my husband is the proudest moment of my life."
By the time he finished and slipped the ring onto Dean's finger, tears were running down his cheeks freely. The look Dean gave him was indescribable as he reached out and placed a hand over Cas' heart silently. Then, Sam stepped forward to pass a ring to Dean, and Bobby spoke his name. Dean cleared his throat with a nod, and stared at Castiel, emotion swimming in his eyes.
"Cas... Castiel Novak. I, uh- You know I've never been great with words, and that's a pretty hard act to follow," It was Cas' turn to laugh through his tears. "I guess, I've never been one to believe in unconditional love, or settling down. But here I am, believing and, I've never been happier. Cas, I'm honoured to become your husband today. I promise to be there for you, to fight for you, and to love every moment with you, through the best and the worst. I love you, Cas."
The feeling as Dean slipped the ring onto his finger was indescribable. It was more than a physical feeling, it was his heart exploding with love. There was a moment of silence, again, before finally-
"By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husbands. Castiel Winchester, you may now kiss your husband."
As their lips met through their tears, cheers erupted from the small group gathered. They melted into each other's arms, sobbing and laughing, as Charlie and Sam personally congratulated them. And as they proceeded to sign the wedding certificate, Castiel couldn't help thinking...
All of this - It was worth a few sleepless nights.
X-X End X-X