Fourteen

Jenny shut the door to her brownstone slowly, she hated how much pain she was in, both emotionally and physically. She hated that Gibbs could still make her feel like a heartbroken teenager, she was a strong, independent woman damn it, she was the first female director of an Armed Federal Agency! She was the first female director of an Armed Federal Agency and she was sitting on the floor of her foyer with tears running down her face because of a man. She hated him and she hated herself.

All she wanted was a handful of Advil and a bottle of bourbon, too bad the house was completely empty. She lifted her head from where it was resting on her knees and looked around, she had grown up in that house, it had belonged to her Grandmother and then her father and then her. She had loved that house for as long as she could remember. Until she had found her fathers body in his study then it had become a tomb she had subjected herself to because she couldn't bear to part with the memories, good and bad. She was over that. She had clung to the memories because she had nothing else, she had lost her daughters and her partner, she had one of her daughters back and three more kids and she had thought she'd had her partner back.

She knew that's why it hurt so bad, she had really thought their relationship had meant as much to him as it had to her. Apparently not. She heard a car door slam outside and she quickly wiped her eyes, there was only one person who would be coming to the house in the middle of the day. She barely had time to stand up and wipe her eyes one more time before Gibbs was letting himself into the house.

"That key is for emergencies only." She stated coldly.

She watched him close the door and waited for him to turn to face her, she could see some remorse on his face but she couldn't tell if he actually knew why she was upset.

"Figured this was close enough to an emergency." He replied with a small shrug, "didn't know where you were going."

"Well you obviously figured it out." She pointed out dryly, "now that you've figured it out you can let yourself out."

"We need to talk, Jen." He sighed, "we can't leave it like this."

"There's nothing to leave, Jethro." She replied, "just go home, give your dad a break with the baby."

"Please, Jen."

That made her pause, he rarely said please and when he did it was important to him.

"Fine, talk." She replied, turning to face him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I shouldn't've yelled." He stated.

It wasn't an apology and it wasn't even what she was upset about but she nodded anyway, she raised her eyebrow and waited to see if he continued.

"Why didn't you correct Stan?"

Her head jerked back in confusion at the question, she wasn't even sure what he was talking about.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"When he said our marriage fell apart, you didn't correct him you told him that your marriage wasn't any of his business." Gibbs stated.

"I should have said relationship, or something else." She replied, "I'll correct him next time I see him."

"No… That's not what I meant."

"Do you even know what you meant, Jethro?"

"You didn't agree with him, you didn't say that our marriage fell apart." Gibbs said slowly, "you just told him that it was none of his business."

"Because it didn't fall apart, Jethro." She replied quietly, "I did what I had to do for our daughter but it didn't fall apart. It wasn't the best but it didn't fall apart, it wasn't as great as what we've had the last few weeks but it was good, Jethro."

"What we had?" He asked, shifting his feet.

"Yeah." She replied with a shrug, "our 'marriage' if that's what we're going to call it wasn't a bad marriage, we weren't as open and honest as we have been with each other for the last few weeks and having kids has added a whole new level to it but it wasn't bad then either."

"Some things were better then." He stated, his eyes darting to her wrist.

"It was an accident, Jethro."

She knew and understood why he felt bad, but she was hurt and angry that he was willing to say that there was nothing for him to give up on.

"Maybe, I'm still gonna sleep on the couch from now on." He replied, "it's better for you that way."

That made her bristle, he had no right to tell her what was good or not for her.

"How is that better for me?" She asked, her voice taking on an edge, "How do you know what's better for me?"

"Safer." He corrected, "it's safer for you."

"I am a grown woman, I am the Director of an Armed Federal Agency and I have four children who I've managed to take care of, shockingly enough I think I can decide what is better or safer for me." She replied harshly.

She could feel the anger from earlier returning at an alarming speed as her voice rose, she could feel her face flush and she knew her eyes were flashing with barely concealed rage as she finished the sentence.

"You have no right to make those decisions for me!" She added.

"I'm your partner, Jen, I have every right." He replied, not quite yelling but he was getting close.

"No, as my partner you help me make decisions! You do not make them for me! You don't get to decide what's right for me!" She snapped.

"I can't hurt you again, Jen!" He shouted, "not again." His voice was barely a whisper that time.

"And you think this," she said, gesturing between them, "hurts me any less than my this?" She asked, holding up her wrist. "Do you think hearing that I'm nothing makes me feel good? Do you think I enjoy fighting with you? This is killing me, Jethro, I thought we were finally in a good spot! I thought we were finally in a place where we could maybe happy together but every time we get close something happens to-"

She wasn't expecting the kiss. She wasn't expecting him to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her against him gently, she looked up at him in surprise but barely had time to react before his lips were on hers. She didn't respond for a second and he started to pull back but she quickly swallowed her surprise and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back again.

It had been eight years since she had kissed him, and two years since she had kissed anyone else but she recognized the spark she felt as she let her body melt into his chest. It would have been perfect had it not been for the throbbing in her wrist and the anger still in her body. The kiss came to a natural end and she pulled back slowly, she leaned forward and gave him another peck before resting her forehead on his shoulder.

"This doesn't fix it." She whispered, "this doesn't just make everything magically better."

That had been a mistake they had made repeatedly when they had first gotten together, they had always ended every argument with sex and had never actually solved any of their issues. They had never discussed their problems and in the end it had caused even more issues between them.

"We can't do things the way we used to." She added quietly, "we need to actually figure things out, there are too many people counting on us now, we can't screw that up."

"I know." He breathed against her neck, "that mean you don't want to try?"

She pulled back a bit and rested her hands on the sides of his neck. She wanted to try, as much has she had fought it in the beginning she wanted to try, she wanted to know if they could make it work together, if they could make it work for their family.

"I want to try, but do you?"

"Yeah." He replied, resting his forehead against hers, "and Jen… You're not… You're not nothing…"

"I know I'm not but Jethro, I get told that all the time." She whispered, "by the men I work with who think I slept my way to the top, the looks I get from directors of other agencies who don't like that I'm young and a woman, and even by my mother… I don't need to hear it from my partner too, I don't need you to tell me your proud of me or that I mean something to you but I don't need to hear that I don't mean anything."

She could tell by the look on his face that he was having an internal debate on how to proceed, he could either respond and tell her how he was feeling or he could deflect and avoid the topic completely. She was willing to bet it would be the latter.

"You mean something," He stated slowly, "You've gotta know that, Jen. You don't just mean something, to the kids, to me… You're everything, you make us a family, we couldn't do this without you and I am proud of you, how far you've come."

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, she hadn't been expecting the words, she knew he didn't do feelings well and that made it mean even more to her that he was willing to say what he had out loud.

"Thank you." She whispered, "are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah, wanna give us a shot, a real shot this time." He replied quietly, "I'm not good at this, you know that but I'm gonna try."

"You're already doing pretty good." She reassured him with a small smile, "but if we're doing this we're going to have some rules, we can't let us affect work or the kids."

"I know." He stated, "but can we talk about rules later? It's been a long morning."

"It has." She agreed, "I just want to go home and hold our daughter and maybe take a nap,"

"Whatever you want." He replied, kissing her forehead.

Well it only took us like two hundred pages to get to this point but they're finally together Y'all! I really debated dragging this out a bit longer (I love the suspense) but I figured I owed you guys this much after sticking with me for so long! Thank you all again for your reviews and support! I own nothing :(…

~Katie