She wakes at 2:17am with damp thighs and the feeling of dread in pit of her stomach. She turns the lamp on and her breath catches in her throat when she sees the blood on her sheets. Her heart sinks. Her hands move subconsciously over her stomach as she feels a light tugging sensation. She has never hated being a doctor until this moment, because every horrible possibility runs through her mind and not one of them has a happy ending.

With trembling hands she reaches for her phone and dials the one person who she needs more than anything.

"Yeah?" comes his gruff reply, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Jax," Tara says, her voice trembling.

"Tara? What's wrong?"

"I-I'm bleeding," she manages to get out after several tries. Tears spring to her eyes. Fakes a miscarriage and now might be having one. She tries to push the poisonous thoughts away but they don't budge and she can't help but think that maybe losing her husband and breaking up their family wasn't punishment enough, that now she has to lose their baby for real this time.

A sob escapes her throat and she hears Jax's voice in her ear saying, "Tara? I'm coming okay?" She doesn't reply. "Babe, listen to me. It's going to be okay." There's a tremor in his voice and it breaks her already broken heart just a little bit more. "I'll be there in a few okay?"

Tara clutches the phone tighter and she wants to beg him to hurry, to stay on the phone with her so she isn't alone but she can already hear him starting the Dyna. "Okay," she whispers into the phone. "Okay."

"It's gonna be okay, babe. I promise."

She wants nothing more than to believe him, but she knows differently.

Wiping her tears with shaking hands, Tara takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself down.

She cleans herself up whilst she waits for him. She realizes that she's not bleeding anymore and prays that it's a good sign. Thankful that the kids are staying with Gemma, she tries to keep her mind focused on each mundane task but the image of bloodstained sheets haunts her. She dresses in yoga pants and just as she's about to put on one of Jax's old shirts, she catches her reflection in the mirror and the fragile lock she has on her emotions breaks.

Please don't take this child away from me.

The shirt falls to the floor unnoticed. Tears slip from her eyes as she rests her hands on the small bump that is now her stomach. Just hold on, please hold on. Since she had found out that she was pregnant, she has been careful not to think of the future. She has no idea what's in store for her, the boys, Jax, the club, Gemma or the baby girl she allowed herself to think about late at night. But from the moment she found out, she has wanted this baby despite how fucked up her life currently is.

She lets herself think of the little girl she has dreamed about having. Blonde hair and blue eyes, or maybe even thick brown curls like her own.

Is this how Jax felt when he thought that she'd lost their baby, she wonders. Haunted by everything that could have been. Helpless to do anything to save a fragile life.

She claims to love him, but how can somebody do that to somebody they love, despite the reasons behind it?

She has never been more ashamed of herself than this moment.

He finds her like that eventually, hands on her belly and eyes locked on the mirror. "Tara?"

"I'm sorry," she whispers through numb lips. "I am so sorry Jax."

Familiar hands cover hers as he presses his chest against her back. For the first time in months she allows herself to relax into his touch and greedily accepts the comfort he's offering her. Tara's eyes snap up to his and she's shaken to see his eyes staring back at her gently. He kisses the top of her head and says, "We gotta go babe." He lets her go to pick up her fallen shirt. Never taking his eyes off of her, he pulls the shirt over her head and helps her arms through the sleeves as though she's a child. Jax steps closer to her and wipes the tears from her cheeks. "It's going to be okay," he whispers and then he's holding her hand and leading her to her car. His hands tighten around her waist before he opens the door for her.

She doesn't deserve his reassurances.

Jax starts the car and pulls out of the driveway. His eyes flicker between her and the road. Tara clasps her hands together tightly.

"There was too much blood," she whispers.

Jax gives her a pained look. "It's going to be fine."

"You don't know that," she says, her voice cracking.

Jax reaches out to her and gently lays her hand on top of his. "No, I don't. But you're strong Tara. And with parents like us, this baby's strong too. Have a little faith babe."

Tara squeezes her eyes shut and swallows painfully. "Drive faster Jax."

She tunes out his reassurances eventually and she numbs herself to her surroundings. She barely registers Jax parking the car. She pays no mind to the nurse waiting at the entrance for her and Jax telling her what's happened.

You deserve this, a poisonous voice whispers in her head. She doesn't argue. She looks down at her wedding ring and feels nothing but disgust for herself. How could she have done this to him? And as if it wasn't enough, she had to blame his mother too?

She finally comes back to herself when she's in an exam room and the nurse is saying something about helping her put on a gown.

"Get out," she says, snatching the gown from her. Normally, she would be disgusted with herself for talking to a nurse this way. But when she realizes that it's the same nurse who couldn't keep her eyes off of Jax when they had their first ultrasound, something in her snaps.

The nurse furrows her brow. "Dr Knowles, I'm here to help you-"

"You want to help me? Get the fuck out. If I need you to clean up some vomit I'll give you a call."

Jax sucks in a sharp breath. She hates to be the stereotypical doctor, but right now she really doesn't give a shit.

The nurse shoots her a look filled with loathing, but she leaves.

She pays Jax no mind as she strips off her pants. "That was a little harsh."

She ignores him and pulls his shirt over her head. She notices the way his eyes linger on her stomach as she pulls the gown around herself, but she doesn't have the heart to say anything.

The door opens just as she's setting herself on the bed and Dr Cooper walks in. She shoots them both a quick, professional smile. "I know that you're both terrified, so let's just get this over with and take a look." She goes through the motions of setting up the ultrasound machine. "Any cramping?"

"Very lightly."

"But you've stopped bleeding now?"

"Yes," she says through numb lips.

"And by now you're seventeen weeks along, correct?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she says, her eyes on the machine. The screen finally settles on an image as Dr Cooper moves the wand across her stomach. She is silent for a moment, and she can't bring herself to look at the screen. The moment she does, she knows that it's going to be over and everything will be lost. They just won't be losing a child, but she's pretty sure that this baby is the only thing that is keeping their marriage afloat. And she doesn't think she can handle that.

"Your baby is healthy, Dr Knowles." The words do not register for a moment, but when they do relief floods through her body and Jax lets out the breath that he's been holding since he picked up the phone. His hand squeezes hers tightly and he presses a relieved kiss to the side of her head.

Tara's eyes focus on the ultrasound machine and the image of her baby on the screen is the most precious thing in the world. "The heartbeat is a little fast and your blood pressure is too high. I'll advise Margaret that you won't be working for at least a month." Tara opens her mouth to protest but one look at Jax's worried but stern eyes has her snapping it closed. "You need more rest. I know how it is with you surgeons, all control freaks, but you need to let people help you." Dr Cooper's tone is gentle despite her words. "Stop taking so much on. After that we'll see how you're doing and if your blood pressure is down, we will reevaluate. You need to slow down, Dr Knowles," the elder woman says giving her a stern look before leaving them alone.

They drive home in silence. Now that they know that the baby is safe, Tara doesn't know what to say to him. She will forever be grateful for tonight, the way he soothed her and calmed her, but she can't help but feel awkward around him after letting him see her so vulnerable. The memory of his hands on her swollen belly surfaces and she swallows painfully.

She wants to reach out to him, ask him if he's okay, but she just can't bring herself to do it.

They arrive back home, and he's opening the door for her, careful not to touch her. "Can I get you anything?" he prods gently, as if she is a fragile piece of glass that can shatter at any moment. She shakes her head. "You should go lie down."

"I'm fine," Tara mumbles through numb lips.

"No you're not!" Jax shouts. It's the first time in weeks that he's raised his voice to her and she flinches in surprise. "You're not fine," he says softly. "You almost had a miscarriage, Tara. You have to slow down Tara."

"How?" she demands, feeling a small spark of anger. "How am I supposed to slow down? I have the boys, I have work, I have therapy for my hand, I have to find a bigger house, I have-"

"Then I'll help out more," he reasons, like its the solution for all of their problem.

"When? When do you have the time to drop Abel off at preschool? Maybe after you've been to CaraCara? Or maybe you can have a pornstar take him there for you, if you don't have the time-"

"Okay! Jesus. I get it. Gemma can help out-"

"Your mother is not having more access to my boys."

Jax tenses at the dig about his mother. They stare at one another in silence. The tension crackles between them. Tara takes a deep breath and tries to remain calm. "I don't want to fight with you Jax, not tonight," she says gently. "But we both agreed that the boys need some distance from your mother."

"Okay," he finally says. "Then we'll figure it out. I can take the boys more. I'll look into some houses. Maybe even Neeta can help out more."

"Yeah," Tara agrees, though she's not exactly hopeful. "We'll figure it out."

"Okay then." He gives her a small smile. "I should go. Please get some rest."

He leaves her standing in the kitchen and he's just at the door when she realizes that she can't leave things like this. "Jax?" Tara calls, taking a few steps towards him.

He turns to her and asks worriedly, "What? What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

"No, no," she rushes to reassure him. "I just.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jax, for what I did. Faking the pregnancy. I'm sorry that I put you through that." She hesitates, feeling ashamed all over again. "After tonight, I just.. There are no excuses for what I did. I thought that it was the right thing to do, but I never meant to make you feel like that. I was wrong. I'm just.. sorry," she trails off uncertainly.

She wraps her arms around herself and braces herself to say something that should have been said months ago. "I wanted out of the club and Charming. I wanted to get away from the violence. I never wanted out of our marriage."

Jax stands up straight, his eyes ablaze with an emotion she can't read.

"Say something," she whispers, stepping closer to him. Tears prickle behind her eyes.

"I don't know what's left to say Tara," he says hoarsely.

"There has to be something you want to say to me."

"Now isn't the time-"

"Now is a good as time as any."

Jax stares at her, as if trying to decide if she can handle this right now. Whatever he sees, it must give him some confidence in her. "I forgive you. You did what you had to for our boys. You were trying to protect them. Don't ever apologize for that." He steps closer to her until they are almost touching. Tara cranes her neck to look in his eyes. "It doesn't matter what you do. I am always going to love you Tara."

She looks at him. Really looks at him. She can see the remorse in his eyes that she tries to acknowledge everytime he looks at her. When she looks at him now, the image of him and Colette is becoming a distant memory. The fact that he slept with another woman still hurts her, just like the fact that she tried to take his sons away still hurts him.

She will never forget what he did to her, but she can forgive.

And there is no point denying it anymore. She loves him with all of her heart. And though he's got a lot of making up to do, so has she.

She hugs him and the moment that he wraps his arms around her she feels safe. She feels a strength that has been absent for a long time straighten her spine. She kisses him, slow and lazy, exploring all of the depths and hollows of his mouth that had once been familiar. He groans at the back of his throat and Tara shivers. She presses her lips gently against his once more and buries her face against his neck.

"Stay," she whispers against his neck. "Please. I.. I don't want to be alone right now."

Don't worry, my fellow angst lovers. Things will not be smooth sailing for these two. They still have so much shit to work through.

I hate authors notes but I have to say this.

7x12 was freaking amazing! Who saw that ending coming?! I'm still in shock!

Also, please don't leave spoilers in the reviews. If you want to chat about things that are going on in the show, then you can always send me a message. I love hearing from you guys, especially your thoughts on how the shows going to end. But it's not fair to the guys who haven't watched the show yet.

Thank you.

B.x