He lives for the moments that he sees his boys and his girl.

There's an emptiness in his life that surprises him without Tara and the kids. Everyday he spends without them, it's a painful reminder of the ten years he spent without Tara. But this time he can't drown himself in weed, jack and pussy to dull the pain. He may not be the smartest man, but he's beginning to learn from his mistakes.

But this is a mistake that he doesn't know how to fix.

He stares around at his brothers and thinks what am I still doing here? He has saved his club, has saved his brothers. But in order to do so he has lost his family. He's reluctant to admit its because hes scared of the unknown. Tara and his boys would thrive away from Charming. But him? He's an okay mechanic with no other skills. All he knows is outlaw. Since he was five all he wanted was a Harley and a cut.

But now?

All he wants is his family back. He wants to come home to his wife who grows round with his unborn child everyday. He wants to put his sons to bed and be there when they wake up in the morning. He wants to feel his unborn child kick in his wife's belly. He wants to wrap her in his arms and kiss her without her flinching away from his touch.

He stares at his wife and wonders is this his fault? He hardly recognizes her anymore. He loves every part of her, from the sweet girl who still blushes when he winks at her, to the fierce lioness that she becomes when somebody gets in her face.

The memory of her arms wrapped around her stomach as she sat in a pool of blood is an unwelcome one. Thinking that his mother did this to her, to their baby, still guts him. Even now that he knows the truth, the knowledge that he believed his mother capable of doing that still burns through his brain, because he knows in the back of his brain that his mother might just do something like that one day.

He knows that Tara did it for the boys and maybe even a little bit for herself. She was protecting their family when she believed that he couldn't, and a twisted part of him loves her for it. To see his girl protecting their babies, it stirs something in his chest.

But what kills him is the knowledge that she didn't believe that he could protect his family. He's fucked up, between fucking Ima and Colette, to choosing the club over his family when it needed them the most. He has broken her trust more than once, but he still struggles with the fact that she couldn't trust him to protect their boys. And that is something he does not know how to forgive.

"Daddy?" Abel says, never looking up from his coloring book.

"Yeah buddy?" Jax says distractedly as he tries to feed Thomas, but the little man won't have any of it and stubbornly refuses to open his mouth no matter how much he pleads him to. He's almost to the point of calling Tara and begging for help but he doesn't want her to think that he's a terrible father for not being able to feed his own damn son.

"When are you coming back home?"

Jax inhales sharply. In truth he's known that the question was bound to pop up sometime, but he still hasn't got an answer for the little boy despite how much he's tried to come up with one over the last three months. His mind come up blank as he struggles for an answer and tries to imagine what Tara would tell him.

"Not yet buddy," he says vaguely, not wanting to tell the kid that there's more chance that he'll sprout some wings than Tara letting him back into the house.

Abel puts down his crayons and looks up at him with eyes that match his own. "When?"

Jax sighs. "I don't know, Abel."

"Are you and mommy fighting?"

Jax wonders when the kid got so inquisitive. Giving up on feeding Thomas, he turns to Abel and looks at him with serious eyes. "No, we're not fighting buddy," he says carefully. "Daddy did a silly thing, and it hurt mommy. It's better if I don't live with you guys right now-"

"Did you say sorry?"

"Well yeah, but it's not that simple-"

"Did you mean it? 'Cause mommy says saying sorry isn't good enough if you don't mean it."

Jax bites his tongue. "Of course I meant it. But I don't think saying sorry is enough buddy."

Abel blinks up at him. "Then you should show her, daddy." Abel picks up his crayon and carries on colouring.

Jax can only stare at him in astonishment. He knows he's hit rock bottom when he's getting marriage advice from a five year old.

He pulls into St Thomas and catches her just as she's leaving. She's chatting away to a man in his late forties, all salt and pepper hair and a classic smile. The smile on her face is blinding, and to see it directed at another man makes his blood boil. Then her eyes land on his car and her smile dims a bit. She pats the mysterious man's arm and starts walking to the car.

He's out the car and storming over to her before he can stop himself. "Who was that?" he asks, barely containing the jealous rage inside of him.

"Just a colleague," Tara says vaguely.

"Well, you both looked pretty cozy before I got here."

Tara looks at him incredulously. "Are you being serious right now?"

"If you're going to be bringing strange men around my kids I want to know more about them-"

"Jesus Christ Jax! Will you keep your voice down!"

He ignores her. "If you want to start seeing men when you're carrying my baby then you have another thing coming-"

"I would never do that!" she snaps at him. "We're still married Jax. Maybe that doesn't mean anything to you, but it does to me."

He stares at her in silence and his anger starts to fade when he realizes how ridiculous he's being.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, looking down at the floor.

"Yes, well, you should be."

"It's just that the thought of you with another man, it kills me." And it's true. Even when they were teenagers and she would flirt with some random guy at a party just to piss him off when they were on one of their numerous breaks, he would see red and nothing in the world would be right again until he had her in his arms again. Even now, the thought of another man wrapping his arms around her, kissing her, fucking her, it makes him want to go on a murder spree that Happy would be proud of.

"Well, maybe now you have an idea of how I feel," she says, unable to look him in the eye.

He flinches, but doesn't try to defend himself. They stand in an awkward silence, both unable to meet the other's eye.

"He's a surgeon, and there's a good chance that he can fix my hand. That was all."

Jax looks at her then, and he sees a spark in her eye that has been missing for a long time. He shoves away the guilt and smiles at her. "That's great Tara, really."

The small smile she rewards him with makes his heart beat faster. "Yeah. Of course I wouldn't do it until way after the baby's born, but just knowing that there's some hope that I can operate again-"

He hugs her. He just can't fucking help himself and he knows that it's probably a bad idea but he's so happy for her.

She stands still. He realizes what a fucking idiot he's being. This is the first time they've touched since they slept together and quite frankly he's surprised that she hasn't smacked him one yet. But then she's hugging him back and when he feels her body pressed up against his it takes all of the self control he possesses not to press his lips to hers. He's starting to think that this definitely is a bad idea when he feels his dick stir but decides that since she hasn't decked him yet he wise well see how far he can push his luck. He pulls her tighter against his body and his only thought is, fuck me.

Her breasts are pressed up against his chest and her normally toned stomach is ever so slightly pressing into his belly and he realizes with a surprise that she's beginning to show. His heart breaks a little because he knows that there's a very big chance that he's going to miss this again. When he'd been locked up, every week she visited he would greedily look over her body and study the changes every week. He never got to feel his unborn child kick, he didn't get to see Tara's body changing everyday, he missed all of the doctors appointments, and he didn't get to see any of his children born.

And with the ways things are right now, he's pretty certain that it isn't going to happen with this baby either.

Jax pushes away his bitterness. He made a promise to her when Thomas was born that he would never miss anything like this again, and it's a promise that he's determined to keep even if she doesn't want him around.

"I'm so happy for you Tara," he whispers into her ear. And he really is. He knows that if it wasn't for him, Clay Morrow would never have put a hit out on his girl and she would still be saving babies lives.

"Thank you," she whispers back.

He pulls away from her and smiles softly. "I should go. The boys have been fed and-"

"Actually there's something I wanted to talk to you about." Tara tucks her hair behind her ear nervously, and despite himself his curiosity is peaked.

"What is it?"

"Well, I've been thinking. With us having another baby, I think I need to find a new house that's big enough for all of the kids. I mean, I know it's years away, but I doubt that Thomas and Abel are going to want to share a room when they're older. And with the baby, we're going to need at least another room-"

"Okay."

Tara looks at him in confusion. "Okay? That's it?"

"Well, yeah. Of course we're going to need a new house once the baby comes. The kid need's it's own room. It's not like it can sleep in the bathroom right?"

Tara smiles widely. "Right. I'll start looking into some houses. Three bedrooms or four?"

"Four," he replies without hesitation.

"Won't that be a little pricey? I'm not earning at much now, with me only counseling-"

"Money isn't an issue Tara." He takes a step closer to her. "If you want a mansion, then I will get you one."

Tara looks at him intensely, and not for the first time Jax wishes that he could tell what she was thinking. "I've never wanted your money, Jackson."

"I know," he says simply. "But my family deserves the best."

She stares at him with unreadable eyes and he's beginning to wonder maybe he shouldn't have said that, but Abel's insistent knocking on the car window saves them both from what was becoming an awkward silence.

They both turn to see the little boy grinning brightly and once he see's that he's got his mom's attention, Abel waves happily and shout's, "Hi mommy!"

Tara waves at him and turns back to Jax. "I should get them home," she says, staring up at him with big green eyes.

Disappointment fills his stomach. "Yeah, they should be pretty tired by now-"

"Do you want to put them to bed? I'm sure that they would love it if you were there to tuck them in."

The grin that spreads across Jax's face is answer enough.

He arrives back at TM with a lighter heart and the first stirring of hope in his chest. He nods at Unser as the old man makes his way to his trailer. Hell, he even smiles at a prospect, that's how happy he is in that moment.

His good mood is shattered the moment he see's Gemma storming out of the office and heading straight towards him. "How's the good doctor doing? She faked any miscarriages yet?"

Anger bubbles in his chest. "Leave Tara be, okay mom? She doesn't need your shit right now."

"I'm trying to protect you, baby. Maybe it's time to call it a day. It's been three months Jax. Maybe a divorce is the best thing for everyone-"

"Don't go there mom. I am not going to divorce her."

Gemma tugs on his arm until he stops. "She tried to take your boys away from you! She was going to leave Charming, leave you! Why can't you see that she's all wrong for you-"

"Back off mom."

"You can get custody of the boys," she continues. Jax snorts at the thought. There is not a judge in the country that would give him custody of the boys over Tara. "It will be just like what happened with Wendy. We can take the boys-"

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Jax snaps. "What goes on in my marriage is between me and Tara. Thomas and Abel need a stable home. They need their mom and dad to live together. And this new baby needs parents who can have a conversation without fighting. I'm not staying with her because of the kids. I'm staying with her because I love her. This is your last warning, mom. Stay out of my business.

"You're my mother. You should want me to be happy and Tara makes me happy." Jax sighs unhappily. "I love you mom. But if you try to make me choose between you and my wife, I will choose Tara without a second thought." His mother's tear filled eyes stare up at him, but he squashes down his guilt. He walks away from her without another glance.

As the weeks pass, Tara starts to let her guard down. People begin to see her as Doctor Knowles again, not the old lady who was an accessory to murder. The need to keep a gun in her bag starts to fade. When she goes to buy groceries, she is no longer looking over her shoulder for the latest threat. No, over those weeks, Charming becomes a safe place again.

There's a small nagging voice in the back of her head wondering if Jax was right that can't be ignored. Maybe if she had trusted him from the beginning, then she would have seen that he made good on his promise to get out of guns, to change the club, to make Charming a safe place for their family.

Then she remembers the fake baby, the divorce, Gemma, Wendy, Colette, and she realizes that it doesn't matter if Charming is safe. Their family has already been torn apart.

It's only late at night she admits to herself that she played a big part in destroying them.

She misses him.

She lies awake half the night alone in their bed cursing him for not being there with her, to hold her, to stroke her, to fuck her. Her breasts ache and her cunt is constantly damp when she thinks of him. Of his hands touching her naked skin, his mouth against her neck, his beard grazing the sensitive skin of her thighs, his cock stretching her needy cunt. She rubs herself raw thinking of nothing but his skilled fingers and his talented tongue. She wants him. She needs him.

But it's not just the sex. She misses the man who she has spent half of her life loving. The man who would put her before everything, the man who protected her no matter the cost, the man who simply held her in his arms at night when he was just her husband, not the leader of an MC.

She hates him.

(She loves him.)

I'm curious.. I already have the ending planned out so please know that this little question will not effect the story line in anyway. But do you guys actually want Jax and Tara to leave Charming and the club? Tara's issue with Charming has always been the violence, but now that things are beginning to relax a bit, where do you guys want them to end up?