The end of this chapter is what made me turn this into a multi-chapter story instead of a one shot. I wrote it before I even posted the first chapter. We're coming to the end guys. Thank you for every comment and your never ending patience. Enjoy.
Months ago, back when they'd decided to give things another go, Jax and Tara promised that there would be no more secrets, no more lies. It's something that she will live by until her dying day now, but at the time they agreed to such a promise, she had had no idea just how painful telling Jax the truth could be.
She doesn't want to tell him, to ruin that carefree smile that has graced his lips these passed few weeks as he slowly and cautiously came to the realisation that just maybe things will work out for them.
But this isn't something that she can keep from him despite consequences she knows it will bring.
No secrets, no lies.
Still, she's thankful that he doesn't push her to tell him straight away despite his obvious impatience. His careful eyes take in her every move as she watches him cook dinner from the kitchen table - and damn, despite her murderous mother in law on her mind, even she can appreciate the sight of Jax's cooking, his sleeves of his checked shirt rolled up to his elbows as he stirs the pasta sauce. Seeing him all domestic is a surprising turn on. The kids are in front of the television, though she's almost certain that they're asleep judging by the lack of noise coming from there.
The baby's foot catches her in the ribs pretty hard making her wince.
"You okay?" he asks, his eyes focused on her instead of the pasta that is about to boil over.
Tara hides a smile and rubs the sore spot gingerly. "The pasta," she gently reminds him. Jax swears softly and quickly turns back to deal with the pasta. It's been a long while since she has seen him so frazzled. "That's what happens when you're watching me instead of concentrating on cooking," she teases gently.
"I don't know how you do it," he grumbles, turning down the temperature before leaning against the counter in exhaustion. "Taking care of them, doing all this and being a goddamn doctor. And doing it with another one on the way." He smiles tiredly. "You're out of your damn mind."
Tara laughs softly. "You forgot about taking care of you too."
Jax rolls his eyes. "Right of course. I'm the worst out of the lot right?"
"Damn straight baby." Tara winces again as the baby shifts again, trying to get comfortable in the little space she has left.
"What-"
"Don't worry," Tara soothes him gently. "She's getting restless, that's all. She's tired of being cooped up in such a small space. It feels as though she's made out of knives these days."
Jax comes over and pulls up a chair next to her and gently rubs her belly, his eyes focused on his hands as he soothes his daughters kicks and punches. "Was Thomas like this?"
"No," Tara says fondly. "He was always so calm. I was terrified all throughout the last month because he barely moved."
His eyes flick up to hers. "You never told me that."
"I knew that everything was alright, I was just nervous." And alone, but she doesn't say that. "I didn't want you to worry about me when you were inside."
Jax remains silent and averts his gaze. She doesn't have to see the sudden clench of his jaw to know that he still feels guilty for how shit went down during her first pregnancy. She covers his hand with hers and tries to tell him without words that they're all alright now despite everything that has been thrown their way.
"Not long now," he says gently, looking back up at her looking a combination of deathly afraid and excited.
"You scared Teller?"
He grins widely. "Terrified. But in the best possible way."
"Me too," Tara breathes, her eyes flickering away from his soft gaze. "Jax?"
"Yeah?"
"The pasta."
"Oh fuck-"
The boys are barely coherent throughout dinner, and it's with a heavy heart Tara realises that she won't be able to drag this out for much longer. Meeting Jax's watchful eyes, Tara suggests that they forget bathing them and putting them straight to bed despite it being barely 7.00pm. She leaves Jax to deal with Thomas as she takes Abel's hand and gently tows him upstairs, for once not chattering away and insisting that he's not tired yet despite being unable to stifle his yawns.
Their regular bedtime routine goes far too quick, and all to soon she is pressing a kiss to Abel's head as he falls asleep. Making sure that his night light is on, Tara shuts the door behind her and crosses the hall to Thomas's room. Leaning against the doorframe, her pounding heart settles a little as she watches Jax run his hand through his son's soft hair and kissing his forehead. Despite all the harm that Jax has done in the name of his family and his club, being a Dad has always come naturally to him. She leaves him to it, feeling as though she's intruding on a private moment between father and son.
Lingering outside the her daughter's room, she can't bring herself to go in. How could Gemma possibly kill her own grandchild just to get rid of her? She could never even contemplate hurting Abel or Thomas in any form, let alone taking away someone they love-
"Babe?"
Tara jumps, her heart thumping against her chest erratically. Forcing herself to take a calming breath, she turns to Jax. "Let's go downstairs," she says softly, turning away from his worried eyes and carefully maneuvering down the stairs. After a moment of hesitation, Jax's footsteps follow her.
Every footstep feels as though they are getting closer to some inevitable end, and in a sense they are. This war between her and Gemma only had one ending from the moment that Gemma made it clear that only woman could be in Jax's life.
Gemma won't stop coming for her. For her family. And no matter how many threats she and Jax make, Gemma will not rest until she has Jax and her babies back.
She doesn't want it to end this way.
But more than anything, she doesn't want to break Jax's heart.
Leading him into the lounge, Tara swallows back her nerves and forces herself to look at Jax standing in the doorway looking wrecked with worry. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out.
"Tara. Please," he says tightly, his patience finally at an end.
They will get through this. They have to.
"Juice came by today," she says at last, her soft voice sounding too loud in the silent house. "At first I thought that he was looking for you, but he came to see me." She pauses, searching for the right words but nothing comes to mind. How do you tell your husband that his mother wants to kill the mother of his children?
There's a long tense silence, and when it's clear that Tara isn't going to say anymore, Jax snaps, "Why are you only telling me this now?" His voice almost makes her flinch away from him. It's been so long since his anger has been directed at her. The fury on his face makes her want to run for the hills and she's barely even started yet. "Fuck Tara, what the hell were you thinking even-"
"I shouldn't have let him in, I know!" Tara cries. "I was so stupid Jax. I know what he's done, but he looked so lost and I thought maybe I could help him or something." She presses her hands to her eyes, willing herself not to get emotional. "By the time I realised that something was wrong, it was too late. I couldn't call you and he'd already taken care of the prospect. He's fine," she assures him when he looks like he's about to interrupt. "Juice just knocked him out.
"Shit," Jax breathes, his hands curling into fists.
"He kept talking about how alone he is, and how you shouldn't get to be happy. He blames you for what he's become Jax." Tara swallows against her painfully dry throat and when she continues, her voice trembles. "I honestly thought that he was going to kill me."
Unable to hold it in any longer, a few tears escape. Tara swipes them away quickly. Jax looks at her for a long tense moment, his face twisted in fury. "He's dead," he says simply, is voice shaking with rage. He takes off before she can even blink, and by the time she gathers her whits to follow, he's already down the hall and in the kitchen, pulling on his hoodie but not quick enough for her not to see the gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans.
"Jax, no wait!" she cries, rushing to him and catching his arm just as he's pulling his kutte on. "I told him you'd leave him be."
"You did what?" Jax hisses as he spins around, his blazing eyes focusing on her.
"I gave him an hour to get out of town. He won't ever return Jax. He's alone and miserable, and that's his punishment."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jax snaps, stepping away from her. "He scared you, and that alone is a death sentence-"
"Let me finish. Please," she begs, waiting with bated breath as some of the tension leaves his body after a long moment. The barely concealed rage in his eyes terrifies her, but she remains still until he nods at her stiffly to continue.
Swallowing back her dread, Tara continues. "I was wrong. He didn't come here to kill me Jax. He came here to warn me."
Oh God. She can't do it.
This will kill him.
"Tara," Jax says tightly.
No more lies.
"Two months ago, you're mother asked Juice to kill me."
The words hang between them in the silent house. Jax looks at her, the rage slowly clearing from his face as her words register.
"What?" he breathes.
Tara sucks in a much needed breath and gently explains, "Gemma asked Juice to kill me. He said that he owed her. If I wasn't pregnant, he might have done it, but he couldn't go through with it. He's not that far gone yet."
"Why? I don't.." he trails off looking like a lost little boy as his eyes shine with unshed tears.
Oh Jax.
She aches to hold him and to make this all go away. But no words from her can spare him this awful betrayal.
"She blames me for everything. I'm the reason that you two barely speak. I'm the one who stopped her from seeing the boys. She had it all before I came back, and in her eyes, I took it all away." Tara swallows back a sob. "I'm so sorry Jax."
She steps closer to him and reaches for his hand but he flinches away from her.
"Jax," Tara breathes, her tears spilling over once more. But Jax just shakes his head and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. When he looks down at her again, he looks eerily calm, and it chills her right to the bone.
"This ends now," he says softly.
Realisation dawns on her.
"Don't do this," she says softly as he tries to step around her, but Tara matches him step for step until her back hits the back door and blocks his way. "Don't go. Please."
Jax looks down at her, his face carefully blank. "You think that I'm going to let her get away with this?"
"Jax-"
"Get out of the way Tara," he says, his voice deceptively calm. His hands are clenched into fists and she can see the way that he is almost shaking with fury.
"Jax, please listen to me."
"Move Tara!"
"No! Not until you hear me out." She presses herself further back against the door and runs a soothing hand across her stomach when she feels the baby kick. "You don't have to do this-"
"Yes I do!" he finally snaps, his barely concealed rage finally breaking free. "Everything that has happened is down to her. She brought Wendy back. You almost lost the baby because of the shit she pulled!"
"But she's fine!" Tara cries, catching his hand in hers and placing it on her belly at the baby's furious kicking. "See?"
Jax tugs his hand away as if he's been burnt. "Why are you even trying to stop me? She was planning to have you killed Tara! She was going to take you away from the boys. She was going to take you away from me. Do you expect me to just ignore all of that?"
Tara blinks back tears. She cups his face in her hands but he steps away from her. "If you do this, there is no coming back from it." She notices the tears in his eyes and her heart breaks. "I'm not defending her. I'm trying to save you. Please, baby. You love her. It will kill you, Jax. You won't ever be the same. Don't cross that line. We have both done terrible things. Don't add killing your own mother to the list."
"Goddamnit Tara! Get out of my fucking way!" he shouts down at her and slams the palm of his hand against the door.
Tara flinches away from him. In that one moment, she sees the Jackson Teller that the rest of the world sees everyday. The President of the Sons of Anarchy, the man who kills people without the blink of an eye. The man who terrifies many, but he has never scared her until this moment. She sees the the self loathing in his eyes and her heart breaks for him.
At this point, she doesn't give a damn about Gemma, but she loves this man more than anything in this world, and she will be damned if she lets anybody destroy what they have built, even if that person is himself.
"Come back to me," Tara whispers desperately. She looks into his eyes and sees only a coldness that chills her to the bone. Gone is the man who has spent months trying to prove himself worthy of her and the gentle father who kissed his son goodnight not an hour ago, and in his place is the stone cold killer who has no place in her heart, let alone her kitchen. "You don't have to be this person anymore."
"She was going to hurt you."
"But I'm okay. Look at me." With sure hands, the cradles his face in her hands. Jax closes his eyes when she smooths her thumbs against his cheekbones. "I'm here baby. I'm right here. You don't have to do this."
All of the hope drains out of her.
He takes her hands away from her face and gently pulls her away from the door. "Even after all of this time, you still don't understand. She was going to kill you. She was going to kill my daughter Tara! My mom was going to take you away from Thomas and Abel. She was going to take you away from me. You are my life. All of this is pointless without you here. And that is why she needs to pay for what she has done."
"Please don't do this," Tara whispers. "This isn't who you are."
He presses a hard, bruising kiss to her mouth. "Yes it is."
He walks out the door without a backwards glance.