This is what happens when I'm slightly drunk and too buzzed to fall asleep.

Merry Christmas guys. Have a good one.

He wakes to her nestled against his side, her swollen belly pressing into him. His arm tightens around her and pulls her tighter against his body. Jax presses his face into her hair, relishing in the familiar smell of her conditioner. Half of him is still afraid that this is a dream that he's about to wake up from. He rolls onto his side and smiles down at Tara.

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," she whispers back.

"You okay?"

She smiles slightly. "Yeah. I'm okay." She brushes a hand across her stomach in an unconscious gesture. "Are you okay?"

He hesitates, thinking of Tara clutching his hand tightly, her panicked voice on the phone telling him that she's bleeding, and the feel of her swollen belly beneath his hands.

But then he thinks of her apologizing, of the kiss that she pressed to his lips and the night that he has spent with her wrapped in his arms.

"I'm okay too."

Tara rolls over onto her back, and he can't help but stare when her shirt rides up. She must notice his staring because she says, "You can touch me Jax, I'm not going to run." Jax gingerly places a gentle hand on her bare stomach as if to make sure the baby is still there. He ignores it when Tara tenses under his touch, but she relaxes against him seconds later. He strokes the soft skin of her stomach gently with his thumb. He swallows tightly. He never got this with her when she was pregnant with Thomas. The few times they could touch each other, they were surrounded by prison guards. But right now, it's just them in their bed locked away from the world.

He shivers when Tara kisses his shoulder gently. "Is it weird?" she asks quietly.

"Is what weird?" he asks, still focused on the tight bulge underneath his hand.

"That after everything we've done, it still feels normal to be here with you."

Jax lets out a breath and turns on his side. He runs a hand down her side. "No. It feels weird is when we're apart."

Green eyes flash up to his. "Can we do this? Can we really make this work?"

Jax tightens his arm around her. "I think that these past few months have proved that we can get through anything."

He hears her sniffle. "But what if we can't? What if we can't get past everything that we've done to each other?"

Jax scoffs internally. He knows that they can get through anything, but if he needs to convince her, then he will spend the rest of his life doing so. He chooses his words carefully. "There have been so many times that I've tried to convince myself that we're not right for each other. The biker and the doctor." He smiles sadly. "I still don't know how this works Tara. We're from different worlds, we have different morals. But you're part of who I am, you always have been. I know that we've hurt each other, but that isn't going to stop me from loving you."

Tara's eyes fill with tears. "And I love you. But what if that's not enough?"

Jax's eyes harden. "It is enough."

Tara wipes her eyes and sits up. "I've been back in Charming for five years, and I still don't understand your life. I don't fit into your life Jax," she says, her voice breaking. She runs a nervous hand across her stomach and he immediately knows what she isn't saying. She doesn't know where their children fit into his life either.

Jax clenches his jaw. "Your place is right by my side, just like it's always been. Don't you think that this is something you should have thought about before you married me? Before you had a baby with me?"

Tara rolls her eyes at him. "Of course I thought about it! I haven't stopped thinking about it since the moment you went to prison."

Jax sits up. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "Then why did you marry me?"

Tara looks at him like he's an idiot. "Because I love you, you fucking dolt! Jesus. It doesn't matter how many times I think that I'm done with you, I just can't let you go. I spent ten years trying to forget about you and it didn't work. It doesn't matter if I don't fit into your life. You have made me into the person I am today. You are a part of me too Jax. That's why I married you."

He reaches for her hand. "Then what's bothering you?"

She hesitates, and he knows what's coming before she opens her mouth. "I have tried to except your life with the club. I know that I wanted to get out of Charming, but so did you once." Jax hides his wince. He loves his club, and he loves his brothers. But he loves his wife and his kids more. He's certain that if Clay's lies hadn't damaged the club, then they would have gotten the hell out of Charming when he'd originally planned. But now? He knows that he can change this club, that he can protect his family. A few years ago, she believed that he could do it. He hopes that he can show her that her faith in him was not wasted.

He's a selfish bastard. He wants his club and his family. He wants to spend his days with his brothers and get back to what the MC was originally about. He wants to spend his evenings with his family. He wants to play with his kids and put them to bed. He wants to spend his nights with his wife curled up beside him.

He just hopes that he can have it all.

"You've gotta trust me when say that I can protect our family, Tara."

"I know you can. I'm not going to make you choose between me and the club. I know that you're trying to make the club legit. You're out of guns, there's less risk of you going to prison, and most of all we're safe. But I wasn't actually talking about you protecting us."

Tara's face hardens.

His stomach drops.

"The women and the lies, that stops right now," Tara hisses. Her eyes narrow, and fuck if this makes him a dick, but he's a little turned on right now. Back in high school, he'd loved the jealous streak she had in her. Seeing her going after a girl who dared to put the moves on her man was a sure way to get his dick hard, and damn him if it still doesn't. Her next words soon kill his libido. "If you think I'm going to look the other way whilst you fuck crow eaters and porn stars, you've got another thing coming. If you ever fuck another woman who isn't me, then we're done. I can rationalize Ima and even Colette, but I will not forgive you again. This is your last chance. I love you Jax. But these past months have taught me that I can live without you if I have to. Do you understand?"

Jax swallows painfully. "Babe I don't want anyone but you-"

"Save it. I've heard it all before and I'm not interested in a repeat. Do you understand?"

"I understand." As soon as the words escape his mouth, Tara seems to deflate and the woman who looked ready to skin him alive is gone and back to his normally sweet wife. He stares at her and realizes that maybe she doesn't need him. But he needs her. He doesn't want to go back to how things were before her. To endless Jack, pussy and weed, trying to fill up the hole in his heart that she made when she left.

It scares the shit out of him just how hopeless he is without her.

He would never admit it to another soul, but there's a part of him that is certain that if they ever leave Charming, then Tara will realize just how much better she can do than him and leave him. He knows that Tara and the boys would thrive out of Charming, where as he has no idea what he could do.

"Let's go out," he says out of the blue, trying to push the thoughts away.

Tara furrows her brow. "What?"

"Lets go out. To breakfast." He looks at the alarm clock. "Or lunch," he amends when he sees the time. Seeing her confusion, he adds, "I wanna take you out."

Tara raises an amused eyebrow. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Jax smirks. "Took you a while to get there, but yes, I am."

Tara laughs and it's like music to his ears. "You haven't taken me on a date since we were sixteen."

If he was anyone just Jackson Teller, he would be blushing right now. "Well, maybe it's time that we have another one."

Tara grins. "As much as I would love to go on a date with you, maybe we should stay in. I don't want to go out today."

His eyes flick down to her stomach and his grin fades. "Right." He considers his options and perks up. "Well, how about I make you breakfast?"

Tara raises an amused eyebrow. "You're going to cook for me?"

"Yeah."

"Do you even know how to turn the stove on Teller?" she says, her mouth twitching despite her effort to hide a smile.

"You're hilarious," he says stoically as she finally gives into her laughter, all the while trying to remember the last time he actually cooked a meal. "You're gonna love it. You'll see."

"I'm gonna go get the boys." He picks up the keys to her car off of the table. It's late afternoon, and despite a few incidents with the fire alarm and Tara's constant amusement of the image of him cooking, breakfast hadn't gone too badly.

Jax stares at her in concern. "Are you sure that you don't want me to stay? I'm sure that Gemma-"

"I don't want to talk about your mother Jax," Tara snaps. Jax stares at her as she runs a hand across her belly and it suddenly dawns on him.

"Tara-"

"I'm sorry," she says softly. "But I can't deal with Gemma right now. After everything with Wendy and last night, she's the last person I want to talk about. So please, just not now Jax."

Jax runs a hand down his face and suddenly feels exhausted. He pulls her against him and wraps his arms around her. "I'm sorry."

After some hesitation, she relaxes against him and wraps her arms around his waist. "It's not your fault."

This time, he thinks bitterly. He can't help but wonder if his mom wasn't such a crazy bitch, then none of this would be happening.

Tara runs a soothing hand down his back and looks up at him with wide, glassy eyes. "Really, it wasn't your fault. Last night- well, I don't know what I would have done without you. And if anything does happen to this baby-"

Jax tries to pull away from her, but her hands curl into his hoodie. "Tara, no-"

"If anything happens," she carries on as if he had not interrupted, her voice wavering. "It won't be your fault. This is something you can't control Jax."

Jax shakes his head in denial and grabs her face with both of his hands. "Stop talking like that," he says hoarsely.

"I'm being realistic Jax."

He presses his mouth against hers hard. "Listen to me. This baby is going to be fine." He presses a hand on her belly. "You heard the doctor, she's healthy and she's going to stay that way."

"You don't know that, Jackson."

He swallows painfully but looks her in the eyes and says, "No, I don't. But if something does happen, then we'll get through it." He wipes the tears from her eyes and holds her for a long while. She pulls away from him eventually and smiles shakily.

"Go get our boys, okay?" Jax nods and goes to leave.

"Hey, Jax?" she calls. He turns back. "Why don't you pack a bag too?"

Jax grins in surprise. "You sure?"

Her answering smile is a touch shy. "Yeah. I'm sure." She rests a hand on her stomach and goes to the bedroom leaving him staring after her in wonder.

The smile doesn't leave his face the entire drive to his mothers.

Thomas' laughter is the first thing he hears when he walks into Gemma's house. Despite his exhaustion, he smiles when he hears it and the emotional roller coaster of the last twenty four hours is pushed aside when he see's his boys on the floor playing a game that he can never hope to understand. He imagines a little girl with dark hair playing with them and his throat becomes dry.

"They've been at it all morning."

Jax turns to his mother and tries to keep his emotions off of his face. "Are they okay?" he asks tightly.

"Abel was upset when you weren't here when he woke up. Kept saying you promised him you'd be there when he woke up. But he soon forgot about it when I promised him some pancakes." Gemma places a hand on his arm. "Are you okay baby?" she says softly.

Jax shrugs her off. "Aren't you going to ask about Tara?" he says quietly. Gemma looks at him in surprise. "The baby's fine, thanks for asking." He walks away from her and goes to his old room. He pulls out a bag and without much thought starts to pack his shit. He feels Gemma's eyes boring holes into his back but he refuses to turn around.

"Jax, what's going on?"

He doesn't bother to turn around. "I'm going home."

Ignoring her stunned silence, he zips up his bag and goes to the boys room. He packs them up, briefly wondering how much shit they need for only one night.

"You've forgiven her then? After everything she did to you? To me?"

Jax turns to face his mother angrily. "Yes, I've forgiven her, and she's trying to forgive me. Stay out of it mom."

Gemma ignores him and hisses, "She hasn't earned your forgiveness. You're just going to let her back in, just like that? As for the other women, she knew who you were from the beginning. It's part of the life and she knows that. She's manipulating you Jax-"

He laughs bitterly. "That's rich coming from you."

Gemma looks at him innocently. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jax looks at his mother in disgust. "That shit you pulled with Wendy? That stops now."

"Jax-"

"No! Tara almost had a miscarriage last night. Do you think it's a coincidence that it happened the the same day Wendy decides to come out of her hole?"

"Are you saying it's my fault? I had nothing-"

"I'm saying you pushing Wendy into the picture certainly didn't help her." Jax shakes his head in frustration. "Do you know how hard it is to convince her to let you see the boys? She was giving you a chance mom, and I'm pretty sure that you've just blown it."

"I'm their Grandma. They need me."

"No, they need their mother."

Gemma raises an eyebrow. "Are you honestly saying that you won't let me see my grandsons, Jackson? Are you really going to let Tara control you like that?"

Jax clenches his fists and leans closer to Gemma. "Tara doesn't control me. You won't be going anywhere near the boys, and that is my decision. I warned you, mom. You've got nobody to blame for this but yourself. Stay away from my sons." He grabs the bags and leaves her standing in the boys bedroom. Guilt bubbles in his stomach when he hears her first sob, but then the memory of Tara clutching his hand in the hospital bed resurfaces, and he knows in that moment that he's made the right choice.