After that night he doesn't bother to come home. There's a distance between them that neither know how to handle. They barely speak, only to say a few words to one another when he picks up the boys and drops them off. A prospect still follows her. "For your own protection," Jax had grumbled at her. But they both know it's in case she decides to take the kids and run again.

It's not until she's at the grocery store, with a prospect trailing after her like a bad smell, after almost two months of frosty silence and she's picking up a box of tampons that she realises her period's late. Very late. Her heart drops to her stomach. No. Not now. With the boys and everything with Jax, paying attention to the dates of her cycle was the last thing on her mind.

"Is everything okay, Mrs Teller?" the prospect asks nervously, snapping her out of her thoughts. Tara turns to glare at him because seriously? The baby faced biker decides to break his silence now?

"It's Dr Knowles," she spits at him harshly, still reeling from her revelation and being called Mrs Teller. The flush that rises on his cheeks makes her feel guilty, but she rationalises that if he wants to start hanging around with bikers, then he had better grow a thicker skin if he can't even handle a hormonal possibly pregnant lady.

Thomas giggles happily in the baby chair. With Abel at preschool, and her counselling sessions at the hospital cut back, she had taken to bringing Thomas with her almost everywhere she went. After weeks of nightmares of Jax and Gemma taking her boys from her, she can't stand to have them far from her sight. Tara picks Thomas up and clutches him to her chest. For his sake, she makes an effort to soften her voice. "I'm fine, thank you.."

"Oliver. My names Oliver, Dr Knowles." He smiles nervously at her, reminding her of a labrador desperate to please his mistress. She feels her face softening and wonders why this polite young man would ever want to get mixed up in SAMCRO. He glances down at the box of tampons she's still clutching and flushes. "Do you want me to call Jax?"

"No. I'm fine."

She ignores the doubtful look on his face and drops the tampons into the cart. She also drops in a pregnancy test and if the prospect notices, then he doesn't comment on it. She ignores him for the rest of the day and concentrates on Thomas. She takes him to the park, she feeds the ducks as he squeals in delight. The prospect keeps his distance and she tries to ignore the phone calls he receives every hour for an update of where she is and what she is doing.

She picks up Abel from preschool, talks to his teacher about how well he's settling in. She takes him out for ice cream on the way home. Thomas is happily sleeping away tucked up against her as Abel devours his chocolate sundae. She's too nervous to eat personally, but she lets the little boy enjoy himself. "When can I see daddy?" Abel asks, his mouth covered in chocolate ice cream.

Tara forces a smile. "Well, how about I ask if he can see you tonight? Would you like that little man?" Abel smiles and nods happily. Tara's smile is real this time as she quickly grabs her phone and takes a picture of a smiling Abel covered in chocolate ice cream. She looks at her boys, Thomas her own flesh and blood, and Abel, who was just as much her son despite the fact she did not give birth to him.

She ignores the nervous flutter in the stomach at the thought of having another baby. Because despite the fact that everything is wrong right now and she can just about protect the children she already has, a part of her wants nothing more than to give Jackson the baby girl they had discussed months ago.

She calls Jax and asks if he wants to see the boys before bedtime, and though their conversation is stunted, it warms her heart when he readily agrees. When she pulls into the clubhouse that is being slowly rebuilt, he's already sitting at the picnic table. Abel unfastens his seatbelt and shoots out the door as soon as the car's stopped. His little legs run to his father and he's squealing in delight when Jax lifts him in the air and swings him around. "Hey buddy," she can hear Jax saying as she picks up a still sleeping Thomas in his baby carrier. "How was school?"

Abel chatters happily away and if Jax can keep up with everything he's saying, then she's surprised. He's too absorbed in Abel to notice her scrutiny. She can't help but notice the similarities between father and son, more so than with Thomas. Abel looks just like his father, and in her darkest moments, she is glad that there is nothing of Wendy in him.

The sight warms her heart, because even though Jackson Teller is a shitty husband, he is still a good father.

"Hey," she interrupts when Abel finally takes a breath after telling his father about his school day. "Abel wanted to see you. Are you okay with them for a couple of hours?"

"Of course," he says, careful not to look at her. He puts Abel down and takes Thomas from her. "You know you can stay too, if you want," he says quietly.

Part of her wants to say yes so that the boys can see them together after so much change, but the pregnancy test is currently burning a hole in her bag and she just needs to get this over with. "I have to go to St Thomas," she lies and then immediately wants to take it back. Jax knows as well as she does that she only goes to the hospital a few days a week to give counselling sessions and for physio therapy for her hand.

"Are you okay?"

If only you knew baby.

"I'm just giving a consult on an old patient. I won't be too long."

"Right." He smiles down at Abel. "See you later then."

"Bye mommy," Abel cries out, waving at her happily as he grabs Jax's free hand and tugs him along. Tara waves back and for a split seconds she catches his eye. The image of a blonde haired little girl with blue eyes flashes before her eyes and suddenly she has to know. She has to know if she's carrying this man's baby.

Tara jumps into her car and drives back home as fast as the speed limit allowed. She briefly notices that the prospect isn't following her but her new sense of freedom vanishes the moment she is pulling into the house and clutching the pregnancy test with shaking hands.

She pees on the stick.

She paces the kitchen for two minutes.

She jumps when the timer on her phone goes off.

She looks at the test.

"Shit," she breathes out shakily

First all of the shit with Kohn, Abel's kidnapping, and now this. Her traitorous body seems to make a baby at the most inopportune moments.

She pulls into the clubhouse and tries to think of anything but the fetus inside of her. She feels ridiculously nervous and unprepared to face Jax, as if one look at her he will be able to tell that she's carrying his child.

The thought makes her want to jump for joy and puke on his shoes.

They're sitting at the picnic table when she arrives. Abel's coloring away and she hopes to God that means that he's going to be sleepy by the time they get home. Jax is sitting next to him and making faces at a giggling Thomas as he bounces him in his lap. Her heart breaks at the sight and she wants nothing more than to go and join them. She wants to wrap her arms around him and press a kiss to his lips. But no matter how much she wants it, she just can't bring herself to do it.

"Mommy!" Abel squeals and waves her over excitedly. Thomas barely notices her, never taking his eyes off of Jax. He tugs on his beard and shrieks with laughter.

"Hey baby. Are you ready to go?" Abel nods and he quickly stuffs his things in his backpack.

"I'll see you soon, buddy," Jax says as he hugs Abel to him. He passes Thomas over to her after he presses a gentle kiss to his head. She's careful not to look at him the whole time. She's putting the boys in the car when she feels his presence behind her.

"Tara are you okay?" he calls after her. She can see the worry in his eyes and suddenly she snaps because if it wasn't for him, none of this would be happening. If they had just left Charming when he had said they would, then she would be happily telling him that he was going to be a father for the third time, not feeling sick to the stomach about having to tell him.

"I'm fine! Jesus Christ. Stop asking me if I'm okay! Just leave me alone Jax. " She climbs into the car before he can respond, but she doesn't miss the flash of anger across his face before the emotionless mask slips into place. She feels a flash of guilt because any headway they were making has surely disappeared after that.

She avoids him for a week, barely speaking a word to him when he picks up the boys. From the cold glances and the cold words, she figures that he's still mad. She avoids him so she can try to work up the nerve to tell him she's pregnant. It takes all of her courage to pick up the phone and call him. It's the first time she calls him about something other than the boys.

"Yeah?" he grounds out in that frustrated monotone that he saves just for her.

She swallows her nerves and tries to adopt the same tone. She suspects that it doesn't have the same effect on him as it does on her. "I need to talk to you."

"Then talk."

"In person," she hisses down the phone. She can picture the expression on his face, that blank emotionless mask that he now wears in her presence and it makes her blood boil and her heart ache. There had once been a time where he had hid nothing from her, especially not his feelings. "It's important Jax."

He sighs impatiently. "Look Tara, I'm busy. Can't this wait for a day or two-"

"I'm pregnant."

She's almost enjoys the stunned silence on the other end of the line. And then she remembers how fucked up this whole situation is and feels foolish. Tara sighs and says in her gentlest voice that she saves for the boys, "Jax please say-"

He cuts her off. "I'll be there in ten," he grounds out and hangs up on her.

Charming.

It's the longest ten minutes of her life. She sits at the table staring at the clock and when she finally hears his Dyna, she quickly grabs a medical journal and tries to look absorbed in it and not like she's been worry about him or this pregnancy for the last ten minutes. He strides into the house as if he still sleeps there every night, but it's the first time in weeks that he's come in other than to pick the boys up.

She waits impatiently and has to resist tapping her foot on the floor. Because she is so scared right now and she doesn't know what to do or what's going to happen and she wants nothing more than for him to put his arms around her and tell her it's going to be okay, which let's face it, there's more chance of Gemma hugging her than Jax even laying a finger on her.

But she hides everything that she is feeling, because she can't let him see how vulnerable she is.

So engrossed in her thoughts, Tara almost flinches in surprise when the chair opposite her drags across the floor and then Jax is suddenly sitting there in front of her, staring at her intensely and that fucking emotionless mask is once again in place. The small part of her that still hates him rises and she clenches her fists to quell the urge to wipe that look off his face.

Tara sits in stubborn silence, waiting for his move. He doesn't say anything for a while, he just sits there staring her in the eye until he finally reaches into his pocket and pulls out a brown paper bag and tosses it in front of her.

She reaches for it, already knowing what is inside and she feels her cheeks flame in anger. "Are you serious?" Tara demands, pulling out the pregnancy test and dropping it in disgust.

"As a heart attack."

Tears cloud her vision for a moment and she shoves away from the table. "How dare you! For you to even accuse me-"

"Tara," he interrupts, his voice strained. "Can you blame me?"

She wants to rage at him. She wants to chuck the stupid test in his stupid face, but then she sees the look in his eyes and she knows that he's almost at his breaking point. Breathing out slowly, Tara lets go of her anger and tries to push away her shame. "No, I guess I can't blame you," she mumbles. She grabs the test and makes her way to the bathroom, but when she hears the chair scraping back she turns and almost collides with Jax. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks coolly, all the while thinking that this is the closest she has been to him in weeks.

He looks confused. "To the bathroom," he says, like it's a perfect explanation. "To watch you take the test," as if he needed to explain things further.
"You are not watching me Jax." Tara takes a step back into the bathroom and tries to close the door, but a stubborn hand prevents her.

"Why not?" Jax asks, and if she didn't know any better, she could have sworn that his mouth twitched into a smile before the mask was firmly back in place.

"You're not going to watch me pee Jax!" she says firmly, trying to push the door shut with all of her strength but it doesn't even budge an inch against his bulk.

"You're being ridiculous," he grounds out, but there's definitely a little smirk on his lips and Tara's heart flutters stupidly in her chest.

"No I'm not!"

"You've seen me piss lotsa times."

"That is completely different!"

"How is it?"

"It just is!"

"I've seen every inch of your body. I've tasted every inch of your skin Tara. It doesn't make a difference to see you take a piss in front of me babe."

They both freeze at the natural term of endearment that rolls off his tongue. They stare at one another for a long moment, and she can almost taste the tension between them on her tongue and she's about to open her mouth to say something, anything but then the moment is gone and he's backing away, the cold mask is back in place. "Jax," she whispers, but he is already gone. Tara squeezes her eyes shut and bites down on her lip to prevent the sob that is rising in her throat.

She pees on the stick.

She shows him the test.

He stares at it for five minutes in silence.

"Fuck," Jax hisses out between his teeth.

"My sentiments exactly," Tara manages to get out, but she can't help the stab of pain in her heart. Did he really think that she would lie about this now? He doesn't look at her, just continues to look at the test in silence.

"I'm keeping it. You don't have to be involved with the pregnancy. I've done it alone before, I can do it again." She tries not to notice the way he flinches at the reminder that he missed her first pregnancy because of time he was doing for the club. But it's true, no matter what both of them had wished that he was there with her. She went through peeing on a stick to cradling their newborn son without him. She doesn't want to do it again, but she will. "I'm fine on my own."

"Right," he mumbles, not even looking at her.

She tries to keep the tears at bay, because she had been hoping for more of a fight from him. "You should go, I'm tired." She's proud that her voice only cracks slightly at the end, but it's enough for him to look up at her.

The devastation must be clear on her face because his face softens and just for a moment he is her Jax again. The one who loved her and their little family above anything else and who put her before the club and guns and money. He's reaching for her and whispering her name and then the spell is broken and once again he is the monster who destroyed them.

She flinches away from him and whispers, "Please just go." She doesn't wipe away the tears that fall. She needs him to see just how damaged she really is because she can't take this anymore. She needs him. She needs distance. She just needs everything to stop hurting.

She doesn't look at him as he swears under his breath and stomps out the house, slamming the door shut behind him. She doesn't break down until the bike takes off down the street.

She doesn't need him. She's fine on her own.

(She needs him more than she needs air to breathe)