Kirk and Spock were seated in Spock's quarters, discussing the possibility of a romantic relationship between them. Kirk deliberately reined in the intense arousal that Spock's description of Vulcan sexuality had produced in him, the better to take in all the facts before making a decision. Still, Spock would have to say something pretty dire before Kirk would forgo the chance of at least the practice pon farr they were discussing ... and hopefully that practice would lead to a permanent relationship.

Spock looked at him seriously. "I am pleased that the realities of Vulcan sexuality excite you, rather than dismay you, but there are still several topics we must discuss."

Kirk lounged in his chair, deliberately putting on his most relaxed air. Spock's previous lovers had reacted negatively to Vulcan sexuality, and Kirk wanted to allay Spock's fear that Jim would respond the same way. "Okay. Let's hear it."

Spock pressed the tips of his index fingers together in front of his lips. "I have said before that our minds are so compatible that there is already a danger that we will be drawn together during my next Time. This means that we can engage in sexual activities exactly once without strengthening our link to the point where this is inevitable."

Kirk frowned. "So we can't have a couple of free and easy evenings of making love first; we have to jump directly into pon farr practice."

Spock inclined his head. "Correct. It also means that while you may use your safeword at any point during the proceedings, using it will end not just that activity but any chance of a sexual relationship between us."

Spock pressed his lips together, as if he regretted what had just come out of them. "It is not my intention to pressure or manipulate you, but merely to acknowledge the realities of pon farr. There is no shame for you if you are unable to withstand the rigors of pon farr — no human that I am aware of has done so — but the facts are as they are. If you cannot endure pon farr, we cannot mate."

Kirk nodded. "Got it." Then, struck by an awful thought, he blurted out, "But we'll still be friends, won't we? Even if it turns out that I can't handle pon farr, that won't change anything else between us, right?"

Spock's face softened. "It will not. I shall be your friend for as long as I live. If I should manage to live as long as a typical Vulcan, I shall be your friend even after you yourself become dust."

Kirk sighed, warmed by the permanence of Spock's declaration. "You do love me, then."

That earned him an eyebrow. "You are well aware of this. There is much between us that has been unspoken, but it has been unsaid, not unknown."

Kirk grinned. "We humans usually like to hear it, but you're right, I did know. And I shouldn't press you; you're perfect exactly the way you are, and I shouldn't try to change you."

Spock said, "If you are able to tolerate Vulcan sexuality, you will always be aware of my regard for you; such is ensured by the telepathic nature of the mating bond. And if you cannot tolerate Vulcan sexuality, the less we have said of love, the better, if we must return to a ... less complicated relationship."

Kirk nodded. "You're right; if we have to go back to being only friends, I'd rather not know exactly how much you love me." He smiled grimly. "I'll spare you my own declarations of love until after we've proved we can go through pon farr together, then."

Kirk realized he'd tensed up during the conversation and again deliberately relaxed himself, sprawling in his chair. "Okay, so we can only have sex once unless I pass the test, and calling safeword ends not just whatever we're doing but any chance of a sexual relationship between us. What else?"

Spock tilted his head slightly to the side. "I had thought to detail the activities that have proven problematic with previous partners, so that you could evaluate them."

Kirk motioned with his hand. "Lay it on me."

Spock said, "Biting is an intrinsic part of Vulcan sexuality even in the absence of pon farr, and during my Time, I will bite you repeatedly. I am aware that humans also engage in erotic biting, but Vulcans take this to a level that most humans find disquieting."

Kirk looked speculatively at Spock. "You said you'd tear me open with your teeth."

"Correct."

Kirk smiled. "Promise?"

An amazed eyebrow traveled upward. "You believe you desire this."

Kirk said, "I know I desire this, because I've done it before."

Spock leaned forward slightly in his chair. "I am pleased to hear it, because previous human lovers found it disquieting that I desired to bite that intensely. They found the idea of drawing blood during sexual activity to be anywhere from frightening to disgusting."

Kirk shrugged. "How many times have you seen me bleed?"

Spock spoke dryly. "Many times, but never as a result of sexual activity."

Kirk waved a hand. "Bleeding doesn't bother me; it happens so often that I bleed the way other people eat."

Spock tilted his head slightly. "Thrice per day and in copious quantities during seasonal celebrations?"

Kirk laughed. "Okay, maybe not that much, but I'm not some scientist who never leaves her lab or some programmer who spends every moment he's awake in the computer room."

Spock looked intently at Kirk. "Injuries do not diminish the enthusiasm with which you approach your chosen profession of starship captain."

Kirk nodded. "Exactly! So you don't have to tip-toe around the subject quite so much. Just list what you need and what you want me to do."

The two men then discussed Vulcan sexuality in more detail. Not all of it was something Kirk had done before or desired to do, but none of it was extreme enough to make him want to call off their proposed practice version of pon farr. Much of it involved activities he'd fantasized about but never done, and while he didn't know if he'd enjoy the reality, none of it seemed like too high of a price to pay for the privilege of loving Spock.

Once Spock had finished describing everything he could think of that might make Kirk want to cancel their proposed course of action, Kirk had one question: "I'm okay at least trying everything you've talked about, but there's one thing you haven't mentioned. Will you kiss me?"

Spock said, "It is not a typical feature of Vulcan sexuality, so it will not occur during pon farr. If our attempt at simulating pon farr is successful, I will, of course, adapt to your humanity enough to kiss you."

Kirk didn't like the sound of that. "You won't kiss me during our pon farr practice, so if I fail the test, I don't get to kiss you, at all, ever?"

Spock swallowed and looked down. "Jim, if I am not permitted to spend the rest of our lives kissing you, then I wish never to have kissed you at all."

Kirk's heart melted. "That may be the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

Kirk waited a moment, but Spock didn't tell him that Vulcans were not, of course, romantic. In fact, Spock looked at him with obvious love shining out of his dark eyes, and Kirk thought that perhaps Vulcans were merely secret romantics. Amanda had seemed pretty happy with Sarek, after all.

The two men discussed where and when they might have their practice version of pon farr and agreed upon a secluded location during their next shore leave, two weeks hence.

Once all the logistics had been decided upon, Spock cleared his throat. "One final consideration. Before you enter the room where we will simulate pon farr, you should prepare yourself quite thoroughly for intercourse, because while in the throes of pon farr, I will be incapable of preparing you myself, nor will I enter you slowly or gently."

Kirk considered this. "I can stretch myself out and lube myself up, but what about after the first time? I'll need more lube, and if you can't add any ..."

Spock looked amused. "I realize that in humans, it is the female who supplies the majority of the lubrication for heterosexual intercourse, but Jim, as I must frequently remind you, Vulcans are NOT human. In Vulcans, it is the male who supplies the bulk of the lubrication for intercourse; you will find that my penis secretes an oil that will be quite efficacious."

Kirk smiled. "Glad to hear it!" He looked at Spock and considered their plans. "I realize that you don't want us to kiss if we can't continue being lovers, but I don't think I can stand it unless I get to touch you affectionately. I know pon farr practice will be ... violent, but can I just caress you for a moment?"

Spock inclined his head gravely. "You may."

Kirk stood up and walked over to where Spock was sitting; the Vulcan rose to meet him.

Kirk raised his hand and cupped Spock's cheek. "Models on Earth would kill for cheekbones like these." He caressed Spock's face, running his hand over each cheekbone in turn, then rubbing his thumbs over the upswept eyebrows that expressed so much with the smallest quirk.

He lifted his hands higher and delicately rubbed the tip of Spock's ear between his thumb and first two fingers; the ear tip felt just as delicate as it looked. He smiled into Spock's eyes and said, "I've been wanting to do that since I first laid eyes on you. There are so many things about you that are beautiful, but your ears fascinate half the ship."

Spock raised a brow. "They are simply cartilage, exactly like the cartilage of your own ears, merely with a slightly different shape."

Kirk laughed. "Yes, Spock, I know our fascination with your ears isn't logical. But you should know by now that humans are rarely all that logical, and our sexuality is probably the least logical part of us."

"I am aware of it." Spock looked uncomfortable. "Given the exigencies of Vulcan sexuality, this is one area in which I cannot claim that Vulcans are superior in logic to humans."

Kirk clasped Spock's face between his hands and smiled fondly into his eyes. "Don't worry, you make up for it the rest of the time."

Spock closed his eyes briefly and then opened them again, looking uncomfortable. "Jim, if I do not return your caresses, it is not because I do not wish to. For your own protection, I dare not allow my affection for you to have physical expression until I know that I may have you for my mate, lest the bond between us become unbreakable."

Kirk dropped his hands and stepped back. "Then I won't make it any harder for you." He took a step towards the door, then turned and looked back. "I'll remove myself, so that I don't keep tempting both of us to take this farther than it should go. We'll go back to interacting as friends and fellow officers until that shore leave."

Spock inclined his head in formal acknowledgement. "Until then, I will await thee."

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Author's Notes

1. It always takes a bit of bravery to post a story publicly, but it takes even more to post stories about a sexual variation that is frequently pathologized and widely misunderstood. So if you liked this story, I really hope that you'll say so, even if you don't generally leave comments.

2. Although I believe I have justified this version of Spock and of pon farr with the internal memo and with the lines from "The Naked Time" that I quoted in the notes at the beginning of the story, I'm aware that this version of Spock is not the one that most people want. I'm intending this story for people who enjoy such things; those who prefer a sweeter Spock should feel completely free to ignore everything I've said here.

3. If you liked this story, you might also enjoy my story "Whipping Boy," though in that one it's Kirk who's the sadist and Spock who's the submissive. :-)

4. I have a chronic illness that leaves me non-functional more days than not. I will try to respond to any comments I receive; unfortunately, my good intentions are frequently thwarted by my poor health. (I do read them all with great attention, even when my health doesn't permit me to reply.)

5. I don't own Star Trek, and I make no money from the stories I write; everything here is just fans playing in the sandbox. If anything, I think I probably have more respect for the characters than Paramount does. :-)

6. I've made a Starfleet career for the computer game The Sims 3. You can get it (or just read about it) at ModTheSims. As always at ModTheSims — and as always with my game mods — the career is completely free, though it does require both The Sims 3 and the Into the Future expansion pack to play it. (Please note that this is for The Sims 3, NOT for The Sims 4.)

7. Thanks for reading!

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